Intuitive Eating: October 2014
 

Hello fellow IErs and welcome to anyone who is new and looking for a way out of the endless cycle off dieting and binging. Let's start off with Geneen Roth's Eating Guidelines for inspiration this month.

Geneen Roth's Eating Guidelines

1. Eat when you are hungry. (Truly hungry, body hungry not mind hungry)

2. Eat sitting down in a calm environment. This does not include the car.

3.Eat without distractions. Distractions include radio, television, newspaper, books, intense or anxiety producing conversation and music.

4. Eat only what your body wants. (Big difference from what your MIND wants!)

5. Eat until you are satisfied. (This is different than full).

6. Eat (with the intention of being) in full view of others.

7. Eat with enjoyment, gusto and pleasure.

I'm focusing on these, especially #6 which can be really confusing. Sometimes just being by myself and eating triggers my inner binger. I've spent many years seeking out to eat in secret so it makes sense that my brain is wired to go to food when I'm alone. So I have to work really hard to block out that inner part of me that automatically thinks "the cat's away, time to play" mentality. Sometimes this is especially difficult when there are big changes in my life such as my son going away to school for the first time. First time my daytimes were free to myself, let's eat donuts!!

So being in full view doesn't mean I step out to the sidewalk and eat my lunch there. It just means that I don't eat anything with the intention of it being a secret. I might tell my husband when he gets home that "I ate chips today" or leave the packaging out on the counter.

I've also made a big change in our lives. As a family we used to sit on the sofa to eat dinner in front of the television. First I put an end to the tv, but even so something about this felt wrong. I realized that sitting on the sofa makes me feel like I'm binging. The sofa was the only place in my house really that I over ate both in secret and at proper meal times. I've put an end to eating on the sofa, if I want to eat I need to sit at the table properly. The subtle switch was enough to get me to eat mindfully without having to think about it. Just the way a nice plate setting at the table makes me mindful, so sitting on the couch makes me mindless.

Hi all

I plan to mainly just lurk in your thread, but I'm really intrigued by intuitive eating & health at every size - but (and I suppose this is very common) I really want to lose some weight first. I've actually incorporated exercise back into my life since late August, and am focusing on healthy eating and not getting on the scale daily.

For now intuitive eating / HAES is something that is incubating, and that I want to continue to explore.

Do any of you still want to lose weight and/or struggle with that "give up the diet mentality" part?

I still want to lose weight. I still want peace with food. I still am trying to get rid of the diet mentality.

My "addictions" are getting better
 

I have two major "addictions" and it seems like I am finally starting to get a handle on them.

#1: Cookbooks. I love them. I collect them. I read them like people read novels. Do I cook from them? No. I just fantasize about the food. This is not right in the head!!:D Well one came in the mail and I took it right over to the counter and told the mail lady to please send it back-and I had no regrets!!

#2: Women's World magazine. I have posted about this one before and I did real good for a few weeks. I have been to the store a few days this week and I knew the new one was there but resisted the urge to buy it. Well today I walked by and there was the pretty slim lady on the cover dressed in a white lab coat to look like a doctor and with bold letters the promise of a new fantastic diet to end all diets. So I picked it up and went to page 18 (all the diets are on page 18) and I just looked at the page for a few seconds, did not even read the words, and realized that I cannot even READ about another diet and closed up the magazine and put back in the rack.

So two steps forward. The beginning of healing. Thank you Jesus!! Thought I would share. Have a blessed evening all.:hug:

I want to lose weight but if you believe in the principles of intuitive eating, you should get to your body's natural set point. I have been doing EI for a week and a half so I am still learning but my belt is in a notch already. It is really nice not to obsess over what I can and cannot have. For example I had to eat a business lunch yesterday and instead of stressing over what to order because I was on some sort of diet, I just ordered what sounded good and ate until I was satisfied.

