it's time to reach the ef out. 5'11", 198. here's my story.

always been a big strong girl. grew up on a farm where nobody expected (or wanted!) a rail thin model type. but then again, nobody watched calories or fat either. mom's wirey and thin, works in gardens all day, has a mean sweet tooth. dad builds and lifts and hauls and cuts and drags. nobody watches what they eat when they live their lives outdoors. that was my childhood.

in college i found rowing. heavy training + good eating + lots to keep me busy made for rock solid legs and a good heart. never made it to being a size 4 (who wants that?!)...but definitely rooted solidly in the healthy BMI catagory....169 was my fightin' weight.

since then, i've become a city girl. i've become an office chump. and i've never really come to grips with the idea that i can't still eat whatever i want. i can't stick to "diets." i exercise in fits and starts...when i get going on a routine, it feels good, i clense the pallete, i get motiviated. it'll last a week. a month. 6 months even. then i fall off the wagon. and i fall HARD. i'll binge on junk. treat myself just one last time...50 times. up and down.

my high weight/low mental point was 235 in 2002. i've managed to keep about 35lbs off consistently since then. but i can't seem to get back to that place where exercise is consistent, where food is nourishment, where i pay close attention to what i put in the pie hole.

my S.O. (just passed 10 years...he's a keeper) doesn't care how i look. doesn't care if i'm a size 100. what he cares about is health. he DOES care what i put in the pie hole. he's got a story of his own, as a survivor of an obese childhood & teenagerhood who made the change, made the decision, made the committment. we've had tearful conversations where he says "i wish i could do it for you." he's been here, at this place, this stop and start place. this can't get over the hump place.

i know the formula. eat less and do more. seems so simple.

so here i am. i'm just telling my story. just reachin' the ef out. i made it this far.

Hi rockrower,

! It's great to have you on the forums

I grew up on a ranch, so I can relate to the big, homecooked meals. We grew most of our own food, and my mom cooked everything herself. Whenever our parents were gone somewhere, my siblings and I would make loads of gingerbread cookies or popcorn balls, and eat as much as we could without getting sick. It was a form of comfort, and part of the fun that we had together, away from rules.

I live in the city now, as well. I am definately a country bumpkin at heart, and proud of it - I will never be accustomed to living in the city, and I'll never love it. I do love my life, but I'm going to escape the concrete jungle one day I've worked in several differant offices, and I've gotten rather sedentary, when compared with how I used to be. Not so much in the summer, but definately in the winter.

It sounds as though you need to do some looking around to discover what might work for you. If you've done it once, you can do it again. That's what I'm telling myself right now to get the binges under control I know that it's true, you just have to be in the right place to get started. But even if you're not there yet, you can start making better choices.

Take baby steps. Clean out your fridge. Drink more water and less of something else. Make healthier choices. Choose to get up and go. Your S.O. can definately help you, since he's already been down the path.

Your post struck a chord, so I just wanted to say hi on the 35 that you are already keeping off!

Please keep posting Best wishes!

yay another farm girl!

it's wierd...my farm was in maine, in a tiny town, which i fled as soon as humanly possible. i miss my parents, i miss the farm, i miss that lifestyle...but so much of the rest of it (the town, the people, no work!) was so stifling. and talk about weight problems...small town america, at least my small town, is very unhealthy...drinking, smoking, eating. women have no careers (it's largely a fishing village...so they marry fishermen! boo. hiss.) so, going home for me is bitter sweet. i could never duplicate the life my parents chose because i could not take the bad, even though the good is very good.

so yeah. gotta get into the mind of a city girl. gotta fit into her smaller pants.

what worked for me when i lost the 30 or so lbs years ago was the mantra "i'd rather be healthy than have this ____ (donut, chocolate bar, cheesecake, bag of doritos, cookie, dozen cookies, peanut butter, bucket 'o frosting). sweets are my killer.

sometimes it's hard to find that light again though. and i get so discouraged...if i fall off once, i have trouble getting back on quickly. eventually i find my way back to the wagon, but first i wander into hansel & gretle's forest and eat the witche's house. not good.

