@Wannabe

What your NT said makes sense. Congratulations on banishing the scale. That takes a lot of courage. I'm not there yet.

Hah! No not like I should. I have an issue with exercise. Its associated too closely with hating my body so I am currently on strike. I am naturally pretty muscular and I tend to go in spurts with doing toning exercises with weights or cardio on the elliptical or riding my bike for a month or two and then I take a long break. Im on a break right now. I randomly do pushups, squats and planks when I feel like it and during the day Im on my feet a lot dealing with my little one, cleaning the house, running kids to gymnastics, ballet, sports, etc...

I also have a chronic ankle injury that seems to act up any time I really get into exercise and then I can't walk for a while. So... I have to be careful with whatever I choose to do.

Lately I have been trying to do exercise not for body appearance improvement but for making me feel better and for me that is stretching. I am REALLY really inflexible so it has been a good goal.

Wannabe sounds good with your NT. I gave up the scale and I haven't weighed in weeks. The last time I did I posted about it. It is pretty scary honestly. I sometimes "feel fat" and then I remind myself that fat isn't a feeling and that there is something else going on. I also try to separate my eating from my weight. I pretty much just had to tell myself that my weight didn't matter and that I was going to honor my body and whatever weight I arrived at is the best one for my body and myself. If I even think about my weight before I eat I always overeat or am suddenly hungry if Im not usually hungry. weight just has to leave the table for me. I also have to remind myself that I am worthy and it has nothing to do with my weight. SO if my weight has nothing to do with my worth, than why is it So important? If I am not using my weight to measure my self worth than its not an important number to me and I don't need to know. I even weighed my toddler yesterday and felt no desire to step on the scale myself.

I know in the long run it doesn't help.

I had lost all my weight with TOPS and gained it all back plus extra, so now am going to do it with IE

Hello all. Welcome new friends. I have a heavy heart. A young man who was dear to me was killed in an accident Wednesday and I am very sad. I have not had much of an appetite. The funeral is Monday, it will be very difficult. Have a blessed evening!

Tamtam..........so sorry to hear this.

I can understand how exercise can affect someone negatively. It makes you think about burning calories, and "fixing" your body. It makes you push your body past its comfort zone. It makes you hungrier so you need to battle more food.

Yes, I can understand how exercise can affect you negatively to but I guess I can see it positively as well. For example, I used to always end up with a week of vacation time I needed to burn every summer. I would go saddle up my horse and ride him at a long trot for around 7 miles out in the country every morning and meet my husband for lunch and eat whatever I wanted for lunch. I always lost weight during that week without thinking about it. I think the difference was I wasn't thinking about "working out", I was just thinking about going and having fun with my horse and enjoying the ride. Riding at a trot is great exercise and wonderful for your core but I didn't ride for that reason, it was just a wonderful side effect. Maybe the whole key is to find some exercise that you love and you are not thinking of it as exercising for weight reduction or body image.

TamTam I am sorry for your loss.

I absolutely agree, it's just like eating. The more you think about it and try to guide it and control the more it becomes AN ISSUE. My biggest problem is food and I feel quite lucky that I love to exercise and can separate it from my weight loss efforts. Maybe because I've always exercised and I can see first hand that it doesn't do much for weight loss lol so I've come to accept it as something I do just for the purpose of feeling good and enjoyment. I would never trudge along in a workout if I didn't really truly genuinely want to be there.

However, when I do lose weight and exercise is involved it does make me want to keep going and I don't consider myself vulnerable to being triggered by exercise. So I can imagine that it can be difficult for others.

Tamtam, Im sorry for your loss.


Wannabe: Yes that is exactly it. I think for me, when I exercise I can see a hugely visible difference in my body. I build muscle really easily and It's almost like I am sculpting it. So, it is hard for me to separate it from body hate/body improvement. When I was younger and eating disordered I would exercise for hours.

But, I am rethinking exercise because I do love to be active. We often go for hikes, or bike rides and things like that. I don't really think of them as exercise, just fun things to do. We went on a hike yesterday. 4 miles on a very hilly rocky terrain with my 27 pound 2 year old on my back. Today, I can barely move. Every muscle hurts. I know if I had been keeping up with my strength training, i would feel WAY better. Im going to start working out with weights again but only to build up my strength so I can enjoy doing the active things I like to do. I hope I can do it without slipping back into "body sculpting" mentality.

So to go more with "fat isn't a feeling". Today my dad came over to visit. He had just gotten back from Brazil where he went with his sister to see a faith healer. She is dying of cancer. He has always been really close to her and she seems to be getting worse. I can tell he is upset about it. I also noticed that in the back of my mind I felt fat when he was here. After he left I also felt really fat even though I actually didn't eat much all day because I was so busy. I realized that my fat feeling is really a sad helpless feeling, an uncomfortable feeling like I don't know what to say or do and sadness about my aunt. Focusing on my body lets me not even have to acknowledge that. In the past I would have been off and running, toward a diet plan that i could throw myself into that would give me hope and make me happy and let me ignore my true feelings.

Ironically I overate until I figured it out because feeling fat makes me want to eat.

Anyway, just wanted to share with my fellow IE'ers.

Pinkhippie you've grown so much over the last few months! I've been having similar realizations myself about "feeling fat." The fatness pops out of the blue! One day I'm fine and the next day I feel horribly fat. Thinking back to how I reacted to this before IE is interesting. I thought that I was facing reality as stepping out of delusion! If I wasn't feeling fat it must have been just a fluke because the fat feeling was reality. I'm learning so much about reality these days.

Intuitive eating was under my nose for a long time I think, and I never noticed it. I don't know why. For example, I went to see a therapist a few years ago and one of the books she suggested I read was Geneen Roth's Feeding the Hungry Heart. I read a few pages and lost interest.

Then Geneen Roth appears on Oprah, here's the episode. http://www.myheartfood.com/The-Big--O--Moment.html Now I kind of prided myself on being a devoted oprah watcher, can't recall missing many episodes but I missed this one for sure. WHY?? It's infuriating not to have had access to this.

Oh, the Oprah episode is a little annoying by the way. Gosh Oprah likes to hear herself talk doesn't she? Please, let someone else speak and let Geneen explain it in her own words for crying out loud!

Thanks wannabe! so have you!

Even though I realize my fat feelings are not rooted in reality I have been having a REALLY hard time the past few days with it. Logically I recognize that I am upset about my aunt and my dad, that Im dealing with a lot because of my dhs job going to Mexico, and the freaking out that he is doing every evening, not to mention the soon to be nervousness about no income, but it doesn't seem to matter. I continue to feel fat and I continue to eat. Argh its so annoying to get stuck in a cycle. ANyway, Im trying really hard to be compassionate with myself and tell myself its ok to eat even if Im not hungry and NOT diet. Harder said than done. My clothes still fit, it is totally in my head but its so strong. Crazy really.