Maybe I am coming from a totally different place here, but I wouldn't have married someone unless all the financial stuff was clear. My fiance and I have had a joint account for almost 2 years. There's no halfing things, the money we make goes into one account and we pay the bills that way. I needed to get all that stuff all together and good before even thinking about getting married. After watching what my mom has gone through all these years with my dad being very financially irresponsible, I wasn't about to play russian roulette with my future. It doesn't sound like a "marriage" like way to be looking at the bills and finances. I mean I can understand why he'd want you to contribute, but he doesn't seem to be approaching it like a husband. I think that if he's not willing to get help and since you guys don't seem to see eye to eye anyway what kind of steps can be made to better the situation? If there's no answer to that, then I think that you've answered your own question about your marriage. Best of luck to you!

My gut reaction, without reading what anyone else had to say is that you need to leave him. This isn't a marriage, it isn't a partnership. On the one hand I don't think 200 is an unreasonable amount to contribute to a household. My concern is that this does not appear to be your household. I spent a significant amount of time volunteering/working in a domestic violence shelter. I cannot tell you the concern I have for women who don't make sure that they have money/property etc.. in THEIR name. If he is already saying the house in his name in case of divorce he is already going there in his mind and may be giving you a hint. You need to protect your interests. You need to have an account that he cannot get into and start working on filling it up with money. You need to have your name on that house or your name on none of his bills, but it can't be both ways. When/if one of you leaves you shouldn't be saddled with his bills unless you are entitled to some kind of money from the house. Be careful, seek help/advice from a woman's organization/legal clinic or wherever you can find it. Most importantly, this doesn't sound like a man who will bolster your self esteem. A marriage should be a partnership that betters both individuals and this doesn't sound like the case in your home. You deserve better, and you must demand better or you won't receive it.

Your marriage is not screwed, but you do need to go to counseling because he isn't going to take your word for it. His mindset is as 2 separate people instead of as a couple. Money is the number one marital issue in a marriage. With intervention, he can learn (MAYBE) to see a different perspective. Telling him till you are blue in the face will not work and you'll end up resenting it. The change of perception will have to include compromise, but he needs help understanding what a marriage is. Do you live in a community property state? I do. Basically it doesn't matter who makes what, both split evenly in the end. My husband came in with debt and I asked him to reduce some of it before we got married (in gesture of good faith) and he did. I didn't have a specific amount. I just wanted to see that he wasn't a spend thrift. Then we set up clear rules on credit card use and agree to discuss budgets. Once we had the trust, thing were flexible and smooth. Going this rate will build distrust and you won't have a healthy money relationship (which is VITAL).

I am sorry to say your husband does not sound like he cares much about you or your future should he be around or not. Not wanting to put your name on a house that you may purchase in the future is crap. He sounds like he is only interested in having a roommate with fringe benefits!
He does not have your best interest at heart - nor does he have positive ideas/thoughts about your future. You deserve more respect and consideration.

I'm sorry to have to say - but I agree - you need to get out before it gets worse....

good luck I hope you find the strength to figure out what you need to do...

The short answer is "yes". Get out and get out now. You're married to a controlling man, and it can only get worse. I'm sorry, but you'll be WAY better off without him. Use the money from the sale of your trailer to start fresh on your own. Good luck.

Ahem, you could beat him at his own game. If you pay half the mortgage and half the bills to maintain the home. Plus, over time you put money into improving the home, the property could be considered marital even if your name isn't on the deed. Of course, this might take a few years but you never know. It might be risky but it's true.

No offense, but he doesn't sound like a very smart man. Work up a contract between the two of you that you agree to half of the homes upkeep, being that you are man and wife and will make this house your marital home. You carry more weight as his wife than his dad does. If you're going to stay have it in writing.

Sounds like my first marriage....

I got an "allowance" of $25/wk. Had to beg up from $20
Out of this I had to pay for my dog's food, gas (I commuted to school), clothes, presents and whatever else I felt like.
He could make a $1200.00 purchase w/out consulting me.
For the food bill I was allowed $40.00/week. If I went over that he sat me down with the receipt and questioned any purchase over $2.00. "Did you really need this???"
(This didn't happen when we first got married either)
TOTAL CONTROL ISSUE!!!! The drinking escalated to every night, and he would take "business trips" w/out leaving me any means of contact. I had to account for my whereabouts AT ALL TIIMES.
I left him a long time ago and have never looked back. I am happily married with 2 kids.

This man is all wrong for you. Get out while you are in one piece!!!!! Good luck!!

Some tips for you in this situation.....
1) start putting money into your account, don't tell him about it, and save up enough to move out
2) do NOT put your name on a thing! You don't want to get saddled with debt!
3) Mental abuse is NOT ok, for any reason! He sounds like an a$#, and believe me, there are worst things in life than to be lonely.
4) NO JOINT ACCOUNTS! I'm actually surprised that he didn't jump at this considering he's such a money-hog. In all fairness, sharing the money is what to be expected in a marriage, but his attitude and selective memory definitely sounds like he's in it for himself.
5)If you've got family and friends nearby or far that you know you can stay with, GO! It sucks to be homeless, and I went through it myself, but by working and helping out, eventually you will be in a place of contentment.
6)If however, you decide to stay with him and try to work this out, give yourself a deadline. If things do not improve within 3 months, then hit the road.

