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Tired of being Single

#1

butterfly_dreams , 07-17-2006 01:28 AM

I'm sorry, you girls are the only ones that I can really come to.

I am just so tired of being single. I've never had a boyfriend, never been on a date, and never been kissed. Is there anything wrong with me? Of course there is... it's because I'm overweight. Maybe I am wrong but there has to be a reason. Being 20, some say I'm too young and still have a while to go and meet someone. But it's like most people already have someone and I'm just left out. I want to know what it feels like to love and be loved, to always be there for each other, to always help each other in need.... and lots of other things. I listen to people on this board all the time talk about there boyfriend or husbands, and I love to read them, I just wish I had someone to talk about, ya know? I don't want to be single anymore, I want to have a life with a husband that loves me. I guess there is someone out there for me we just haven't found each other yet. :::sigh:::

Thanks for listening.
#2

Stevi-rocks , 07-17-2006 03:29 AM

Hey you! I haven't seen you around in a while...geuss we are just "missing" each other. OoooOOooooo 30 lb mark...EXCELLENT! You are doing sooo well!!! 20 is so super young, no offense, you have PLENTY of time to find "THE ONE". When I was 20 I thought I had found him...then at 24 thought I found him again....then at 29 AGAIN...Now at 34 I really have, but I stayed single those 5 years to find out what I really wanted. Do Not fret. Take this time for you, your own self betterment, your health (mental and physical) He will appear when he is suppose to. Nice to see ya!
#3

thirdangel , 07-17-2006 01:06 PM

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you! At least nothing a little more confidence can't fix! Plus, some people just take longer than others.

How would I know? I didn't have my first real kiss or boyfriend until I was 23. I know exactly how you feel, when I was 20, the three girls I lived with were almost married and I was the only single one. I admit that it wasn't easy, and I hated feeling that something was wrong with me, when I knew that there wasn't. and so, instead of dwelling on that, I decided that I would just spend my time doing things that interested me and made me happy. It worked and eventually everything just fell into place...

So cheer up and don't worry. It will happen, just be patient.
#4

sotypical , 07-17-2006 01:26 PM

I am 20 (almost 21) - I am living with my boyfriend and we have been together for 2 this this August I love him with all my heart... but is he the one? I don't know.

Before him I dated another guy for two years, we broke up and maybe 5 months later (if that) I was with the guy I am now. And in between there I had a fling with guys (well two guys, but I didn't like the first that much).

I guess that makes me sound kinda slutty - but I am not. But I do want to say that PLEASE don't rush into anything just because. I haven't been single since I was like 16. It doesn't change the fact that I love my boyfriend with all my heart but it makes me wonder, "is he the guy for me?" I don't know, I haven't expierence much. I know the first guy was a tool, and the second guy only happens cuz he kinda rapped me, the third I thought was perfect for me till I found out he was lying to me and contiuned to lie to me for a year after we stopped hanging out, so this guy seems like the best choice... but is he? I mean I don't know that. At the same time I am not willing to call it off because I love him.

BUT I AM YOUNGE! AND SO ARE YOU! You need to enjoy life, don't get stuck into somehing just because someone likes you and you want to be loved (I think thats why I spent two years with the first IDIOT! and I MEAN IDIOT! in two years he took me on ONE DATE!!!!) but anyway...

I know my step dad tells me all the time I am stupid and I should be enjoying my younge life - have fun, don't worry about anyone else. And I KNOW he is right, but I love my boyfriend with all my heart and I don't want to lose that.

You need to enjoy being younge!!!

Just my two cents.
#5

butterfly_dreams , 07-17-2006 01:48 PM

thanks ya'll. Yesterday when I posted that I was feeling a little down I think because of TOM. lol. but I'm all good now. And you guys are right, I do need to just do things that I enjoy and then things will fall in to place.
#6

buckettgirl , 07-17-2006 01:50 PM

I could have written your post when I was 17 or 18 (just graduated high school and moved out of parents house, working fulltime....)
Being single doesn't suck.
You need to take the time you have and really build up a strong identity without any men involved.
You need to know who you are, what you want out of life, and what you're willing to settle for (or not).
There is nothing wrong with you; and I'm sure its not because of your weight... Of course, I knew several very overweight young women who were so desperate for a boyfriend and would put out for any guy that came along - DON'T DO THAT. You will only get used and abused and come out with worse self-esteem than you have now.

Your weight truly won't matter if you work on yourself inside - confidence and high self-esteem can go along way. I know this from personal experience...when I "found" myself the first time (I'm re-finding myself currently LOL), I was genuinely confident, happy, more outgoing (I'm fairly shy by nature), and had good self-esteem - and I weighed 250lbs. But I was living my life for me, and wasn't going to settle for just anyone. I turned down several guys because they just didn't fit into my plans.
Then I met my husband...and because I knew who I was, I also knew he was the one when we met (he proposed 4 days later, that was 5 1/2 years ago, and we have a 3 yr anniversary in 2 months).
Don't worry about it, and DON'T FORCE IT. You do not need a man. I can truly understand being lonely and just wanting to know what it is like to be loved. I was there. But even if you have a man, it can still be very lonely, and I know this firsthand too.
Live your life for you, and do what you need to do to be happy and I can promise you that EVERYTHING will fall into place.
#7

Abbeycat36 , 07-17-2006 10:35 PM

I think we have all gone through some of what you talk about here, one time or other.

When we're with someone and then it ends, it feels like the same cycle again. UGH. I have to start over AGAIN?

It's life, and as time goes on, I have begun to accept that you can't force anything to happen, even if you want it. If you do try to force it, then somehow it ends up differently than you want.

I remember plenty of times thinking 'oh I am SO wise!" only to discover.. oh darn, I was wrong. Now I'm wise enough to know that you never are too wise!!
#8

Sunnigummi , 07-18-2006 07:30 AM

I could've written your post. When I was 20 (24 now), I was desperate to have a boyfriend because EVERYONE around me did or at least it seemed like to me. I tried to tell myself - Oh I just haven't met anyone special yet, but at the same time I felt VERY unattractive. It was frustrating and still is actually as I'm still single. I did have a boyfriend for a month and it was a disaster. I was so thrilled that he liked me back, I was ready to jump in a lake for him. Things were awesome for um 2 weeks and then the pressure began "when can we have sex?" "Let's have sex now" That's what it was ALL ABOUT. Good lord! I've never thought of myself as conservative but the more he pushed, the more I didn't want to do anything because I thought (correctly) that he was in it just for the sex and maybe cuz he was bored. I think I am right because not soon after I got an EMAIL from him saying that he felt bad pushing me and didn't want to do it anymore. Hello, then just don't! I got the point and since then I've decided to focus on myself, lose weight, do well in school (which I did! YAY!), get my degree and get an awesome job. BTW, I got my first kiss when I was 23 (the guy above). It's nice, I won't lie and tell you it's nothing, but it's not something you can't deal without having. hehe.
#9

jillybean720 , 07-18-2006 04:43 PM

The grass is always greener, my friend...when I was 20, I was feeling much the same--I'd never had a real boyfriend, nor had I ever been kissed. I lived in an on-campus apartment at college with not one, not two, but FIVE other girls (yes, 6 girls, 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms--can we say drama city? ). Well, all of them either had a steady boyfriend or were going out on dates and meeting guys and blah blah blah, whereas I was just kinda tagging along. I always blamed it on my weight (I was around 250 throughout all of college, probably closer to 300 when I graduated). I mean, I went out to parties and drank and talked to people just like everyone else, right?

Now this is going to sound really bad, and I am by no means encouraging anyone else to become a drunk lunatic as I practically was, but in my last semester at school (when I was drinking the most), guys started paying attention to me. I ended up with 2 guys who potentially could have been more than friends, both of whom I had met while drunk. Now, being drunk wasn't the thing that attracted them to me, obviously, but being open was. When I was drunk, I was much more open, talkative, and less reserved (not that I was running around naked or anything, but I was much less of a wallflower and was more apt to leave my little safety group of friends to talk to others). This made me realize that if I could act this way sober (more outgoing and sociable, not more stupid ), maybe things would be different.

And they were. I had never noticed before that I had been so reserved. Sure, I would go out and talk to people, but I was always more standoffish than others. Because of my lack of confidence in my physical appearance, I would back down when a thinner, prettier girl joined the conversation; but once I started acting more confident (even though I was scared on the inside!), people took notice. By the end of my last semester, I had a guy friend (I wouldn't call him a boyfriend necessarily) who would call me up regularly on weekends to go hang out and we'd always end up back at one of our apartments for, umm, late-night activities (no, he was not with me just for the sex because I never actually had sex with him). After we graduated, we talked a few times on the phone, but I never saw him again.

Then I met Jeff. I was 21, had finished school, was working full-time, and was living at least 4 hours away from all the friends I'd ever known. How on earth was I to meet a guy?! Online. Accidentally It was not through a dating site or a dating chat room or anything--just a regular chat room I popped into once in a while when bored to make fun of the little 12-year olds who were trying to have "cyber sex" We talked online for a couple months, then on the phone, and then met on March 13, 2004; we've been together ever since and have been happily cohabitating since October 2005 He's the first actual boyfriend I've ever had, the firt one I've ever kissed and felt butterflies, and the first one I've ever had sex with. And now that I'm with him, I'm occasionally envious of the young 20-somethings who go out partying on the weekends while I'm home watching a movie with him...like I first mentioned, the grass is always greener

All of that to say, no, you're not abnormal. And yes, many of us have been in the same situation. And yes, love will likely strike when you least expect it

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