Intuitive Eating May 2014
 

Welcome to May! This is a thread for those who are interested in using the principles of Intuitive Eating to help heal their relationship with food and reach their ideal body weight. I'm going to start out May's thread with a blog post from Isabel Foxen Duke that resonated with me:

The only time a person EVER “falls off a wagon”

is when there’s a wagon to fall off of;

a set of rules, ideals, or beliefs around food that we let determine how we feel about ourselves.

“I was sooo good with food yesterday, and today, I SUCK.”

sound familiar?

and I’m guessing that when you go into the place of “I suck,”

when you “fall off the wagon,”

you fall hard. Like knee-deep-in-brownie-batter-hard.

Not fun, and so avoidable.

If you want to make peace with food, and stop shame-eating cookies in the middle of the night,

Ask yourself,

what “wagons” am I trying not to fall off of?

Where am I judging my performance with food?

Where did I draw an imaginary line of “not okay?”

AND GET RID OF THAT SHIZ.

Because as long as there’s a wagon to fall off of, you WILL fall off of it eventually.

You see,

“Falling off” is not your problem. Your wagon is your problem.

Hello,

Can I just ask for advice on what you guys do when you're having a bad body image day?

Today I just feel bad. Some of my jeans have gotten tighter, my stomach is more rounded looking, and to top it off, one of my friends made a subtle comment that I look a little bit heavier than i used too :(. I threw away my scale, but I know that I haven't gained any more than 7 to 8 lbs!

I'm just feeling kind of down and looking here for some inspiration. Thank you all!

Locke, I love Isabella Foxen Duke, she's no nonsense and she's so right. Why the heck are we all trying to be on a wagon?

There's a difference between having a bad day and having a bad image day, I get that. They are going to happen inevitably. I know you didn't ask about having a bad day but I'll say something about that anyway. Having a bad day is normal. It can come in the form of being unproductive at work/school, someone being mean, or just feeling like nothing is going right. During those days I just try to get through it with a lot of positivity and the knowledge that it WILL END and tomorrow is another day.

When you're feeling bad body image wise it's a very slippery slope to indulge yourself in negative thoughts. For me I find it's so easy to just start going on and on about all the things I don't like about myself. It feels natural to come down hard on myself. I've been reading a book called "Beautiful You: A Radical guide to self acceptance" (or something like that) and it's basically a set of daily exercises about changing your perception of yourself. So it directs you to write in a journal, or do specific mirror mantras etc. I find it really helpful because it takes some getting used to accepting yourself. I try to meet every negative thought about myself with a positive thought. I can't allow myself to criticize my body so harshly anymore. After doing this for a few months I can tell you that I feel so much better about myself. I don't cringe when I look in the mirror, I don't cry when I look at pictures of myself, and I even find myself catching a glimpse in the mirror and thinking "oooh, that looks good!"

As for your friend, don't take it personally. It's nice that she's noticing something going on, perhaps she's worried about you. But that's a cue to talk to her about what you're doing, it helps a lot to talk about it imo.

I don't attempt IE, but I ran across this and thought you folks would find this interesting. Among other things, it makes a good case for mindful eating.

http://www.theatlantic.com/health/ar...health/360900/

Thanks Yoyoma, it seems to support my belief that the dieting mindset ultimately sabotages one's health and weight goals.

Koali,

My bad body image days usually come about through other stressors in my life. If I find myself feeling bloated and ugly even though I *know* that I haven't gained weight I try to find the root cause of the problem. Usually it's from work stress or the fact that I didn't enjoy a good night's rest the night before. When I'm tired or stressed out I'll see an image of a beautiful woman in a magazine or billboard and I'll instinctively feel unattractive. Then the negative thoughts start playing out in my head "you'll never be attractive, you'll always be alone... etc etc" So I try to counteract those negative thoughts with positive thoughts- no, I'm brilliant, kind, and motivated. I'm freakin' awesome! Then I try to distract myself with a walk, or maybe watching something funny on youtube. Distracting myself is totally key. I will forget about my troubles and start laughing at the dumbest stuff!

Ladies I quit coffee 2 weeks ago and caffeine altogether a few days ago. Oh my goodness it's made a huge difference in my life. I'm less tense and nervous, and my appetite has fallen off the face of the earth. I was using caffeine and coffee to curb my appetite but it was making me miserable and angry; I also think it was making me hungry! Since cutting it out all together I've been eating one, maybe two meals per day. I can feel my body needing food... I get slight aches when my body is using its fat stores... but I just don't feel like eating.

