I Need Motherly Advice.
 

My daughter is 11 months old. For the past 2 weeks, she wakes up during the night crying. She will sit up in her bed and cry until I get up to pick her up. I've tried talking to her (she sleeps in the same room-but not the same bed as me) to let her know I'm there and everything's alright if she's having bad dreams. She has always slept through the night.
Have any of you had a problem with your toddler sleeping at night? Why has she started doing this all of a sudden? She is always sleepy when I put her to bed. She has the same bedtime (and daytime routine). I thought it might be teething, but she stops crying when I pick her up. Thanks for any advice!!

OK here goes - just so you know I'm legit I'm a nurse and I work in ER and also in a pediatricians office.

Children tend to go through stages around 9mths, 12mths, 15mths and 18mths where they will wake up in the middle of the night and want to get up. this may be a developmental were not really sure. Not all children have this happen at every mile stone listed above, and the mth is a estimate some children hit it early some hit it late. There is really not a whole lot you can do, but stick it out. I have a 15mth old and have been through this a few times now. What I do - when I first hear her crying (she sleeps in her own room across the hall, but both of our doors are open) I wait to see what her cry is going to do. (you know what I mean if its just a whine or if its going to turn into a full fledges cryathon) If its the real thing - I go to her room, check her out make sure she doesn't have any limbs stuck in the crib, pooped her pants whatever, if she's ok I turn over onto her tummy (her perfered sleeping position) and pat her but, pull her covers up and say its night night time, go to sleep mommy loves you. I go back to my room. Look at the clock (this is very inportant) and I will let her cry for 10 mins. If after 10 mins she is still crying I go back across the hall repeat above procedure. GO back to my room look at the clock and give her 15 mins to cry if still crying, I again repeat - every time I go in there I add 5 mins

I have been very lucky - my daughter has never done this for more than 1.5 hrs. The first night is always!! bad, it get better as the week goes on. most people only have to do this for about 3 nights before the child will again sleep through the night - but it can take 7 - 10 days. I recommend only doing this with a healthy child, colds, ear infections are a whole different thing - they may trully need mommy than - if your not sure about the healthy take her into your doctors, because repeatly waking up in the night can also be a sighn of ear infections.

Oh Just another little note - look at the clock because when your child is crying it can feel like forever when in fact its only been 2-3 mins.

Best of Luck and I hope I helped you somewhat

How sad that anyone is promoting letting a baby (yes, a 13-month-old is still a baby) cry. :(

Here is an excellent article from the Australian Association for Infant Mental Health on why "controlled crying" is not a good thing:
http://www.earlychildhoodaustralia.o...d%20Crying.pdf

From that paper:
I really urge you to read that. Letting your daughter cry it out will undoubtedly eventually stop her from crying, but it's not pyschologically or developmentally appropriate.

It is quite common to wake during the night at this age. Now, what I would do is dump anything fluffy off my bed and take the little one into my bed (yes, it is safe). But I understand that not everyone wants to do that. All I can really say is, comfort her as best you can. I have heard good things about the "No Cry Sleep Solution"; I know there's a book out there about it, but I don't know who writes it. Lovingly easing your child into a longer sleep period should be the goal, not merely quieting her.

Ditto on the ear infections.

As you probably know each child is different.

When my oldest had an ear infection she would have fever and was restless at night but my youngest just had problems sleeping with NO FEVER at all. She always slept well except when she had an infection.

It's best to get her checked by her doctor just in case.

I probobly shouldn't do this, But what the hey I'm annoyed.
My daughter is a beautifull well ajusted little girl who knows that her parents love her very much.
My letting her cry everyonce in a while to help her to sleep, something that is very important to her development and well being in no way underminds that fact.
I personally feel very sad for the babys/children that are never made to deal with any frustration and don't know how to function in life such as being able to put them selves to sleep - a very inportant skill. :(

OK that's the end of my vent HAPPY HOUSE WIFE - you have to decide on your own what best for YOU and your daughter, wether you feel you need to let her cry it out or try other methods - the only thing that I will caution you on - taking a child in to your own bed can be a very hard habit to break - so be sure that you are willing to make that commitment before you do it and please toss out anything that is fluffy or extra soft first.

