Feeling a lot of pressure from family to lose weight
I am praying to God that IP will get me down to the weight and/or pant size that makes me feel like I'm worthy of romantic love. Growing up, there was A LOT of pressure coming from my parents and other family members to be slender. I've never had good self-esteem and positive body image because of their warped sense of what is considered slender. I was a normal sized child, but according to my parents Asian culture/background, I was fat.
My dad, who is now in his 70s, is pressuring me A LOT about getting married. He doesn't understand why I can't find a man to marry me. Neither he nor my mother seem to understand that after years of verbal abuse about my weight, that it is difficult for me to believe that any man would find me attractive. My parents are from a different generation and culture where only women who are mentally ill or physically challenged don't end up marrying (no joke).
I'm 35 years old and I find myself struggling with being a happy person because I always feel pressured to marry. My dad recently told me that he doesn't think he is going to live long (he had a successful heart transplant a few years ago) and that his only wish is to see me get married. I'm a daddy's girl and I feel like a complete failure for not being married at this point. Also, society dictates that something must be wrong with a woman if she has never married by her mid-30s.
I'm rambling here because I don't have anyone in real life to confide in. Food has/was always "the friend" that I could confide to about my feelings. Nothing feels right in my life. I pray to God that IP will finally slim me down so that everything falls into place (i.e., become attractive to men once again, find a man to propose to me, get married, have a baby, have my dad and mom get off my back, etc.).
I wish I could just have 1 day in my entire life where I didn't feel like I was letting my parents down. I never felt like a pretty girl growing up and my parents failed at instilling any type of positive self esteem in me. All girls should be told they are pretty regardless of their size.
I'm sorry you've had to go through this. I had a verbally and physically abusive stepfather from the age of 6-10. That is the time I went from being a normal sized child to a beach ball and have come to find out that much of it was due to depression. Unfortunately those are very formative years and most of my life was cast because of that. While I don't believe in the "every child gets a ribbon just for showing up" school of encouragement, I do believe that parents need to show support and love in a positive manner.
Finding friendship, romance, love, and marriage shouldn't be about physical appearances. If it was I wouldn't have been happily married for the last 21 years. You need to find someone that shares your interests, hobbies, and outlook on life (I would say this includes spiritual, political, and all the other -als out there). When you find that person, at work, church, school, or where ever, you'll likely know it fairly quickly.
I wish you luck in the journey but don't think there's a bullet train to get there, neither in you weight loss nor matrimonial journey.
I am praying to God that IP will get me down to the weight and/or pant size that makes me feel like I'm worthy of romantic love. Growing up, there was A LOT of pressure coming from my parents and other family members to be slender. I've never had good self-esteem and positive body imagine because of their warped sense of what is considered slender. I was a normal sized child, but according to my parents Asian culture/background, I was fat.
My dad, who is now in his 70s, is pressuring me A LOT about getting married. He doesn't understand why I can't find a man to marry me. Neither he nor my mother seem to understand that after years of verbal abuse about my weight, that it is difficult for me to believe that any man would find me attractive. My parents from a different generation and culture where only women who are mentally ill or physically challenged don't end up marrying (no joke).
I'm 35 years old and I find myself struggling with being a happy person because I always feel pressured to marry. My dad recently told me that he doesn't think he is going to live long (he had a successful heart transplant a few years ago) and that his only wish is to see me get married. I'm a daddy's girl and I feel like a complete failure for not being married at this point. Also, society dictates that something must be wrong with a woman if she has never married by her mid-30s.
I'm rambling here because I don't have anyone in real life to confide in. Food has/was always "the friend" that I could confide to about my feelings. Nothing feels right in my life. I pray to God that IP will finally slim me down so that everything falls into place (i.e., become attractive to men once again, find a man to propose to me, get married, have a baby, have my dad and mom get off my back, etc.).
I wish I could just have 1 day in my entire life where I didn't feel like I was letting my parents down. I never felt like a pretty girl growing up and my parents failed at instilling any type of positive self esteem in me. All girls should be told they are pretty regardless of their size.
Holy jeez, FreeBird. I feel so awful that you had to go through this! I found that a lot of my insecurities and self loathing was rooted in my upbringing. To a point, I avoided my family for a while until I figured out who I was for myself. Only you can decide who and what you are, by the way. I decided that I am a wonderful, beautiful woman with great ideas. Anyone who tries to convince me otherwise, I don't have time for. These are rather simplistic ideas, but when you're of the mindset that you're dumb or simple you need to start simplistically. Don't let these ideas or pressures decide who you are.
If you want this to work for you, it will. Remember, you are worth every second of time spent towards being that person you want to be. That's all that matters.
I'm so sorry you had to go through that abuse. My mother was very abusive about a lot of things. Weight was one. I was so lucky to have two sisters and we could hang together. I hope you can let go of it and love yourself. When you can love yourself, love will come from others too.
After reading your post I think you have to do a few things for yourself.
First I would recommend doing something to help boost your self confidence, wether that be joining a support group, having a makeover or taking a public speaking course.
Once you have some self confidence you can join some community groups, take some hobby courses that you would enjoy, join a gym. In other words expand your social circle. If you are confident and exert a positive outlook people will want to be around you wether as just friends or romantically.
It's time to stop blaming your parents(I'm sure they just did their best, no kids come with a handbook) and do this for yourself. You deserve to be happy so nows the time to make it happen.