Hunger right now is a combination of stomach and mouth feeling. Sometimes my mouth wants to eat but my stomach doesn't feel hollow. Sometimes my stomach feels empty but my mouth doesn't want to eat. They both have to line up for me to put something in my body... but when they do mmmmm boy is it a wonderful, satisfying experience! So yeah it's a bit weird but I'm enjoying it. I'm also definitely going to be saving on groceries if this continues.

If I had even the smallest feeling that this friend was concerned I could agree with where you are coming from, but trust me when I say being worried about me is the LAST thing on my friend's mind. She's one of my roommates and she's honestly like living with the resident body critic. If we go to the beach her whole conversation will be "ewww, that ladies legs look disgusting! She's covered in cellulite-nasty" or "that chick is definitely way too fat to think she can walk around in a bikini" or "If I had a belly like that I would just hide myself in my room for a few months."

Even if we're not at the beach she'll spend time just critiquing other's bodies in normal conversation, like "Amy used to be good at sports until she let herself get all fat" or "Lisa would have a boyfriend if she didn't have a gross little paunch." or "wow, that girl has no butt AND no boobs, she looks like a man!"

I'm sick of listening to this with her, and I think it's something I need to talk to her about.

A couple of years ago I watched a documentary called MissRepresentation. It's about how the media treats women and in turn treat ourselves and eachother. It changed me, and made me realize how we buy into a culture of self doubt and gives us license to criticize each other. I feel it's important not to do that, and not to tear down other women. I'm often in conversations where someone will saying something along the lines of how your friend talks and I retort immediately. I would response like this:

"I think it's important not to put down women based on how they look."
"I think that woman looks beautiful, she's confident and happy."
"I don't like judging women only by how they look."
"That woman may have just had a baby, she may have just lost a 100lbs, or she may just be happy with how she looks, we have no right to judge."
"Wow, you're really judgemental, I wonder what you say about us behind our backs."
"All you see is bad stuff. It must suck to be you."
"Why are you judging her, are you so much better?"

And of course it's important to point out what you think is beautiful about the person being put down. "Really? I think she looks great!"

We cannot stand back and allow people to put down women. We are judged so much for how we look and the fashion industry preys on our weaknesses. There is no excuse for speaking about people in that manner, I cannot stand for it!

Thanks for sharing yoyoma, very interesting article.

I suspect your roommate also has a very poor body image. These nasty comments are a way to deflect her own unhappiness and/or fear regarding how she looks. Sometimes this type of attitude will diminish with age, but I know people my age (and older) - I'm 62 - who still dissect other women's bodies, clothes, etc. It really says more about them than it does about the people they are criticizing.

One of my email updates from Isabella Foxen Duke. I love this one, and it speaks directly to me - I've long suffered from secret eating.

Those of you who know Geneen Roth, know my absolute favorite of her “eating guidelines...”

“Eat with the intention of being seen by other people.”

What she’s saying here is,

no matter what you’re eating or how much,

own it.

or

“If you’re gonna eat in front of the refrigerator, pull up a chair,”

This is actually the ONLY one of Geneen’s “guidelines” that I believe actually separates “normal eaters” from emotional ones 100% of the time.

Normal eaters occasionally eat when they’re not hungry, or while standing up, or with the television on...

but they do not eat with shame.

They don’t worry they’re doing something socially reprehensible when eating a certain way, and they certainly don’t feel embarrassed by what they’re eating — no matter what food or what amounts that may be.

All too many of my clients feel self-conscious eating what they want in front of certain people (or any people). This is an almost certain precursor to binge eating...you know, eating cake, really fast, when nobody’s looking.

Binge-Eating is triggered by shame around food, more than any other emotional trigger. When we feel like we’re doing something wrong when we eat, we subconsciously tell ourselves “I shouldn’t be doing this...tomorrow the diet starts...better get it in now!”

Shame or judgement around food triggers fear of deprivation...even if we have no conscious plans to diet in the future.

On the contrary, when we honor our choices with food — that is refuse to think we're doing something "bad" — we reclaim our sanity and dignity around food.

You can only be a slave to something you think you shouldn’t be doing in the first place.

xo Isabel

I've been doing a few public eatings and I feel really good about it. It is very strange to be seen in public eating foods that I've long thought to be shameful but it's like exposure therapy - the more I do it the more comfortable I feel.

