Cat advice
 

We have decided to get a kitten. Neither hubby nor I have grown up with a cat and we have a 4yr old so this is overwhelming for us. Just wanted to get some advice about where and how to find a kitten, what's the concensus on pet stores and what are we in store for?

We live in an apartment and would prefer a cat with minimal shedding. Advice?!

So honestly, I'd go for a cat vs a kitten. Pet stores are horrid places so I'd look at rescues and shelters. For cats, rescues are great because they can often tell you the personality like 'likes kids'. And I know this is going to sound strange, but I also recommend a bonded pair of cats. Cats keep themselves busy and tend to be less destructive as a pair. 2 cats is also not much more work than 1 cat.

Shelters are full of kittens this time of year. Kittens need a lot of attention though and I wasn't really willing to get a kitten myself and again, get 2 if you get any. Our first cat was from the shelter, she was 9 months old. Our other cat was from a rescue, she was 2 years old. My biggest regret though was not getting 2 at the same time when we could've.

For minimal shedding, you'll want the standard domestic short hair. Brushing them weekly also helps keep shedding down.

I am personally against purchasing animals just because there are sooo many available through shelters. Do you have a shelter in your area? Maybe you could visit one to get their feedback, find out the process, and meet some kitties.

As far as shedding, I'm not sure there really is a breed of cat that is nonshedding in the way that dogs can be, but definitely look for a short hair cat. Some long hairs don't shed that much, but I don't think there is a way to tell unless it's an older cat and the shelter can tell you!

Kittens are exhausting, and in my experience are still exhausting until they are a year or two old. I spent many a night crying when my cat was about 6-8 months old and would not leave me alone (but I also did not have any working doors in my apartment at the time!) But at the same time, kittens are rewarding. If you're up for it, great! But otherwise, you may want to just get a two+ year old.

Buy a ton of scratching posts, a spray bottle, and catnip, and start training right away to make sure s/he doesn't get into bad habits. Make sure to spend a lot of time playing - that will reduce behavioral problems down the line. Start trimming their claws when they are small so they get used to it, and keep up with it.

Just my two cents from personal experience!

Some shelters will have cats available for adoption at Petsmart or Petco. We've gotten a couple (older kittens usually) this way. It was great. Be sure you handle the kitten before you get it.

On the other hand, we do have a couple of cats that we bought from breeders. For those cats I wanted a specific breed with a specific temperament. Yes, mixed breed cats from shelters are great (I have a couple). But one advantage of going to a reputable breeder who shows cats is that you get a cat that is a good example of the breed and you have a much better chance of finding a cat of the specific temperament you are looking for. With a shelter cat, you are more like to get a cat whose temperament may not match what you want. With a cat of a specific breed from a reputable breeder, you are far more likely to get a cat whose temperament matches what you want.

That said, a cat from a reputable breeder will cost several hundred dollars while a shelter cat will usually have a much lower cost adoption fee and neutering fee.

That isn't true. Rescues are great places to know the temperament of the cat you get and even for specific breeds. I got a Siamese from a rescue without knowing much of anything about Siamese but I was able to talk to the foster mom about her. Now I'm in love with Siamese but they aren't for everyone and I know which rescues have them. My cat talks a lot and sheds a lot but I love talker cats (our tortie is a talker too)

Never buy a dog or cat (or any other mammal) from a "pet store". As a veterinarian, I cannot emphasize this strongly enough. Rescues, shelters and breeders are ALL generally more acceptable, for a number of reasons including zoonotic infectious disease exposure. Personally I favor the rescue and shelter route.

Thanks I totally appreciate it. We want a kitten, what makes kittens more work? And how does one train a cat to stay off tables and kitchen counters?

I've used double-sided tape and similar sticky things on counters; cats hate when their paws get sticky so they usually remember. Or any thing that makes a loud noise when they jump up and hit it - there are commercial products for this, but I haven't tried them. We built little teepees of silverware, filled top-heavy plastic cups with pennies etc. anything that scares them enough to make them jump off. It didn't take too long for the lesson to sink in. But cats (and dogs) are situatuonal learners so you'll need to train for every counter etc. that you don't want them on; and if you move you will likely have to do it again.