Ooohh, dangerous ground here ;)

We all need to parent in a way that works best for our own family.

In my own experience, letting them cry and learn to comfort themselves, as long as the know they are safe and loved...can be a wonderful thing. It really does only take a few nights, and our whole family was happier, healthier and better off because we got the sleep we needed. We have well adjusted, happy, confident kids who often know how to solve their own problems..although they can certainly come to us if necessary in the night (though they seldom do)

I know this would not work for everyone, and I absolutely, deeply respect each parent's right to make their own choices. I tend to agree with EviesMommy on this one.

What lucky children we have, to have parents who love them so much..and are so concerned with their well being :)

:hug:
Linda

:lol: EviesMommy

We were posting the same sentiment at exactly the same time! By the time I was done writing my response, yours was there too.

:)
Linda

I'm on a fence between Eviesmommy and GBMM. Although I know of many kids my kids' ages who's moms did the method tht Eviesmommy recommended, when the time came to implement this tactic in my own house, I couldn't do it AT ALL. I tried it on my daughter when she was about your child's age. Parents insisted that I leave my daughter to cry herself to sleep. They all said to resist the urge at all costs to let her come sleep with me, even if I had to lock the door to keep her in her own room. I tried this ONE NIGHT and ended up with her having a phobia with having her door closed for years (until she became a pre-teen and now I can't get her to leave her door open...privacy, you know... :) ). Afer that, it was the usual that she climbed in my bed nearly every night whenever she wanted to. I STILL feel guilty and horrible...she was terrified by that method. I tried this with my son at about a year old and went into the bathroom to wait for my few minutes to goby so to pat his fanny and make sure he was okay after 10 mins...after about 30 seconds, he quieted down and I thought, "that was waaaay too easy..." I went in and my husband was holding him and crying. We both agreed that we'd just have to be a slave to our son's sleep patterns.

Here's my recommendation. Letting our child sleep with you isn't a great idea as it'll go on for years. I saw this on Supernanny and lo and behold, this is what ended up working with my son. Put the baby to sleep, turn off the lights and sit in quiet next to her bed. Actually, I ended up playing soothing music, too, but on Supernanny, she had a quiet room. The baby can see you're there, but since you're not talking and directing her to be quiet, she'll be reassured that you're there, but will get the hint that it's sleep time. I ended up loving this time with my son because I got a small reading light and would sit and read a book with the music on in the dark while he fell asleep. Eventually, I'd put his music on, turn the lights dim and tell him I was going to put on my pajamas and I"d be right back. I did this and then would sit and watch TV on my bed for ten minutes and would check in on him even if he wasn't crying or calling me so he knew I was right there. Now, I put him to bed, put on the music, dim the lights and say, "Good night" and he goes right out...he might still think I'm in my room watching TV, but he goes right out.

This has been, by far, the most successful way of getting my kids a decent bedtime routine. Reading a few books before bedtime is also VERY nice. I usually read three stories to my son at night. Unless I'm tired or don't feel good, then I get out the books with the CD's attached.

I'm still kicking myself for my one night of mean strictness with my daughter. She's a teenager now and I still hug her and feel guilty for it. What a meanie!!

Anyhow...I know many moms that put their babies to bed and shut the door and let them cry it out without even giving them the ten/fifteen/etc rule and their kids are fine today. BUT, I also remember BAWLING in my bed at night and being flat-out ignored by my parents and I still remember how bad it hurt...like nobody cared. I'm 40. Sheesh. But they also say that a baby that learns to comfort itself back to sleep is a good thing and is good for the baby.

Do what works for you!!