Yes it's always a struggle, it's very easy to slip back into the diet mentality. But the diet mentality is sort of like a drug, an impaired consciousness that keeps us from focusing on reality. As soon as I stress out I start obsessing over food,, which makes me want to exert control over what I eat. I begin thinking "tomorrow I'll do better" and "no more wheat tomorrow." Turning to dieting is a desperate reach for control. Obsessing about it keeps my mind occupied so that I don't have to think about how angry or frustrated or sad or upset I am.

There have been many who get intrigued by IE but want to just lose a little weight first. It's understandable that one would want a little room in their pants before they start legalizing all "bad' foods. But this type of logic never really works because IE is not something you ca do half way, you're just prolonging the learning process. You're setting up conditions in which IE will not work, IE is total abandonment of restriction and conditional eating. IE is a rather extremely slow process of weight loss, but the benefits encompass much more than weight loss. It's given me my life back, I can't tell you how life changing it is to look in the mirror and accept what I see - compare that to the self loathing most women berate themselves with.

I still want to lose weight, I want to buy beautiful trendy clothes, I want to wear skinny jeans, I want to be healthy and fit. IE does not prevent me from wanting to be healthier and slimmer. What it does is make the process come from inside out by listening to my own hunger cues rather than waiting for some diet to tell me when I should or shouldn't eat. Listening to my fullness cues rather than my food intake be dictated by a diet or the parameters of my plate. Eating the things I want rather than listing foods to avoid. Basing my worth on how I feel rather than a number on a scale. Most importantly, IE has taught me how to exert self love without conditions. Before my self love was a carrot on a stick, I never allowed myself to deserve it - not until I reached a certain weight, or a certain size, or ate a certain way or avoided certain foods. We waste so much headspace worrying about our bodies and our diets and it all stems from our inability to trust ourselves. IE has helped me learn how to trust myself around food. (For example, I asked my husband to run out and get me a slice of chocolate cheesecake yesterday. I'd been craving it. I sat down after dinner with my beautiful slice of ny cheesecake topped with a thick layer of dark chocolate ganache. I ate with abandon and suddenly I was completely satisfied. I hadn't even eaten half of the slice. I sat back and let it sit on the table for a bit while I engaged in conversation with my husband. Maybe I'd want some more later. But 10min later I still didn't want another bite so I wrapped it up in cling wrap and put it in the fridge for another day. I've never been able to allow cheesecake to linger in my house either when I was binging OR dieting. But I can't tell you how much "bad" food is in my house right now that I'm not scarfing down by the boatload.)

Many people misunderstand IE to be part of the fat acceptance movement. That we don't care about gaining weight or our health but nothing could be further from the truth. My health is comprised not only by my physical body but also my emotional and psychological self. I was a very sick person, I would binge and eat in secret and then hate myself afterwards. I did this daily for years. I was miserable and dieting made it worse and worse and worse. I'm not cured, but I don't binge like that anymore. And if I do I don't see it as a weakness in me, I see it as a signal that something is wrong, like a call for help, and I don't feel helpless anymore - I call on my new skills to pull myself out of it.

Gosh, sorry for the essay lol.

Very well said wannabeskinny.

Sarahinparis, I don't think IE is an easy thing as it requires you to really develop an awareness about how you feel and what you are eating but I feel so much less stress on what I eat than I used to and I am actually eating food I like instead of the "diet food" that I did not like. I'm working to try to figure out what my body wants and when it is satisfied, etc. The whole notion of eating something because your body wants it or exercising because it makes me feel good or healthy is very liberating compared to the old diet mindset. I'll don't mind that I may not lose the weight as fast as if I continued to diet but in the end...diets did not work for me or I would already be at my ideal weight now.

Sarahinparis,

Thanks for posting. I think what you expressed is common for many people here. They want to fix their relationship with food but they also want to lose weight as quickly as possible. Unless you are under your genetically determined weight you probably will lose weight and keep it off. The IE philosophy basically says that your body determines a) how much you eat and b) how much you weigh. You have to be patient and have faith. It's really hard to do that sometimes. Last week I restricted too much and it set me back. I had been losing 2-3 pounds per week but I got greedy and decided to push it. I felt *awful*. I can do IE for life but not a diet. It's not sustainable.