What makes kittens more work? High energy. I mean, seriously high energy! I don't know about little bitty kittens as I've never had a cat younger than 4 months, but man....

And I've never figured out how to keep them off counters. If someone knows the secret, do let me know. Instead, I've just cat proofed my house... I think it's possible but it takes a lot of due diligence.

In fact, I have their cat beds above my kitchen cabinets. They jump up on the counter, to the top of the fridge, and up to their beds. Otherwise they generally aren't interested.

Yeah kittens are just high energy and need lots more attention. But as I said, two kittens may be less work than 1 kitten. You also have to watch them more, like I wouldn't leave a kitten at home for more than a couple hours.

My cat was really good about staying off counters and tables but I've heard that tin foil works well to prevent them from wanting to be there. Supposedly, they don't like the feel of it on their paws.

Kittens are a bit more work as they like to get into trouble (just like kids lol). An older cat will probably be more calm and be an easier adjustment if you haven't ever had a cat before. As far as counters go, cats are harder to train than dogs but not impossible. My cats don't go on the counters hardly at all despite never training them to stay off. Instead, I give them other areas that they want to hang out in so they have no need to go on the counters. Most cats like heights so a cat tree is a good, but expensive buy. They last practically forever though. I still have one that I bought 10 years ago. They also love windows so having something for them to sit on near the windows is another plus. They like to watch the birds and such. Heights + windowvision = happy cat.

I adopted from the humane society (and always will) but I got an older cat that was already fixed and litter trained. I don't have the patience for kittens and puppies anymore, it's almost like having an infant. Plus most people don't want the older animals so a lot of them never get adopted. :(

A kitten is definitely work for a little while but if you're up for the challenge then go for it. :) More than anything avoid pet stores like the others have already said.

Be sure to post pics!

Quick note: many pet suppy stores deal exclusively in cats from the Humane Society. Check out where the cats/kittens are from. Often the cats featured at these stores are having a "last chance" to be seen. Our PetSmart and our Global Pet stores feature cats only from the Humane Society, as does one independent Pet Supply store downtown.
http://pets.petsmart.com/adoptions/
At Global and downtown, the cats are residents until they are adopted.

As for kittens -- you'll have to kitten-proof a house, and if no one is home during the day, perhaps a room can be kitten-proofed until he/she is old enough to roam free during the day.

Everyone adopts the kittens. Few adopt the cats. The hardest cases are older cats. Many of them belonged to seniors who have passed away and they have been put in a Shelter in the hopes of adoption. This after years of a stable home. Please look into the older cats -- they have nothing but love to give.

We should clarify that petsmart and potentially petco may sell small animals and birds but the cats may be from a rescue. The only thing is I don't think they keep kittens at the stores due to needing more attention. Spring, being prime time for kittens means the shelters will be full of them.

Can someone help me understand why pet stores are bad?

It depends where they source their cats.
If the store features cats from the Humane Society, of course go for it. In those cases, you don't buy the animal from the store, you arrange to adopt it through the sponsored Humane Society.
If the store is selling purebreds in particular or other cats not from a Humane Society, they may be coming from kitten mills or unethical breeders. They become a commodity. You need to rotate your stock, and they won't hang on to those that don't sell for very long. You need young, fresh, cute animals. What do you think happens to those animals that don't sell? Do they live in that store box forever? And where do they get their "new" animals? Purchasing in this manner only reinforces this system, as every animal sold makes room for another mill or unethically bred animal.
You'll know if the store sells them directly instead of having you fill out the paperwork for adoption from the Humane Society.
http://www.spca.com/?p=3917&lang=en
https://www.petfinder.com/pet-adopti...s-and-kittens/
IMHO there is no need to buy a purebred cat or any cat for that matter from a breeder or wherever when there are plenty of beautiful cats that need a home from your local Shelter.

You can google what is a kitten mill to get an idea of what goes on in these horrible places, but the short story is: cats kept in tiny, filthy cages with minimal nutrition, no love, no vet care. Bred repeatedly until they can no longer reproduce and then killed by the cheapest method available. No regard for inherited diseases. Kittens shipped off to pet stores as early as possible so mom can be bred again. Kitten gets sick while at mill or pet store? They let it die (or kill it before it can share its germs) -- it's easier to breed new ones than nurse a sick one back to health. Kitten mills are heartless cruelty in the name of profit, and it's where pet stores get their stock. (unless, as noted, they are adoptable animals from a humane organization!)