Thankyou Linda for posting - You helped to difuse some of my anger. You are absolutly right that every family parents in their own way and that is whats best for them. only you trully know your own children. What works for some familys does not work for others. What works for some children does not always work for others. Everyone is a individual with their own preferences.
I just felt a like my parenting skills got bashed, wether that was the intention or not. I do let my daughter cry things out- but if she is trully not feeling well or trully needs me I am there - I perfer to sit up and rock her rather than risk making a habit of taking her into my bed - but that is just me. I could probobly go on and on and on with this. but I will let it go.

BEst of luck to you Happy House WIfe - what ever option you choose.

Very well stated, Linda :hug:

Hi happy house wife. My daugter is 3 now, she never once slept through the night until she was 2 1/2 she was in her own room, but I never could stand to let her cry it out. Her really really bad nights she was usually having nightmares and needed a hug, kiss and a rock. your daughter is probably going through some seperation anxiety and just needs to be reassured you are there.

My son is in my bed, because of reflux he cant sleep unless he is ploped over my side. I cant wait until the reflux is gone.

Just wanted to say that both of my kiddos went through this. It usually started when they were learning to sit-up, pull-up or walk. Different things worked for each of my kids. My daughter just needed mommy to walk in and lay her back down and let her know that all is ok. I would pat her back for a minute or two until she settled down. My son, however, needed mommy to hold him & nurse him until he felt safe enough to sleep again. The phase usually lasted 4-7 days (for us). Good luck and find what works for you. Lots of good advice here. Hang in there.

carafre

I agree that taking a child to your bed can be a very hard habit to break...( My nephew couldn't sleep alone @10 years old and required therapy to break it) However, I have , on occassion, taken my son to bed. I have also let him "work it out", not to mention, very often he will be picked up and soothed if he is a certain kind of upset. Being his Mother I am capable of gauging his comfort levels. I do what I feel is right at the time...that what makes me Mommie.

My take on this whole deal (from a father of 2 ~ step-father of one ~ guardian of my nephew) is if the little one is too little to "con" you with tears then pick them up ~ the nights without sleep will pass.

My little guy (who by the way is 25 and will be married in 3 weeks) would cry until we either put him in his swing and played Johnny Hortons Battle of New Orleans over and over, or walk him outside ~ as soon as he was outside he would quit crying ~ never could figure it out ~ but that too did pass.

I (and I stress I liked the idea of having my kiddos in my room while they were itty-bitty ~ never in bed to sleep with us though.

Good luck and try everyone's advice ~ they all have valid points.

Goofy question but she isn't seeing anything scary on tv is she? My oldest son - now 10, was so sensitive to stuff on tv, even commercials would set him off later at night. It took me a while to figure out if there was a kinda creepy commercial on tv that day, he would be awake crying that night. Once I figured that out and made sure nothing weird was flashing on tv his night crying eased up. Ever since I have been very selective of what my kids can watch. Anyhoo thats my 2 cents.

I just have to add something here...my parents used to let me cry myself to sleep (as mentioned above) and as I said, it made me feel horrible. Well, a few years ago, I had to have my gall bladder removed. My son was about a year and a half old and my mom came for the first few days I was home to help me with my son. Well, a lot of good that did...she left him in is port-a-crib the day I came home screaming his head off while she had her back turned to him trying to watch her soap opera. I came hobbling downstairs to see what was wrong and she said to me, "Don't pick him up, he has to learn that this is time to sleep! He'll stop crying in a few minutes." So, I picked him up (against doctors rules) and brought him up to bed with me. How mean.

I guess my point it that letting your kids cuddle up with you isn't a bad thing. Still, once in a while, my son will ask me to lay down with him when he goes to sleep. I always tell him that I need to take care of a few things around the house and I'll be right back. If he's still awake, I'll lay down with him, but that he should try to fall asleep on his own. He's 5 (6 in december). I always check on him in about 10 mins...9 times out of 10 he's out and I don't lay down with him, but that 1 time out of 10, he's so happy to have me lay down with him, he curls up and practically purrs, I bury my nose in his hair and pull him in tight and we both LOVE it. You know, they're only little for a split second in time and then they're TEENAGERS!! Then, every time you hug and kiss them, they look at you as if you're mental. I'm taking every opportunity I can to cuddle with my son now while he's young. I'm thinking how cool it will be to have a son that's a teenager and still wants to hug and kiss mom. My daughter still likes to, but she has to act as though she doesn't. Of course, I'm sure my days of laying down with my son are numbered...I'm not a weirdo...but I'll take all I can get while I can still get it.

