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Old 06-10-2004, 11:52 AM   #1  
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Default "The Toddler Diet"

(found on the internet, author unattributed)

Americans are always on the lookout for a new diet. The trouble with
most diets is that you don't get enough to eat (the starvation diet),
or you don't get enough variation (the liquid diet), or you go broke
(the all-meat diet).

Consequently, people tend to cheat on their diets, or quit after 3
days, or go right back to stuffing their faces after it is all over.
Is there nothing you can do but give up and tell your friends you have
a gland problem? Or is there a slim (groan) hope?

Well, now there's the new Toddler Miracle Diet!

Over the years you may have noticed, as I have, that most
two-year-olds are trim. It came to me one day over a cup of black
coffee and a carrot that perhaps their diet is the reason. After
consultation with pediatricians, X-ray technicians, and distraught
moms, I was able to formulate this new diet. It is inexpensive,
offering great variety and sufficient quantity. Before embarking on
this diet, however, be sure to check with your doctor... otherwise you
might have to see him afterward. Good luck!

DAY ONE
-------
Breakfast
One scrambled egg, one piece of toast with grape jelly.
Eat 2 bites of egg, using your fingers; dump the rest on the
floor.
Take 1 bite of toast, then smear the jelly over your face and
clothes.

Lunch
Four crayons (any color), a handful of potato chips, and a
glass of milk (3 sips only, then spill the rest).

Dinner
A dry stick, two pennies and a nickel.

Bedtime Snack
Toast piece of bread and toss it on the kitchen floor.

DAY TWO
-------
Breakfast
Pick up stale toast from kitchen floor and eat it. Drink half
bottle of vanilla extract or one vial of vegetable dye.

Lunch
Half a tube of "Pulsating Pink" lipstick and a handful of
Purina Dog Chow (any flavor). One ice cube, if desired.

Afternoon Snack
Lick an all-day sucker until sticky, take outside, drop in
dirt. Retrieve and continue slurping until it is clean again.
Then bring inside and drop on the rug.

Dinner
A rock or an uncooked bean, which should be thrust up your left
nostril. Pour iced tea over mashed potatoes; eat with a spoon.

DAY THREE
---------
Breakfast
Two pancakes with plenty of syrup, eat with fingers, rub in
hair. Glass of milk: drink half, stuff pancakes in glass.
After breakfast, pick up yesterday's sucker from rug, lick off
fuzz, and put it on the cushion of your best chair.

Lunch
Three matches, peanut-butter and jelly sandwich. Spit several
bites onto the floor. Pour glass of milk on table and slurp up.

Dinner
Dish of ice cream, handful of potato chips.


FINAL DAY
---------
Breakfast
A quarter-tube of toothpaste (any flavor), bit of soap, an
olive. Pour a glass of milk over bowl of cornflakes, add a
half-cup of sugar. Once cereal is soggy, drink milk and feed
cereal to dog.

Lunch
Eat crumbs off kitchen floor and dining room carpet. Find that
sucker and finish eating it.

Dinner
A glass of spaghetti and chocolate milk. Leave meatball on
plate. Stick of mascara for dessert.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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Old 06-10-2004, 05:17 PM   #2  
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What a brilliant idea - I'm starting it tomorrow.
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Old 06-14-2004, 08:28 PM   #3  
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sounds like a typical week around here
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Old 06-24-2004, 09:34 AM   #4  
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Lightbulb It's true we can learn a lot about eating from kids!

That post was great! All kidding aside, though, if we look at how kids eat (except for the nonfood items!) we can learn a lot. They are not afraid to leave food on their plate...or leave something and come back later when they are hungry. They usually just take enough bites to be satisfied and then go off and play. It's us parents that encourage them to eat the whole thing. I had a big arguement with my husband about this once!
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Old 07-09-2004, 02:16 AM   #5  
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Ugh, that is SO true. Little kids are so smart.
 
Old 08-10-2004, 02:25 PM   #6  
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That is funny but there is a little bit of truth to the leaness of children. With my client I teach what is called supportive nutrition. It is simply eating the way we are genetically engineered to eat.

You wat to make your body process food and process it often as 15% of our caloric burn is accompished by digestion. The key is to eat foods that are not processed.
What you want to do is eat every 3 - 3.5 hours a meal that contains a Lean Protein, a starchy carbohydrate and a fibrous carbohydrate. Avoid all refined white flour and sugar. Basically the closer to nature the better.

what this does is speeds up metabolism (metabolism is simply the speed at which your body burns through food) and stabilizes blood sugar, which is key. Sugar is the main reason why programs fail people again and again. You see, when your pancreas is pumping out insulin all the time on a roller coaster, you can't release any Glucagon (responsible for releasing fat from the body to be burned at the muscle). Muscle is the only place on the body where fat is burned. Remember that when you watch all these silly infomercials promising quick and easy magic. If it was quick and easy, would there be any overweight people? I rest my case.

Back to the child part I started with. If you have a baby or have every babysat a niece or nephew overnight, you know that they wake up every three hours like clockwork for food. Come **** or high-water they want to eat. We train our selves to get out of that. We can train ourselves back in. I know we are not supposed to advertise our sites on here so I won't. I respect that. I will answer any questions that may arise.

If the moderators would like me to write for the site or newsletter I would be more than happy. My site has tons of free articles from professionale all over with the same purpose as myself.
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