Thanks for the heads up on Isabelle Foxen Duke. I had never heard of her before but I just went and spent hours reading her website. Very very good stuff! I really liked her thing about not turning intuitive eating into the eat when your'e hungry stop when your'e full diet".

I totally agree with SouthernMaven. The harshest critic of womens bodies I was ever friends with was also over her healthy weight and very unhappy with her body. I remember back before I got pregnant with my 2nd baby and I was my comfortable, healthy only eat when Im hungry most of the time body weight, I worked with a bunch of young twenty somethings and they were always criticizing their own bodies and talking about plastic surgery. ( I was in my 30's) These were beautiful, slim, healthy women and they were ripping themselves apart. I always felt weird in those conversations because you know how it is when that is going on, you are also expected to say how you hate your body or what you don't like about it. But, I never did. I felt good about myself and my body. I weighed more than they did and I probably wasn't as toned but I respected my self and my body, I took good care of myself and so I felt good about myself too. It's a mindset thing for me, not a body thing.

Anyway...

This weekend I had been craving waffles for breakfast. So I made some on Saturday morning and started eating them and they didn't taste good at all. I ate about half and then stopped in disappointment. I realized I didn't feel that hungry and decided to wait. We went out, ran errands etc... Around 1:30 we got home and I felt hungry and waffles looked good to me. I fixed myself some waffles and they were totally delicious, everything I was hoping for and more. I just can't get over how much waiting until I am hungry changes the taste of things for me. I still find it easier to eat goodies when Im not hungry because they are always sweet but they still taste better when I am truly hungry. Anyway, its a journey and I continue down my path. I have started exercising more regularly and on Saturday my husband and I worked out in the yard, shoveling dirt, pulling weeds etc... It was hard work but at that moment I felt so good. I felt like this is what our bodies are designed to do and I also didn't feel like I cared about how much I weighed. That didn't matter because I was doing something that made my body feel so amazing. So, I want to try to incorporate a little more exercise into my life since it makes me feel so good.

Koalifornia21,
Someone on here posted a link to this girls blog called Anti-Diet Project. She posts every other Monday. Today's just so happens to be about body image and how she's struggling. She's a great writer and I love reading her articles. Thought you might be interested in reading it. I can't give any advice as I seem to be my own worst enemy. I'll try to post a link but if it doesn't work just google Anti-Diet Project and it should come up.

Great stuff! My issues with hunger continue. Since I've quit caffeine I can no longer tell when I'm hungry or not. I can feel that my body is utilizing its fat stores but the thought of putting food in my mouth is mostly unappealing. I'm not quite sure how to handle it. I've been eating homemade jello for meals because that's one of the few foods that doesn't make me nauseated thinking about it. I was craving a tuna sandwich while commuting to work this morning and my body felt hungry. I stopped and picked one up at the deli but by the time I got to my desk at work and unwrapped it the feeling had passed. I just picked at it- it didn't seem very satisfying, although the energy from it has helped me get some stuff done this morning. I'm honestly really confused because I've always had a big appetite. Now I just don't feel like eating even when I feel my body starving. ??? Any advice is appreciated.

Locke, I don't have tons of insight except to tell you that sometimes when I really tune into my body and discover I don't need as much food as Ive been shoving into it, I have a period of time where I don't eat much. I always feel like its because my body has excess food to live off of. but usually after a few days I start feeling hungry again and eating more. Also, back in the old days when I was a naturally intuitive eater, I would sometimes have a week of barely eating and then weeks of eating a LOT. I just naturally balanced myself out and never worried about it.

@pinkhippie

I think you're right! I ate a lot of food around Easter and I think this is my body evening things out. I've never *not been hungry* for food. When I first started IE when I wasn't hungry I just didn't feel like I needed food. Now when I'm not hungry even thinking about makes me feel yucky. It has been scary because I've always just eaten no matter what my body wants. It's like my brain is finally catching up to my body's signals and making me think differently. Holy cow!

Locke I think I've been experiencing a similar situation.

Do you guys find that IE also means listening to when you're not hungry even though you feel like you should be?

For instance, today I had breakfast at 10am, I was busy with work, friends and other things until 6pm so I had lunch then. It's currently 10 and I'm not hungry at all, even though the thought of food does sound appealing for the taste. I will be going to bed in a few hours so I probably won't be eating anymore today. This feels really weird for me, but I guess IE means listening to my body when I'm hungry AND when I'm not hungry too (even if I feel like I should be).

