[watchoutforthatcar]

I don't really know what to say.

I joined this site in 2006 on a different screen name that I can't even remember now. I didn't use this site much, and I think that was my down fall. I lost 60 pounds in like 7 months just cutting back what I ate and walking 5 days a week. Somewhere along the line I fell off the wagon hard. It disgusts me to say that I am 25 (as of January 13th) and 393 pounds. Typing that makes me want to cry. I can't believe that I allowed myself to get like this.

I've always had a very destructible relationship with food. I eat it when I'm happy, upset, sad, bored...I just eat sometimes for no reason at all. I've never been small. I've always been known as the chubby girl, big girl, heavy girl...I've never NOT felt my thighs rub together, lolol. I've never been in onderland except when I was a kid. There are so many nevers that I haven't experienced.

I started my diet on Monday. I know it's not good to call it that, but that's what it is to me. I'm restricting myself from eating the way I feel like I want to but that I know is bad for me. It feels different this time. I feel like I have a stronger willpower to do this. I WANT TO DO THIS. I need to do this. I'm going to do this.

Nobody really understands how I feel. I lost my mom in 2006 and it killed me and it gave me even more reason not to care how I looked or felt. But I'm tired of it. I want to be happy, feel healthy, and eat better.

There are some things I'm not willing to give up, like diet pop, just to keep me sane...but just in this week I've drank way more water than I have in several years, lolol. It's the small accomplishes that I'm looking forward to as well as the big picture.

I don't want to bore y'all anymore, but I feel like this is a place that can accept me as I am and who I will be. And a place that I can vent when I want to eat something I know I shouldn't, or if I feel like binging when I know I'll hate myself later.

I'm currently working on lower portions and calorie counting because it seems the best for me. I know all the trigger foods that make me want to eat way over what I've allowed myself for the day, I've been here before, and I don't plan on spiraling back. I'm eating more fruits and veggies, not eating any sweets (hoping to be able to add healthier versions back in when I feel like I can).

I'm just really thankful for this place, I've read up and down through almost every thread and you guys have given me soooo much inspiration.

I'm done for real this time, lolol. Thanks for reading!

[Lovely]

Welcome to 3FC

Regardless of the history... almost every member on this site has been at that point. That single point where enough has gotten to enough, and changes are made.

It's not always easy, but that's why we love this site so much. Everyone else knows. Everyone else is there.

Sounds like you're starting in on some great changes. You've been around before, but I'd still like the point out a few areas that you might like to join in on. There's the Calorie Counters section under Diet Central. There's the 300+ Club, and the 100lb Club. There's also the 20-somethings. And those places are just to start. Join in wherever you're comfortable.

Congratulations on what you've accomplished this week! Stick around. Post. Participate.

I hope to see you around the boards on your journey.

[evilwomaniamshe]

Welcome back, it sounds like you are in a different mindset this time around, so run with it, you can so do this! Great start, little changes can add up to big changes, it sounds like you are off to a great start, so continue to keep going with the changes you have made for a healthier, happier you! Best of luck to you...

[patchworkpenguin]

Watchout, welcome, glad to have you re-join us.

[watchoutforthatcar]

Thanks you guys.