| mamacitaof2 |
01-25-2012 07:34 PM |
Originally Posted by mompattie:
I want to share my Mantra: If it's to be, it's up to me!
Today has been an unusually hard day for me...my daughter's anniversary was on Monday. She died at birth, my perfect wonderful baby didn't have a chance to take a breath or open her eyes. She was born still at full term due to a knot in the umbilical cord. She would have been 6 years old this year, and as the years go by, the waves don't crash as hard, but once in a while, the tide comes in and it knocks me to my knees.
Today was that day. I was good on Monday, usually around her anniversary I am super busy with my now 5 year old little boy, who brought more joy and healing that he will ever know...and my busy and amazing 10 year old....but I take time to remember her, pause in prayer, and talk about her. And every year, I can count on it now...NOONE calls me, texts me, emails me....NOTHING. My husband of course remembers and holds me as I cry, but not even my mom or my mother in law, phone me or anything. Its hurtful, it's like they have totally forgotten about her. She is their grandchild, they celebrate all of the other grandkids but on this ONE DAY a year, I would like a phone call to say, "I miss her" . I want someone to ask me how I'm doing, tell me they wonder what she would be like, what her personality would be like, and just basically support us in our loss through the years.
I'm not sure why I'm posting this here, I just feel that I needed to talk about it and you all are a safe place for me. I've been spot OP since I restarted and I will continue to be. I don't want to eat....I just want to cry.... and wish my family would remember. But then I remember my mantra "If it's to be, it's up to me". No more feeling sorry for myself, I will continue to remember her everyday and celebrate her anniversary. Life does go on, and she left many many blessings for us. The biggest one was to thank God daily for each blessing and enjoy life. And that is why IP is saving my life, so I can enjoy and LIVE!
Thanks for listening.
That is so heartbreaking! Sending lots of thoughts and prayers your way. I can relate on a different level. I lost my brother 5 years ago in a snowmobile accident. It is the most devastating thing in my life and I miss him every single day. It breaks my heart that he's not hear to see his niece and nephew grow up. I know the things they do would make him laugh. As hard as it all is, I truely believe things happend for a reason. He has a plan for us all...even if we don't like it.
Stay strong and know that we are all here to support you. :hug:
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