*Update an hour late*
I actually did start to feel hungry later, so I did have a lighter dinner. I've been trying to dispel the idea from my head that eating after a certain time makes me gain weight.

Locke, don't be afraid of not being hungry. Hunger comes back again so no worries! lol

Gosh I'm feeling sick of listening to my body the past few days. Good thing I'm seeing my nutritional therapist today, I'm almost scared to see her because I'm haivng an "I don't care" attitude lately. It's like my body always needs SOMETHING. Food, water, exercise, rest, etc. I'm not comfortable with it honestly. Sometimes I want to retreat back into my emotions, it feels safer.

I liked the anti-diet project so much that I actually looked up the girl's nutritional therapist and started seeing her myself. Yes!

This is a really interesting podcast of Isabella Foxen Duke in an interview explaining her philosophies. I thought specifically about Locke because Isabella's issues with substance abuse that correlate with her weight obsession. And I thought about Koali too because of the fat shaming she's experienced. And of course I thought of myself and how I always resort to fat obsession when I am really worried about something else entirely.

http://moonfitness.net/2014/04/30/isabel-foxen-duke/

It's about 50minutes long and I have to warn you, it's an obsene amount of valley girl talk. It was hard to listen to but I loved the discussion so try to look past the repetition of "uhmm so like yea!"

Wannabe,

I will have to give that a listen on my commute home. I love IFD. I totally understand about taking care of my body- it's like taking care of a toddler! Before I'd just ignore it or give it what I thought it needed. Here are some things IE has taught me about my particular body:

1) My body needs to rest- a lot. I got 10 hours of sleep on Friday night, woke up refreshed at 6am, and then took a two hour nap from 10am-12pm. I think this might be because of chronic sleep deprivation from my years of grad school and drinking too much alcohol and caffeine. Those two substances really make your sleep poorly.

2) My body needs exercise daily. This can be as little as a walk to the local park or the amount of walking I do during my daily commute. Getting in sunshine and fresh air is an important part of this. Going to the gym and walking on a treadmill is not the same.

3) My body needs social interaction with friends. I need to be around people and talk with people at least a little bit every day. On the weekends I call up people on the telephone or talk over the internet. It makes me feel cheerful and connected.

4) My body needs water and food. The food doesn't have to be so-called health food, but a good combination of protein, fat, and carbs at every meal with some fruits and vegetables daily. Simple sugars are okay with a meal but alone make my body feel bad. Every meal needs to have some amount of fat with it, too.

5) My body doesn't need caffeine, alcohol, drugs, vitamins, or supplements other than my thyroid tablets (I'm hypothyroid). My body doesn't need a slave driver constantly making it go beyond what it is capable of. My body doesn't need constant criticism and hateful reproaches to perform well. It just needs kindness and items 1-4. And chocolate, because yum. :)

And chocolate. Amen.

Thanks for posting this country! I was so inspired by Kelsey's blog posts. She's a real role model.

Well, the thing I feared most about IE happened. A lot of my clothes right now are way to tight to be comfortable.

I'm wearing the few outfits I don't feel fat in, but it's hard. really hard. I still trust that this is a process, and that this weight gain is attempt for my body to feel secure that I won't diet (starve) it again. But it's know fun when my favorite pair of jeans feel painfully uncomfortable.

Sigh. I knew that I would gain weight until I leveled out, I just didn't know how hard it would be emotionally and mentally. Diet thinking never called out so strong as it is right now.

Koali, it's times like this that you have to really focus on the positive changes that have been happening to you as well. List the reasons why IE is working right now, not the reasons that you fear. If IE is a huge fear then it's not going to work, you're right this is a process.

For example, I haven't really lost weight aside from a couple of pounds. However, I feel a lot less anxious around food, I've been able to eat forbidden foods in public, I've turned away food when I'm not hungry, I've been able to stop eating even if it's a favorite food, I'm craving a lot of healthy foods now and I'm eating less carbs than I thought possible. I'm also more confident and I trust my hunger signals more. Yes I'm disappointed in the weight loss but I have so much to celebrate and I know that if I continue honing these skills that my weight will settle.

