Too funny my Sonoma buddy!

I think men just don't understand the meaning of the words that come out of their mouths sometimes. I've noticed on here (and a little to a degree in my own life) that husbands and significant others tend to say semi-negative and semi-derogatory comments like that because they think it will *encourage* us. They see us losing weight, and are afraid we will fall off the wagon and gain it all back and more. They think if they say "you are looking great!" then we will just give up and go back to old habits, so instead this is when they feel they can be the most "honest" with us. Afterall, if we've already started losing the weight it's as if we're admitting to them that we don't like our weight (actions speak louder than words for many guys) and since they hope that we will lose more, they think this is a good time to "agree" with us and tell us we don't look as good as maybe we used to or as good as we could be looking.

My fiance is slightly overweight and has tried to diet with me before, so he knows how hard it is to lose the weight and thank goodness doesn't think I'm lazy. He's also told me he'd still be attracted to me no matter how overweight I was (though obviously to a lesser degree). Though he's never quite been as blunt (I've never been a fan of my face, so I'm not sure anyone would be calling me 'pretty' anyways :) or if they did, I wouldn't listen). There are still times when he doesn't realize the repercussions of negative things he says. I think women tend to be much nicer to their husbands, we would never say a half-negative word about their looks unless we were trying to be hurtful and I'm sure if we did they would notice how it feels to be on the other end.

My husband is an extremely supportive and loving man. He wants me to be happy - that's all- skinny, heavy as long as i'm healthy it's all good. But all my life i've gotten comments like that from my mother, even to this day. She is constantly pointing out to me how thin my sister is and if I watched myself I could be like her. The thing is, my sister is extremely unhealthy! She is too thin, doesn't eat nearly enough and is always sick! I'm never sick, no high blood pressure or high cholesteral or anything. I can't make my mother understand that despite my weight, i'm much more healthy than my sister who is thin.....

unjustifiable remarks
 

I think your husband's remarks fall into the "okay to think inside your head but inappropriate to say " category. Of course it is understandable that he dislikes seeing you overweight. However, saying so is unjustifiable, in my mind. It accomplishes nothing positive.

My dad (over the years) had said a few hurtful things to my mom about her weight gain. When she was dying of cancer, he also told her he would like her to wear her wig (which she found scratchy, hot, and uncomfortable) to the dinner table because it was too difficult to see her bald head and be reminded of her illness.

Just something for you to think about.

I can relate to having a "pretty face" but not having the body to match. I suppose I'm lucky because my husband hasn't commented much about my weight, because he's gained a lot, too. However, he continually reminded me over Christmas that I'd lost 17 pounds so far. I'd reach for a cookie and hear, "17 pounds..." I'd have a second helping of something and hear "17 pounds..." Finally I told him to shut up. I knew I'd lost 17 pounds, and I knew how to take care of myself and didn't need him to remind me. I then (spitefully) reminded him of how he couldn't buckle the seat belt on a roller coaster this past summer. I haven't heard a peep out of him regarding weight since. I almost think he's afraid if I "get thin", I'll not want to be with him because he's so heavy. I think he's handsome even though he's heavy, but my concern is for his health. I don't want to be a widow because he has a cheeseburger induced heart attack.

I really don't think women care as much as the men do.. I mean if you think about the differences... Men are visual, women are more into communicating... So really is it fair for us to get overweight and then say... Be attracted to me anyway?

I really could care less if hubby is overweight or not.. but I am constantly wanting him to talk to me, or get into discussions about whatever. Be romantic, talk, I mean whatever, and it is a no brainer for him that he has to TRY to communicate more.. and I expect that of him.. Is it unfair if all he wants is a healthy, thin-er, more attractive wife?

Hmm... tricky... I'd say that no, it's not unfair for you to expect communication from your husband, and it's ok too that he wants a thinner wife. Neither of these is "bad" - but they might come out badly :)

And, as far as the gender make-up goes (Woman Talk, Men Look), I like in-shape guys. Not super Ah-nold muscled, but swimmer/rower types with lean bodies... Mmmm... :devil:

I am definitely NOT as attracted to pudgy or fat men. This is true even when I'M pudgy or fat :lol: I am a total hypocrite in that regard! :s: Oh... and they have to be good at the communicating stuff also.