Wannabe that was great! I agree!
Ive been thinking about my emotional eating at night and I realized I needed to shift my mindset away from: I feel bad and I want to eat even though I know I shouldn't, to : I feel bad and its ok if I eat but why am I feeling bad and what do I really need as well? I did that last night and realized I actually wasn't hungry. I sat and talked with my husband about things I have been struggling with instead. Maybe not as fun as sitting down to a bowl of ice cream, but much more helpful and I felt a lot better after I talked about stuff.

Also, I picked up a book at the library that talked about emotional eating and achieving body love etc.. I was intrigued and started to read it. The first chapter says that in order to show yourself love you need to give up refined flour, sugar and junk food. I thought about it, contemplated it, wondered if that was what I should do and maybe the idea had merit . I put the book down, but just from reading that alone, I started craving white bread. I normally don't even really eat or like white bread but today I bought white bread and white crackers ( not my usual whole wheat). That is how strong the deprivation mindset is for me. Even the idea of restricting something makes me completely rebound the other way and crave it. I think its because i have had years of restricting and dieting.

Haha if you love yourself you'll give up flour. What a crock! Don't let that nonsense away you.

On the other hand I eat so little wheat on IE. As long as someone is not telling me to avoid it, I avoid it lol.

Hello all, just wanted to start off the month thanking you all for the continually helpful posts. I've still been weighing myself about weekly and am wondering if this is a bad thing. I don't really get so down that I overeat, I just use it to mark my progress. As far as IE goes, is it ok to keep doing this, at least for now?

Thanks for all the replies and comments.

I've read the book, I guess I just struggle with the rigidity of the "rules" (I don't like to take anyone else's rules in dieting, I always tweak for myself, so why would that be different for non-dieting?).

In any event, I think the only way I would begin to explore this is by following some of the other rules for a while, maybe with time I'd be willing to challenge myself with the "give up dieting" one but it's just not my mindset now.

I suppose what I'm really willing to do is what is discussed in the book as being short of "intuitive eating" but close - mindful eating, and while I'm not fully ready for "fat acceptance" I am much closer to the "health at every size" mentality than I was in the past - reading that book finally pushed me to go back to exercising and making myself as healthy as I can, and I have no target weight I'm trying to achieve, I just know that 200lbs is too much for my body to be vibrantly healthy, and so losing weight is important to me (but less important than gaining HEALTH).

Anyway, it's an interesting topic and one I think I'll keep ruminating on, I've been pondering in this direction for quite a while..

There's nothing wrong with weighing yourself. You may want to start paying attention to how you feel after you weigh yourself though. I realized that I felt anxious. That no matter what the scale said I didn't feel good afterwards. If the number went up I felt like a failure and caused me to binge. If the number went down it triggers me into diet mode, the pressure is too much. I don't need to feel good about losing weight or gaining weight. That's the part of the process where I am now, it could be different for you. I felt too attached to that number, it dictated my mood and outlook on life and I was sick of it.

Don't feel as if you have to follow rules, we all hate rules and that's the reason we turned to IE. Because we didn't want to be told what to eat and when to eat it. I started with mindful eating too, it was the best thing I ever did and I still really enjoy it and will continue to enjoy it. As a matter of fact it's the only true way to enjoy your food.

As far as IE goes there's really only ONE rule and that's to completely reject the diet mentality. Dieting and IE are the exact opposites. They cannot coexist. And IE comes slowly, like a car in the distance coming toward you in the night. Making the decision to reject dieting is just the first step the diet mentality is hard to get rid of. You may not be ready for it, or you may not be convinced yet. Take your time and explore the benefits of some of the IE lessons, mindful eating is fantastic, the food scale can teach you alot about your behaviors, the self acceptance allows you to focus on other things and be at peace with yourself.

But again, IE is NOT the fat acceptance movement. I don't particularly like the fat acceptance movement but I do work on building a better body image. It's not about liking your fat, it's about appreciating your body for the wonderful things it does for you, and feeling good about yourself even if you haven't reached a certain number on a scale.

