another am i being unreasonable question. - 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community

Rechyl · 03-30-2016, 02:43 PM

my bf wants me to spend the first night of our £3k holiday this summer in a pub watching the football...

our first night tradition is paella and an early night to set the tone of our relaxing holiday, now he wants me in a pub with lairy men drinking beer and no paella because of the timing of the match.

ive already compromised on the seats on the plane, the two trips i really wanted and he didnt are gone, there are 2 other games while we are away ive already agreed he can watch, ill have been up from 3.15 am with no nap - he has one but while he naps i always unpack because i cant sleep in the day.

Ive done ALL the planning for the holiday and will be expected to find eateries every night when we are there, all activities etc. Hes even told me to find a pub for him to watch the footie in.

Am i being unreasonable to not want to give up my first night?

IanG · 03-30-2016, 03:03 PM

All successful relationships require compromise on both sides. If you are making all the compromises then you are not being unreasonable. If he wants you to give up the first night then he will have to compromise elsewhere.

It's all about having a goodwill bank. Unless you compromise, you run out of goodwill and when some crap hits your relationship you'll be more likely to break up.

Rechyl · 03-30-2016, 03:29 PM

In every relationship i have (friends/family (except with my dad)/work colleagues) it seems like I'm the one making all the compromises. Maybe i just want to please others all the time regardless of what i feel or want. I dont know what to do.

Penny105 · 03-30-2016, 07:36 PM

It's not good for one person to be doing all the compromising, but if this is something he really wants, is there something you can ask for in return? Something you wanted to do on the trip that he didn't, maybe? Or if not, maybe spend the first night doing separate things? Sometimes when I'm on a trip with someone, if we both want wildly different things at one point, we'll split up for a bit and then meet back up for something together. It has saved me a lot of stress (and fights) at times.

Rechyl · 03-31-2016, 12:50 PM

he has point blank refused the two things i want and he doesnt. he wont budge

IanG · 03-31-2016, 08:41 PM

Dump him.

Or threaten to.

If he agrees to you dumping him, he wasn't worth it.

If he freaks out. You win.

Make his life unpleasant over this and if he cares for you he will quickly come around.

At the moment he is trying to have his cake and eat it.

He must be one nice looking guy for you to be wasting this much energy on someone that does not want you to be having a great time.

Rechyl · 04-01-2016, 03:00 PM

hes agreed to a slight alternative to one of the things i wanted.
im still working on him to give up the first night football but we are a bit of a stalemate. he says its only an hour and a half and if i want him to be happy why am i making a big deal of it. im saying if its only an hour and a half and he wants me to be happy why is he refusing to give it up. i dont mind him checking the results etc every 15 minutes or so but i want our first night traditions.

catinhat · 04-01-2016, 03:11 PM

When you say 'tradition', how long, and how many times?

Rechyl · 04-01-2016, 03:51 PM

every holiday we have had over the years.

Ronja · 04-19-2016, 04:06 PM

I would be ok with him watching a game on our first night - if he would make it up to me.
It's ok to meet each other half way, it's not ok to always be the one who does all the walking.

To me this looks like far more than a one game problem. You're expected to do everything, all the planning, all the organising - why is that? It seems your boyfriend got a little bit lazy in your relationship. And lazy is not good. Seems like you need a proper talk about far more things then just the way you're going to spend the first night of your vacations...

Palestrina · 04-20-2016, 03:37 PM

I'm sorry you're dealing with this, it's no fun to have a man who lives and dies by his team, I've dated and dumped a few myself.

There is one thing you have to understand. Men do not have the same predisposition towards guilt that we do. I know I'm generalizing here but it is a common thing. You think you can make him feel guilty for skipping the tradition and you can't. So if you can't beat them join them. Go out for paella by yourself or pick something fun to do for yourself that doesn't involve him like a spa visit or shopping. Whatever you do, enjoy it and don't feel an ounce of guilty over spending "trip money" on yourself.

But please do quit it with finding pubs for him and setting up his little pub escapes. He wants to spend time away from you then he has to be a big boy and set that up for himself.

Gosh he seems like a real drag, what's the point of going on a romantic getaway when he kills all the romance? Neveryoumind though, enjoy as much as you can with or without him!

EagleRiverDee · 04-20-2016, 08:38 PM

I don't think you're being unreasonable, no.

You have every right to determine how you'd like to spend your first evening. You can't really tell him how to spend his, however. Do your paella and early evening thing without him. Tell him in advance that this is important to you as part of your vacation. Maybe he'll reconsider and choose to spend it with you.

Swinella · 06-26-2016, 10:50 PM

A little late to the party, but...

I'd simply go find something fun to do without him. If he wants to do that and it's a no-go for you, there's nothing written in stone that says you have to stay there being miserable with him.