hello, from a concerned hubby
 

Last night my wife decided that she's going to get a lap band. She has not seen a doctor about it yet, this is just her own thinking at this point.

She has been struggling with her weight since we met, over 20 years ago. When we met, she weighed about 135#, height 5'5".

I read about lap bands this morning and told her that she would need a BMI of at least 35 to meet the minimum criteria. I calculated that she'd need to weigh roughly 220#.

I was shocked to find out that she is pretty close to meeting those criteria. I had no--absolutely no--idea that she weighed that much. She's kept it a secret from me. For years I assumed she weighed around 190#.

Does anyone have any experience or advice about lap bands?

I need to add--she eats roughly 1800cal/day and has done so for years. She has had her hormones/thyroid tested and the results are always just shy of medical intervention. She walks as often as she can, and swims as often as she can.

Welcome Concerned Hubby! There is a section on this forum for Weight Loss Surgery and I believe there is a sticky at the top of the section which explains different types of WLS. I would encourage you and your wife to read through the posts in that section to get a feel for the experience of others and feel free to post questions of your own. The members a very helpful!
Best of luck to you and your wife.

Thank you, NEMom.

I started reading through the stickies.

Welcome to 3FC.

At 220 pounds, I think your wife should be able to lose weight on 1800 calories a day. She might THINK she's eating 1800 calories a day, but she's probably eating more than that. It's easy to underestimate calories by getting portions sizes wrong, reading labels wrong, not counting everything, etc.

My BMI was above 35 when I started, so I could have qualified for the lap band surgery. I'm glad I didn't do it though.

Actually, while Concerned Hubby did not ask about it but 1800 calories a day without regular exercise is closer to maintenance calories for an average woman. If she was working on losing weight her calories should probably be closer to 1300-1500 with regular exercise.
I started very close to his wife's size (don't know her height) and I try to consistently keep my calories between 1300-1400 calories and I exercise at least 5 times a week.

I agree that 1800 isn't weight loss calorie range for her. I'm also 5'5" and started in the 220's. My calorie range is between 1300-1400 and I'm losing 1-2 lbs a week.

There's a lot to think about. I think it's great that it's something you guys are talking about and that you're doing some research for her. Since you're discussing it, maybe direct her to this forum? It might help her find what will work for her.

Why are we hearing from "concerned hubby" about what this adult should do or eat and not from the adult herself?

CH - one thing to consider is, if you expect your insurance company to pay for it - most insurance companies require a period of time - 6 months, 12 months etc - on a medically supervised diet/exercise plan... If she is looking for the easy way out, this is NOT it. If she was keeping her weight "a secret" from you, you never know what shes really eating or really walking either.

Its much more likely that she is eating way more than she thinks, and probably not exercising as much as she thinks. I'm not a calorie counter and lately I have started paying attention to the calories in things I normally eat and I am SHOCKED. For example a chocolate chip muffin from the bakery in my building which I would have once or twice a month is 660 calories and a particular chocolate bar I was having on a DAILY basis was 550 calories!!!

If your wife is really interested in losing some weight, she should come here herself and join this fantastic group of supportive people and actually work towards her weight loss. I also qualify for the surgery and its not even a consideration for me. Thats why I am here.

Perhaps you can join her in an exercise/eating program that you can both do together. I don't know how much you weigh but most people can stand to lose a few pounds. And even if you are the perfect size, I'm sure you would be willing to do it to help your wife in a much healthier and supportive way.

Welcome to the forum!

I was 225. I have lost 30 lbs through diet and exercise and have every reason to believe that I can continue to lose the weight and believe many people can lose weight that way. It's work and requires commitment, but so does surgery because surgery requires a lifestyle change afterward that you have to stick with. I don't know your wife's circumstances- there are some good reasons sometimes why a person will opt for surgery. If she is considering it, perhaps she should join up and discuss on the surgery board here. It's a non-judgmental area where she can discuss pros/cons with people that have done it.

O.k., well.

First of all, she won't join because she is absolutely uninterested in social networking. She joined Facebook as a way to keep in touch with relatives, and won't even post there.

Second of all, I'm just trying to find out as much about it as I can because I'm of the opinion that she shouldn't take such a drastic step.

Third of all, I see her walking/swimming so I know she does it. She has seriously bad ankles and running/jogging is out of the question.

Fourth of all, she has a PhD in engineering, so when she counts calories she's basically recording data, which is what she spent years doing. Her calorie lists are all around the house. Yes, she writes it all down.

Fifth of all, I can't join her in a healthy eating/exercise program because I already to all of that and she thinks I'm too hard and bony as it is. My body fat % is teetering on the single digits. Furthermore, it's easy enough for me to lose weight that it upsets and discourages her.

Sixth of all, I don't mean to sound defensive, but I've kinda been pressed into it. ;)

Seventh of all, she's been struggling with it for over twenty years.