@sarah

I totally agree with you about rules. I like Geneen Roth but I don't like how she's hardcore about the rules. I've read where she's said "if you eat while doing X you are not eating intuitively!". Sorry, that doesn't jive with my experience. If I want to eat while juggling and riding a unicycle then I'm going to and I'm going to enjoy it and not feel guilty.

I know right? Its amazing how susceptible to that stuff I still am.

I totally agree with you Locke. I still eat standing up sometimes because I have a busy eating time with the kids or I don't want them to come up and harass me to eat whatever Im eating even though I just fed them five minutes ago. I don't feel guilt about it.

I have been reading more isabel foxen duke and I listened to the recording her Q&A phone call she recently had. She talks about how if we eat what our body wants and needs that we will be the healthiest we can ever be, and if we don't eat that way then we are not healthy. If we eat according to the rules of a diet or even a nutritionist and not what our bodies want and need than we are not eating healthfully. I get this but Im pondering so how can I tell the difference between my mind and my body? Does my body want that piece of toast, or does my mind? I mean even craving chocolate can be a body's need for magnesium so Im a little stumped on this one. Any ideas?

That stupid "Clock"
 

I am sitting here at work and I am getting REALLY HUNGRY! And the "Clock Police" start their assault. You can't eat your lunch now it's only 10:30 in the morning, are you nuts? If you eat now you will be hungry again by early afternoon, so then what? And Blah, Blah, Blah." I told them to shut up, I am hungry for my lunch and I am going to eat it-Crawfish and pasta! Yummy! And I ate it and it was awesome and I am glad that I told them to shut up. I am soooo tired of eating by the clock! One step forward! Have a blessed day all!:hug:

TamTam congrats. What happens when you get hungry later? You'll eat! I think I understand what's so scary about that. It's because we have a fear of hunger. More frequent hunger means more frequent decisions which means more opportunities to make bad decisions blah blah blah.

Victory for me too. I'm out shopping which means walking into a dressing room with clothes and walking out hating my thighs. But I felt that much less today and I didn't take it personally when a pair of pants hugged me in the wrong places. They must've been faulty pants lol. So that's good! Plus I got the courage to shop in the petite section. I always knew that those clothes would fit me based on my height but the word "petite" scared me away. I thought for sure someone would tell me I didn't belong there. But I perused anyway and tried a few things on and you know what? The shirts fit me much better! The length is better and the sleeves don't have to be rolled up. Imagine that!

Oh and an observation: I'm a pants size down. I'm loving this no stepping on the scale thing!

Have fun shopping! That's the point we need to learn to have fun shopping! My head game was if I eat early I will get hungry early and if hubby gets home at this time and we eat I won't be as hungry and blah blah blah I finally just said SHUT UP to my thoughts and ate my crawfish and pasta and sooo enjoyed it! Have a blessed day!:hug:

Forcing a child to eat
 

I was at a church lunch this Sunday and across the table from us was a young couple with their little boy and the adults were eating their gumbo and the little boy did not want to eat and they kept trying to get him to eat, they offered him hot dogs, gumbo, hamburger and anything just to get him to eat and I wanted to just tell them LEAVE HIM ALONE when he is hungry he will eat!!! Amazing but in the past I would not have even noticed that. :hug:

I've been thinking about my own son. He's 3 and I'm quite lucky that he is a relatively good eater. He loves veggies and fruit, and of course he loves his cookies too. I offer plenty of veggies and I try not to set harsh limits on sweets. We don't have them around the house much but when he asks for it I give it. He doesn't ask too often and if I say no he doesn't argue.

I really want to set him up for good normal eating and so I never push him to eat. His grandmother (my mil) will push and push and push with the whole clean-your-plate mentality and the dreaded "but you have 2 bites left." I don't do that. When he tells me he's done, he's done. When he's hungry for more I give it to him. If he's not hungry at dinner I don't push him. I think it's very important to let a child be guided by their own hunger rather than push on them what we like or eat to OUR satisfaction.