Another advantage of adopting an adult animal is you can get a better sense of its personality, whether you are adopting from a rescue or shelter. Kittens' personalities are still kind of unformed (though true behavior experts might have some insight). What seems like cute kitten silliness may turn out to be behavior issues due to lack of early socialization, etc. Anecdotal, but I know a couple people who adopted cute little kittens that turned out to be crazy shy (in one case) and borderline feral (in the other). You could spot that a mile away in an adult. Same holds true for dogs.

You can also check Craigslist or your local paper for people giving away kittens or cats.

Definitely post pics when you adopt your new furry friend.

So not all pet stores are bad, like was mentioned, Pet smart supports rescues and has an adoption center.

As for pet stores that sell dogs/cats, they further the puppy mill and kitty mill industry which are bad for animals. Since their animals tend to come from very dirty, crowded conditions, the animals have more diseases. Distemper is a big one but there are other diseases that pet store animals can have. Since a lot of inbreeding goes on with puppy/kitty mills, the animals also tend to have more genetic issues.

In general, we put millions of cats and dogs to sleep each year due to overbreeding. I personally would never support any breeder, puppy/kitty mill or backyard breeder. And although I shop at Petsmart, I would never shop at a pet store that sells dogs or cats. (again adoption centers at pet smart are run by local rescues)

Definitely go for a shelter! There are so many lovely cats there who desperately need homes. In particular, think about the cats who have lower chances of adoption. Bonded pairs are harder to get adopted. Black cats have a 50% lower chance of finding a home. Older cats have a hard time as well. My friend's mother read up on this before going to the shelter, and picked out a possible cat on the website before going along. He's an older gent, aged ten, a long-haired black kitty. Well, she went along to the shelter, and it was love at first sight. The pair of them absolutely adore each other, he's totally devoted and follows her around like a dog. He also gets on well with my friend, which is good, but his true love is my friend's mother.

As for me, the young lady currently attempting to climb my headboard came into my life when I met my partner in summer 2013. He had adopted her, together with his ex, when she was a kitten, five years ago now. She is also a black kitty, short-haired, and was found in a skip. Then she was adopted by an old lady who swiftly brought her back to the shelter because she was too much for her to handle. Well, yes, kittens are a lot of work! She must have been terrified in the shelter, they called her Hissy and she's still scared of other cats. Anyway, she is the loveliest little cat imaginable and quite stole my heart away, shortly after I fell for my partner, of course. She's very lively now, as all adult cats should be, and needs a fair bit of playtime. Actually, when my health and the weather permit, we put her harness on and take her to a local park for a good walk. *pause to go pouncing around the flat with her* She's also really affectionate, friendly with other people, and is a bright cat, so we've trained her to do things like climb the carpet tiles we put on the side of the wardrobe, run along the top of the bookcase, jump over the door to another bookcase, fetch a treat and jump down.

I've only looked after kittens briefly, but yes, they are adorable and a huge amount of work. They do not understand about human sleeping hours. The middle of the night is a fantastic time to go romping about the place, knock some thing over, or to drag a toy into the bedroom and insist the human plays with you (by jumping on your face, if need be)! They do not understand how sharp their teeth and claws are! Curtain climbing is the Best Thing Ever! Also they may be less understanding about how to behave around small children, since children don't really understand how to behave around cats. Shelters will know which cats are used to being around children.

Grown up cats are still playful and utterly adorable, my heart melts every time our girlie does a little stretch, but they are a lot more manageable.

One definite thing: it's not a good idea to get cats if you are going to be out all day. They need human interaction. The problems you hear about, where cats are biting people and scratching up the place and so forth, are often due to insufficient time with humans, especially structured playtime and proper scratching surfaces. (And sometimes they're due to the opposite, people who don't respect cats' need for personal space, try to cradle them like a baby and go for their bellies when they don't want it, that sort of thing.) Our cat was rather lonely when I first started dating my partner, because he'd be out and work in the day and then over at mine in the evening or overnight. He'd spend at least some time at home with her, but it wasn't nearly enough, and after a while she would rugby tackle him when he was leaving, dashing up and flinging her little paws around his ankles. Now that my partner and I live together between our two flats, the cat has me at home with her all day (I can't work due to disability), and is so much happier.