I am not a fan of surgery even though I surely would qualify. I would suggest a log and have her read some post or read it to her. I hear alot of people would do surgery but I just dont think it's for me. I am on the wonderslim program.......

Personally..I am touched that you care enough about her that you even posted here. We can't monitor every mouthful of food that goes into another person's mouth or vouch for their exercise. It doesn't sound, to me, like bariatric surgery is necessarily the answer. It does not seem like her recommended weight loss is unsurmountable...and bariatric is not a license to eat/drink anything you want. I have not had the surgery but even after much counseling, some people I know think they can continue eating their "Big Macs" and such. What a rude awakening!

Concerned Hubby-

Has she been tested for conditions that would make it hard to lose weight despite healthy eating? I had undiagnosed Hashimotos disease (a thyroid condition) for 10 years. Despite exercising and eating healthy, I gained 10 lbs a year during those 10 years. I couldn't figure it out because I was doing nothing different from what I'd been doing for years that had maintained a slim figure. But I could not lose weight to save my life. Finally got diagnosed and put on meds, and it has made losing weight possible for me. I'm just wondering if perhaps it might be something like that for your wife?

Originally Posted by EagleRiverDee:
Has she been tested for conditions that would make it hard to lose weight despite healthy eating? I had undiagnosed Hashimotos disease (a thyroid condition) for 10 years.

I'm just wondering if perhaps it might be something like that for your
wife?

She's had a couple tests done on hormones over the years and the results always came back borderline, just below the level that would indicate intervention.

At this point she's simply discouraged, disgusted, and tired of dealing with it.

I was looking at the pre-op diets and if she were able to comply with 800-1200 cal/day she wouldn't need the lap band.

I know this is just the Introduction forum, so if we ought to move the discussion, or if a mod wants to move it, that's fine with me.

Originally Posted by Concerned Hubby:
She's had a couple tests done on hormones over the years and the results always came back borderline, just below the level that would indicate intervention.

At this point she's simply discouraged, disgusted, and tired of dealing with it.

I was looking at the pre-op diets and if she were able to comply with 800-1200 cal/day she wouldn't need the lap band.

I know this is just the Introduction forum, so if we ought to move the discussion, or if a mod wants to move it, that's fine with me.

*Sigh* I get frustrated reading stuff like that because doctors should treat the PATIENT, not the tests. Too many doctors will say (for example) "Well, your TSH isn't QUITE high enough to say you need thyroid supplementation..." meantime your hair is falling out, you're cold all the time, you have brain fog, you can't lose weight, etc and the doctor knows this but still determines you don't need treatment.

I had the same doctor from the time I was 5 years old. He refused to even test my thyroid. I still see him occasionally but two years ago I changed to a naturopath. She treats my symptoms. She still does the blood work and uses it for reference, but what matters most to her is how I actually feel. TSH (just as an example) can be VERY subjective. Some people feel fine with a TSH of 4.5. In my case, my TSH needs to be under 2.0 for me to feel fine. And that's just one example.

I'm not opposing surgery for your wife- that's a personal decision- but I do hope she considers finding a doctor that will treat her symptoms. Even if she has the surgery, if she has an underlying health condition that is going untreated she's never going to feel right.

Good luck!

Originally Posted by EagleRiverDee:

I'm not opposing surgery for your wife- that's a personal decision- but I do hope she considers finding a doctor that will treat her symptoms. Even if she has the surgery, if she has an underlying health condition that is going untreated she's never going to feel right.

Good luck!

Thanks, and that sounds like an important way to look at it.

We really like our doctors, but their advice to her has always been 'eat less.'

Concerned hubby-I would wonder what her BMI is-if she is very muscular she could weigh more and look smaller. How are things going? I guess one thing is where are the calories coming from? Is her diet balanced? I would wonder if seeing a nutritionist would be a good start........

Hi Shero--
Her BMI is somewhere around 38. She saw a nutritionist a few years ago. The advice was to eat more protein. Other than that, her diet is pretty good. She does eat too much candy.

Bottom line is she simply cannot sustain a diet of less than 1800-1900 calories. According to some of the pre-op diets, she might have to go on 800-1200/day for a couple weeks prior to surgery. If she could do that, there'd be no need for surgery.

She hasn't been willing to talk about it for a few days now.

I agree
 

Originally Posted by Concerned Hubby:
Hi Shero--
Her BMI is somewhere around 38. She saw a nutritionist a few years ago. The advice was to eat more protein. Other than that, her diet is pretty good. She does eat too much candy.

Bottom line is she simply cannot sustain a diet of less than 1800-1900 calories. According to some of the pre-op diets, she might have to go on 800-1200/day for a couple weeks prior to surgery. If she could do that, there'd be no need for surgery.

She hasn't been willing to talk about it for a few days now.

CH-I agree. That is why I am not having the surgery. If I was to go on an 800-1200 calorie diet-before the surgery why can't a person do it on their own?

