This mental journey we are on...
 

As I sat here this morning, writing in my journal, I had a few thoughts worth bringing up, as I'm sure you all can identify.

Yesterday, after getting good lab tests with the doc, then trying on size 10 pants and finding they fit, I was so deliriously happy! I was also exhausted beyond belief, as I've been all this week on Phase 3, at least more exhausted than my usual. That makes me mentally vulnerable.

When I got home and started my dinner salad, I found myself putting alot of lettuce in, just to finish up the head. Freebee, right? It really was too much, but I ate it anyway. Later on, I had some sugar-free jello, after I had my popsicles made from IP drinks. I wasn't even hungry at that point, but I love the tart flavor of jello, so I ate it.

It must be a lesson we learn over and over, because of course, I know that being stressed or in pain has made me eat to escape, but so can being happy! Even though what I ate was not chocolate cake, it is the mental process I want to change. I want to find other things to reward myself with when I'm happy or have accomplished something good. I could have played my dulcimer or sewed something or written a new song, but I reverted to my old standby - food.

So that's my goal this coming week, to try and be more cognizant of my thoughts and motivations so that I never, ever go back to what life was a year ago...

Great post! I agree with you. I am struggling with binge eating and I was wondering what stress in my life makes me eat like this. Of course, just being happy makes me eat so there you go... I have a lot of issues to work on. Good luck on your journey.

What a great post, Sewmam. Like you said, it's not just the negative in my life that I respond to with eating -- I eat when I'm happy, too, and goodness knows my first thought if I'm looking to reward myself is a dinner out! And when my girlfriends and I get together, it's over coffee or dinner; socializing equals food for me.

I'm guessing emotional eating is something most of us struggle with and it's definitely something that we need to get figured out or at least be aware of. (Or else we'll be back on IP a year after reaching our goal weights.) I'm also trying very hard to stop always associating food with hanging out with my friends; we don't need to be eating to spend time together but it's just so engrained, I guess, that it's very hard.

Those, I think, are the things I most need to work on during the next months. For me, keeping a journal helps but I'm curious how other people might be dealing with this stuff?

Good question! I need to figure out how to deal with it better myself. I am an emotional eater, have binged somewhat in the past. I can tell if I get stressed out, I will eat, even if I am not hungry. I have been really focusing on how good I have been feeling on IP and the losses I have seen to try to detour me from having those behaviors but it is a DAILY struggle!! I have to keep some things out of the house because I know they are triggers for me. I haven't thought of journaling because I am not sure about the time. I was hoping since the weather would be getting better we could go outside and when I am feeling that way, use exercise to curb it.

Other ideas?:cupgold:Oh, and Happy St. Patrick's Day!

I don't know yet if it will be helpful but I bought the book The Beck Diet Solution to help with the self-sabotaging behavior. It was recommended by an IPer on here just can't remember where I saw it. Anyway, I got the book yesterday and have only made it through a few pages so far. The Amazon reviews are awesome. It is not diet, just a tool to help you diet successfully.

I know where you are coming from. I am doing phase 2. I had hoped to stay below 130 but after the first week on phase 2 I am up a pound to 130 again today. So for a moment I was really down. But this is another stage where we really need to think about the changes we are making. I think my issue is that most days I had chicken twice and was probably too liberal with the salt shaker in cooking.

But your 'slipup" with the lettuce to me would be a positive thing. The evening meal is tough as we are usually exhausted. It is very easy to grap something already made, usually bad for us food. But a very smart habit to have developed is to start with a salad, the more lettuce the better. So to me that was a positive habit kicking in. Much better for you to eat the potentially leftover lettuce rather than letting it go to waste. It is good for you.
I hear you on the jello though. That is old habits trying to sneak back in.

I am wondering about you being exhausted on phase 3. Did you add wheat back with your breakfast. Wheat totally drains me. I didn't know know what it was like to have energy until I stopped eating wheat years ago.