In terms of getting two, excellent idea. If you have more than one cat, the rule is one litter box per cat plus one over. Yes, really. Two cats means three litter boxes. We don't have the space for three litter boxes, it's a small flat, plus the girlie doesn't like other cats, so that's why we don't have another one, tempted as we've sometimes been. The other problem is that cats are not terribly social animals, and don't have all that high a chance of liking another cat you bring home. If you adopt them together as kittens, your chances rise a fair bit, but it's still not guaranteed. (Friend A has two cats who are siblings and still get on; Friend B's cats were OK as kittens, but as adults one of them bullied the life out of his sister. When the brother died, the sister came out of her shell and is practically a new cat, suddenly much more confident and cuddly.) If you adopt them as adults (over the age of two) and they're a bonded pair, then you know they are happy together. Another reason to look at pairs of cats at a shelter! They are less work in terms of playing, as a pair of cats who get on will play with each other and need less input from the humans.

Cat trees are expensive from some places but very cheap from others. Try Amazon. Mine cost £24 and she adores it. There's a good scratching post, there's a den to hide in, she likes to eat from one of the platforms, and it's a perfect sunbathing spot. Best of all, she gets onto the den at the bottom, gets upside down while hanging onto the scratching post, and pole dances! Also you can make cat shelves: just put up some shelves, look up the appropriate size and distance and so forth, and staple carpet tiles onto them. Cats like to be high up, and they're good for playing on as well as snoozing on.

You definitely need a good few designated scratching surfaces, and you may need to move them to the cat's preferred position. In my flat, we have the cat tree, a run of carpet tiles up the side of the wardrobe (this started when we had leftovers from making the cat shelves. She ignored them when they were on the side of the desk, but once there was carpet on the side of the wardrobe, she started climbing it as well as scratching it, which is why we added more), and a horizontal scratching pad we made from cutting cardboard boxes into strips. My partner's flat has a cat tree, another cardboard pad, and an old wicker chair that was in one of his plays. The furniture remains unscratched. Which is good, because in his old flat they didn't have anything except the chair, and she would wake them up by scratching the base of the bed, which she pretty much wrecked over time. We've learned that she prefers to be fed four times a day, that way she's not starving hungry at 6 am and is generally less naggy at other mealtimes.

I learned loads from watching My Cat From HelI and recommend that as a good way of learning about how to speak cat, what they need, what to avoid doing. Cats are less intuitive to deal with than dogs, and if you get it wrong it can snowball pretty fast. When I first met the cat who now bosses me around with a single flick of her ears, I tried to play with her as if she were a dog, and she put me straight pretty quickly! But now I am her favourite human and I love her to bits. And if you think that kittens are more appealing due to cuteness, well, yes, they are pretty cute, but adult cats are unutterably adorable and daft and lots of lovely things too. I honestly don't know how they manage to maintain such a high level of cuteness. Mine can melt your heart at 100 paces with a single chirrup. It must be quite exhausting, that's why they sleep so much.

Palestrina - I have volunteered at our local shelter for ten years and wanted to share a few tidbits.

A good shelter will let you have one on one play time with any kitty that tickles your fancy. Cats are waayyyy different out of the cage. You need to have one on one time with several before you decide. Too many people base their decisions on looks rather than temperament. Some cats will crawl right up on your lap and want to be loved. Many will want to be petted and interested in you but may not be lap kitties. Some will be loners and only "want" you when its time to be fed. Being able to sit on the ground and play with one will make your decision easier!

Not all kittens are hyper. Again, take time to play with them. Ive had two kittens who were snugglers and very docile. Dont get me wrong, they love to play but never woke me up to do so! It is easier to tell the temperament of an older cat but you can with a kitten, too. Dont just hold them but let them down, sit on the floor, and see if they want to be with you.

