...I need to reach out. I want help with this, because I don't think I can do it on my own.

My name is Kodi and I'm 21. I live in Indiana and have been battling with my weight since I was young. As a kid, I was thin and hyper, ADHD and moving all the time, never could stop and never worried about weight. I hit puberty and things went downhill from there. I've gained more and more weight through the years, my pant sizes just going up-up-up and it's depressing.

Food, in my house, has always been a twisted concept. The more food you ate, the "better" you were. We were encouraged to eat. We ate past the point of being full, because it was there. We made alot and ate it all. I was fine until puberty. After puberty, my metabolism seemed to slow and my dad began to critisize (even though he was fat himself). I'm a naturally nervous/fearful person, and this tipped the scales into 'bad feelings' and I ate to comfort myself. The critisism got worse. I ate just to eat. I remember once he turned to me after we get out of the pool and he's looking me up and down (keep in mind that he was 320+ at the time) and he deadpans and goes, "You know, you'd actually be attractive if you lost that weight." And shakes his head all disgustedly and walks away. I was maybe a size 12 or 14. Luckily for everyone involved, Mom got a divorce and I only see him on holidays by my own will.

However, I've failed to change my 'thinking' towards food and I know this is a big step.

I plateaued at 280 for about 2 years and actually I came to like myself, accept myself, accept my weight. It wasn't hindering; sure I ran outta breath, but I could move. I wasn't happy that I wasn't -thin- but I wasn't upset with myself. I still clung to food as comfort.

In 2007 I was diagnosed with PCOS and shortly after, went through a defiant phase and went off my panic/anxiety meds coldturkey (stupid...) and had a breakdown and I regressed. Along with using food as a crutch as I tried helplessly to get back on my feet, my mood stabilizer has made me gain and the doctor doesn't want to mess with my meds as I'm finally stable.

I'm now at my biggest weight, at 340, and I'm to the point where I have to change things. I can't stand to look at myself and I'm embarrassed by it. I need help.

I, however, can't stand vegetables... I think I like maybe three or four total? So what kind of weightloss thing can I do that doesn't involve salads? Yuck. Currently I'm just cutting my portion size in half and eating fruits. I would like to get back to 280, my plateau point and where I was happy last, and see if I want to lose from there. So 60-65 pounds. Seems like alot.

I'm also low energy, so this is a big hurdle for me: making myself exercise. I'm starting out with walking. I've never been able to stick with anything for more than a week, but I'm going on 2 weeks of walking now and the pain in my legs is lessening (thank god) but is it even possible to walk the weight off? How many miles would you end up having to walk to counter your calorie intake?

Does anyone have any specific workouts/exercises I could try? Any tips for getting to the point where you -want- to exercise instead of it being a chore? (Is that even possible? Wanting to exercise?) Does anyone have any tips for changing the way I 'see' food?

Am I on the right track, or am I horribly, horribly off? xD

Welcome to 3FC and good luck with your goals.

Hugs
Michelle

Hi Kodi. You've taken the first step so your definitely on the right track!

Cutting portion sizes is a good start.. and even though you say you don't like vegetables try different combinations or cooking them in different ways, it can make all the difference. Stir fry's are always a good way to get a lot of veggies without feeling like you've got a plate full of greens!

I'm not much of one for exercise either and have so far manage to aid my weightloss by walking for about an hour a day and doing light exercise on Wii Fit.

Hope this makes you feel a bit better.. you'll find lot's of support here!

x Sophie

Hi Kodi! Everything you are doing is a great start. I'm not a big veggie fan either, but maybe if you could find a different way of cooking them as sophiebean said, then you'll be able to stand eating them. I put a Cajun spice on my green beans and it makes them taste SO good.

I've been getting myself to the gym more in the last couple of months than I have ever in my entire life, and it helps... but sometimes I just don't want to leave the apartment. I recently found a good walking video... it's kind of like low impact aerobics and it's a really good high calorie burning video. I will PM you the link because it's free and online. Hope this can help even just a little bit. Welcome to the site, and good luck on your journey!

Hi Kodi!

I'm new here too and our stories sound quite similar. I would say your definitely on the right track though. Cutting back portion sizes and starting to take exercise is the ideal way to start.

I think that a lot of overweight people have an emotional attachment to food and that's really hard to break. Has your doctor referred you to a counselor? They can help give you techniques to change your behavior patterns and help you to sort out the negative thought patterns in your mind.

With vegetables, I always think they taste better in a soup. That way you can't taste the individual vegetable and you can flavor it with herbs and spices to make it taste better.

Walking is definitely the way to start. It's natural, low impact and gets your heart pumping Can you get a pedometer? Over here in the UK they recommend 5,000 steps a day for the average adult but you can work up to that if it's too much.

My nutritionist put me on the GI diet where you try to eat foods with a low Glycemic Index. There are websites out there which tell you all about it. It's meant to help stabilize hunger and energy levels so you don't feel wiped out all the time. It also encourages you have a protein a carb and at least one fruit or veg in each meal so it's nutritionally balanced.