I also despise holding dessert over his head. We don't even eat dessert 95% of the time. But when we do I don't think it's something he should earn any more than it's something I should earn. It's a fun treat and there are no strings attached to it.

There are times that I will try to urge him to try something - he's usually very good about trying new foods but occassionally he'll put up a fight for no reason lol. There are certain foods that I just KNOW he will like because.... well because i'm mommy and I just know these things. But there are foods that he really hates like asparagus and cheese. Ok, I will not force these on him. They are around, we eat asparagus and cheese and if he decides to try them again one day then I look forward to it. I still offer them and he says no, so I say ok.

Making kids eat is such a power struggle for some parents. It's well intended for sure, but the constant bribery and accounting for every bite of food must be such a bore. Gosh, kids know way more about their physical hunger than we do. I've seen my son leave one bite of cookie because he was satisfied. I've seen him leave one blueberry in his plate, and I applaud it. He knows when he's had enough and he's not bound to the idea that "I should eat this last blueberry so it doesn't go to waste." I learn so much from him!

I have 2 teenagers and an 11yo and they are all 3 Intuitive eaters. They are my idols! I have never been one to push food on them. But their grandparents are great at doing that and I always call them out on it. I'm sure to tell them "they are full, so why do they need to clean their plate?" It really gets interesting when they don't eat all their dinner and then order dessert. This really sends the grandparents in a frenzy! I really just laugh now because so many of us have lost our IE skills. My parents always made me clean my plate whether I liked it or not and I knew I'd never make my kids do that.

Country Living and Wanna be you guys are great parents!!! Yea the parents told the little boy if he did not eat he would get no dessert.

I wouldn't say I'm great but I am trying. I do sometimes bargain with him a little bit, it's hard not to! There are ways to compromise without controlling my kid and I have to be a parent as well. If he had it his way he'd be eating chocolate cookies for breakfast lunch and dinner and well... that's a bit overboard. We have family meal time and he can have anything served at the table or not. But I'm certainly not going to the kitchen and preparing him separate meals every time we sit down for dinner just because he FEELS like having a hot dog instead of spaghetti.

I also have no problem sending him to bed without dinner. Not as a punshiment, but if he doesn't want to eat I don't sit up all night begging him to eat. If he's happy to go to bed without dinner then so am I. Sometimes he skips meals, sometimes he eats all day long. No biggie.

I'm wondering if anyone can offer any suggestions on reading material for someone who is struggling with loving their body. I *hate* my body. All day long every day I hate my body. I think it's disgusting and I feel like a prisoner. I realize it's possible to not feel that way about yourself no matter what you look like or weigh but I'm *really* struggling with this and I feel like it's holding me back from progressing in IE. I guess the crux of it is I'm really lonely and I have been for a long time- I've had boyfriends and girlfriends for a little while but nothing has really clicked. I feel like my weight is the biggest factor holding me back from having a quality relationship with another person. So I'm lonely and sad sometimes (especially at night) and that makes me angry which makes me have angry thoughts about myself and then I restrict.

Any thoughts? Any reading material for people who hate themselves?

Locke, I'm sending positive vibes and prayers your way. Sorry I don't have any recommendations.

Hunger and fullness are the mechanics of IE. But positive body image and self love are the fuel that make the machine run. Without them you're just going through the motions. Learning to accept your body is very difficult, it's a struggle for me too. The key is to look at yourself daily and say something positive. If you can't say something positive at first then start with objectively describing your body being very careful not to use judgmental language. Words like HUGE and GROSS and DISGUSTING should never be uttered (those were common in my self descriptions daily). It took me forever to find a way to describe my thighs without telling them what I really thought of them. In the end I decided that "rounded bumpy islands that jiggle" was all I could come up with.