Just 2 more cents...I'm still leaning more toward Great Big MOnster Momma. I like cuddling with my kids...it takes a much stronger person to do it Eviesmommy's way than I am. I'm too much of a whimp. It's not that I don't agree with eviesmommy, I just don't have it in me...

The whole sleep issue can be so emotional, personal, and heated. It really tests us as mom's. My son has never been a good sleeper, and I literally wanted to throw myself off a cliff during the almost 3 years of being sleep deprived, and failed attempts. What I came to realize is that it is all so individual and what works for one family is not what may work for another. If we as moms are doing what in our hearts we feel is best for our little ones then we are on the right path. And, goodness, as moms we need eachother now more then ever, support for one's own choices is a beautiful thing. Finally he sleeps! Still in our room, at 4, but by god he sleeps!

HappyHouseWife: I would definitely take her into to see her pediatrician. The only way I knew if either of my kids had an ear infection (or any infection) is that they would wake up during the night. They would stop crying when I picked them up and held them because it lessened the pressure in the ears. During the day, they never acted like anything bothered them but then they wouldn't sleep at night.
It could be developmental too but it doesn't hurt to see the doctor.
just my 2 cents :D

Alot of babies have sleep disturbances when they are mastering a new skill. Has your daughter recently begun to pull herself up or is she teetering on the brink of her first steps? If that's the case, then it will definitely pass (which is small comfort in the midst of the sleepless nights!). In the meantime, I don't think there's any harm whatsoever in giving her the comfort she obviously needs. If she is in the process of learning something new, then she needs reassurance even more from you than ever. I can't remember if you said whether she goes back to sleep after you cuddle her or not? If she does, great! If not, maybe try what someone else suggested about sitting by her bed in a darkened, quiet room. Sleep is important but we all know having children is not about convenience! Eventually, it will work itself out.

Best of luck whatever you decide. And warm hugs of support and complete understanding while you're doing it!

EZMoney, I too have always had her crib in my room. It makes me sleep better to know she's there.. I'm sure it helps for her to look over and see me if she happens to wake up at night.

She woke up this morning at 2AM!! She cried, and I talked to her just to let her know I was there. She didn't stop at my voice. So, I got up and fed her a bottle and turned on a fan (the box fans that are a bit noisy. I thought it just might've been too quiet for her. -and she fell back to sleep for the rest of the night! :?:

I'm thinking (and I don't know for sure just yet) that perhaps I should try changing her daytime routine and letting her take 2 short naps instead of just one long nap. OR possibly it MIGHT be because I rearranged the furniture in the bedroom, and maybe she can tell it's "different".
Then again, it may be a phase.
So, by process of elimination-I'm going to keep trying to find what's wrong.
I know she's not sick or anything like that. Thank goodness! :)

I really appreciate all of your replies. I definitely agree that what works for one child may not work on another and only a mother knows what her baby needs. In some cases, letting them cry is good, but for me, I think my daughter is just too young to "cry it out". Maybe when she's older and can understand things better it would be alright for me to do so, but I'll see when/if that time comes.

I'm guilty of letting my little one take naps with me. But, she never cries at bedtime to sleep with me. She loves her bed! I think she understands things a lot more than I give her credit for! ha ha :queen:

Thanks again to all of you! :grouphug: Aren't these smilies the cutest?!

Mummy Tummy, as a matter of fact, she IS starting to pull up and take a few "cruses" around the furniture (holding on). It's possible that she is going through some milestones and needs that extra safety net. I'll keep that in mind. (..and use it as an excuse to give her lots of extra encouragement and hugs).