I can't remember, did you read the Overcoming Overeating book? In it I believe it stresses how important it is to not just "try out" IE with the idea that if it doesn't work, you will just go back to a diet. If you do that, you won't be able to truly get in touch with your hunger and lose the sense of deprivation and restriction because that future diet is hanging over you in the shadows. In fact, I just saw someone on a diet thread that said they were coming back ( to the diet that they had lost weight on but then regained plus some) because they had tried IE for a while and gained weight so obviously that didn't work. And that is true, I think if you just "try" it it won't work. So, good for you for being aware that this is a process and trying to trust your body. Keep it up. It IS hard, I still work on that myself, but it does get easier.

I find IE is very hard but it's the right kind of hard iykwim. If I compare it to exercise I'd say that I'm following the right steps and doing it safely to avoid injuries where as dieting is like attempting a marathon when I've never ran before and failing and accumulating injuries each time I attempt it. Does that make sense?

I feel like it may take longer than dieting but that I'm working on becoming the type of eater I long to be. I get the sense that dieters think that if they maintain vigilance that it will be second nature to them one day. That and mate they want to feel a sense of martyrdom.

Wannabe you're right. I do need to focus on the positives.
Well, for one thing spending time with friends and family has become SO much more enjoyable. I used to dread hanging out because I knew it would involve food, I knew that I would be starving, and I also knew that I wouldn't allow myself to eat the food. Hanging out became torturous, and I really stopped spending as much time with people. Now I spend a lot more time with friends, and am happier for it! :)

I also used to think about food alllllll day long. I thought about food in class, at work, when I was with friends. Now, it really doesn't excite me that much. I don't spend hours dreaming about it anymore.

Another plus is that I don't go on websites like myfitnesspal anymore. I used to spend HOURS everyday on that website. Just plugging in food to see how many calories I would have to "spend" the next day and how I could get the most full out of the combos. It was an obsession.

Lastly, I used to feel uncontrollable around cake, sweets, or any type of bread. I thought I would just keep eating until it was gone. If I ever bought a pint of froyo I would eat it in one night. I bought a pint a few weeks ago, took a few bites, and it's been sitting in the freezer since. Food doesn't make me feel helpless anymore.



To answer your question pink hippie, I have read overcoming overeating. I feel that I have given myself full permission to eat IE and never diet again, but maybe there is a very very smal part of me that thinks if worst comes to worst I can just eat less and get rid of sweets. I guess I need to cut this part out all the way!

I also think that snacking has been what's really caused my weight gain. For instance, when I'm making dinner or thinking of what to make I'll kind of snack as I go. A few pita chips there, a bite of bagel here, some cookies there, all while my foods cooking in the oven. Then I'll eat the food, but still feel unsatisfied so I'll snack a little more after dinner, some more cookies, pita bread bites, etc. All while I'm standing in the kitchen.

Instead, I think I need to cut out the pre-meal snacking, put ALL that I want to eat on a plate and actually sit down and eat and enjoy it. I think all this snacky stuff has just left me vaguely unsatisfied and wanting more. It's hard to enjoy food that you're standing up and eating. I think this may have confused me into eating more than my body even really wants.

It sounds like you are doing so great with this mindset and really on the right track. it is SO nice to feel free around food and not obsess over it isn't it? I thought you had read Overcoming Overeating but couldn't remember. I love that book. It brought me out of the dark depths of an eating disorder in my early twenties.

I have/had the same issue with the snacking. The two things that helped me are 1: If I am snacking while Im preparing my food I am REALLY hungry. And I need to try to not let myself get quite that hungry. 2. I know I only have a finite amount in my stomach for food and if I really want to enjoy
the meal I have planned out then I remind myself that I will enjoy my food more and get to eat more of it, if I just wait until my meal is put together and waiting for me at the table. I have gotten a lot better with this only recently.

Hi Pinkhippie,

Thanks for the advice! I think that I may have been letting myself get to hungry because I wanted to be sure that I was hungry before I ate.. But I guess there's a difference between hungry and ravenous!

I was wondering if you could tell me how you went through the legalizing food process? I have bought myself all the foods I used to restrict. But I still sometimes find myself wanting to have only oreos for lunch or something like that. I'm wondering if this means I haven't fully legalized food all the way yet. A carrot stick still doesn't quite have the same emotional value as a chocolate chip cookie to me!

This is a process and we have to be patient, there may be some weight gain, there might not be enough weight loss, however we have to remember that our primary focus is to rebuild our relationship with food. We are rewiring our brain. We're laying a good foundation for our mental and physical health. We are honoring our bodies. Thinking about how our clothes fit at this moment and being scared of it puts right back into the diet mentality so we need to be cautious with how we speak to ourselves.

I find my weight stays about the same when I snack. I've been eating three meals a day for the past week and I find that it really helps me not think about food. Before when I was snacking I was always checking in- any kind of stomach rumble or feeling a little weak would make me think "should I eat???" "what should I eat???" "am I really hungry or bored, or what???". I've got my body on a schedule now and I don't really have to think about eating all that much. If I get a little bit hungry in the afternoons I'm content because I know that I will make dinner when I get home and eat until I'm satisfied. If I'm not hungry at meal time I don't eat it and wait until the next one. This is simpler for me.

I did exactly the same thing. I wanted to make absolutely sure I was hungry and so my hands would be shaking as I reached for ANYTHING to eat when I finally realized I was hungry. It took a while to get in touch with gentle hunger and not ravenous hunger. For me, I do it differently than Locke. I experimented with both ways and I find that eating small amounts often helps me get in better touch with my hunger. Just like the book says, if you eat small amounts then you will be hungry sooner and so you get more practice feeding your body when its hungry. ( or something like that) But I also agree with Locke about then you start feeling weirdly obsessed with food and am I hungry, do I really need to eat? etc... so its a really fine line.

Anyway, I tried legalizing foods a couple of times with out success. I finally was able to and the best way I found to legalize foods for me was to buy a lot of whatever food I absolutely loved and would eat an entire bag of. For me, that was oreos, chocolate, and ice cream pie. I bought 4 bags of oreos at a time. For quite a while I would just eat oreos. Sometimes until I felt sick. And then I would NOT beat myself up with guilt, but I would recognize that eating that much oreo made me feel physically bad. Anyway, eventually I got really tired of oreos. I moved onto ice cream pie. I bought several ice cream pies and ate a LOT. And then I moved on to chocolate. Eventually there came one day when I was automatically moving to eat the chocolate and then I was like "do I even WANT that chocolate?" And I realized no, a strawberry and yogurt sounded really good. Or something else. Now, I have had a bag of chocolate truffles sitting on the fridge for about a month. There are still truffles in it. Those things are rich and I am rarely in the mood for such richness these days. But, besides the process, I think its REALLY important, like Locke says how you choose to talk to yourself as you are legalizing foods. Always tell yourself its ok and do not feel "bad" or "guilty". It was kind of a long process for me. I would say I just recently started not feeling like I need a chocolate desert after lunch and dinner. And the only reason is, is because I am not in the mood for chocolate. But, I had to take away the guilt of eating chocolate and not have it be a "bad" food in my mind to be able to honestly assess wether I was in the mood for chocolate. I hope that really long wordy explanation helped. :)

Oh I forgot. When I first started legalizing foods I had to start slow with things like granola bars (you know because they are "healthy" :) And yogurt covered raisins and stuff like that. I had to work up to oreos. I was actually cleaning out my cupboards today and I found an old bag of oreos with stale oreos in it. I got so tired of them that I let them go stale and old. So, it really can happen. :)

Pinkhippie that's an amazing thing you did. I often wonder if I've legalized foods the way it should be done.

Yesterday in a fury I threw away a lot of food. Cookies, chocolates, all sweets. I don't know why, I was having a very bad day. I felt like I had overdone it. I don't know if I threw them away because i was sick of them or because I'm in diet territory. It brought me a huge wave of relief and I feel even better today. I want to email my NT about it but I'm scared to.

Basically since my big presentation last week I've had a very difficult time listening to my body's hunger signals. I attempt to eat intuitively but then I overeat and feel guilty. I couldn't figure out why. Why am I suddenly not able to be in tune with my body? My NT helped me figure out that since then I have been very hard on myself, scrutinizing my performance, pouring over the publicity shots, going over my speech and how I was received. I realized that I mentally reject all the positive feedback I receive and elevate all the self criticism. In essence I'm trying to be realistic about how well I did, and not delusionally pat myself on the back for a good job well done, and in the process over criticizing myself, and scolding myself for the little mistakes I made.

She called this the inner-critic - my very loud negative voice that keeps telling me that I can't, I won't, I don't deserve, I'm too fat, I'm too weak, that nobody likes me, nobody takes me seriously. In my attempt to evaluate my performance (which is a normal and healthy thing to do) I unwittingly turned on my self-critic and bombarded myself with negativity. The louder the critic voice is the dimmer my hunger signals are, the more confusing it becomes. To escape my critic I resort to comfort eating. Well, who wouldn't!

