[heytiger]

I started to get fat at age 8. The class bully noticed before I did and sang a song about me rolling myself to the fridge as a way of welcoming me to my newly minted "fat" status. By the time I was a teenager I was officially obese, crisscrossed with stretch marks, and thoroughly confused. I have never believed, not to this day, that prior to college I ate more or moved less then my thin friends!

When I started college I decided "this is MY time," no more having my food choices dictated by my, also obese, mother, no more living in a town so small that we don't even have a gym within 30 minutes of my home, now I was gonna take charge and prove I could do this... instead I gained 15 pounds. I can not stress enough how much this hurt me, I chose the dorm that was closest to the gym and went twice a day, I ate perfectly- low calorie and very balanced- until cooking so much became a chore and I only ate oatmeal 3 times a day for a month (not healthy but nonetheless should have resulted in weight loss). I went to the doctor to ask how this gain was possible, the calories in/ calories out just did not line up, and he CALLED ME A LIAR! said I must be eating and drinking more then I realized and that the freshman 15 was normal.

I cried so freaking hard, then went to a different doctor who ordered a thyroid test... the results were I had literally the lowest possible thyroid function before they medicate you, literally .01 away from pills. I started crying in the office, which Ive never done in my life before or since, how could such a slim margin keep me from magic pills to speed my metabolism? the doc recommended exercise, explaining exercise can raise your resting metabolism, since Id ALREADY TOLD HIM i was working out twice a f@#king day all this accomplished was making me feel like a worthless liar all over again, and I started binge eating. I figured if I was gonna be fat anyway why deprive myself? I reached 240 within 2 months.

I feel like being fat has made me miss my own life, there are so many things I stop myself from doing due to my weight. Its funny, my friends think Im so confident, never just "the fat girl" but instead "the pretty & funny fat girl." I get applauded for never insulting myself for a laugh, because I go to waterparks and the beach and (amazing!) even let pictures be taken of me in my bathingsuit.... its so dumb that this is something Im applauded for! "Wow, you let people see you, you're SO brave." What an insult! and doubly painful because I am NOT brave, I wont move to new york because I think the city is too cool for someone like me. I won't let people set me up on dates cause I dont want the poor sucker to walk in and see a fat chick waiting for him. Ive stopped myself from being anything because I feel like I'll always be fat first.... not an author but a fat author, not a grad student but a fat grad student and on and on...

Im here looking for support. For advice on controlling binge eating, staying motivated, and most importantly to help me believe that not being fat is even possible. I have never been an average weight adult, so sometimes it's hard to believe I ever will be one. Its hard to work for a better body while knowing this body will never be perfect and "hot" in my own eyes, (due to stretch marks and the probability of lose skin) not even if I do lose every single extra pound.

I feel like this is a pretty bleak introduction, and I hope no one feels upset reading it... Im hoping anyone here who feels a bit of the same can know theyre not alone, and when we finally do tackle this monster it'll be nice to have done it together


current weight: 224 pounds/ size 20
ultimate goal: to comfortably wear a size 12/13 -since that is the largest size all the stores Id love to shop in carry, and since I personally consider a size 13 girl to be "curvy" and not "fat"... Any girls on here who wear a size 13 and want to lose weight, please take a moment to realize that the body you currently have is someones ULTIMATE GOAL! You can still improve yourself if you want, but just take a moment to let that sink in and appreciate your body

[Lovely]

Welcome to 3FC =)

You're really not alone.

There are plenty of men and women who join who are frustrated and just need some support and comfort in the knowledge that this is truly a lifelong process.

Regardless of our struggles or the obstacles in our path... there's always a way. We may not always lose the fastest, or see the biggest changes, but we can surely change our eating habits and make sure we're as healthy as we can be.

We welcome anyone who's trying to better themselves. That could mean losing a few pounds to some people. It could mean losing 100 or more pounds to another. It could mean adding in exercise or changing their eating habits without aiming to lose any weight.

We're not all on the same path, and that's okay, because we can all encourage each other as we strive for different goals.

You can do this. The benefits aren't just about losing weight. They're about knowing we're being as healthy as we can be, and gaining a wealth of knowledge and acceptance.