Small changes can also make a huge difference for instance, don't add sugar to food, choose the lower fat option and if you can walk somewhere you would usually drive, leave the car at home

Slow and steady wins the race for me though. If try to change everything at once, I get overloaded and give up. So small changes, adding in one or two new changes a week a usually works best for me.

Good luck and I hope that was useful in some way.

Hello and welcome You've coem to the right place and soem of that sounds very familiar (eating a lot being considered a good thing when growing up, criticism abotu weight from parents who caused some of my earlier problems, metabilism beign OK until puberty, eating because fo anxiety, etc.)

I also only like a few vegtables (though I do like enough to make myself a nice (though probably boring to other people) salad - I prefer raw veg to cooked. I always felt I will never lose weight because I don't like vegtables and many people have implied I am unhealthy because of that but I also like a lot of fruit so I calorie count and try to reduce refined carbs a little. I fit the vegtables I like into plan and eat plenty of fruit. DO watch the calories in fruit as some is higher than you might expect. Calorie counting works well for me as no need to exclude any food and I can have anythign though maybe a smaller portion if it's something less healthy. Means I'm in control of what I choose to eat whch helps with a dislike to vegtables

I also ran out of energy easily - and it wasn't just my weight that was the cause of that as I was the same when I was much thinner. I find cutting down refined carbs helped a lot with that, and eating smaller meals and atting more healthy snacks (fruit, low fat soft cheese, soup is now a snack sometimes , etc. )

Have a good look at all the forums here - you may find chicks in control and calorie counting very helpful for begining your jorney btu read a lto andlook at the success stories and before and after photos - they inspired me so much and helped me to believe that I can lose weight with determination.

All the best with your weight loss journey.

Hi Kodi,
Just breezing through some of these posts and found yours. First of all, congratulations on taking the first step to a healthier YOU!! Fighting weight is a constant battle for me as well. This may or may not work for you, but I contacted a few hospitals in my area and found a mediical diet that seems to be working for me. I work with nutritionists and a doctor. You could give that a try....
As far as the ADHD, my son has ADD and when he is not on meds for this is constantly looking for food! I believe it is part of the problem. Eating gives you something to do and provides an outlet for the attention. Are you on meds for ADD?

Excercising is a plus, for sure! If you have a YMCA in your area, swimming/water aerobics is a great activity and easy on your joints while you are beginning to lose weight.

I hope all works out for you. Check here often and you will find that others are in the same boat and that is a comforting feeling!!

Take care!

Oh my dear, your post made me cry. I could have written that myself, just 8 1/2 years ago.

I had gastric bypass surgery on 4/20/2001 at age 20. My weight? 340 lbs. I was 199 lbs at age 13, and my father was just like yours about criticizing my weight. I know exactly how you feel.

I'm not going to suggest you do surgery. That is a very personal choice, but it did work for me. However, even surgery is just a tool..you still need to eat properly and exercise to succeed.

I would first recommend you seek a Dr's advice. Get a full physical, and explain your goals to your Dr. It is important for you to find out what your personal limitations are before you exercise.

Walking is a (pun) step in the right direction. ANY exercise is better than none. You burn many more calories MOVING than you do sitting. Some little ways to add exercise? Park farther away from your destination so you need to walk farther. Take the steps. Walk the dog. Buy a low impact exercise video you can do in the privacy of your own home.

Food: There are a lot of ways to get veggies into your diet...wilt some spinach and stir it into your scrambled eggs, shred some carrots and chop onions and peppers to stir into your tomato sauce. Drink low sodium V8 or V8 Fusion (which is fruit and veggie juice. I like the orange and blueberry flavors).

Start two Journals. Websites like "Livejournal.com" are good for creating a private online journal. Once a day take some time out to journal about the thoughts and feelings going through your head. Write about your goals, your frustrations and your successes. Also, start a diet journal. Write down what you eat, when you eat it, and how much you eat. That sounds like a lot of work, but when you look at that next food item, it makes you pause to realize "Do I really want to eat this, since I know I have to write this down in my journal?" Also, when you get the urge to snack or eat junk food, you can look at your diet journal and ask yourself if you are really hungry...or are you depressed/anxious/bored/etc. If you look at your journal and see that you just ate an hour ago..it is probably not hunger.

Drink water. Lots and lots of water. Crystal Light is also a good way to add more water to your diet...I like the "On the Go" packets that you mix into a water bottle..you can take a few packets in your purse, and have a drink anywhere you want, without the calories of sodas.

And..last but never least, forgive yourself. Yes, you gained weight. You are not at a place where you are happy...but you obviously want to change. Set a list of mini goals..and focus on slowly crossing each one off the list. Each one is a victory. This is NOT a fast process...your weight gain didn't take place overnight, and neither will the weight loss. But it is worth it.



Some of the mini goals I set before surgery:
* Be able to fit comfortably in a regular sized chair
* Be able to walk up a flight of steps without being breathless
* Buy clothes at Lane Bryant
* Be able to lower the lap bar on a rollercoaster, and ride it.
* Get under 300

Break it up into small bites. If I could go back and talk to the 20 year old, 340 lb person I was...I would tell her how hard it was to get healthy...but how good it feels, and how much it was worth it.