Hmm... why am I single... :rofl:

Of course I am not ATTRACTED to fat men, or bone thin, for that matter, but when I am "hooked up" to my man.. which is now my husband, his excess weight... after 10 years.. is not on the radar for me. Sure it would be nice if he was 20 lbs lighter, but man,... give me an hour of his time to talk..really talk.... I'd melt.

of course even i've heard this one. my dad said if i lose 100lbs he'll give me 500 dollars. and of course i told him no. he need to accept me as i am. thats not the wya to do it. thank god that was when i was younger. im husband (now) loves me and all of me. my pic is in the gallery underneath name ychani i am a lovely proud bbig everywhere women!!!!!!! yeah lol

I've heard this one too... but as time goes on, even beautiful faces fade...how do you feel about yourself? For me as I get older... the weight loss is less about vanity, and much more about health... and increased energy with less weight... and I've finally realized that it's not about any particular diet, but rather way of life changes that will allow me to lose and keep the weight off...those choices are based on me alone, and how I feel about myself... so it's not about how pretty and hot I may be when I get there.... although those aren't bad side-effects... LOL

Don't forget about men...
 

Well, girls, men have problems of that sort too. I'm 23 and 103 pounds less on me. Even at such great amount of fat loss, my sister, who had not seen me in 2 months, saw my way-thinner face and body. Her reaction as she stepped out of the car was, "Oh my god.....you are ugly...you are ugly...and your ears seem bigger....and you have dark circles under your eyes." This completely hurt me. After all my efforts, that's what I get from family? I stopped talking to her for a week. In contrast, at work and school, even the conservative Asians tell me how hot I look. So there are two extremes in this issue. While your husband may think you look good neck up, one of his buddies may think you are just a total hottie all over. Sometimes, us men say things without regards to the way women feel. But then again, my weight-loss journey has been more stressful because of women and their comments. Comments do hurt deeply, but as time passes then you'll see that it's effect fades away. Comments are just comments and only you have the power to take it as such, or consider it a bigger thing.

i get the "pretty face" comment all the time. my mom always tells me how pretty i am, and she tells me that her friends think i am pretty... ooh woo hoo, do i feel pretty, no! i wish that i wouldn't get any comments because i honestly feel horrible inside. how can somebody say i am pretty when i know that i am not? as for you, Totally Neck-ed, your husband must know that that is something that bothers you, so he picks on you for that. we all know that every guy is a teaser, but he has no right to say those things about you. i'm sure that you are a beautiful girl, but why is it if you have a weight issue, you can't just be called pretty, not a pretty face?

:( Wow. I can relate sweetie.

My hubby calls me ice cream butt. I laugh along, but inside I am truly hurt. At him for the bad joke and at myself for obtaining an ice cream butt. The goal I have set is what I weighed when we were married, so you can see I have gained a lot. What bothers me is... what will he think if am am thin, but I age? How about those grey hairs and crow's feet? Then what? So sad society emphasises and flaunts so much imagary. It should be a health issue, not just attraction.

ychani - I love your confidence! And you are big and beautiful, I looked up your picture. I just feel so tired with this weight on. I mean it is like having a kid on your back. I just want to feel "light" again. My husband picking me up and I am not groaning with mortification cause he is doing a workout... You know... when they give you a hug and arch their backs to lift you off the ground? See how many times they can do it? Laugh.. you know what I mean...It's like... woah boy.. I am not a rep machine.

Mlle... I feel good about myself.. but see above.. I am sure you can relate.

Psyc.. That is awesome you lost that weight. I would love to have some sharp, shocking, witty statement to tell you to say back to them.. but that is just brutal. Get new friends! :)

Hey Jen, How is the OC? Love that show... lol. IT sucks that I know he hates fat, is not attracted to fat, I would die if he said he wasn't attracted to me at all.. ( figuratively speacking) Now that would be a long lonely travel... but I know he is working on accepting me... and the fat, even though he hates it. It is just one of those things.. sigh... I guess it is what it is, and it sucks, but nothing can change it.. except me loosing weight!

Aqua.... I got slapped on the butt yesterday more than once, after church,, in front of company.. while eating dinner.. I was SOOOOO mad! And he laughs.. so I know he is an idiot! LOL But you have to have humor.. It is all about accepting... I am trying to get back to married weight as well. So I can relate! It is hard!

Thanks gals, for all your comments and support!

I am rather tall 5'10" so even when I was 250 I had a lot of people tell me how "pretty" I am. I have very long very dark red hair (naturally) very fair skin and steel grey eyes. I have always tried to "look good" wearing clothes that flattered me, and minimal but appealing makeup. I was fat even as a child, and was often told that I could be a model if I were thinner.

One of my earliest memories is my grandmother scolding me for eating a cookie (I was maybe 5 or 6) and her telling me that I will always be fat if I eat that way. Disturbing I know.

When my family talks they call me the beautiful but fat one (yes litterally)

My friends set me up on dates a couple of times, and they used "head shots" they gushed over how pretty I was. but in person were shocked at my "size"

My goal....to just be another pretty face, no fat shock attached!