Originally Posted by Shero:
CH-I agree. That is why I am not having the surgery. If I was to go on an 800-1200 calorie diet-before the surgery why can't a person do it on their own?

This is part of the problem I have with the surgery.... if a person has to go on an 800-1200 calorie diet pre-surgery, and then post surgery they have a special diet where you can only eat certain amounts of foods at certain intervals etc and do a certain amount of exercise starting out slowly etc.... it seems to me that you are losing the weight is because of the exercise and diet and the surgery is really only replacing willpower? (ie, i should only eat this ____ food because I choose to only eat ____ food versus i should only eat _____ food because the surgery will make me vomit if I try to eat ******** food.....)... so.. if you were to use willpower and determination and follow the same diet/exercise but without the surgery, wouldn't the results be the same???

I don't mean to insult anyone or sound harsh... its a personal decision and maybe there are factors that I am not considering... I know some people have health problems and hormone problems and other problems etc.... but barring physical problems that may need to be fixed or taken into consideration, sometimes people are simply lazy (like me!!) and just eat whatever they want when they want and spend way too much time watching tv or online... A friend of mine wants me to do the surgery with them... that person needs to lose about 60 lbs, has NEVER tried to diet and does not exercise, their weight gain was like mine purely from over eating and laziness, they have no medical conditions that have caused weight gain and no medical conditions that would complicate weight loss... and without even trying to diet or exercise, they are ready to schedule a consult for surgery? and they want me to not bother trying to diet or exercise and just go along with them and both have surgery together?? No way...

You said it so well Little Brown Bike. This is exactly how I feel.

Concerned Hubby,

i just wanted to add something.....I completely understand your wife's attitude of just not wanting to deal with it anymore. And I am one of the few who believes in weight loss surgery. I have a family member who had the gastric bypass and one who has the Lapband. I support both. Neither went into it because they were lazy or didn't want to diet, or have "the willpower" and it certainly is not a cop out. There are people who simply do not understand that wls is a tool, not an easy fix and shame on them for the judgement.

Saying that, the lapband does require a lifestyle change and I hate to say it but if your wife can't stay on a restricted diet then she'll most likely have problems with the band. You have to change your eating habits or it won't work....or you'll get sick....as in throwing up when you eat the wrong things, or really horrible acid reflux.

Candy, chips, all the "bad foods" just slip down the lapband. It is easier to eat "bad" food than it is to eat the right foods with the band. You have to really watch your intake or you get weak and turn to junk food just to get calories and viola! You're back where you started. You have to eat small amounts of meat, certain veggies, can't really eat bread, pasta etc. You also have to go in for "adjustments", to either fill or empty fluid for the band. It requires effort to stay healthy on the band. I can not stress that enough. It is not a fix all. The lapband is a tool. It takes a commitment just like anything else. The one thing I do love about the lapband is that is does make you feel fuller on less for much longer periods of time.

And, not wanting to discuss weight loss or research the lapband is not great either. Again, I completely understand her frustration...more than you'll ever guess....

And why can't she sustain a diet of less than 1800 calories? Why? It's not that hard if you make the correct choices. It really isn't. If she can't modify now, how is she going to make the modifications later??

Again, I am not judging, just confused.

Good luck to her and to you.

Just another thought.....

Not all calories are equal....

1800 calories with high protein and low carbs is much different than 1800 calories of low protein and high carbs. And those carbs do make a difference....a huge difference in weight loss/maintenance.

New here but my advice wouod be to join a site like my fitness pal so she can log her calories and see where to make changes. I'm pretty anti was so take it with a grain of salt. And good luck to her :D

Thanks Shero...

and I just wanted to add, that I don't think WLS is easy, I think that some people THINK it is easy and THINK that it will be much easier than just diet/exercise like its a magic solution...

Thanks Ex Tex.

My wife has a cousin who did lap band. While we rarely see her, word is that she lost weight then regained weight because she wasn't careful about her eating. That's the rumor. For all we know, there might have been other issues involved.

She's smaller than she was but is still overweight.

As for my wife's difficulty with low calorie eating, to some extent it is a matter of willpower for her, and she recognizes that. It's also that she gets bad headaches, light headed, etc. when she tries to go lo-cal.

And she'll also admit that she's an emotional/stress eater. [when we were dating we had an argument, during which she made and consumed a whole batch of no-bake chocolate brownies.]

She constantly reminds me to encourage her to not eat, but there's a fine line between encouraging and nagging. [LOL, one time she told me to hide a bag of candy, then later called me at work and yelled at me to tell her where it was..and yes, we laughed about it]

Oh, I should add: except for chips and non-chocolate candy, my wife doesn't eat "bad" food. Nothing fried, for example. Most everything is organic, low-fat, nearly vegetarian, heavy on fruits and vegetables, low-fat/skim dairy, etc.

WLS won't solve her willpower problems, only a real interest in losing the weight will help that... and sine she doesnt even seem willing to talk to her husband about it, I wouldn't hold my breath