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Old 07-07-2004, 10:05 PM   #1  
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Unhappy Red, White & Blues

Sorry to unload on you guys but I just have to vent.
My husband & I are in our late 30's. We went to high school together & have old friends that we share in common.
On the 4th of July he & I invited a few of these "old friends" and their small children over to celebrate w/us. As DH & I have no children of our own, we saved "Happy Meal" toys for a week to hand out to the children, worked really hard all weekend cleaning, mowing, etc. to prepare for our guests & supplied all food & beverages.
The kids had a blast playing together & we enjoyed the company of our "dear friends".
Well, as our guests were preparing to leave, the two men (with whom DH & I graduated) commented on how much fun their children had playing together & began making plans to meet on Wednesday at one of the men's home to have dinner & let the kids play. These plans were made right in front of me yet noone invited DH & I.
After our "friends" left, I discovered 2 "Happy Meal" dolls left behind so I put them in my car. Tonight as I rode by "John's" house on the way home from work, I saw "Jim's" car parked out front & the kids were playing in the yard. I stopped & took the dolls to "John" & told him that when he & his lovely wife enjoyed our hospitality on the 4th, their girls forgot the dolls. I then asked him what he & "Jim" were doing tonight. He said "having dinner, would you & Jack like to join us?" I said "No, thanks. We weren't invited. Enjoy your chicken" and I left. Now DH is angry at me & says I handled it all wrong & that I've put a strain on our friendships. I feel that if these users had been friends, they would not have stood in my kitchen making plans with one another & have excluded DH & I.
They have often disrespected "Jack" and hurt his feelings but he still considers them his friends. I love my husband & do not want him angry w/me nor do I wish to put a strain on his "friendship" with these men, but, God help me, I don't regret what I did. This was the last straw for me. After 20+ years I no longer wish to be hurt by John & Jim & call it a "friendship".
As I said, I'm sorry to unload on you but I can't talk to my husband about this without it turning into an arguement.
Thanks for listening to my rant.
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Old 07-07-2004, 10:12 PM   #2  
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I think you did the right thing. They should of at least had the respect for you and your husband to not do it in front of you. And after you did such a nice dinner party for them. They could of at least talked about it at thier cars. Hope you have better luck with your hubby.
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Old 07-07-2004, 11:58 PM   #3  
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2B - I have had that happen to me but with my sisters!!! They will make plans to go out and then talk about it to me and not invite me!! It always infuriated me before but my hubby says that if they don't want our company it's their loss and our gain we get more one on one time with eachother and our kids. I did tell my sister once that it hurt my feelings and she mentioned that I could come if I wanted to and I said no thanks that I would rather be invited than an afterthought, she said she figured that we wouldnt want to come. Perhaps this is what happened with your friends Hang in there and let it roll girl just like water off a ducks back
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Old 07-08-2004, 03:55 AM   #4  
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Try not to read too much into this situation. People who have kids have to look at the world and time constraints much differently than those who don't have them. Obviously they knew you knew about it since it was planned right in front of you. Stopping by 'unexpectedly' does not make you look like the mature party here. There are two sides to every story and its always good to step back and take a look. On the other hand maybe you need new friends. You may never know but it won't benefit anyone to dwell on it. Be grateful for your health, jobs and well being and look for other hobbies. Best wishes.
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Old 07-08-2004, 06:26 PM   #5  
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I have to agree with Jack. Guys are just different in their relationships. What would destroy a female relationship is not always a big deal to the males. I have seen men beat the crap out of each other just to turn around and have a beer together like they're the best of friends. It doesn't make a bit of sense to me, but it's not my relationship. Your DH is a big boy. If he's not bothered by the way you think he's being treated, then you shouldn't be either.
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Old 07-09-2004, 07:25 AM   #6  
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Thank you all for "listening". You've raised some valid points which, (in my emotional state of mind) , I had not considered. DH & I have since discussed this & we respect each other's point of view. Thank you again for your support. You're the greatest!
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Old 08-14-2004, 05:57 PM   #7  
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I'd also add that people with little kids don't often think that people without little kids would enjoy spending an evening with all the kids. They probably thought they were saving you from a horrible evening.

It was really nice of you to collect Happy Meals toys, but I gotta be honest, I pitch those things regularly. Otherwise, they take over the whole house.
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Old 08-16-2004, 11:12 AM   #8  
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Not having children of my own, I'm not in the least upset when our friends who do plan to get together and leave me and my husband out. We'll plan times when the children are left with a sitter to enjoy their company. Just because you are friends, you don't have to do everything together all the time.
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