Praying for ya! :hug:

Several people have mentioned "love" in their posts.
Do you really love him?

That's a tough question to answer sometimes. One thing, which I got from Dr. Joy Brown--tv & radio psychologist, is to ask yourself a question.

If you won the lottery would you stay with your husband?

If the answer is "no" you need to get out.

If the answer is "yes" you should explore ways to make the relationship work, if possible --counseling. Even though he has refused you should still seek help, imo, to gain insight into the situation.

Whatever you do, best wishes and :hug:

Run Like The Wind!!!!!!!!!!!

boarderchick and pumpingiron are right on the money - he's a control freak. Whatever behavior that seems like little annoyances now, multiply by 10 later on down the line. A year and a half into the marriage you're still supposed to be honeymooning, not feeling oppressed!

I would wager that while he makes the comments about your weight, that he will try to sabotage your weight loss efforts. If he's a control freak it means he's insecure. Maybe his father treated his mother poorly? Or maybe his mother had affairs and he doesn't trust or respect women? It really doesn't matter since he's not willing to seek counseling to see how his past might affect the people he claims to love. He won't ever be in the marriage for your dreams, feelings, wants or needs - in fact, I'm guessing his ideal partner is someone he can keep under his thumb, which means someone he can make feel like a lesser person than himself (and with low self-esteem, he already doesn't feel great about himself).

How much does he drink? I think the latest buzz is a drink a day MAY be beneficial, but more than that does more harm than good. Sounds like maybe he saw some Fox News special on it and is abusing the idea.

Another good indicator is what your close friends think of him. But no matter what others say, you'll make your decision basd on what you can handle (I often think people stay in bad situations because their past dictates that they can handle that situation better than a healthy one). Work on yourself, your needs, and keep some emergency funds somewhere without his knowledge. And go listen to Martina McBride's song Broken Wing.

Take care of yourself... you deserve it.

now that I have seen some of your follow-up answers, I have to agree with Susie Sunshine... you should run like the wind...

You should do so carefully, I suspect that he could be potentially dangerous... see a lawyer first... make sure that you're protected as much as possible.

Then get yourself into counseling... figure out why you didn't see the warning signs in such an obviously bad relationship...

Take care of yourself...

First of all, RUN!!!!

Second of all, I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years, not even living together and he has NO PROBLEM giving me money or paying for things that I want/need but don't have the means to buy...he NEVER has asked me to pay him back.
We are not even married and he already acts like he is my husband.

Your "husband" ( if he can be called that) is trying to control you, plus if you have not signed a pre-nup then leagally anything you purchase AFTER the weddding is half yours...at least where I come from.

I say get out!

Pardon my language, but this guy sounds like a big, fat, loser. Now I don't mean to be harsh, but I have to say that I agree with just about everyone else's advice. You need to stand up to this guy, and tell him how you truly feel. The nerve of some people, marriage is supposed to be something sacred, about mutual love and respect. I don't know where these men get off thinking that because they're the primary breadwinner, they have the ability to control their wife and children. That's just so archaic. I can't grasp that he doesn't even seem willing to listen to reason. He's just a complete buffoon.

You seem like a pretty reasonable and caring person, and it's such a shame that you ended up with someone like this. Really, it's a damn shame that people like this exist in the world today. You are deserving of so much more, and I hope you come to realize that soon, because this guy seems like he's wasted too much of your time already. Get out! Don't let all of your wonderful qualities go to waste on a jerk like this. Contact a lawyer soon. Living alone and being single can be rough, but it's a **** of a lot better than dealing with a spouse who's an unappreciative, lying, son of a gun!

I've been there. :( Yes, we didn't have kids, so I pulled out. He was always holding his pristine credit over my head, along with the title to the house, cars, etc. that I "couldn't" have a part in, because of my credit past. $200 is dirt cheap for rent anywhere though... I'm currently paying half of $1910 in Massachusetts... (granted, it's a nice apartment, and it's Massachusetts, but my boyfriend never asks me to pay my half - I just do it for my own pride).

One solution might be to figure out what you both make, and you each pay a percentage of what you can.

i.e. total household monthly expenses (regardless of whose it is) = $1000.
You make $600 a month after taxes, he makes $800 a month after taxes. So you're responsible for 43% of the expenses ($428.57) and he's responsible for 57% of the expenses ($571.43)

That was the solution my dad offered up... it worked for a while, until a cutting remark when I hit a deer with his truck. "You did WHAT to my truck? Do you know how much it's going to cost to have that repaired? Couldn't you have just died or something? Then we'd get enough to fix it." I pretty much checked out of the relationship then and there. It's not like we were hot 'n heavy lovers anyway... more plutonic friends that were pushed together by his parents.

My current honey is such an improvement, I can't even begin to compare. He's just so loving and supportive in every way. I'm very lucky to have found him, although it bugs me that I'm now deathly afraid of the "M" word after the last one didn't work out... :( But he understands that, too, so there's no pressure, and that's why I love him. :) But I'd have never found him if I was still fighting over bills and crap with someone who didn't love me any more than a little sister to fight with and pick on occasionally.

If the money issue is the only one, maybe you should seek some therapy or a budgetting/mediator of some sort to offer up a solution that neither of you has a say about. It's never about one person - you'll both have to compromise.

--Janis