Finding someone to spend your life with should not be based on physical appearance. I sabotaged several relationships in my youth because I felt the man I was dating was too good looking for me due to the less than positive feedback from my parents. Even the most saintly of men/women get tired of their partner constantly picking themselves apart, which I think people with less than stellar self-esteem tend to do.
With my parents I don't think it was their intention to make me feel terrible about myself - they just couldn't understand that with my three attractive siblings how they produced something that didn't come out quite as physically perfect as them. It's taken a lot of years for me to get the negativity of my upbringing out of my head. I was fortunate enough to find a wonderful man who calls me on it when I get self-critical and doesn't indulge me when I'm on compliment fishing expeditions.
Our parents from that generation honestly don't get the rapid modernization of our generation. "Traditional" values have changed so much in the last 30-40 years. They don't understand why at almost 35 I don't have kids or how my sister could have the audacity to have two children out of wedlock. I have just learned to love them unconditionally and try to ignore them when my mother makes passive agressive comments about my weight or my Dad tells me I would be such a pretty girl if I would lose some weight. I'm sure they did a better job of raising me than their parents did raising them, but it's always tough for one generation to relate to the next.
You will find someone when you are really ready to find someone and it shouldn't really have anything to with how much you weigh.
Do you want all those things for yourself, or to make your parents happy? Because all that matters is what YOU want and need. And as long as you are happy, your parents should be too.
I can relate; my family, especially my sister has always been very critical about my weight. When I was young, she was jealous because I was very fit and trim ( I was a ballerina). Now that I am a cow I hear endless snide comments how huge I am. -- I live good 3500 miles away from my family, on a different continent, but when I go for visit it causes me agony. -- I visited home in late January, and I broke up in hives for 3 weeks prior to my visit. I was a wreck, mentally and physically.
Families can be the most evil what comes to one's mental health
I just can say I'm sorry - the underline issue is really emotional, hope you can work on those first, then in your weight... Do this for you for yourself not for anyone else, society and/or your parents can put a label to something but in the end is about you. I have successful friends that haven't got married because they were focused on their careers or business, there's nothing wrong with that. My aunt is a very successful doctor and never married, nothing wrong with that, travels around the world, live her life to the max, and she doesn't even think about getting married.
IP really works, if you follow the program it will but when we are emotional eaters the program may not work because we will be having something out of the program and we will be wasting our money, the program is not cheap, it's quite expensive, hopefully you can get the confidence you need to take charge of your life and future.
Good luck!
you have to decide as an adult what you value and desire out of life.
First ....if you truly want to lose the weight on IP it is definitely doable!
Stressing yourself out will make Weightloss harder.
Losing weight is important ... But you need to do it for yourself....not just because someone else wants you to do....or the drive will not be there.
My family was a pivotal factor in my decision to do IP..... I realized how my being overweight affected my family ...but I'm married with kids....and it was being accountable for protecting the family lifestyle.
I know I offer this solution up often on this board but, have you talked with a counselor about these issues? A trained professional can help you work through them and work toward a healthy self-esteem.
I am sorry you have had to deal with this for so long.
Wish I could find the right words to tell you. It is very cruel for anyone to talk down to or says mean things in regards to our weight, shape, size, etc... If you could, I would encourage you to see if you can find help and comfort through a counselor or you Employee Assistance Program at work. I was a child of some terrible abuse. It wasn't until I seeked help through a mental counselor that I was able to realize that I could move past all of the terrible things I had encountered. I was not able to get a grip on my eating until the also.
I know I offer this solution up often on this board but, have you talked with a counselor about these issues? A trained professional can help you work through them and work toward a healthy self-esteem.
TRUTH.
And, this is said all the time, but when you are confident, you are attractive regardless of your size. I notice this with my boyfriend all the time. When I have "swag" power, he is all over me. Regardless of my size. Confidence is sexy at any size. I agree with Desafinado that seeing a counselor will help you see the value in YOU. You are valuable and have things to offer the world besides your physical appearance. A counselor will help you build your confidence and help you separate it from your size. They should be independent of one another because you are more than your measurements.
I am sorry your parents made you feel less than beautiful. I was lucky enough to have wonderful parents. Who fed me.. lots of starchy things, and did not teach me appropriate eating habits. I have one sister who was a track star\prom queen. She was never mean to me. I was the one who turned to food for emotional comfort when things got tough, or to celebrate. I am 38, and just got married last year. When we were dating I was at my highest at over 250. He never faultered. I do feel lucky to have found him. Since for so long my man picker was broken! lol. And before we got together some of my friends were unintentionally not nice- saying 'If you are not Angelina Jolie do not expect Brad Pitt', and after we got together my uncle said, wow he is really good looking- How did you do that? I guess what I am trying to say is.. expect Brad Pitt. Why? Because you should not sell your wonderful personality, and outer beauty short, due to something as minor as weight. Confidence can mean all the difference in the world. I also agree that some counseling is a great way to help yourself through this. To help build your confidence and to help you like yourself- if those are issues you face.
We are all here for you. We understand more than some others do what you are going through.
Take Care!
~My
Feeling a lot of pressure from family to lose weight
I hear endless snide comments how huge I am. -- I live good 3500 miles away from my family, on a different continent, but when I go for visit it causes me agony. -- I visited home in late January, and I broke up in hives for 3 weeks prior to my visit. I was a wreck, mentally and physically. 
