[Chocoholix]

Hi everyone,
I actually signed up ages ago but with life getting in the way, I never really had the chance to explore the forums all that much and since it's been SO long, let me re-introduce myself.

I am 33 years old and I was always a skinny girl ... Then at age 25, we started our battle with infertility and I started gainning... by the time I got pregnant, 2 1/2 years later, I was about 80lbs overweight...since I was at a normal weight when I gained, I was now... 80lbs overweight!

I was pregnant with triplets, then lost one and went on to have twins. It was a difficult pregnancy and I stayed in bed for 16 weeks. The thing is, I only gained 20lbs during pregnancy and I delivered a 6lbs 3oz baby and a 4lbs baby. After that I thought I could go back to losing weight and for a while I did... I breastfed for 6 months (both babies) and I was on my way down...

Then, one of my little ones, didn't see quite right... and we started on the diagnosis road. By 2 1/2 both boys were diagnosed and were in therapy and I was working 14 hrs a day from home to keep up with the bills... my marriage started falling apart (the shock of two special needs babies is a big one and we were already strained from infertility, difficult pregnancy and parenting twins... which I did almost single-handedly since hubby worked two jobs).

To make a long story short, I found solace only in food. Not in the quantity, even now I cannot eat a lot in one sitting, but in the "freedom" of it all... There was a rule, a timeframe and a demand or a must for every single moment of my life...at least I could eat whatever I wanted whenever I wanted it...

So here I am now... my boys are 5 1/2 and finally at a good road. They started Kindergarten this past Fall and will be in First Grade come September. My marriage is on the mend, I am more rested and my brain seems to be working again... except my body isn't. I am now 100lbs overweight and struggling.

Ever since I started my period, my cycles were 15 days long. I was on the Pill from age 13 until 23 when I got married. (remember I was skinny back then).
Apparently this hereditatry condition (my grandmother and all her sisters had it and only two out of 5 sisters had kids even though they tried until the very end of their reproductive lives, my grandma having my mom at age 42!) affects me too.

I know I have high LH but no other symptoms of PCOS. I know I have IR.. but it's been years since I went in for any kind of testing. With the boys and the money and the marriage issues, I let myself go. There was no time for me whatsoever. I did go to an endocrinologist a couple years ago and I poured my heart out but he made me feel SO bad, treating me like a fat blob/piece of meat with no brains, I never went back...

These days I just hide in the house. If I walk down the street and I hear a snicker or a laugh, I instantly assume they are laughing at how fat I am...
I can't find any clothes to fit me in Greece so I shop eBay in the US for the size 20/22 I need.

I need to do something but it all feels like a mountain I can't climb. I don't even know where to begin!! My motivation is, I want another baby... desperately. Also I do not think it is fair for my son to care for his brother alone after we are gone.

My husband (who has helped me in gaining by being a very food oriented person, waaaaay more than me, so there has GOT to be food and snacks in the house at all times... plus my more affected little boy has a big weight gain problem so we always keep snacks and easy calorie things like chocolate in the house) has made it absolutely clear to me we will not allow me to get pregnant while at this weight. Which of course makes perfect sense!!

Whats more, even if he was ok with it, I can't because I don't ovulate at this weight... and I do not want to have to do IVF again in fear of having another set of twins. Three children I can do... a single baby pregnancy is ok... but not twins again, it would put me in bed again and as any mom of young ones knows, this is not a luxury we can afford, plus it would put the babies at risk for the same issues that affected my boys... my doctor has made it clear that twins would put my life and the babies' at risk...and there is no way I would accept a reduction in the pregnancy... so I MUST try and get PG on my own without drugs that would make a twin pregnancy a near certainty!

I just want a baby.. I just want to be able to walk for 45 minutes without my ankles swelling so much and hurting me for the rest of the night... I just want to find clothes in a regular shop like I used to. I don't want people to laugh at me anymore. You see in Greece the biggest part of the population is lean and thin. Especially the younger generations are SO into being thin and beautiful, I am the odd one out in a crowd, like in my boys' classroom of 20 only me and one more lady are overweight. Everyone else is thin

I can't even exercise anymore because my joints get so sore ... I can only do swimming (I am really good at it as I am a former swimmer) but I am too ashamed to go to the pool Yes I know... I am pathetic
I need to be more brave I guess...so anyway.

I want to try... I will go see a doctor after Easter, do my tests and start on a diet. It's not a quantity thing with me but a quality. I am too much into fattening food and snacks and I cook and bake all the time trying to get my son gain so we don't have to go the MIC button route but of course I end up eating most of it so it won't go to waste...bad excuse!!

So anyway. I hope to find support here and if I can, support others too. I am tired of being judged based on my weight. I am a talented, well educated, caring woman...who used to be pretty darn beautiful if you don't mind me saying. I am one of the best in the world and well-known for my work.. I have won awards for crying out loud! Yet all people see is a fat blob not worthy of their time and unfortunately there are days I tend to believe them.

Ever felt that way??
I would love to hear your stories too! If you were overweight and couldn't get pregnant, did you manage it after you lost weight?
Thank you for reading!!
Looking forward to meeting you!
Love,
Tina

[Chubbykins]

Hello!
I just read your story and it made me feel a bit sad. I hope your boys are going to be ok and that you'll get your period back and give them a healthy sibling.

I am greek too btw, living in thessaloniki. Not that it matters, but I thought it was nice to mention

I became depressive when I came to study here, after my mother got cancer (she's alive for now). Then I turned from slightly overweight to an almost obese person. Atm I need to lose 15 kilos, which on my 158cm height look as if I carry a child constantly on me.
I constantly battle with major depression (without drugs, because I refuse to take stuff that simply cures symptoms and leaves me just as sick and sad) and my only source of strength is my boyfriend with whom we live 5 years now.
My studies were badly affected and only recently I got back on track.
Now to the good news. I started to change my nutrition a year ago and three weeks ago I was ready to begin my first and last ever diet (or so I want it to be). It is working out rather well until now, slow, but well.

I'd be glad to support and help out! Until we're both thin hehe and stay that way.

[fatferretfanatic]

Oh, honey, I do understand. I hate the way I look sometimes, though it gets better as I lose weight. I studied abroad in Greece, and goodness it is very hard to be fat in Athens. All the beautiful ladies strutting down the street in their heels and beautiful dresses, and here I was, turning heads with my weight. You must know though that you are not just some blob that doesn't matter. You do, so much. It is hard at first to get into the groove of weight loss, but it gets easier.