Hi guys, new to the forum and would like your opinion on something that's really bothering me lately. I have a very good friend that I met about 10 yrs. ago at work. We no longer work together, but have kept in touch almost daily and go for lunch, concerts, girl stuff together. My SO (who I have been with for almost 20 yrs.) and I have invited my friend and her husband for dinner probably 7 times in the past two or three years. I love spending time with them, and would love to ask them over again but I just get the feeling that it is their turn. During my ten year friendship with this couple we have been invited to their home one time, and that was several years ago. I'm beginning to feel like they are trying to tell us something, but she calls me out of the blue so I really don't think that's the problem. They have a nice home...it's not something they would maybe be ashamed of me seeing.
My question to you guys....would you feel okay with inviting them to dinner, yet again? I don't have any animosity toward them over this, it just makes me wonder. I'm just wondering if this is just a one way friendship. Thanks, and hope you all have a wonderful day!
I can see where you're coming from here but this doesn't necessarily mean she doesn't want to be friends with you. Some people just don't enjoy having people over their house for dinner. They don't like cooking or the anxiety of preparing for a dinner party is more trouble than it's worth and that's ok as long as the friendship is reciprocated in other ways. You are not obligated to continue having them over for dinner at your house but it doesn't mean you can't be friends. Maybe it's time to take a step back and allow her to take the lead in planning your next meet up. Maybe she enjoys going shopping or meeting for coffee or dining out. Each friendship has its own groove and maybe you haven't found yours yet.
Let go and maybe she'll step up. If she doesn't then you'll know she doesn't really want to hang out anymore. Maybe she'll bring it up and then you can say "I felt like we were always inviting you over but since you never invited us back I assumed you didn't really enjoying spending time with us in that way." Communication is the key to any successful relationship!
I can see where you're coming from here but this doesn't necessarily mean she doesn't want to be friends with you. Some people just don't enjoy having people over their house for dinner. They don't like cooking or the anxiety of preparing for a dinner party is more trouble than it's worth and that's ok as long as the friendship is reciprocated in other ways. You are not obligated to continue having them over for dinner at your house but it doesn't mean you can't be friends. Maybe it's time to take a step back and allow her to take the lead in planning your next meet up. Maybe she enjoys going shopping or meeting for coffee or dining out. Each friendship has its own groove and maybe you haven't found yours yet.
Let go and maybe she'll step up. If she doesn't then you'll know she doesn't really want to hang out anymore. Maybe she'll bring it up and then you can say "I felt like we were always inviting you over but since you never invited us back I assumed you didn't really enjoying spending time with us in that way." Communication is the key to any successful relationship!
This. I absolutely hate hosting people at my house, but my best friend is the opposite. We still end up at my house most of the time because she got two dogs over the past few years (fear of mine) so I avoid going there. We also have extremely different ways of dealing with stress. When I have an issue, I tend to shut down and not want to talk. She's the opposite so she can sometimes take offense when I'm not contacting her.
I agree 100% with trying to make plans somewhere else (mall, movies, bowling, etc), and opening lines of communication. Good luck!
I have friends who just don't like having other people in their space. It may be as simple as that. Is she a close enough friend that you could just ask her?
I have friends who just don't like having other people in their space. It may be as simple as that. Is she a close enough friend that you could just ask her?
Asking her would certainly be the direct route :-), but I just couldn't. You're probably right...maybe she just doesn't enjoy hosting. I can relate to that. I'll keep asking them over simply because I enjoy them coming, and not expect that the gesture will be reciprocated.
ok going to come from your friends perspective. because I'm betting she is probably like me. I love socializing with my friends. But I get anxiety over the idea of inviting them over or inviting the to go out with my husband and I or even alone. Most of my friends don't know this about me. I'm pretty sure the anxiety is a fear of rejection.
Maybe that is what is going on with her. I would keep inviting her, if I were you..
ok going to come from your friends perspective. because I'm betting she is probably like me. I love socializing with my friends. But I get anxiety over the idea of inviting them over or inviting the to go out with my husband and I or even alone. Most of my friends don't know this about me. I'm pretty sure the anxiety is a fear of rejection.
Maybe that is what is going on with her. I would keep inviting her, if I were you..
You might be right, although she doesn't seem that she would have a fear of anything! But we all try to hide those qualities that we are embarrassed or ashamed of. I have decided to keep inviting them over. The worst that could happen is that we could all have a great time....win/win!
I have friends who just don't like having other people in their space. It may be as simple as that. Is she a close enough friend that you could just ask her?
This is me.
Growing up, we were poor and the house was in disrepair. I was embarrassed to have people over. While I'm grown and my house is perfectly acceptable, I still hesitate to let anyone come in. Probably a discussion for a therapy session, but since I live 25 miles from my group of friends, it's easier for me to visit them anyway.
One way friendship???
