[KrisDena9]

I'm in desperate need of a positive change. 2009 I developed a love for fresh veggies, a closer bond with husband through strength training & hit my runner's stride. Dropped from 145 to 120, my lowest weight ever, without counting calories or gym hours, just having fun. January 2010 the slow gain began. Just 2lbs but the self doubt weighed me down more. I had self confidence, a great body image & was so happy; must end sooner or later, right? Those 2lbs sent me into panic mode; I increased cardio & found a personal trainer. June: working out >90 min cardio daily, strength 4-5 x/wk & dropping my calories more but still gaining, at 130 I decide to train for a 1/2 marathon. Fall 2010 I go vegan, eliminating foods = fewer calories & I already cut out most carbs. In one year I gained 12 lbs. I went from losing without trying, to killing myself & gaining. Depression got worse. 2011 I started training for a marathon+ regular cardio + strength training + very restrictive vegan diet must = weight loss. Finished in under 4:15 but no joy as I still cannot lose weight. Fall 2011 my husband will no longer train with me, says I'm a masochist. Find a dietician: cut back workouts, change my diet & find adrenal fatigue. Given multiple supplements. Following her rules I bump up over 140. I stop pills/diet/visits. I now weigh my "before" & I'm doing 2x the work on a very restricted diet. Gone from 16% body fat to 28. VERY depressed. In the mirror I see body of a failure, clothes are tight, I'm a bad wife & mother. Estranged from friends in my consuming efforts. Can't let my parents see me at 140+, not been home in 3 yrs. I've no hobbies, my mind is constantly foggy, I fear it will hinder my work life. Nothing feels right and yet, I cannot give up. I still live off of veggies and fruit. I still restrict carbs, meat, dairy, oils/fats, anything processed...I workout 6 d/wk, >90 min cardio, 4x strength. This year, I'll find joy, just need a little help. Need to know HOW. I'm now eating 1500 cal a day, husband's orders. When stressed or tracking I often restrict. Feel fat, ugly, worthless. Need a step in the right direction. I am ready to commit.

[patchworkpenguin]

KrisDena, welcome, glad to have you join us. I suggest you look for a Challenge or Support group to join; small check-in groups make it easier to connect, get involved, and be accountable. We have groups centering around specific diets, themes, or age groups, find one that inspires you and just post to join! Be sure to check out the Calorie Counters and the Vegetarian sub-forums.

[andrew80k]

Wow, KrisDena, that's quite a story. Have you been to see a doctor? I'm not talking dietician. Do you have a family history of thyroid issues? You could also be going into starvation mode if your calories out is way more than your calories in. Sometimes eating more will actually help, but you should probably see a doctor to make sure you're ok first. I've seen this before in my wife.

[NEMom]

Welcome to the forum! I ditto andrew80k's comment about seeing a doctor for a full physical and blood work up to make sure you do not have a health issue causing your unexplained weight gain.
Best of luck to you.