Very interesting discussion. Being older, I have been married before , I was the only one who went to church but i never gave up my religion or church attendance. I just want to say that it is so wonderful to be married to a Christian-I never realized what I was missing. Like I said, we agree to disagree. Tomorrow night we are going to married couples Bible study. I tried to tell my daughter that it was important. She started going to church with this guy-it was a disaster. For many more reasons than that. I still hope she finds someone that she can share her faith with like I did. My best to you. Mima

Being a wiccan in a tiny, mostly mormon town... it's easy to say that the pickings around here are very slim. many mormon boys ( I call them boys even though they are like 23 @_@ don't know why).. many mormon boys are nice to me, maybe friends.. but never ever think about dating a non-member. Unless they think they can convert.
Needless to say that I keep my religion hush, hush or I wouldn't have any friends at all. @_@

My point is... it's very tempting to pretend to be mormon, I'm more moral that a few mormons @_@ but I feel i would be living a lie. I wouldn't be able to pretend to be in a religion as strick as that. and if a guy really wanted to be with me, my religion shouldn't stop him.
I was raised catholic so i won't mind at all being married to a christian. we would just have to respect each other.

I don't know you two but your guy should be a little more respectful about your faith. I'm sure you respect his faith.

One of my biggest joys was that my husband's son came bak to church and his wife became a Chritian and was baptized. Along with his gd, we fill a whole row at church. Of course, I am a visitor but a believer. My Greatest joy would be for all my children to come back. But I don't care what church they go to as long as they turn their life over to Jesus and ask for forgiveness-maybe before I am going but after is ok, And I would be ok with my husband's ex to come to his church.
MIMA

I hardly think that Jesus was intolerant of nonbelievers because he said, "Love you enemies, do good to them which hate you, bless them that curse you and pray for them that despitefully use you." Matt. 6:27,28

What you are overlooking is that, for many if not most of us who claim a religion, our religion is who we are. It's not zealotry. It's faith.

I can get together with any other American Episcopalian, and we'll make the same coffee jokes. Moreover, there are cultural practices outside of the church which tend to unite people of the same religion. I've heard some very interesting things about Mormons and Jell-O salad. ;) Seems to appear at all the parties.

I am married to a fellow Episcopalian. He had essentially no denomination when we met, but agreed with me on basic theology, and after going to my church a couple of times decided he liked it. (He has yet to be confirmed, but I really don't care.) That is, I think, an OK way for religion to work in a relationship.

I could not be married to someone who didn't share my faith. Theologically, anyway. The trappings are unimportant. There are many within my own denomination who are much more conservative (here I speak only of theology) than I am. There are many in different denominations who are theologically similar to me, as well. But my religion is too important to me, too much an intrinsic part of who I am, to be comfortable married to someone of a different theology. (Then again, I couldn't be married to a liberal either, so I'm perhaps not one of the more flexible folks out there. :lol3: )

For most people, their religion is an intrinsic part of who they are. Or even their lack of religion. And any time you are in a relationship with a person who wants to exert control over something so integral to YOU, that needs to be sending up Big Red Flags.

My mom was raised Methodist and had to covert to Catholicism to marry my dad. She never told her parents.
My parents never really seemed to have religious "issues" in the household. My dad refuses to go to church; and mom always seemed to want to go but never really did. She did try to learn as much as she could about Catholicism though.
Then I came along and they forced me to go to religion classes starting at an early age... I ended up finding my own path and Paganism makes much more sense to me. I was extraordinarily lucky to find my husband who is also Pagan. Because people who are part of "mainstream" religions generally don't understand or attempt to educate themselves on Paganism and other nature based religions, I truly feel that it would have been difficult to be married to a person who was a practicing christian (of any denomination).
I would NEVER compromise my beliefs for anyone (not even my parents, who have attempted in many ways to force me to)- either you love me because of who I am or not; and my faith is 100% part of who I am.
I agree with many other posts, that if this is an issue now, it will get worse later; and that if the guy really truly loved you, he'd leave the issue alone and let you do as you please.

Wow, that's ironic. Your mom had to change her religion for your dad and hide it from her parents, and then he refused to go to church anyway.

But yeah, it seems like if you're Christian (depending on what sect, though), you have a strong need or desire to be with someone who shares the same faith. I always figured that God Is Love, and that a Christian is Christian and that a Baptist could marry a Catholic or a Methodist could marry a Penecostal Christian, and if anyone went from one kind of Christian to another, it wouldn't be offensive because there is only one kind of love in a monotheistic religion. Apparently, I was wrong. :shrug:

Wow, so many issues! I was sort of raised Catholic (went to church every Sunday and attended catechism classes until 3rd grade), but it just didn't *stick* with me. I did not miss church a bit once we stopped going, nor did I miss the classes. I currently do not consider myself to be of any religion, and I don't think I could ever find a religion in which I believe everything they tell you you should believe. Thankfully, my boyfriend is the same way. We both steer clear of organized religion, and I think that neither of us having any strong religious beliefs has saved us from MANY arguments. To me, it makes sense to want to be with someone of the same faith, because I know if I were with a man who was very religious, I wouldn't be able to handle it. It's not that I don't think people should be able to practice whatever religion they want (lord knows I've had friends of more religious backgrounds than I can count on all my fingers!), but rather that since I personally choose not to do it, I wouldn't want to spend the rest of my life with someone with such a different set of beliefs as to what is really important in life.