Just my 2 cents. I too am a pedi ER nurse, and I would encourage you to at least speak with your pediatrician before co-sleeping. The evidence isn't conclusive that it is safe or that it isn't safe. However, working in a pedi ER, the 6am ambulance call is NOTORIOUS for being a dead baby who was asleep in bed with parents. I will be the first to admit that my son slept with me for the first 2 years of his life. However, seeing as many absolutely devasted parents and tragic endings as I have now, it won't happen with any future babies. The American Academy of Pediatrics does not recommend co-sleeping. Here's some links:

http://www.kidshealth.org/parent/gen...osleeping.html
http://aappolicy.aappublications.org...cs%3B105/3/650

Of course, you're her mommy and it's your decision to make, just make sure it's a well informed one. Do see your doc and rule out any physical causes to her distress. As Evie's mommy said, this is sometimes just something they go through developmentally and if that's the case all you can do is be there for her and love her through it. Could also be an ear infection, gas, lactose intolerance (if you've already changed her to cow's milk) or a hair tourniquet (where a little piece of hair gets wrapped around a toe or finger strangulating it and causing pain). In any case, get her checked out and let us know. :)

Just wanted to clarify too that napping with an almost one year old and co-sleeping with an infant are very different things. I would definitely nap with my one year old without worry.

I'm not surprised at all! My daughter did the same thing. She just wanted to practice all the time. *yawwwwn*:hug: 11 months is such a great age. Of course, I say that about all the stages and ages they go through but there's something so bittersweet about watching your baby get mobile and become a toddler. *sigh*

I think I got less sleep the nights I let my infant sleep with me than just getting up to go to her. I was paranoid about rolling over on her or that my husband would do it. I think I tried it out of deperation a few different times with the same sleepless results and ended up just sitting up with her when she needed me.

And since we're on the subject, please, please, please never put an infant to sleep on a sofa (just a general warning and not intended for anyone in particular)! Y'all might be saying "well duh" but it is even more dangerous than sharing a bed and I was surprised at the amount of people who just did it as a matter if course. The slippery couch cushions and the dips and folds make it a deathtrap for babies.

She woke up again last night about 3:30. So now, I'm SO sleepy! She's napping now, I should be too. :)
She always eats well about 30 minutes before bedtime. BUT, she seems to just want a bottle. The last 2 nights, she cries until I get her a bottle and put her in her bed. I don't like putting her to bed with a bottle, but it seems like that she's either hungry or just needs at "pacifier"-type thing... I don't know. I hate putting her to bed with a bottle, but it seems like, that's just what she wants. *sigh*

I'm sorry you're sleepy. :hug: I so feel for you, my baby didn't sleep through until 18 months and there were definitely those nights when I didn't know if I could make it. Just make sure if you give her a bottle it's just water so that the sugar in the breast milk/formula doesn't rot her teeth. Good luck! :)

I neglected to stress in my previous post that I have never actually SLEPT with either of my sons in my bed. I don't trust myself or my DH not to turn over, thrash, or elbow the baby while in a sound sleep. I occassionally bring him to bed, put him to sleep, and the MOVE him to his bed. I have NEVER been comfortable enough to actually get sleep. To make the co-sleeping subject even more profound in my opinion, the day after my 2nd son was born, while in the Hosp. a new born baby boy was smothered by his mother only three rooms down from me. Words can not express.......

Um, you mean that actually stops??!! Just kidding, trying to lighten up some! LOL!
My boy went through that phase, sometimes I got up with him(if it was a full out wail) sometimes he would just complain for a few minutes and go back to sleep on his own.
Whatever you decide to do is absolutly right for you and your child.
I also used to take him to my bed, BUT I put him back when he was asleep.I tend to be a huge bed hog and I didn't want to accidently bop him in the noggin with my elbow or something like that!
Now he is 3 and we have plenty cuddle time together, and we love every second of it!

Stevie - this is totally not related to your post, though I agree - your baby is soooooo cute in that costume!!! Makes me miss those days so much! :)