That's pretty nice

Wow, Carol, that is very good.

I am punishing myself with food today. I woke up today with my mind set on not eating so much bread. I hardly ate any bread before but since starting IE, I'm eating a lot of floury things. Anyway, bottomline, I ate a ton of bread. I actually craved bagels with cream cheese. I had two today. I had never had two bagels in one day before.
And then I went to the gym, and I kept looking at myself in the mirror feeling disgusted. Sometimes I even think maybe I'm one of those women who didn't know they were pregnant and my only symptom is a big round hard belly O_O (yes, my belly is actually very hard, that's why I think it's mostly bloating... fat is not very hard).
And I know no-one, absolutely no-one in the gym is judging me or anything. I know is just me being sooo hard on myself. I looked at myself in the mirror for like 15 minutes and just stared at my belly and hated it. And I think maybe I should just give up IE. If I was dieting together with the exercise I already do, I would look amazing.

And then I come home and punish myself with food. I gulped my dinner down feeling guilty even before eating it.

AAAhhhh, life isn't easy, is it? =)

I am not quiting IE. I'm just documenting the ups and downs... I actually think I've lost some weight since I'm fitting into pants I couldn't wear before. But even then I think maybe those 2 pairs of pants just stretched and that's why they fit.

Once again, ladies, thanks for being there.

Hey,alo22, I have the same problems. Just recently my belly has gotten a bit smaller so it doesn't bug me quite so much but if you read all the posts in all the IE threads you would know it has bugged me over the years. After 10 kids, I suppose I shouldn't complain. Nevertheless, I still have those days that I dream of dieting but I know from 30 yr. experience that it won't work for me.

Carol, I absolutely loved that recipe post. Think I'll print that one out. It's a keeper!

ALO, I can't remember, but has it only been recently that you have started IE? If so, please remember that as we give ourselves permission to eat again we will naturally gravitate towards those things we have restricted. Bread is a biggie, since we've all been brain-washed into thinking that bread has horns, a tail and wields a pitchfork. Most ex-dieters (especially those who restricted carbs) have pretty much abandoned bread while dieting (only to scarf it down when the diet was off). Naturally, we've created an unhealthy relationship with those kinds of foods - a love-hate relationship - and now that the diet is off because of IE, we suddenly realize we can eat the stuff again and there you have it ... cravings for bread and eating it like it won't be there tomorrow, because in the past, it wasn't allowed to be there tomorrow because tomorrow we were starting another diet, so we had to end our sinful relationship with it right then and there. (Gee, that was a run-on sentence!)

So anyhow, it is quite natural to experience what you've described about the bread cravings ... along with the bloating from way too much refined flour ... along with the guilt ... and shame ... and self-hatred that goes along with that! If you stick with IE, it will get better. I thought I would never get to a sane place but I finally am. I still hate when I am bloated (as if being overweight isn't enough!) But remember, even skinny people can get bloated on flour! We just have to work thru the IE as we repair our relationship with food day by day, bite by bite. Eventually bread will release its grip on you. It's just been placed up on a pedestal where its been worshipped, so it is lording over the dieter and ex-dieter alike. Bread has to be brought back down among the "common" food where it isn't viewed as special anymore. That's a process that takes a little time and a lot of patience and effort. I can honestly say that bread is just a take-it or leave-it food to me, just as Reeses Peanut Butter Cups (or any other food for that matter). I am no longer held captive by them. Hang in there!

It is good that you want to record the ups and downs. That's exactly what I've done here at 3FC (and in my personal journal). It helps you to get your thoughts in order. It lets you vent when you need to. And, by publicly sharing your experiences like we do at 3FC, others don't feel so all alone when they realize that somebody else has been there and understands the frustration. And, sometimes all we need is to know that somebody is listening!

I was just thinking about "body acceptance" and IE. When I first started following IE, the concept of body acceptance was very, very foreign to me. After all, the whole reason I was in this overweight mess was because I was trying to reach some ideal weight and size. So I was certainly not interested in accepting my body the way it was. Even reading about body acceptance in the IE book made me cringe. "What? You want me to like my body? You must be out of your mind!" But, interestingly, without even realizing it (until now) I am OK with it. I'm not saying I will never desire to be thin, but I am suddenly aware that I am much less critical of myself. I used to feel like "I have to lose this weight now. I hate it." And I could plan in my mind how long it *should* take (if I was *good* and stuck to my plan - sarcasm there). And in my mind I was setting up some kind of progress plan - if I stick to my plan then in 2 months I can lose approximately "X" pounds and THEN I'll be happy. Ugh! What a setup for failure!

But my mind isn't working that way anymore! As I was just sitting here thinking about the process of IE and how it works I came to the realization that I would much rather have sanity and freedom with IE than pounds lost at the cost of dieting and insanity (read that: eating disorder). Suddenly, I am aware that the need to lose the weight quickly is gone. And the urge to run to a diet to "fix" my weight problem is gone too. (I was constantly toying with the idea of restricting my carbs while doing IE.) I think I have finally reached that place of having it all sink in. It is totally liberating to be relaxed around food.

It's like, when you read the IE book for the first time, a very long process is presented to you in a very short format. It is not necessarily easy to grasp some of the concepts if you are not mentally prepared to do so. That is why I just cringed at the thought of accepting my body at first, but now it is no big deal. I had to be brought along to a point where sane eating was more important to me than pounds lost. And it is!!!

I just love this and had to share!

Ack, I don't have much time right now, but I wanted to say, ALO, that it's great that you can express *whatever* you're feeling.

Thanks, ladies, for not calling the state hospital every time I wrtie one of my depressing posts

Blue Serenity, your posts were absolutly spot on. I read them twice, to take everything in. Sometimes I get so ahead of myself thinking that I already know everything there is to know about IE (ha, right!) and I get impatient with myself. No new behavior there.

So, tomorrow I'm picking up my best friend from the airport (she's from Argentina). She's staying with us for a couple of months. I am super excited. Living with her and James (dh), two naturally thin people, two Winters ago, was what finally opened my eyes: it was possible to be active and eat whatever you liked in a totally healthy and sane way! We spent that whole Winter skiing every day and having so much fun!

We work at a ski resort. I used to hate any kind of exercise, or thought I hated it because of my experiences in PE classes in school, but then I learnt to ski and the mountain became our playground and I felt like the child I never was! because even as I child I was so sedentary, I would never play outside with other kids.

In a way, I feel like coming to terms with my body (or the proses of) is like going back to the ideal childhood, with no self-consciousness.

I'm still having trouble with middle of the night hunger that makes it hard to sleep and in early morning I'm usually ravenous. The only time I'm not is when I eat a good sized meal at 7pm or later. Any suggestions because I'm not one to get up in the night and eat. Makes me feel yuck.

The hunger has simmered down some. Here is an interesting note from Yahoo news.

Our appetites can be quite the pranksters. It often fools us to think we are hungry, when often, we may be suffering from something completely different. Distinguishing between false hunger and true hunger will help you know when your body really needs food and when it needs something else.

1. Hunger Due to Eating the Wrong Food: Symptoms include craving high sugar foods or feeling “hungry” soon after eating a meal. If you just had a big meal that is high in simple carbohydrates and did not contain fiber, protein or healthy fat, all of which help provide a sense of satiety, you may have experienced a drop in blood sugar. In this case, have a healthy snack, such as a piece of fresh fruit and nuts, or cottage cheese or celery and peanut butter or 1/2 of a sandwich on whole grain bread).
2. Emotional Hunger: Sometimes, our appetites can go haywire when we are experiencing boredom, fear, anxiety, stress or loneliness. Try taking a walk, journaling, listening to some favorite music, calling a friend or chewing a piece of mint gum instead. Read a book, go to a “safe place” like a library or museum or park where you will not be tempted to overeat or distracted by food. Take a bath, meditate, or think about what REALLY would satisfy you, vs. eating to stuff down emotions you do not want to confront.
3. Hunger Due to Sleepiness: Experts at www.WebMD.com state that two major hormones, leptin and ghrelin, affect and control sensations of hunger and fullness. Ghrelin stimulates appetite, while leptin, made in fat cells, alerts the brain that you have had enough to eat. Lack of sleep causes a significant drop in leptin levels as well as an increase in ghrelin levels, a so called double whammy for appetite control and feelings of satiety. Daytime fatigue may lead people to overeat (often, high sugar, nutrient poor foods) in an attempt to get an extra surge of energy. This is equivalent to placing a Band-Aid on the true problem. It provides only temporary relief, which is soon followed by a crash in energy levels and a resurgence of “hunger” leading to more snacking, increased sugar cravings, etc….a vicious cycle. If you are feeling mid-afternoon hunger pains, try: a brisk 10 min walk around the block (fresh air helps, as does exercise, to boost alertness and increase circulation), a cup of green tea (high in antioxidants and low in caffeine relative to coffee), a 1/4 cup of almonds and a small apple (high in protein, healthy fat and carbohydrates, low in sugar, and a good source of magnesium and fiber). Even taking a few deep breaths can help curb fatigue!
4. Hunger Due to Thirst: We often mistake thirst for hunger. Try drinking a glass or two of water to identify whether you are truly hungry or just slightly dehydrated, in which case water is the perfect antidote!

When you are really experiencing true hunger, however, it is pretty clear to identify. For instance, a growling stomach will cause us to be cranky and unfocused…until we get some food, that is! If it has been four hours since your last meal or snack, you may well be truly hungry. Don’t ignore true hunger…doing so may exacerbate it and cause you to overeat to compensate for the missed calories. It is important to eat regularly and consistently to keep energy levels elevated and avoid dips in blood sugar. Try to include fruits and vegetables at each meal and snack, along with some protein (cheese, beans, lean meat/poultry/fish) and some healthy fat (avocado, olives, nuts, oil). This whole foods approach will help keep you at a healthy weight and lessen the likelihood for emotional hunger to rear its head!

Written by Brooke Joanna Benlifer, RD (www.brookejoannanutrition.com) for Sheer Balance

Good article, Carol.

If you still experience the hunger, try having a lite snack just before bed (if digestion doesn't tend to bother you and keep you awake).

I've been so busy, haven't had much time for posting but wanted to check in. Company's coming Thursday so I have got to get my house in order! I feel like it's been one step forward and two steps back around here lately.

Take care and Merry Christmas everyone if I don't see you before then! Have a great one!

hi ladies, sorry i haven't been posting lately! Been busy having fun.

IE is going really well!!! all of you, happy holidays and have a great beginning for 2010!!!! (I'm sure I'll post before that, though)

Hope all are surviving the storms that are in the midwest and also the food, so abundant right nowl

Haven't been here in a while. Just wanted to stop by and say I hope you all have a

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas, all. Whether you celebrate the holiday or not, I hope everyone is doing well.