Make sure you take your little one with you and let her get on the floor with the cat/kitten you like. Just because they are ok with an adult doesnt mean they will be ok with a little one. Some shelters have enough traffic and youngsters visit so they get a feel if animals are comfortable with little ones. Some dont.

Shelters are better places to adopt animals bc they do healthchecks, update their shots, do temperament checks, and spay/neuter them before adopting them out. Pet stores who showcase rescue animals are great bc they do help the shelters. Pet stores that sell kitty mill cats are often selling sick and inbred cats that require a lot of vet care. Ask the pet store where they got a cat you may be interested in.

Good luck! Owning a cat......errr.....you being owned by a cat is a wonderful thing! Your little one is sooo lucky you are giving her this opportunity!

I second not using a pet store. Find someone who is selling kittens, or giving them away. Often you can find that online or in the paper. A shelter is a great option, but harder to find a kitten if that's what you want.

If you do decide to get a cat rather than a kitten, I can tell you that it can turn out great. I adopted a 2yo cat (her owner was going to take her to a shelter), and she is the BEST cat with the best temperment I've ever seen.

As for training them to stay off counters, for many cats you can't really. They're not like dogs and don't care as much about pleasing you. But if you keep any food or interesting items off the counter, and they have plenty of other places to jump and climb, they won't be interested in the counters (I speak from experience).

I don't know any shelter that doesn't have kittens, especially in spring. Our shelter is brimming with them. When we went to look at cats at our shelter, it was fall and they still had kittens (My cat was 9 months old which is still slightly kittenish but they had some true kittens, only a couple months old)

That's why I adopted an older cat. He's been the best cat ever for the last 7 years...I know I will probably only have a few good years left with him, that's the only hard part about adopting older is less time. :( Since someone mentioned black cats are least desired I will keep that in mind the next time. I love black cats, I also prefer males. They seem to be more lovey than the females.

I'm not trying to talk OP out of a kitten. I love kittens. I think they're the cutest things ever but I just don't want to deal with all the training and clawing furniture. Crazy little things.

Thanks to all the advice here we've decided not to get a kitten after all. We will be getting a full grown cat. So out next step is to visit a couple of friends with furries just to get my son used to seeing a cat at first because he has expressed a fear in getting a cat. Then we'll visit out local shelter.

I have worked for a veterinarian for 10 years. Pet stores are the most God awful place to get a pet! :mad: They come from mill breeders, that are only doing it for the money.

Yeah, we get them, with all of these records, they have been wormed, vaccinated, yada, yada, starting at 4-5 weeks old. Seriously, they come to us, for the "check up", with 4-5 wormings, a series of 3 vaccinations, in 2 weeks. And then they toss in the "Albon" treatment! Great, you have Giardia!

We have done the 48 hour follow up, required, by the pet store. These pets, despite the records say, they have been wormed 4 or 5 times, had 3 or 4 parvo, kennel cough, for kitties, plueck rhino combo vaccinations, are sick as ****.

All are loaded with round worms. Puppies, have kennel cough, kitties all are suffering from feline distemper.

The breeders do NOT practice proper sanitation, and any vaccination and or worming done before 6 weeks old, is of no use what so ever.

Shelters are a better option, sometimes. "Deep sigh" Depends on the shelter. The problem with that, is many small shelters, are run by people that mean well, but have no idea what they are doing. The "big" shelters, like the ASPCA, are so unethical, it would make you hurl.

From my point of view, working in the veterinary profession. Before I pick out a pet, consult with a veterinarian, and have them tell you, what owning a pet, is really all about. :hug::D

A pet is a wonderful thing, that adds so much to our lives, and you cannot ever replace that, but it comes with a lot of other stuff.

Educate your self, first! You won't regret it, and you will have a new member of the family!:carrot:

Ok don't know what most of those words mean but I'm a little freaked out now.

Ok, I'm a little freaked out now.

Most pet-store animals come from "mills" that are cruel to the animals, often breeding them too often, too many times. In other words, the animals are just a "product" to them to make money. This is why in Pennsylvania, the former governor tried to close down puppy mills (I don't know if he was successful).

I'm not sure what the previous poster means about the ASPCA being unethical. I've never heard anything about that. I will say that I would never buy an animal. I would only get one from a good shelter (and there ARE good shelters----my local one is great). Those poor animals need a loving home, too, and you'll be saving their life (or, in the case of no-kill shelters, you'll be vastly improving their life).