I agree that you may need to find someone more accepting of you and your current beliefs--they are your beliefs for a reason, and changing them can change YOU.

I think we are all on the wrong track, here. This isn't a question about religion - it is a question about relationship compromise. For some, the question of religion and their differences are not a deal breaker. For poor HarpoChicoGroucho(Zeppo), this is an issue where she feels one way, and he feels another to the point where she feels that either she compromises or the relationship is off. This issue, in their relationship, is a deal breaker. The issue to be compromised could just as easily be over children, working after motherhood, or sharing of bank accounts. SO, it seems to me that, unfortunately, you have to follow your heart. If your partner can't accept your views and you don't feel right in compromising, then things will NOT get better with time. Perhaps facing this issue and dealing with it sooner rather than later will be more productive in the long run. Best of luck!

OK, Enough discussion on why he feels this way or it shouldnt be like this.

Can u 2 go for counselling by a neutral counseller?

YES!!! My dh is a practicing Catholic. He never misses Sunday Mass (will even go to Church when out of town). His religion is VERY important to him. My dh has requested, begged and pleaded with me to become a Catholic. I gave it a chance, by attending Catholic classes and just didn't "feel" it was right for me. I explained this to dh and to his Priest prior to getting married---I could never be dishonest about something like this. Perhaps in the future, it will be right for me, I don't know--I don't rule out anything.

At first, I perceived dh as being "controlling" by trying to get me to embrace his religion. I felt like he would not marry me unless I converted. It almost caused us to end a wonderful 3 year relationship/engagement. Instead of asking him and communicating I allowed these feelings to cause me a lot of anguish.

I prayed for insight and then I had a lengthy conversation with my dh(fiance at the time). What I realized is that my dh REALLY believes that his path (Catholism) is the ONLY path to heaven. Catholism is also a great joy and comfort to him. He literally loves his religion and his Church and wants me to feel the same love. I do not believe it is a control issue with him. He wants the best (in his opinion) for me---in life and religion.

I explained to dh that his "pressure" would only make me less likely to embrace his religion. I will only convert for the RIGHT reasons (spiritual). I ask him to pray for me and I pray for myself. After talking to dh and explaining how I feel he no longer pressures me to convert.

My opinion is different than many of the responses you've received. Some people may be attempting to control others over issues of religion. But, I know that this is not always the case. Sometimes, they just want to share with you what gives them a great deal of happiness and joy. Personally, I would consider the relationship dynamics as a whole----is he attempting to control you in other ways? If not, maybe he is just over zealous in his desire to share his religion with you.

Harpo---I know you are an excellent communicator. Please use those skills to communicate with him how you feel. You may be right----he may not compromise----but you may be wrong. Please don't torture yourself like I did! The only way to know is to ask!

I hope this works out for you! :hug: Please PM me if you need a sympathetic ear / friend. I've been there, done that!

What a nice response-Harpo, how do you feel about all this? Mima

Thanks everyone for your insightful responses!!! I didn't know so many others have had similar experiences.

So, I haven't really had another discussion with my boyfriend about my conversion, but I did go to his church Sunday, and I throroughly enjoyed it. I know I would like to become part of the community and I would love to have consistent volunteer opportunities, but I just don't think I could adopt their specific beliefs, which is the part he really has a problem with.

I think I agree with a lot of you - about how it isn't fair that I have to make the compromise and I have change my beliefs. I told him that my religious beliefs have made me who I am -- the person he claims he loves.

I'm not sure if he's trying to control me, because I'm the dominant one in the relationship -- regarding everything, and I tend to think he just wants me to share his faith with him. He said the main reason he wants me to believe what he believes is because he doesn't think I'll be in heaven with him if I don't. And he wants me there with him.

I told him that, like Elizabeth, the pressure tactic will NOT work. I have to find my own path -- if I do change, it's going to have to be for me, not for him. If I changed for him, it wouldn't be real. It's like losing weight for someone; once the reason (the guy) leaves, the weight comes back. If I change JUST for him, if we break up, I doubt I would still follow his faith, I would revert back to mine. And then I'd know I had changed for a superficial reason.

The reason why I've never had a relaionship ever work out is because I've always followed my head -- it always won out over my heart. It's always said, "don't do fall in love with him -- bad bad bad." And I listened. WELL, this time my head is saying "this is a good guy -- one that would give you everything you need and want in the future." And it's my heart that is reluctant this time. An ironic twist, to say the least.

Thank you everyone!! I love how we're all so open-minded and supportive. :hug: