For and against my loved ones
Hello. I have yo-yo'd more than once over the years and I have been doing a lot of self-examination lately to derail this. I have come to the following conclusions.
I need to do this not only for me, but for my husband and children as well. My oldest daughter has only a small belly now, but I do not want her to struggle the way I have had to through the years. She used to be a twig, and that has been slowly changing. I believe daughters tend to take after their mothers... I know I did...so my greatest gift to her would be to set a good example. My husband has high cholesterol and BP. He is overweight by about 20 pounds but he eats very poorly. (Doesn't think anything of picking up a large bag of chips at the store and sharing them with my girls.) Frustratingly, I actually eat well overall - no alcohol, soda, caffeine, dairy, and I rarely eat desserts or candy. I mostly eat lots of fresh veggies and fruits - but I have come to see that I am a very emotional eater and even "good things" are bad for us in too large a quantity.
I have also come to realize that my husband - as much as he loves me, is affectionate, and never puts me down - is probably one of the biggest "obstacles" I have to overcome. He loves to cook and is the chef in our family. Unfortunately, he has very little desire to control his diet in any way. If anything, after he was diagnosed with high cholesterol he has gotten much, much worse. I believe my extra weight is a means for him to justify to himself that he can continue to eat whatever he wants. After all, I eat "healthy" foods all the time and he has half the weight to lose than I do. I cannot control his diet or his actions, but I must exert more control over mine independent of what he decides to cook or bring into the house. Otherwise, my weight will continue to rise.
I have also come to realize that besides my husband, I have several other people in my life who are emotionally vested in keeping me fat. For a lot of them, including coworkers, they equate love and appreciation with food. For others, if I'm losing weight than they feel they need to lose weight too. And for a few others, my being fat is a handy target for negative personal judgements and disapproval. Hence the push from so many corners to "eat up", "finish this off", "take these leftovers home", "have just a little bit more", etc...
I have dieted before with short term success, but I have never really examined the other influences that make me feel the need to eat more than I should. Hence, the eventual return every time to an ever expanding waistline. It is my hope that by joining this club I will find the emotional support I need to resist the majority of these outside forces. I know I'll backslide some, but hopefully not too often or too much.
So here's to all of us... I'm looking forward to this adventure and willingly offer my cheerleading services to anyone else. Together, we can do this.
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