Well, we just had a very BAD experience at the ASPCA in nyc. After reading some wonderful reviews online we headed out to meet some cats there and get some information about adoption. Our purpose was not to walk away with a cat but at least walk away with some information and get our 4yr old in a room with a cat (he's been fearful of all animals and we want to gently introduce him to the idea.)

So we went at the height of optimism, and were greeted very warmly by the staff there. I filled out all the paper work necessary and my son was very enthusiastic about meeting the cats. We were paired with a lady there who went over our paperwork and spoke with us about the process etc. We mentioned our needs and wants and asked questions about owning a cat. Everything was fine and good and then they led us into a room with a few cats. I watched for my son's reaction. He was smiling but was also apprehensive.

One cat (let's call her Mitsy), approached us right away. There were other cats in the room, curious but uninvolved. She was climbing on me and was trying to climb on my son, and he was terrified. He didn't cry or scream or anything but he was trying to get away and hide behind me. Immediately this lady said "he's not ready." I tried to calm him and together we fed the cats. As the other cats approached Mitsy snarled at them. Mitsy continued to pursue my son and he continued to be frightened, he just wasn't ready for that level of interaction yet.

Then Mitsy climbed high on cat walk and jumped on my shoulder from above. Then as we were leaving she was nipping at my son's ankles. The lady told me they would absolutely not let us adopt a cat because my son is not ready for one. She even asked "why do you even want a cat if he's so scared of them?"

The whole ordeal p**** me off. We went all the way into the city, paid $12 in tolls and $15 in parking for this experience. After filling out all their forms and waiting around for 20 minutes we ended up spending 5 minutes with cats. The lady kept scolding my son because he wasn't whispering (trust me, he wasn't loud, he just speaks in the natural volume of a 4yr old) and she kept telling him to shush. Even while the cat was being aggressive with him. I don't need someone questioning me WHY I even want a cat if I have a kid who's afraid of them.

The thing is that even though he's afraid he's also open to it. He wanted to feed them, he wanted to go in there, he wanted to look at more cats but she more or less threw us out. It almost seemed like she set us up on purpose with a highly aggressive cat. It was kind of humiliating to be rejected like that and I cried after we left. I felt poorly treated and my son even more so. What a waste of a perfectly good Saturday.

To be honest, I understand the shelter's response.

Remember, their objective is to find forever homes for their animals. Placing an animal into a home with inexperienced animal owners, with a young, frightened child, is a recipe for disaster. The last thing they want is an animal returned to them petrified (or worse) due to an incident that happens in your care. Envisioning your child reacting out of fear and kicking the cat, is not hard to imagine.

Plus, based on your description above, it doesn't sound the cat was "aggressive." Your child's behavior seems like it scared the cat into being defensive. You say that you "mentioned" your needs; I bet the woman you dealt with didn't understand the level of your child's fear.

Bottom line is that they are not in the business of providing training animals to help your child get over his fear. I agree with her...wait until your son is a little older. It may be less stressful for all of you. I'm sorry you felt the money and time you invested was not worth the experience, but I think you may have learned more than you realize.

Oh dear. Hon, I know this was upsetting, but it's a mercy it happened now, rather than bringing a cat home and everything going horribly wrong. That wasn't an aggressive cat. That was a very friendly cat (and bear in mind how stressful the shelter environment is for cats - our cat was called "Hissy" in the shelter, she was so scared, and she's a total darling who cuddles with most of our guests) who got frightened and reacted in the natural way that cats do when they're under threat. Unfortunately, people who are scared of cats tend to do all the wrong things, thus upsetting the cat, who reacts defensively, which scares the human further, and it all snowballs. You got a good example today of just how fast it can snowball. In particular, if you avoid looking at a cat, it considers that to be good manners, which is why cats have an unnerving tendency to go straight for the human who is scared of the cat and trying to ignore it. If you move tentatively, the cat sees that as the movement of a prey animal and is likely to attack, especially if you hover a hand jerkily over their head, which they find particularly threatening and which so many people seem to think is a good type of approach. Sudden movements and loud noises will scare cats.