Then you have to be super keenly aware of negative thoughts and learn to combat them. The exercise that my NT told me to do is called (i think) cognitive flexibility. When I think of a negative thought about myself I stop and think of at least THREE positive thoughts that counter it. So if I catch myself walking down the street and I see a reflection of myself in a store window and my immediate thought is "my hips are super wide!" I stop and immediately force myself to think of 3 things to combat the thought.
1. They're wide because I'm an hourglass pear shape and that's very womanly! Some women would die for this shape!
2. These hips were there when I was birthing my son, they're strong and courageous!
3. Look how small my waist is!

At first all this self talk is very uncomfortable and it feels theatrical and fake. But it becomes easier to believe yourself over time and there will come a day when you look in the mirror and you don't think the negative thoughts immediately. It has happened to me, not all the time but most of the time now I'm comfortable in my own skin. And when body image issues arise they are a signal that something is up, it's an opportunity to reflect on what is going on inside.

From the IE community I got a tip the other day that was really powerful. It was suggested that we use a favorite childhood photo to speak to in the mirror. I have yet to dig mine up but I will as soon as my mom sends me the photo I'm looking for. The point is to talk to the little girl in the photo, tell her she's beautiful, tell her what you wish for her and what you're doing for her now and how you will take care of her. I'm definitely going to do this.

Oh, resources. I was advised to read Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach, but I haven't yet. I signed up for her podcast but I found it a little boring for me, though I may give it a chance again. It's all about guided meditations and self acceptance etc. Check it out!

Thanks Brooke and Wannabe,

After thinking about it today I've decided to seek therapy for my eating disorder and self image issues. It's been eating away at me for years and years now and I've just finally had enough. IE has helped but it hasn't cured me. I don't binge anymore these days- I restrict. I can't afford a nutritional therapist because it's not covered by my health insurance, but I think a therapist that specializes in eating disorders can help me with some of the mental issues that have been coming up.

We support you in getting whatever help you need. I know you've been against it for a long long time but this could be a good thing. Have you looked into finding a proper certified nutritional therapist first?

IE can't cure you. It can't cure any of us. It's just tools on how to tap into our own needs. It's about listening to our bodies and our minds and identifying what our true physical emotional and psychological needs are. Together we've gone from identifying our need for junk food to realizing that maybe we just need to take a nap sometimes. You've done that! And maybe it is IE that has helped you tap into your need to seek outside help.

I know you struggle with restriction. Gosh I know how hard it is, and it's a constant struggle for me too. But I'll tell you what my NT tells me: there is no lost cause, there is no one that is beyond help and beyond the ability to get better. Let us know how it goes, but don't leave us! And make sure that your therapist is on board with IE, fight for your right not to diet!

Thanks Wannabe, and no I'm not leaving anytime soon. I found this on a website and I thought I'd share:

10 "Will Powers" for Improving Body Image

I WILL ask myself: "Am I benefiting from focusing on what I believe are flaws in my body weight or shape?"

I WILL think of three reasons why it is ridiculous for me to believe that thinner people are happier or "better." I will repeat these reasons to myself whenever I feel the urge to compare my body shape to someone else's.

I WILL spend less and less time in front of mirrors- especially when they are making me feel uncomfortable and self-conscious about my body.

I WILL exercise for the joy of feeling my body move and grow stronger. I will not exercise simply to lose weight, purge fat from my body, or to "make-up" for calories that I have eaten.

I WILL participate in activities that I enjoy, even if they call attention to my weight and shape. I will constantly remind myself that I deserve to do things I enjoy, like dancing, swimming, etc., no matter what my shape or size is!

I WILL refuse to wear clothes that are uncomfortable or that I do not like to wear simply because they divert attention from my weight or shape. I will wear clothes that are comfortable and that make me feel at home in my body.

I WILL list 5 to 10 good qualities that I have, such as understanding, intelligence, or creativity. I will repeat these to myself whenever I start to feel bad about my body.

I WILL practice taking people seriously for what they say, feel, and do. Not for how slender, or "well put together" they appear.

I WILL surround myself with people and things that make me feel good about myself and my abilities. When I am around people and things that support me and make me feel good, I will be less likely to base my self-esteem on the way my body looks.

