[Blondina]

Hi Everybody!

I was the pretty girl growing up, tall and thin. In high school I had 17% body fat at 135 lbs. I am 5'9. During most of my 20's I fluctuated from 140-160, usually around a size 8 dress.

Now? I am a voluptuous size 12. I just got on the scale and weigh 204.5 lbs. Ugh, I feel so defeated, disgusted and hopeless. I lost 20 lbs a year and 1/2 ago, but have gained it all back.

I didn't go to the gym today because I felt ugly and fat. I only have a few pieces of clothes that fit me anymore and I refuse to buy bigger sizes. I am not dating anyone and I just feel like losing all this weight is too much. I have never dieted before. I have worked out plenty, and I'm in pretty good shape - I know I have muscles hiding under all this chub, but I have a hard time restricting my calories. I love food and as long as I am not in a relationship I eat at night when I am home alone. It is nuts, but I am the most in touch with my weight and body as I ever was. I always thought I was fat growing up when I never was. Now, I just wish my Mother would accept me for the weight I am at and I wish I could find a guy I liked to see past my size.

I probably sound very pathetic right now, but I assure you that I am not always this sad. I am actually very happy go lucky. I just am having some struggles with who I am really and I wish I could find lasting love.

[Deena52]

Hi Blondina,

I could have written what you just did....seriously. Only I'm much older than you. The thing is...relatively speaking...you do not have a huge amount of weight to lose. I know that it seems that way to you. To me, getting up to 195 lbs. was a massive disaster. I'd never gotten that high...it was 20 lbs. more than I'd been 9 months pregnant...for all 3 of them!

But I've learned here that there are so many who have more than 200-250 lbs. to lose....and ones who HAVE lost that much. That didn't make the amount of weight I had to lose seem that less disastrous for me personally....but it DID put into perspective that it would be so much better to do it now rather than just fall deeper and deeper into that hole, making it all that much harder for me to try to climb out down the road.

And honestly....I've lost approx. what you want to lose in about 7 months. And in retrospect, of course, it doesn't seem like it was difficult at all. But then, it's always so much easier looking back on it than anticipating and worrying about it.

How did I stay on track? Atkins. It's the perfect plan for ME....but there are tons of plans here you can read about. You want to try and select one that will work the best for you. Plus...not only is the info here immensely helpful but so is the support and just being accountable is beyond valuable.

You can do this...trust me. Totally doable.

deena

[Blondina]

Hi Deena, Thank you for your response!

I know that 50lbs is nothing compared to what others are carrying around - I've been watching The Biggest Loser and I have family members who are obese. It gives me hope to hear that you lost as much as I'd like to in 7 months. I am giving myself until December.

I will look into the Atkins. My biggest problem is I love eating and I like the sensation of feeling full. Horrible, I know. I am fine all day long, and keep it light, but I love going to bed after a big meal.

I know what you mean about reaching your high weight. I used to always think as long as I'm under 200 lbs. But over the holidays I sort of crept over that mark and the past few weeks I have replaced wine for ice cream... and I even rescheduled my appointment with my Gynecologist because last year she lectured me about gaining weight!

I am glad I found this site, and I hope it helps me stay on track.

[Deena52]

Hi Blondina.

You mentioned finding/meeting a guy who can get past your weight. But from my experience (and I'm almost 58 so definitely have some experience/mileage on me)......the real problem is YOU not being able to get past the weight. Generally speaking....guys who are interested in meeting you are usually already not bothered by/unable to get past the weight. What becomes destructive to the relationship is that YOU being unable to get past the weight causes not only intimacy problems but just being in a bad mood about it frequently can spell eventual doom for the relationship. So look at it from a different angle and it will motivate you even more. Because you can't control what another adult/a guy does....but you CAN control what YOU do. And in this case, it's all about YOU and not the guy...when it comes to getting past the weight. And only YOU can fix YOU.

Also.....I saw on another thread that you are very concerned with having saggy skin. First of all, with only 50 lbs. to lose, that would generally not cause the saggy skin problems. But in addition to that, if you are one of those people who are just born with good skin....you won't have to worry about this. I never got stretch marks during 3 pregnancies yet many of my friends and co-workers did. And now having lost 55 lbs...not to mention being almost 58 and only 5'4" (barely), I hardly have a saggy skin problem. So it does not necessarily have to happen to you plus....with what you need/want to lose....it's generally not enough to even cause the problem for you. So don't waste time worrying about it.

Plus.....a bit of saggy skin on say the stomach area? You still look a HECK of a lot better in clothes than you ever did fat and with your non-saggy skin.

deena

Oh....and just to let you know...for ME and for many others, low-carb/Atkins is the ONLY plan where we are not hungry, not having cravings or going on binges. The reasons are 1) going into fat-burning mode/ketosis decreases your appetite naturally and 2) the liberal fat allowed really keeps you full. For instance, I could eat a whole pot of steamed broccoli...and would probably be hungry an hour later. But now, with added butter and shredded cheese....it's extremely filling and I often have to divide it into several portions to eat over the day...or even the next day.
And I used to also do good during the day but get terrible, obsessive sweet cravings in the late evening and couldn't sleep until I satisfied them, usually polishing off an entire box of cookies or container of ice-cream and I would almost eat them robotically.....but these are totally gone now. No cravings, no binges....I eat like a skinny person does. I'm being totally serious and truthful.