So this morning I woke up, got dressed, looked in the mirror, and broke down. I can't believe this is who I am. And honestly, I REFUSE to believe this is who I am.
My highest weight ever was 269 pounds. When I saw that number on the scale, something clicked and over approximately 1 year I got down to approximately 190 pounds. I did it souly for me, while I wouldn't descirbe it as selfish, it was definitely something I did because I wanted to feel better, sexier, healthier.
And now, at the age of 29, after moving from Texas to Seattle, after a divorce, after meeting the love of my life and his two wonderful daughters, I'm back up to 251, and my motivation for losing weight this time is I want to do something completely UNselfish. I want to have a baby. The deal is, I just can't see myself bringing a child into this world at this weight. If I were to get pregnant now (if I could, I know weight causes complications), I know that I would just gain more weight and I highly doubt I would eat in a healthy way during the pregnancy. I want to lose 100 pounds from my original highest weight before I get pregnant. That means my ultimate goal weight is 169 pounds.
So, with this noble cause, why is it SO hard to do!? I don't know if it is because I lost the weight once and gained it all back, or maybe, it is because I just can't find the motivation to do it for someone else, even if it is my future child. Wow, saying that makes me feel bad, but if it is the truth, well then, I need to do this for me. I want to feel good about me, and in taking care of myself it will also deliver that goal of being a healthy mom.
That should explain my name: 100 Mother.
Okay, sorry, I feel like that was a super negative intro, but it is my current feeling. I am usually a super happy person, like this little dancing carrot
... but hopefully you can relate that sometimes inside I feel like this
.
When I lost the weight previously I exercised, I counted calories like a mad woman, and I was very active in an online weight loss community. So that is what brings me here. Thank you so much for having me, and I promise I won't always sound this down.
See ya around
Taking a Look in the Mirror
100mother! 3FC has been a great site for me to find the inspiration and motivation I needed to make this all possible.