Good luck to everyone wwhatever part of this journey we are on.

Pat

Hi I have also read the book " the brain that changes itself". It is kinda sciency but great hope for changing old patterns. I also have a counselor who specializes in food addiction

I may have celiac disease...don't know. My inflammation has been much less on this diet. There is still some gluten in it, but certainly not as much as I would have had before. Time will tell, as I start adding more things to my diet...

The other possibility for the fatigue is hormone levels, like thryoid or testosterone, since I'm in menopause, but my doc said to wait until my body stabilizes a few months, then we'll check them.

I've had rheumatoid arthritis since I was 14, fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue for at least 14 years, so my fatigue now could just be part of that. I had hoped it would go away with the diet, but it didn't. Doc says wait, it still may.

I will look for both of those books. Thanks. I kinda like the idea of the brain that changes itself! Nothing is written in stone...

Journaling really helps me. Even if I never read it again, I type on my little laptop anything that I want to and it helps me figure out things.

One more thing...I'm not trying to beat myself up for the lettuce or sugar-free jello (not IP). At least they are not chocolate cake! It was the mental process and loss of conscious control that at least deserves some thought... :o)

ITA with all the above posts. So well written, they express my thoughts better than I could have.

I'm trying to start thinking of food as FUEL for my body, not a reward, or something I do (eat) because it's what I usually do in context - eating ((and drinking!!)) while socializing is a great example.

I also heard an interesting story on NPR a while ago about habits and retraining the brain. Hopefully my time on IP will not only give my pancreas a rest, but also allow my brain to develop new patterns as well.

This diet doesn't just reshape your body, it reshapes your life. I look at my trashed kitchen often thinking about how clean it used to be. That was because we ate out all the time and did not use it. But now, that has been cut out so we are having to quickly make food when we come home hungry. And that's okay. It's just very new to me.

I think we release things as we release the fat. Not sure how else to express it except that awareness seems to grow. We shrink but grow more aware. Some days these insights are scary. Sometimes they are interesting.

I went to see an acucpuncturist, who thankfully was supportive of the changes I have made in my life. She gave me a sheet and on it were things like drinking lots of water, eating veggies, excercise and all those good things we are supposed to do. Basically, this diet.That sheet would have overwhelmed me a few months ago but now I was like, check, check. check, I was already doing most of those things.

So, I thought time to work on the rest.

Here are a few:
Honor your personal needs as well as those of others
Look for every opportunity to express and receive love and enjoy yourself.
Mediate
Move your body.
Clean and organize your house.

The last 3 I paraphrased. Those are also the ones I need to work on the most.

We, all of us, have come so far on this diet.

I had extreme fatigue to the point that I had to take a year off from work. The culprits for me were thyroid and Vit D (I was at 11...should have been between 55 and 75 if I remember correctly).

Try adding 5,000iu's of Vit D3 daily and see if that helps. You can get that in one pill....see link below for my favorite supplier.
http://store.ourhealthcoop.com/D3_p/d5.htm

I take 10,000iu's daily on my dr's recommendation, but I wouldn't do that without blood work. FYI...toxicity is at 40,000iu's daily so don't worry about 5,000iu's being too high. :)

Mental journey is right! Today I went shopping and I wanted so bad to be in a size 14, no go! I keep hearing in my head what a fat cow you still are....
Losing 23 lbs and still a fat cow. I know I should be saying WOW 23 lbs gone and you are in a size 16....2 sizes down. Nothing I have fits but I am still not seeing a smaller me. Why do we torture ourselves?

This is something I stress about.

Thanks -I was tested for D a couple years back and was low, so I've been taking 2000 units/day. I'll try increasing it. I've got the pills that also have the K vitamin, which is supposed to help absorption of D.

But remember...you WILL get there. I didn't see the 'real' me in a mirror until I had lost over 100 pds, and then I remember being astounded. It will happen, just keep plugging away at it. I know you know this, but don't be cruel to yourself. We get enough of that crap from the world around us. You are doing an amazing, courageous thing for your future.