I WILL treat my body with respect and kindness. I will feed it, keep it active, and listen to its needs. I will remember that my body is the vehicle that will carry me to my dreams!

Hi... just passing by and thought I'd share this tip I heard on NPR a few days ago. People seem to immediately have more success being compassionate with themselves when they talk to themselves in the second ("you") or third (name/"she") person rather than first person ("I"). DH has the most cast-iron self-esteem of anyone I know and I know he talks to himself a lot. I asked him... he uses second person! We are naturally more compassionate to other people and the 2nd/third person gives us distance and objectivity. The trick with the childhood picture is sort of the same idea.

Good luck to us all in finding the path to being more compassionate to ourselves!

Hi yoyo, your occassional contributions are always welcome! I heard that on npr as well, can't remember if it was a podcast or what. It struck me also as a way of detaching from our inner self and seeing myself as a valid person with needs. I am responsible for "her." I wish I had a link.

I find that it's extremely easy to make IE into the "stomach hunger diet", and I don't follow their rules either. I just like reading and posting on this thread because it's the closest thing I've found to the non-dieting that I do now.

I'm more inclined to be on the HAES end of things too because I'm very large, have been this size for a long time, and may never get down to what used to be a "normal" size for me. I've come to the conclusion that that's going to have to be okay, as long as I can keep my mobility, which is more of a goal to me now. (I'm 58.)
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Locke, I recommend the book "When Women Stop Hating Their Bodies", by the two women who wrote "Overcoming Overeating". Hirschmann (sp?) and Munter. I bought the book years ago, and remember it being the very first book that helped me start accepting myself no matter what size I was. I used to hate myself with a passion because of my weight, but haven't hated myself for a few years now, which is a good feeling.

I don't know how old the rest of you ladies are, but I found that once I hit 50, and even more when I hit 55, I found myself caring less and less about my size or what people think about it. I think that might happen naturally as we grow a little older, a little wiser.

Do I want to get back down a couple of sizes or so? Yes, I'd love it, but I also won't hate myself if I don't lose another pound.

It's more because it really is easier to move around when you're smaller, and it's certainly easier to find decent clothes that fit, instead of having to settle for "whatever" covers me, whether I like it or not.
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Up 'til now, I've been weighing myself daily and using a "weight smoothing" program to take out the highs and lows and show me more accurately where I am, but I'm thinking today that I'm going to experiment with weighing once a week or less for awhile because I'm noticing some frustration when I can't get the scale to budge down enough to suit me.

I've been so focused on releasing myself from the pressures of the scale and I feel that it's going well. I haven't weighed myself for 3weeks! But there are always outside pressures and situations that affect me too much for my own comfort. A couple of days ago for example a friend of mine told me how much she weighs, it was very out of the blue and I didn't ask, she just told me. Now keep in mind that this friend has been involved in a rigorous diet and exercise program with a trainer and nutritionist for the same amount of time that I've been doing IE. So out of the blue she tells me how much she weighs. Great, very happy for her. But it instantly made me want to go dig out my scale. It instantly made me vow to exercise the next morning. It instantly made m plan on not eating any wheat the next day. It's really scary that that's all it takes to get me into the diet mindset.

I've been struggling with an emotion that I never felt for a long time, and that's jealousy. I'm jealous that she claims it's so easy for her to maintain this diet, she doesn't seem to find it difficult at all. She pretty much eats the same thing every day, salads, grilled chicken, low carbs, the usual "diet" food. Of course this makes me feel weak - eventhough I know that this type of diet would never suit me, I'm not one to eat the same thing every day for life, but some people are really well suited to that! My NT tells me that jealousy is a valid emotion and that I have to go through it to get past it but I'm not so sure. I think of jealousy as immature, petty, and a sign of bad character. How do you all deal with jealousy? It's a kind of new emotion for me.