Kat

Welcome to the site. I'm sure you will find these ladies and gentlemen very helpful. I look forward to browsing the forums every day to find advice, support, some laughs, and recipes.

Welcome. I'm glad you have come. Many of us have dealt with some of or ALL OF the issues you have. In short, you have found a good place.

As far as working out, I would begin with walking. If you have ON DEMAND there are some free walking workouts on the channel. Leslie Samsone (sp?) is the instructor and almost anyone can do them. Walking is how I began and I think it is way underrated.

No one says you have to eat veggies but I would do some experimenting before you say you don't like any of them. Have you ever tried mashed cauliflower with 5 calorie butter and diced ham and onions? Have you ever tried grating a butternut squash and cooking it like hashbrowns in a skillet? Would you eat a veggie pizza if the things were all diced up and sauteed before hand? Lots of options out there!

Cutting portions is a great idea. So is food journaling! If you bite, lick it, taste it or suck it, write it down. Get your water, get your fiber. Focus on whole foods. THE WEIGHT WILL COME OFF. Begin taking care of YOU! The weight will follow suit.

Welcome to the site! I'm not a big veggie person either. One of my favorite tricks is to add finely chopped veggies to my spaghetti sauce (or any other low fat/low cal sauce you like). mushrooms, zucchini and yellow squash as well as fresh spinach mix in well.

Hi Kodi.

Welcome to the groups! We're here to lend an ear if you need anyone to *****, moan or otherwise scream at. The girls and guys here are the most non-judgmental people I've had the pleasure of (er...) meeting and they've really helped me more than I can say.

I think we've all got the relatives who say "you'd be attractive if...". My granny used to do that to me. And holy sh!t, it hurt like **** every time she'd say it. My sister would say the same thing- not to be mean, but to push me into losing weight. It never worked. It made me feel fat AND ugly. It's taken me years to get over it.

It's a long journey to lose weight, but by the end of it, you are a much better, stronger, healthier and understanding person. I applaud your efforts and we're happy to help keep you on the right track.

I'm not a veg person either, but I've grown to like the texture and flavour of some- onions, tomatoes and bell peppers (provided they're cooked). Can't stand cooked carrots, but will happily munch on them raw. Broccoli, cauliflower and Brussels sprouts-- oh yum. They don't last long in my house. I like lettuce, some purple cabbage and shredded carrots in my salad (no cucumbers or raw tomatoes). I don't really count corn as a vegetable, but I love corn on the cob. The trick to eating more veg is to disguise the taste. I eat yuck veg (like peas) with a bite of something else (like potatoes or meat) to disguise the flavour. A little (or a lot of) lemon juice and cajun seasoning helps too.

Going back to the pedometer thing-- walk at least 10,000 steps a day. It might seem like a lot, but the average person takes between 5,000 and 6,000. People who are losing weight up it to between 10,000 and 15,000 a day!

Good luck Kodi. We're here if you need us. Someone's ALWAYS online.

Kodi,
I like you had an emotionally abusive father so I know how hard it is to deal with. In the end, you really need to do this for you. I finally said to myself "Am I going to let him win? Am I always going to let him have this control over me and continue to be unhappy and overweight." I took control and I believe that you can as well.

Walking is a good way to start, especially if it's been some time since you "worked out." You can always add hand weights, walk further, walk faster as time goes on to give you a workout. I found that after I lost some of my weight I was comfortable going to the gym and then working with a trainer to help me find the best workout for me that he customized. He did a complete assessment and took into considerations my bad back, knees, etc. so I think down the line, that's something you can do as well.

I think someone else posted having surgery, but I think if you have honestly never really tried losing weight before, I think doing it on your own would be a great start.

As for the veggies, if you only like a few, stick with 'em, just make them different ways. I eat the same things over and over and I'm still not sick of them!

Welcome to the forum, I believe you will do well...asking for help and introducing yourself is the first step.

Hi Kodi, I'm glad you joined. I think almost everyone on this forum can relate to so many different issues you discussed in your post. You are definitely not alone. My mother was just like your father, even before I was actually overweight. I can remember physically eating more just to spite her.

Also, my grandparents, who lived with us, insisted that a meal was something that HAD to be finished. Even if you were full, it was a must. A lot of it stems from them not having money growing up and blah blah blah, but when I was little, if I didn't want to finish my food, my grandparents would say that it was for my parents health that I keep eating, otherwise they would get sick... it's sort of twisted and I know they weren't doing it on purpose, but to this day it is difficult for me to not finish my whats on my plate.
For some people, food is connected to SO MANY different emotions, it's something you really need to be aware of.

As far as exercise goes, all I can say is that for me.. I've never been able to stick to anything longer than a week or two, but i've worked out for an hour a day every day since sept 1. I think the reason for that is I haven't let myself skip a day. I know that if I do, at least now when I'm just getting started, I won't go back.

You seem to enjoy walking and it doesn't necessarily feel like a chore. Stick with that for a while, maybe take a nice walk around a pond or somewhere scenic if its accessible so that you enjoy it. Later you can buy some handweights and maybe some exercise videos that you can do.

You've already made such a good start. Just don't get discouraged and keep moving!
Good luck!!