Just thought I'd put my 2 cents worth in here. For sure, any journey has its challenges along the way, and this one is no different. On a positive note, though, I really believe that being in ketosis makes it easier to focus on our food issues without the physical cravings, something I think all of us here appreciate.

Good point - I don't remember being hungry much. I missed certain foods, but was not hungry.

For me this touches all aspects of my life....mental, physical, emotional and spiritual. I have an issue with food. It was not lack of knowledge that got me to the point of needing to lose weight. It is my relationship with food. Definitely my drug of choice ....for sadness, anger, happiness, celebration. I now realize that everyone does not relate to food this way. Some people actually live in a "one cookie" world! What is that?!:?:


This time on IP is also one of self exploration for me. Things have to change! Counselors, workshops, reading, doing my emotional work...any thing that can help is great! Thanks to people for mentioning the books, etc. As I started on this journey, I felt sort of selfish for having to spend the money on my food and take time for myself, etc. Now that is just crazy thinking. It was selfish of me to live in my carb addicted world!!

Thank you Sewmam, I needed to hear this tonight! You don't know what it means to me! :cry:

You are so right about the relationship with food. A co-worker had lap band surgery, and still failed to lose any appreciable weight because he was unable to resolve his food relationship issues. He just kept eating the same stuff in smaller quantities, but even more frequently to get his fix.

My sister (size 0/2) lives in that one cookie world, and I have always been jealous, lol. But after I read a couple of books detailing how food manufacturers combine sugar, salt and fat to create a kind of carb endorphin addiction, I realized that the more carbs we eat, the more we crave, and the more addicted we become. She just never ate enough to be come addicted, while I did. Research also showed that my Diet Coke/aspartame addiction was a major player in creating those carb cravings. Then there was my eating out of boredom while watching tv everytime I moved to a new city where I didn't know anyone.

So while some things are stacked against us chemically and emotionally, it is up to us to make the choice to break the addiction and the emotional patterns.

That's really interesting. I am a one cookie person. DH is several cookies down from the package (a few years ago). We had been somewhat healthier in recent years but it did not help much. He was also a diet coke, artificial sweetener in his tea person. That wasn't me. One of the interesting things I learned about when I went to the introduction meeting at my IP clinic was that some people put on the weight because of too many carbs. Carb addicts. Frequent carbs, etc. But, others put on weight because their bodies just kinda gave up (now I understand the issue with the insulin and pancreas). DH has carried weight his whole life. I did not. I know I did not eat very healthy but I also did not eat enough to put on as much weight as I did and hold on to it. I think there were times I actually did not eat enough which still stumps me but I might actually eat more on this diet. But, I am also in denial a bit as I have carried this extra weight 10 years. My normal or my perception of my normal is me now and me as I was over a decade ago. I sort of got used to the person I became but never really.

I read something interesting from Dr. Oz regarding the genetics of metabolism and weight gain. It appears that people with certain types of metabolism do best with weight loss diet corresponding to their physiology. There are different reasons that people become obese.

I know my metabolism has its problems with carbs. I have long had abnormal insulin over production. I know that my body/mind has developed an addiction to high carb/high fat foods. I have the corresponding brain responses as that of an addict to drugs. The real bugger about that it is easier to draw the lines with substance abuse. Strict abstinence helps. But, you can"t be abstinent from eating. It is more difficult to determine what to stay away from in order to avoid the priming effect of ingesting a triggering food.

It takes some real work. Our food culture now makes HF/HC addiction inducing foods available at every turn!! I really work at it at home to make the environment helpful. There are no cookies, etc. but I don"t have to leave the house for very long to be surrounded!!

Anyone with distinct belly fat is insulin resistant, which is why their pancreas gives up...there is a section on that in Dr. Tran's book. Insulin resistance most commonly comes from high carb intake, but there are probably other reasons as well. But it might have taken less carbs on a daily basis for you to become insulin resistant...every body has it's own thresholds!

