I think you way overreacted.

She only asked him if there was anything to do around the area. Big deal. And the comment about the dogs is incredibly reasonable. What if her kids, being kids, stuck a hand through the fence because they saw "DOGGIES!" and wanted to pet them? Kids do that crap all the time. You sure can't blame the mother for wanting to make sure they aren't going to take a finger off.

Seriously, few things destroy a relationship faster than being all crazy jealous every time someone looks at or talks to your SO. If you can't trust him to answer a message from an old HS acquaintance, something is really wrong there. Relax, you'll drive him away if you act like the relationship police all the time.

She's probably just bored and doesn't know a lot of people locally and is looking to hang. However would have made more sense for her to try to come introduce herself and talk to you. Social media seems to be the new way of communication. I feel like your both over reacting. Take a breath, ignore her. Drop it and both talk it out in a few days.

hmm, its poor form on the womans behalf to PM him if she knows his engaged.

Deep down you know if you can trust your fiancé or not. If the trust and love is there, you would feel comfortable leaving him in a whore house. The fact your asking the question, you may want to address this concern before the wedding.

From what you said, the way she asked him was a bit odd. If she had just wanted to hang out and catch up and for example invited him and you over to dinner (or they both went out with other HS friends in a group), that would have been less weird. But I wouldn't worry too much about it. It sounds like your fiance wouldn't do anything even if invited to. In that case, she's wasting her time. Or she's just being friendly.

Slightly off topic (this came up with a friend of mine recently), I've never understood not allowing one's SO to not have opposite sex friends, or not be friends with exes. It sounds crazy to me. If my SO is going to cheat, he's going to cheat. If I'm going to cheat, I'll cheat. No need for us to police each other. We're adults. I'm not okay with cheating, I just can't stop anyone but myself from doing it.

I met up with a HS flame years after I had married H & the very first thing I did was introduce them. I wanted there to be NO WIERDNESS nor INSECURITIES between them. I wanted everything out on the table. The 2 of them are now good friends & I couldn't be happier.

I think one problem is, is that men do not see things the same way women do. Also women know that at times other females can have ulterior motives, it's a 6th sense we can have. We can trust our men, but not always trust the females around them. If she talking to him about being "bored" & seeming to make invites in private messages, that is WAY OUT OF LINE! If she were doing that to my man, she'd have to worry about me biting, not the dogs! Your fiancé needs to see if from your side, how would HE FEEL IF YOU WERE GETTING SUCH MESSAGES??

25 years is a lifetime! If they didn't stay in touch than it is clear she didn't mean that much to him & visa versa. Catching up with someone from your past can be interesting, but it's not always a good thing.

Lastly, he needs to take into account your feelings. Feelings being hurt or ignored do not go away or heal. If it is all above board & there is nothing to worry about, then he will let the woman know that she is making things rough between you two. If he is letting this continue because it flatters him, he needs to get over it! His relationship with you should be his top priority, because if it ain't...you guys are going to have a rough go.

Over the nearly 27 years I've been with H, he has had women hit on him & he has said on no uncertain terms, "I AM NOT AVAILABLE." He knows that I will deal with him first & her second, and it will not be pleasant! But he loves me too much to let anyone come between us, family or "friend". We took our vow seriously & keep it sacred.

Did your fiance tell you that she private messaged him? or did you find it on your own? My husband reacts the same as your husband, if there is a women who i feel has hidden intentions he says "you just dont want me to have any women friends" and this is not the case at all....just specific ones...lol even though HE may not see it, i am a woman and i know how we are, what we say when we have hidden intentions....you can just tell whats legit, and what is not.

Misogyny much? Look, who are you to judge a woman you don't even know and accuse her of trying to hit on someone's husband? You make the words "private message" sound slimy. How private is this message by the way since the OP knows about it plus a bunch of strangers here on 3FC? Not so private me thinks.

I was not saying that this woman WAS hitting on him, I was saying that if she did have hidden intentions then she did not over react....and as far as the "private message" goes, that's what SHE called it. I was just curious if he told her about it or if she was snooping and found it, because if she was snooping and found it then she obviously may already have trust issues and maybe this woman isn't as bad as she thinks she is.

The way I look at it is, if this woman was bored, she should come over to the house when they are both there introduce herself to his fiance and ask if they both want to hang out....especially since her parents are so close with this couple.

The situation is a bit odd, and I'm not sure from the given information whether I'd say you over-reacted or not. Honestly, I'd probably be a little annoyed/upset at the woman too. More because I'd view the whole only not introducing herself to me as a sign of disrespect, especially if she'd seen me around and had the opportunity. So had it been me in that situation I likely would have expressed my annoyance with her to him by saying something about how I disliked that she chose to single him out instead of introducing herself to both of us (since you said they weren't friends in HS). So it'd just be a statement of annoyance, not a major discussion or something where we'd have to reach an agreement or anything like that.

I know from past situations in our relationship that my fiance wouldn't get upset, he'd would actually agree, and still pursue the friendship but tell me if she tried anything. That's us though, and each relationship/person is different.

So basically, if all you did was express annoyance in a statement without the expectation of him doing anything or being overly aggressive in how it was stated.. I don't think you over reacted, and I don't see why he'd get defensive. If you made the statement in such a way that it seemed as if you expected him to have to agree with you, or take some sort of action, I can see why he may have got defensive.. either way though, the situation does seem to have snowballed a lot bigger than needed.

I would have your reaction as well. The fact that they werent really friends in high school is why I find it odd for her to reach out the way she is. If they were friends in high school and she was in town and wanted to catch up that would be different.

How would he feel if roles were reversed?

He told me. I don't snoop on him.

Thanks for all the different viewpoints, everyone. Lots of food for thought!

Then if he told you, I wouldn't be worried about it at all....just chalk it up to, she went about it the wrong way, maybe you should go over and introduce yourself to her, just to stop any more confusing.....im sure all is good

It could be friendly, you guys just need more communications. Maybe meet her and talk about it? The fact that you are having these thoughts may be because you lack trust?

Wide range of responses, I see!

Personally, I wouldn't give a rat's behind if an old high school friend/acquaintance of my husband PM'ed him with a message like that - especially if he told me about it.

But, we've been together for 20 years, and married for 18 of those, so any trust issues I used to have are long gone now.

My first reaction would've probably been that she was reaching out because she was bored, lonely and felt more comfortable connecting with someone she knew. Now, if it were an ex-girlfriend, I'd probably get a bit annoyed, but in the end, I trust him.