She has such a beautiful face, if only she just lost some weight..
I was contemplating whether to actually write and introduce myself. I have been lurking here for so long reading other peoples' stories. For many years, I kept coming back. But all those years I have never lost the weight. I think it is a mindset. It has to just HAPPEN in your brain, you have to think I will do this and I will succeed. And I guess I just never had that.
I have always been overweight. I 'm the one that everyone is always gushing about how beautiful my face is , how beautiful my heart is , what a lovely person I am etc etc BUT ONLY if I would just lose some weight well then I would be wonderful.
I would be what? A better person? have a kinder heart? I really don't know. I think I am just fed up with those words. My family has decided to give up trying to tell me to lost weight. After all of those times I have had breakdowns and gotten upset. As if I am not a worthy person NOW before I lost weight.
But now I think, is it right to hide behind my fat? Stay fat just to spite them? Show them that I am beautiful even if I am FAT?
I am so porportional that people always have difficulty guessing how much I weight. My boyfriend still thinks I weigh around 70 kilos at most. Well here it is everyone, I weight around 92 KILOS! Yes.
I have tried so many diets... Atkins, and calorie counting, and raw food, and the list goes on and on. Even the disgusting cabbage diet.
And I did lose weight on all of them. Until I decided to stop. Until I got fed up with trying to lose weight to make people more comfortable and happier.
I think we cann all lose weight with whatever we do. As long as we stick to it! Day in, Day out.
I think I am ready to lose weight. No, not think.. I am! Because now I am almost 33 years old. And I am terrified to be thin. To actually not have excuses for my unhappiness. I owe to to myself to see how I would be. without all of this FAT masquerading as SECURITY.
So I am not going to promise that I am going to calorie count, I am not going to tell you I will excersize every day. I am just going to try this out for 5 months. I am going to DO MY VERY BEST EVERY SINGLE DAY. If that means I will eat healthy clean foods then so be it. If it means I will drink more green tea and do Pilates for that day, Hurray for me. But I promise myself and all of you reading this that I am going to do my best for 5 months. And then I am going to see how I feel and look.
I hope my rambling was not too horrid but I really needed to share all of that. To put it out there in the Universe. I am promising myself and I wanted to make my promise official.
Thank you for reading.
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