That is true, but I think it is more common for people to want it to be something other than they ate too much or they ate the wrong kinds of food. I have a friend that is hypothyroid (as am I), who is grossly overweight but tells everyone it is due to her thyroid (even though she is on meds). Of course there is NO WAY it could possibly be the entire breadbasket and plate of butter that she ate before dinner, or the 3 slices of birthday cake! :o :o :o

Kudos to you for recognizing what your evils are! I know mine are carbs and Diet Coke, and mindless eating in front of the computer. I got rid of the first two, but still eat in front of the computer. However, I can only bring a limited portion of whatever it is....no open bag kind of thing, or I will eat more than I need to!

Plus I need to move more. Today I cleaned carpets, and tomorrow I am going for a walk on the beach.

Along the lines of neuroplasticity and the ability of the brain to change itself, I would really like to learn more about "emotional brain training" to treat compulsive eating.

Just watched a video about it from USC.

http://www.uctv.tv/search-details.aspx?showID=18565


Sure, I eat to much. But, there are very real reasons that are behind that and they are legitimate.

But it's also about what you eat....you can eat TONS of veggies and still not gain weight. If I have munchie cravings now, I let myself eat as many radishes as I want, because they sure won't impact me much from a calorie or insulin standpoint.

You did just remind me that I bought a hypnosis session through Groupon that I haven't used! I was going to use it for getting rid of my Diet Coke addiction, but I pretty much have that under control. Maybe I'll use it for anti-carb or exercise reinforcement instead.

I love this discussion! It is what will help us in the long run. I have read so much on carbs and aspartame and nutrition and diet and....then I'd forget it 5 minutes later because my attention span is as big as a flea.

What I do know is that I've been heavy since I was a kid, taunted as a kid, felt lousy and ugly and stupid and that led to bad choices later in life. That little kid is still in there and pokes her head out sometimes, despite my best efforts. My deepest hope is to unite all aspects of my life, my body, my dreams...and make conscious, joyous choices every minute. Choose life, choose healthy. Every time I make a good choice, I feel a little tickle of joy that says 'it will be okay, you are okay!' If I falter, then I examine, forgive and try to move on with resolution and love.

I'm sounding a bit corny this morning... haha... just had my oatmeal and yogurt and blueberries, so I'm very happy. :o

okay, now you've got me tearing up! have a great day!

Like! Thank you for sharing this. I relate.

Speaking of the food culture, I shopped around midnight last night. As I walked into the store, there were FIVE sale carts lined up for you to pass. All of them full of candy!!! I thought about this situation. It is about like hiding groceries in a liquor store and sending a recovering alcoholic in there to search for their grocery list!

I hope that someday I don't have the pull,or desire that such foods present to me now. In the meantime, since I have learned a lot about the science of willpower doing this diet, I hope to keep myseslf out of as many willpower depleting situations as possible!!

I know it used to be acceptable to market cigarettes and alcolhol much differently than it is now. Perhaps someday our culture will recognize the health threats of certain foods and change our approach to their presentation.

Beautifully put, Sewmam. Thank you. :hug:

We are one of the few advanced countries that allow companies to market directly to children...thereby influencing what they ask their parents to purchase, and setting the stage for a sugary, carb heavy diet for the rest of their life. Very sad.

I have decided to give the Emotional Brain Training a go. I have to start somewhere with my rewiring! I am so determined not only to complete my goal with IP but also to change my functioning so that I don't ever have to do it again!

Good for you! Keep us posted on how it goes.