Good luck, Rock!

Taking the first step, like joining into a supportive place like this is huge! I know you can do it!

I am on the lo carb program and have lost 13lbs since Jan 1. And I have started to get on that blasted treadmill too. Hated the though of it 2 weeks ago, and still not loving it, but avoiding it a lot less now!

We all have to start somewhere. The important thing is that we start!

Welcome, rockrower. There are a lot of us who have trouble getting back on the wagon quickly. The important thing is that you do. We'll be rooting for you!

Hey Rockrower!

You do know what you have to do...and you know that no one can do it for you. So what is your next step?

Commit. Decide. Whatever you want to call it, at a certain point, Nike had it right...you just Do It. And yes, it can be hard, but if you want it, and you know how...you just do it.

This site is great for discussion, support, and ideas to help you on that path, but you've got to get on the path yourself...so step on!

And the sweets cravings will be better, once you stop eating them for a while. If you keep having a little bit here, a little bit there, it is so easy to get off track...maybe you need to put a 3 week moratorium on sweets to break the habit?

i miss my parents, i miss the farm, i miss that lifestyle...but so much of the rest of it (the town, the people, no work!) was so stifling.

I hear you. I miss the ranch so much, but there are parts of my parents' lifestyle that I really don't miss, and I certainly don't miss the small town that I grew up beside. But then my family never really got to know very many people there, so I never gave the town a fighting chance


gotta get into the mind of a city girl. gotta fit into her smaller pants.

Hey, but some city girls are definately not in small pants! They have their problems, too...

what worked for me when i lost the 30 or so lbs years ago was the
mantra "i'd rather be healthy than have this ____ (donut, chocolate bar,
cheesecake, bag of doritos, cookie, dozen cookies, peanut butter, bucket
'o frosting).

That's the mantra that helped me take off most of my weight, and keep it off for so long. It works! But there's that big part of the whole equation where you have to believe in the words, too.

eventually i find my way back to the wagon, but first i wander into
hansel & gretle's forest and eat the witche's house. not good.

I like your sense of humor

Hello there, and !!

I see you live in DC. Are you there for school? I grew up in northern VA and lived in Northwest DC (Columbia Heights area - the artist ghetto) for a little while.

I've always been a big, strong girl, too, until high school when I became a victim to the media's beauty standards and starved myself skinny. As a kid, my dad wouldn't stop commenting on how broad my shoulders were. He meant for it to be a compliment and kept telling me how strong I was... and as a kid, I was a total tomboy and enjoyed hearing about my strength. BUT despite knowing I was strong and loving it, I also did not want to be FAT

It is so easy to gain weight when working a sedentary job... once I settled down (got into a relationship, stopped having the active life of a pseudo rock star in a touring band), I PACKED on the POUNDS like CRAZY. Sometimes, I wonder how anyone who works an office job is not overweight - unless, of course, they are a health freak like me

I hope to see more of you here soon... you sound like a fun person...

you're all stars. thanks for the wishes!!

tonight, in a token gesture to wagon-fallers everywhere, i got out the door for a nice run... i live in DC (hey nightengaleshane...i live in capitol hill...moved here in june from living an ex-pat life in beijing!) and it's just amazing to run around the capitol dome, the supreme court, the mall...and it was a nice night to boot. i have a secret deep down desire to someday run a marathon. i have started training programs before, and seem to fall away. but that's my inner secret goal.

i find that all it takes is getting out the door. all you have to do is get out the door. just go outside. and yet? sometimes it's so freakin' HARD! ALWAYS when i'm on the wagon i'm better. mentally. physically. with food. with will power. it's just wow. things go so horribly awry when that wagon leaves me behind. ugh.

so thanks for all the wishes. i hope to hear/see more of you guys out there in the 3FC world. i apologize in advance for my spelling.