[lifedeliberately]

Hey, all!

I used to be semi-active in this community, about 6 years ago... I'm back again to hopefully connect and find some support and inspiration from you lot! I loved checking in here before, so am glad that it occured to me to come back!

I've struggled with the way I looked since a young age, probably around 8 years old. I didn't have a weight problem until I was about 17, but I always thought I was just gross and fat... I binge ate starting at about 8 years, too. My mom was in the hospital, and my nanny didn't really pay attention to the fact that I was constantly in the kitchen, eating potato chips and candy and hot dogs and anything else I could get my hands on.

Fastforward to age 16... I was still at a healthy weight and was quite small, although I had the disillusion that I was just unforgivably grotesque. My mom had died when I was ten, and my dad remarried just 7 months later to a woman who struggled with her weight big time... not sure how that reflected on me, exactly. I refuse to blame her or anyone else but myself for my weight, though... nothing's going to be accomplished if I don't take responsibility for where I'm at on my own! Anyway, my stepmom and I really didn't get along, so with my dad's permission, I moved out on my own into a situation where I rented a room from a young couple who were youth sponsors at my church. I shared their laundry, kitchen and bathroom. I worked at A&W part time and suddenly had a lot more control over what I ate! I went from about 125 to 140 in my last year of high school... I am 5'2".

In my first year of university (Sept 1999), I went up to about 175. And, by the end of my second year, I was at 190. I did some yo-yo dieting off and on for the next few years, very misled into thinking fad diets would somehow show good on their promises. Finally, in October 2003, I walked into a Jenny Craig centre and weighed in at 183 lbs... By May 2004, I hit 149.

I moved away that summer, stalled at 149 when I switched from the Jenny Craig pre-packaged portions to start incorporating my own foods again. I moved to a smaller city with no JC centre, but tried to keep going with JC over the phone, receiving the food by mail. I ended up getting frustrated with spending the money when my weight continued to stay the same, and even crept back up a few pounds. My body seemed very happy where it was, no matter what efforts I made... although, when it came to exercise, there was little effort put forward, so... haha. NOW I know what I could have done, but I didn't know then. Or maybe I was just too lazy? I don't know.

So, I went away on a missions trip in Jan 2006 weighing about 155. I returned in August weighing almost 180 again, after a broken engagement while I was away. Serious emotional eating going on there - the engagement was broken off in late June. So, that's 25 pounds in a couple of months! Ugh.

I decided to stop feeling sorry for myself and started working with a trainer at the local gym (first really consistent effort at weight loss through exercise EVER in my life!) I ended up getting back to 150 by Feb 2007, but was also smaller than I'd ever been as an adult. I felt amazing! So good.

I ended up going on another missions trip in 2007, from May - July. I returned home at 160, and ended up sitting around there for over a year, until I got pregnant in Nov 2008...

... and that brings me here! I am a single mom (picked a real winner for a boyfriend, lemmetellya!) of a beautiful 7 month old girl. I gained a LOT of weight during my pregnancy... 60 lbs total. I sat at 190 about a week after my c-section delivery (after 4 1/2 days of labour, my 10 lb baby was NOT coming out, she decided!). I tried to start running again in November, but my knees did not cooperate with all that extra weight. By Christmas, I'd lost 10 lbs somehow. And, after I started running again in January, I've seen a few more pounds go... I did get to 165 a few weeks ago, but a family visit and a trip out west for a doctor's appointment made the number on the scale head upwards again... I haven't gotten the courage to see the exact number again since then, but I'm guessing 173-175ish...

If you have read this far, bravo! Thanks for putting up with my blabbering. I'm aiming for 140 by July... a tight race there, I know, and I'll settle just to fit into the dress I want to wear to my baby sister's wedding, but still hoping for a goal of 140 by then! I'm using Tosca Reno's "Eat Clean Diet", working towards running a 10k in August... I'm in fighting 5k shape already! And, I need to get consistent with strength training. I'm planning to start working it in 3x weekly now, to start.

Thanks for reading! Excited to jump back in here!

[astrophe]

What a story! Welcome back!

A.

[cehrriins]

Wow...kids, can you say emotional roller coaster? I knew that you could. All of that had to be really harsh and difficult for you...but you made it through, and that speaks volumes of good about you inner strength and character.

You're here and you're working at it. That's what counts! You mentioned a couple of mission trips. Are you a Christian? If you are, I could name a few songs that help me stay focused and positive.

Welcome back!

[hsmomof6]

What a story! Although I've never been on a mission trip, sounds cool. I want to get back into running too. What kind of training are you doing to prepare yourself for races? You mentioned strength training - are you doing upper and lower body? Just curious. There's a race in October in my area that I would love to run in. It's a 5 miler (not 5k, weird).

[Renwomin]

Thank you for sharing your story! When we use food to cope (I do it myself) it can be so hard to kick when life gives us those down moments. I wish you the best of luck. I know you can do it!

[RoseRR]

You have a story to tell that's for sure.. Welcome back and I wish you the best of luck.