The other thing that I'm dealing with is coming to terms with my own weight loss. Evidence suggests that I'm losing weight - I fit into a size smaller pants, I'm fitting into some old clothes I haven't fit into for a while, I'm getting compliments from people who haven't seen me in a while. But for me, weightloss is not real or valid until the scale says so and I have no scale now. I seem to repel evidence of anything good and attract evidence of anything bad. If I stop to think that I may have lost weight my immediate inner voice says "but you had a brownie yesterday, no way you lost."

So everything is going well, I'm just not feeling like it is.

I know what you mean Wannabe. I myself struggle with jealousy and the only way to get over it, I have found is to feel good about myself. I only feel jealousy when I feel bad about myself or like I am not enough. I have to realize we are all equal and that weight gain or weight loss does not make someone better or worse.

I have been struggling lately and I have been very slowly gaining weight. Its not a lot of weight, all my clothes still fit but they are a little more snug lately. I think for some reason that I can't figure out, I am uncomfortable when I am a certain thinness. I noticed that when I was a little thinner I felt uncomfortable looking in the mirror. Even though I loved what I saw. I don't really understand that. I think when I am thinner I actually feel more vulnerable. I hate feeling vulnerable. I have been doing more work on emotional eating and I realized last night that just like Geneen Roth says, food really IS love for me. It's how I give myself love and acceptance. When I was growing up I didn't feel loved or accepted by anyone. I still struggle with feelings of worthiness and feeling like people don't like me.

Anyway, so I was doing that work last night and then I went to sleep and had a dream. It involved my family and I was standing apart from them and I was much bigger. In my dream, I realized that I felt unloved and unwanted and that my bigger body was a manifestation of that. It's hard to explain how powerful it was. Im not sure exactly what to do with the realization but it was definitely a big one.

I'm a little panicked right now. I've had some indigestion and heartburn and my doctor urged me to eat a restrictive diet. No citrus, vinegraitte, onions, garlic, spicy food, fried food, high fat dairy, or tomatoes. No alcohol, no coffee, no carbonated beverages. I'm ready for my body to feel better but I'm so scared of what this will do for my progress with IE. One of the reasons I am doing IE is so that I could get to a comfortable enough stage with food choices so that I could make healthy choices myself. I was always afraid is get sick and that a doctor would tell me what not to eat. And now this is happening, am I strong enough to make these changes and not trigger something dire?

Wannabe, sorry to hear about your doctors recommendation. I'm struggling with the same issue but with high cholesterol. Back in June I found out it's really high. I already struggle with the LC mentality and I've read so many times how LC can lower cholesterol. So I keep going back to the LC diet only to give in because of rebellion. I know all of that yo yoing is only making my chol higher. This IE stuff is very hard work!

LC cures everything. Too bad it also triggers me to binge. I will say my anxiety is running pretty high right now and my appetite is way down. I've never been diagnosed but I have suffered with anxiety attacks before. My body reacts to stress and I don't know how to handle stress and fear. I tried meditating a little today but was feeling too anxious I don't even know how to meditate. Of course I was googling symptoms and treatments and one thing that is recommended to battle heartburn is slow and mindful eating. Ok at least I can do that.

Wannabe,

I'm sorry to hear about your struggles. I think intention can be really important. I don't eat chocolate because caffeine triggers my migraines. I don't think I'm triggered to restrict by not partaking because I'm not restricting it because it's "bad" or because I want to lose weight. I just don't want to get migraines. So maybe when you think "damn, I really want some of that curry but I can't have any" you can also remind yourself that you're doing it to honor your health because you love your body and want to take care of and nourish it.

I just got back from my appointment with a psychologist. I have been diagnosed with an eating disorder along with some other things. The psychologist is a strong believer in intuitive eating. I'll be seeing her along with a nutritionist who also specializes in treating people with eating disorders with IE along with group therapy. I'm really excited about it! I feel hopeful for the first time in a long time. She said that I'm young enough that I should still be able to find my way to my natural weight but only if I stop restricting.

My homework for the next few weeks is a few sheets on mindfulness activities and rereading Overcoming Overeating. :)