Once I get through my work presentation prep this week, I am going to schedule my hypnosis session and give that a try. It may not work, but at least we are thinking outside the box and trying stuff! :D

Thank you for the thread Sewmam. You are very wise to be recognizing so early into the process of transitioning from weight loss to weight maintenance the need for absolute self awareness. It is difficult to be on guard against that which is seemingly innate. Eating unconsciously. Because we are bored, stressed, happy or sad. I did feel as though I 'woke up' when I began IP because throughout Phase 1 you are very conscious of what you can and cannot put into your body and it must be strictly adhered to for optimal results. Phase 4 has really been something to wrap my head around. As an emotional binge eater- I am still working at not getting caught up in free day frenzies. Eating just because I 'can'. It's much worse if sugar enters the picture... The Phase 1 day is probably the most important day of the week for me. It brings back the knowledge of how I should be eating. 3 meals, 1 snack with veggies & protein as the stars of the show. This has been the most helpful thing for resetting my habits. Because when I would graze before IP it was just something to do.
As I am walking this path I feel that I am not yet where I need to be but I am headed in the right direction. Like you I try to be cognizant of my behaviors so that I can tune them if needs be. I've upped my exercise consistently since beginning maintenance and that has really helped. It makes me feel better, healthier, happier and less snacky. I look forward to walking this maintenance path with you. Sorry for the lengthiness of the post- my journalling and posting tend to be as one (but I bet you already knew that ;)).

Samba- I think we're eating twins. You, me vs Evil Dr. Cookie.

It is good to know that I am not alone! Though I realize many people struggle with weight, for myself, it seems to lead to isolation and sense of failure. I am really learning to love and accept myself through this IP process.

I sure don't have all the answers and I imagine all roads lead to Rome as far as finding our individual ways out of eating trouble. I think my relationship with myself is really improving. Now, if I can just get my responses to stress and emotion rewired to not include consumption of comfort foods!

My first lesson with EBT is about learning to check in with myself 10 times a day. It involves taking a couple of minutes to become quiet, diaphragmatic breathing and checking in with one's present state while also being very accepting of it.

Hey, that alone is pretty amazing. I bet I spend a great deal of time trying to avoid and "foodicate" my levels of stress during the day. I have had plenty of stress in my life and, by nature, am pretty susceptible to it. I think I sorta got " stuck on stressed" rather than being able to reach a happy state easily.

I so want to have this seemingly life long struggle with eating and weight gain get better. If I am "stuffing" my emotions, then, I think of the pounds as not only fat but also pounds of anger, fear and shame being shed!

I tend to think out loud as I write, so no 'sorries' needed! That's why my journal is so helpful, and I have found this board so wonderful. Some message boards end up getting rather snipey, but this one has honest, but supportive people.

I've been doing exercise since I started phasing out and it feels so good - like this will be one of the keys to maintaining. I live in a rural area, and I absolutely love getting up early and taking my walk when the air is sweet, gazing at the fields and the birds and farmhouses. So beautiful and peaceful...

Yeah.... it is easy to get out of touch with yourself. I have been fixing my house to sell, and in the process, the TV broke in my bedroom, and I'm not replacing it. So, I started reading a little in bed, like I used to do. That in itself is centering and I relish it. I'm reading "The Hobbit," and loving it.

The notion of obsession...oh boy, I could write a book on that. Every time I go to the grocery store, I walk past the creme puffs, cheetos, etc., and say 'no no no' but after awhile I get crabby. I think that in order to have done this diet for 15 months, I had to be obsessive, to form the habits. Now, the long term goal is to temper the obsession with a calm knowing, if that makes sense. If I have to stress with every choice I make, that is not sustaining, and I'll build up a bank of frustration that will burst out in a bad choice. My goal is to develop a loving, joyful but knowledgeable way of choosing everyday, every thing I put in my mouth and do. Maybe keeping the bigger picture in mind will help, the why's of health and future. And that is not to say I won't enjoy my cheetos, but I am determined to do it in a conscious, controlled way, whether it's by only buying the little lunch-sized bags or what. I do want to fully enjoy those things, and not live on gruel, but without the out-of-control attitude I had before.

Well now I'm rambling and I need to get up! Have a great day!!!