Something else that she said that really struck me is that my self inner critic is not me. It's not my actual voice. It's not my inner self that's talking to me. It's just a negative voice that's impact me. I can turn it off and not listen to it. It's NOT reality! I thought it was, so knowing this can help me ignore it and try to turn down that volume.

Try not to be hard on yourself Wannabe. We are inundated with messages about food and our bodies our whole lives. I have a big advantage in that I am a former THIN IE eater. :) The way I messed myself up was trying to diet to lose pregnancy weight because I still have a few lurking issues that come up when I gain a lot of weight. (that's how I found 3FC though. :) ) Im sorry, I just felt the need to put that in there because I find myself frustrated when people talk about how IE won't really help you be thin and healthy. Now of course only wanting to be thin goes against the premise of IE which is to accept your body and just work on nurturing yourself by honoring your hunger, thereby causing the result of thinness when you are no longer eating food that you don't need. Anyway... It was scary to do that with the food and I had tried legalizing a few times before with no success so for me that is what I needed to do.

I find it bizarre quite honestly that people actually don't trust their bodies to let them know what and how much they need to eat. We are so out of touch with our bodies these days and food isn't just food its wrapped up in so much of our self esteem, our worthiness, etc... It has gotten insane. And the reaction we have to then control our food that our bodies need with our mind makes no sense either to me. I really believe that if we get in touch with our bodies, they will tell us what we need. But we have to trust them. Usually for me I will have a few days where I just want lots of bready stuff. Cereal, sandwiches, pasta. Then a few days later all I want is protein and vegetables, or dairy and fruit, or some other combo. I really believe my body will tell me what it needs. I am sad that I got so out of touch with my body that I have to work this hard to get back in touch with it, but Im happy that I have been reconnecting with the needs of my body. I really could go on and on about this but I feel passionately about it and I always have, ever since I overcame my eating disorder in my early twenties.

It sounds like you have a great Nutritional Therapist! I have read a LOT of emotional eating books etc and I have read about and identified my inner critic. It is a great realization that you don't have to listen to it and that it has become louder since your presentation. You are doing so awesome! It's amazing how emotional eating is so tricky sometimes. I still have times where my sadness or discomfort with a feeling honestly translates itself as hunger to me. The only way I have been able to start to be able to recognize that is to really practice feeding myself when I am hungry and to NOT feel guilty if I can't or don't. If I do need to eat when Im not hungry I just try to recognize it and tell myself it's ok. Treat myself with love and compassion and later look at things and try to figure out why I needed to eat. We have got to love ourselves and treat ourselves with love in order to honor our bodies hunger signals and eat in a way that actually nourishes us. I think that has been one of the biggest parts of my journey.

Anyway, there I go again, sorry. Like I said I feel passionately about this. :)

Pinkhippie, hearing from you really helped! I was doing the exact same thing! By the time I let myself eat I would be so hungry that my hands were literally shaking. I'm going to try to listen to more gentle hunger signals so I don't let myself get to that point before.

When you let yourself eat things like oreos did you also strictly enforce the stop when full part of Overcoming Overeating? Sometimes I will eat a couple of oreos and then stop myself thinking that they are too rich, and trying to convince myself that I am really full off of a couple anyway...I think in reality it's just me knowing the nutrition content and being afraid that if I let myself eat a whole bag then even less of my clothes will fit (many of them have grown quite tight.)

But it sounds like you are really in a good place with the legalizing process, and that's a place where I honestly haven't reached yet. I really want to get there though. Like you also stated, it was a diet that messed you up in the first place. I'm in the same boat. I started a diet to lose 5 lbs (I didn't even need too :/ ) when I was 17 and the battle began then. Except I'm done battling, I'm ready to make peace with my body and listen to it instead of ALL the media and nutrition messages we hear all day!

Thanks for your help:)

Wannabe,

I cannot tell you how many times I have thrown out perfectly good food because I was in a rage at myself. I struggle with bulimia and I it feels almost like purging does to me. I've thrown out a few things (mostly sweets) since I started IE. Every week when I go back to the store to do my shopping I take care to buy at least one thing. I make sure I always have at least one thing in the house that I know is there for me to eat that is a "bad" food.

