I am so excited to be here. I guess I'll tell you all a bit about myself, my weight issues and how I believe I have finally come to a place within my self to accept a beautiful HEALTHY version of myself.
I have always had weight issues, since I was a child, which was a result of not a very happy childhood. When I hit my teens I took control of my weight but the psychological aspects of my childhood trauma remained and I became OBSESSED with dieting and exercising depriving myself my natural love of food. I got down to a size 5 and my weight was 165. But because I wasn't there mentally, spiritually or emotionally when I went to university I so wanted to be accepted I became the party girl and bloated up to 220lbs.
Acceptance from others and outside judgements is what shaped my perception of me, not acceptance for myself or loving who I am, which didn't change until 5 years ago, after the birth of my first son. I began on an internal journey, which resulted in realizing my emotionally abusive marriage. I left the marriage with my kids in 2009 with a weight of 260lbs. Bit by bit it started to come off naturally as I began watching my diet and by June 2010 I weighed 240lbs.
Well most of 2010 I have been in counselling finally facing my demons of my traumatic childhood and learning how to be present in my body. I can't tell you how draining yet how freeing and rewarding my internal journey has been. I am starting to feel comfortable in my body something I have never in my entire life have ever felt and now when I look into the mirror I am realizing that my interal soul doesn't show in my physical being. NOW I want to match
No more yo-you fad diets. No more starving myself (I love food way too much) But this time I'm going to learn to enjoy healthy choices and become consciously aware of how my body feels and reacts to certain foods.
I weighed in at 229lbs on June 2. I have been working out for a solid 4 weeks doing 30 mins cardio 4 times a week and strength/muscle training 4 times a week taking my rest periods and really trying to build my lean muscle. I want to be firm so badly.
Well it's paying off. This morning I weighed in at 215lbs
WAHOOOOOO!!!!! Tracking my progress on the scale doesn't really excite me, I have a larger frame and so I'm going by how my clothes fit and my body fat percentage. I am looking at a final goal weight of 135lbs but as I progress if I start to feel that my insides match my outsides and I'm content then I will maintain.I'm concentrating on the journey, and enjoying it, and ravishing in how my body feels when I'm nurturing it with healthy foods and excercise. I'm tired of feeling gross, down and depressed, that's not me! I can't wait to match and so happy to share my journey with you other courageous women on this weight loss path.
Thanks for reading!