I didn't wait to enjoy life as I gained my way to 331 pounds. I'm certainly not waiting to enjoy life while I'm losing weight.

Hope to see you around the boards

[kaplods]

Originally Posted by heytiger

I current weight: 224 pounds/ size 20
ultimate goal: to comfortably wear a size 12/13 -since that is the largest size all the stores Id love to shop in carry, and since I personally consider a size 13 girl to be "curvy" and not "fat"... Any girls on here who wear a size 13 and want to lose weight, please take a moment to realize that the body you currently have is someones ULTIMATE GOAL! You can still improve yourself if you want, but just take a moment to let that sink in and appreciate your body

I couldn't help but point out to you, that you also may take a moment to realize that the body you currently have is someone's ULTIMATE GOAL! You can still improve yourself if you want, but just take a moment to let that sink in and appreciate your body


Your current weight may indeed be my ultimate destination. Maybe I won't ever get that far, maybe I'll go further, but if I were given the choice today between a guarantee of 224 lb/size 20 and the chance at getting to 150 - I would take the guaranteed size 20, hands down, because while I know that I can lose more weight on my own, I'm not at all sure that I can get to 150 lbs.

Unfortunately there's no way for me to take that guarantee, so all I can do is keep trying to maintain the weight I have lost, and try to lose "just one more."

I do know that my yoyo dieting days are over, because the one (and only) thing I have sworn to do differently this time, and so far have - is to not ever give up. I've made "maintaining" my weight (and weight loss) top priority and since that takes nearly as much energy as losing, then while I'm at it, I might as well try to lose "just one more pound."

I've been losing and maintaining my losses just one pound at a time, and I don't fear giving up this time, because I don't see "not losing" as failing - only succeeding at maintenance. And that's my number one goal. Weight loss is number 2.

By keepng maintenance as my main goal, I'm never tempted to go hog-wild off plan, because I no longer see gaining as no worse than not losing. When I saw gaining as no worse a tragedy than not losing, when I didn't lose I felt like I might as well be getting to eat whatever I want. Now, I can't do that without realizing that I have to give up some of my success to do that. I want to maintain all 94 lbs that I've lost, so I can't condone even a one pound gain.

The hard part is seeing that every single pound counts. Every pound lost I want to keep off, and no stall or gain is so bad that it's worth making longer or bigger.

Remembering this is hard work, because we're taught (by what we see, read, and hear), to diet using strategies and rationales that just don't work. We're taught that a gain isn't any worse than a too-small loss. We're taught that if we make one small mistake, it's permission to really screw up so we can start fresh tomorrow or Monday or whenever.

To succeed at dieting, we have to break a lot of social rules, and that's hard to do - unless you're surrounded by fellow rebels.

And luckily, you've found the outlaw renegade hangout.

[heytiger]

wow, kaplods I have got to thank you for that perspective shift and also say 94 pounds lost is incredible and AMAZING!!!
I was not expecting to hear from someone so inspiring already, I guess since the only other time I tried to get support for myself was at a weight watchers meeting where I was the only person there who needed to lose over 30 pounds, aaand I never went back. In my daily life almost all of my friends are size 2's and 4s who complain that their waists are an inch bigger then Vicrorias Secret models (yup, that is a real conversation Ive sat thro, lol) so I guess Ive internalized their crazy quest for perfection a bit too much...

and thanks also to Lovely, for a reminder that there's no reason to keep putting my life on hold, it might take me a while to figure out how to get going but really, being able to enjoy life as I am is just as important as learning how to be in control of my eating habits, and may even help with that! ... I know too well that being smaller doesnt mean being happier, guess Ive just never tried to apply that knowledge to my own life.

[alaskanlaughter]

welcome to the forum!! and i have that exact same picture that you have in your profile/avatar thing...i have that same photo in a big frame in my classroom...i love it! it's been in my classroom for years upon years now...

[heytiger]

So jealous you have a framed pic of it! I can only ever find it poster sized... I love it so much cause as a kid my imaginary friend was an elephant, lol, I had a major circus phase.

[Melissa Lynn]

Welcome!! And good luck! If you ever want to chat or need support feel free to contact me!