I've been struggling with the urge to diet in the past few days and have been consciously not eating carbs. I know it's harmful but I sometimes am just so desperate to lose weight that I will try modifying IE to get my way. It started with wanting to cut down a little on sugary stuff because it seems to effect my moods. That spiraled into a full blown low-carb couple of days. I don't really feel great and I'd like to have a bagel, please. :) I am just the type of person who has trouble being moderate- I can't just hold off a little bit on sweets, I have to go zero-sugar, no carb, etc. etc.

I see this alot around the forum with the people who say that they can't control themselves around sweets so they don't eat any at all. I think this swinging to the opposite extreme is not the ideal solution. Moderation is (in my experience) harder but ultimately a more effective way to gain control over foods that you find problematic. That's why I like IE- it stresses the middle path between deprivation and binge.

I am so glad that my long rambling helped you! I actually didn't always strictly enforce my stop when full part with eating the oreos. Sometimes I ate way more than my body needed. At that point, any restriction at ALL even if it was just myself telling myself to stop eating when I was full could mentally mess me up. I had to give myself permission to well... to gorge. I only did that a few times because I didn't feel guilt about it, and just tried to notice the effects on my body. Lethargy, sleepiness, stomach pain etc.. By treating myself kindly and not telling myself I could never have those again because I was "bad" by overeating those, it worked out to be less and less. I honestly didn't want to feel that way and so I chose to only have a few over time. Another thing I noticed was that oreos only really tasted good when I was hungry. I started noticing that when I was full they tasted kind of chemically and too sweet but when I was hungry they were delicious. So, I started waiting until I was hungry to eat them. I have noticed that if I start eating when I am hungry, it is much easier to stop when I am satisfied because there is a very different feeling. If I eat when Im not hungry I can eat forever because there was never a physical cue to eat in the first place. Then I started noticing when I ate oreos when I was hungry that they really weren't satisfying and I really wanted FOOD when I was hungry. So, eventually I just stopped eating the Oreos altogether and gradually became more in touch with what my body really wanted when I was hungry.

I hope that helps! I know its scary. I probably did gain some weight during that period but since I have legalized foods and don't feel like I HAVE to have sugary junky stuff anymore, I have lost about 30 pounds. But weight loss can't be your main motivation. You have to want to get in touch with your body's hunger and take care of yourself. And like you said, make peace with your body. I think that is SO important. At least I have found that to be true for me. As soon as I motivate my eating to be about weight loss it completely changes things for me. Its a tricky line to walk right now with losing weight and being happy about it, yet not changing my eating to try to lose weight.

I don't feel any guilt about eating these foods in theory. But I'm feeling more capable of not being swayed by them. I'm not enjoying the feeling I'm getting from them. I don't need them around me as much anymore, I think that's why I threw them out. I still haven't gotten to the bottom of it but I can tell you I don't miss them at all, good riddance.

Have you given any thought to your inner critic? I get the sense that it is loud for you too.

A small success this morning. I woke up feeling "skinny" which we all know means absolutely nothing in terms of reality but it is a good feeling nonetheless. Usually when I get this skinny feeling it prompts me to step on a scale so I can reward myself by seeing a 1lb loss. But I stopped myself and thought - hey, I already feel good, I already feel beautiful, why do I need to attach a number to this feeling?

I swear sometimes I think you might be a long lost twin of mine. :) I had the same feeling and resisted, too. I feel fabulous today! I had a revelation this week that I have not been taking care of myself- almost at all. Here I am a 27 year old woman and I never learned how to really, truly take care of my needs. So in the past few weeks I've been sleeping more- if my body feels tired and I'm not at work I'm going to rest. No more pushing myself through criticism, caffeine, and anxiety. (The inner critic is so true for me Wannabe it didn't even bear mentioning, I've lived with that beotch for a long time ;) ) For a while with IE I was eating sugary foods for dinner- like jello, or just a few bites of ice cream. Well that didn't make me feel very good so I've resolved to give myself a nourishing meal when I need it.

What pinkhippie said really resonated with me- when I'm really hungry my body wants quick energy, mostly in the form of sugar. Knowing that has made me able to give it what it really needs (what makes it feel good) rather than what it cries for when it's really hungry. I'm also planning a little bit more for week nights. My schedule is hectic and I only have a few minutes to eat dinner so I'm making up some meals ahead of time that are balanced like meatloaf/potatoes/broccoli and pork/beans/corn bread. Good tasty food that's going to stick with me and give me what I need. :) Anyway I'm happy and grateful today. I hope you ladies have a nice weekend.