[llladynasti]

I admit that no matter what I was taught, I was an immature child and refused to actually give it a fair shot. If I could have another chance...? Do I deserve it? Thats a judcement call. Who am I to judge right? They say we get what we put in. Oh yay, im very good at being all emotional and spiritual sounding. If youre thinking, oh another flake who will sit in her fat and vent til the cows come home, I ESPECIALLY NEED you. Food plan? Whatsthat? Ive rebelled against it, faked it, and followed it to other eating disrders. Now what?
Thank you 3 Fat Chicks, for this site.

[kaplods]

Do you deserve another chance (at weight loss, right)?

I don't think that's a judgement call at all, I believe the answer is YES, whether this is your second half-hearted attempt or your 500th serious, everything-you've got attempt.

The first thing you have to acknowledge is that weight loss is damned difficult. Don't let anyone tell you any differently. Anyone who thinks otherwise is either lucky (to have a metabolism that makes weight loss and maintenance easy), naive (at best), or a plain ol' garden-variety idiot.

A conservative estimate of weight loss failure rates is 90% (many studies have found rates of 95% and higher).

The simple explanation is that our bodies and our brains are designed for a natural world, where food is in short supply and there's a lot of competition for the food. Being hungrier, more food-focused, and even being fatter than everyone else. The folks who ate the most, lived the longest.

In a natural world, overpopulation occurs before widespread obesity.

If there's one thing humans are good at, it's creating unnatural environments. Our brains, bodies (and the hormones they produce and regulate) aren't designed for unnatural environments, so whe have to be even more creative in finding a solution (and for most of us, "just eat less and move more" doesn't cut it).

If people only got one or two or even two dozen or a hundred "chances" at this, I would have used up my chances before I was out of grade school.


As you pointed out, "they" say "we get what we put in," but "they" say a lot of things about weight loss, and it doesn't make them true, or true for everyone.

I spent more than 30 years of my life dieting the way "they" (they being both the so-called experts and the folks spreading what passed for common wisdom), and I spent those years failing.

I had to unlearn everything that I had been taught about how to lose weight successfully.

I had to learn that most of what I'd learned doesn't apply to me. I don't do well on gung-ho weight loss. When I put forth herculean effort, I just get burnt out and exhausted. When I drastically cut my food intake (and even more so when on a high-carb diet), I feel miserable physically and mentally, and my entire personality changes. I go from sweet, smart, gentle and generous Colleen, to moody, rage-filled, angry, stupid, and monstrous Colleen. I hate myself and everyone on the planet.

You don't need a rigid food plan to lose weight. You don't need to put forth herculean effort, and if you create a plan that has no immutable "rules," you don't have to have anything to rebel against.

I've lost 105 lbs without any rules at all. Oh there are things I try to accomplish, but I've sworn to make "this time" a guilt-free, rule-free, regret-free, comfortable and FUN project. If I make it a miserable, rule-obsessed, self-punishing pain-fest, I'm doomed to failure... because I basically like me and I'm not going to volunteer for pain and punishment. I don't believe I deserve it, so I can't sustain punishing weight loss. However, fun, exciting, interesting, rewarding changes in my life, what's there to rebel against?

Above all, I had to take the punishment and the rules out of weight loss. I still follow guidelines that some people would call rules, but there's a huge difference between LAW rules (break them and you will be punished severely - by yourself and the world) and Guidelines and goals (meeting goals you set for yourself and feeling good because you've accomplished what you've set out to).

By making weight loss fun and easy, I've succeeded in losing more than I've ever lost by the difficult, painful, law-based ways. The journey has been slower, but it's been easy, comfortable, enjoyable, fun, and even exciting.

My biggest change started with taking weight loss off the table altogether. Instead, I started with positive changes I was willing to make whether or not weight loss resulted. I didn't try to be perfect. I didn't punish myself when I wasn't. I just did the best I could (comfortably), and when I got comfortable with one change I made another.

I didn't try to lose weight, but I did try to maintain my weight. I didn't punish or berate myself when I gained, but I always focused on "not gaining." And while I was working at this "not gaining" business, I decided I might as well try to lose "just one more" pound.

Even though I weighed daily (and sometimes A LOT more than that), I got to celebrate almost every time I got on the scale. I even weighed tons and tons of times during the day to understand my weight fluctuations.

THEY tell us a lot of things that aren't true. One is that weighing daily is demotivating and counterproductive. ONLY if you let it be, and if you're going to be a rebel, REBEL but in ways that are to YOUR advantage.

My journey this time has been all about rebelling. Defying common-wisdom and finding what works for ME.

When I started, I didn't like "exercise" so I refused to do "exercise" that didn't have a point, and most often I made sure that the point was "having fun" and doing things that a fat girl wasn't supposed to do. Swimming has always been my rebel-exercise, because I love it even though I know I'm supposed to hate it (or at least am supposed to make sure no one ever gets a glimps of my fat self in shorts or a swimsuit).

I bought a bike. Ok, that was a partial-fail, as I'm not able to use it very often because of pain and balance issues, but I don't look at the fail part. I see the success that on really good days, I'm able to get on a bicycle and ride just for the fun of it. Instead of walking for exercise (I get bored in 5 minutes), I volunteered at the humane society to walk dogs (I've learned to make sure it's a dog I can handle), but I'm more apt to walk further and enjoy it more when there's a purpose (especially when the purpose is having fun).

None of what I do may appeal to you, but it doesn't have to. If you're a rebel, rebel but rebel against THEM not against yourself. You can prove them wrong.

there's only one secret to success: commitment.

you have to COMMIT to it. if you don't, it will fail.

you have to open your eyes, realize that you are not some freak of biology and, unless you have underlying medical issues, what works for everybody else will work for you: eat less, move more.

find your motivation - me, i envision myself, fat, gross, and bloated, sitting in a wheelchair at my youngest daughter's high school graduation, looking at the expressions of pity and horror on ppl's faces as they realize i'm not my gorgeous girl's senile old grandmother but her actual mother.

on REALLY bad days, i play my funeral in full technicolor - the oversized and reinforced coffin.... the mostly empty chairs.... my 10yr old daughter (since i was given until 50yrs of age before my hip blows out from osteo or my brain blows out from hypertension - labile, thus pretty much untreatable) having to sit there and look at my face with the horrible makeup job and her father having to shell out to hire heavy equipment to move my coffin to the gravesite (over a certain weight, cremation is not an option - how awful would that be, getting wedged in the oven door!?).

as you can see, i had to get pretty melodramatic to pull myself back into line but that's me - my bff just buys herself a pretty pair of pants or a skirt that's too small and hangs it up on the wall but then, she likes clothes and stuff like that.

[llladynasti]

Wow! Thank you both for the welcome and wisdom!