Our cat is lovely with almost all humans, but a friend of my partner's is terrified of cats and always seems to end up with our cat having a go at her when she is visiting. So when I finally met this friend, I walked her through how to behave with cats, explaining why the wobbly hand hovering over the cat's head was the last thing to do. She changed her posture, held out her hand confidently and low, and the cat, who had been looking nervous and gearing herself up to defend herself, promptly went back to being her usual sweet self, rubbing herself gently against the hand to say hello. The friend was delighted! It was hard to do that with an adult, you wouldn't have had a hope of teaching a young child.

If it's hard for adults to get behaving-around-cats right, it's far harder for young children. You should have left the room with him as soon as the shelter worker said he wasn't ready. I realise you were hoping the situation would improve, but if a cat experiences something as frightening as a child who is behaving in all the wrong ways and distressing it, you can't just solve the situation in twenty seconds by getting the child to be quieter. Their body language will continue to be all wrong, especially if they're being too loud for the cat to take. Yes, that might be normal volume for a four year old, but that doesn't mean it's an acceptable volume for a cat. I managed to startle my cat into arching her back today, simply because after she'd been begging for food I looked at her dish and squeaked in surprise, "You haven't even eaten your lunch!" And she knows me well and absolutely adores me. I just spoke a bit too loudly, frightened her, and since I know her and her little ways, I promptly apologised (life with a cat means a lot of being bossed around and a lot of grovelling!), gave her a cuddle, and all was forgiven. But even though I am her favourite human and we have extended cuddles every day, she can still change her mood with the usual speed of a cat, and give me a very gentle nip to tell me to stop petting her when she no longer wants it. If I were to ignore her "back off" signal (and the signals can be very subtle, a change in the set of the ears or different tail movements), I'd get a swipe, and I have had plenty of little scratches where I reacted a second too late. Again, that's normal cat behaviour, but it's the sort of thing that can backfire nastily with a child.

I'm afraid the shelter worker was quite right to ask why you brought your son if he's so scared of cats. Unfortunately, it's not a problem you can treat by just introducing him to cats and hoping he'll understand how lovely they are. Optimism doesn't work for this one. He's far too young, and his natural behaviour isn't anywhere near what would make a cat comfortable. That doesn't mean there's anything wrong with him, he's being a normal four year old, it simply means that he's a child who isn't up to having a cat yet. Give him a year or so, perhaps, see how he is with other animals, and once he is no longer scared, introduce him to a friend's cat and teach him how to behave around cats. Once he has really learned how it works, and his relationship with a friend's cat is solid, try again. And possibly with dogs, who are easier to understand than cats. But please do not even dream of getting a cat now.

The shelter really didn't do anything wrong. What you report is the actions of a good shelter, and I've have been horrified if they'd sent you home with a cat. It's their duty to protect the cats they have there, and if a child is upsetting the cats, of course they need to stop the situation, for everyone's sake! They also need to make sure the cat will go to a good home where everyone would be happy. As far as I know, that always involves asking the potential owner why they want a cat, whether the shelter worker has flagged up potential problems or not. They want to know if you have a garden, if the cat will be left alone all day, if the cat will be played with properly, if you are going to make sure it gets all the vet treatment it needs, give it the right sort of food, do a good job with the litterbox, to figure out if you are planning to breed from it (if it's not already neutered), they need to know all sorts of things. And if they have a child who is upsetting the cats, and they say to the adult "he's not ready", and the adult insists on keeping the child around the now-terrified cats, well, of course they asked you to leave. He was upsetting the cats and could have been badly bitten or scratched if they hadn't intervened. They were protecting him and you, you know. I realise it was a horrible experience for both of you, and I am sending you hugs. Sometimes these things do just go wrong.

I don't think we did anything wrong. We went with the intention of meeting a cat. My son didn't yell, he didn't cry or scream. Yes he was afraid but he was also interested. He wanted to feed the cat. He was asking questions. This was his first interaction with a cat. How will he have experience with a cat if we don't expose him to it? I was there and the cat was too aggressive. We didn't get a chance to interact with the other cats, just this one. They could have mediated, they could have had us meet just one cat or a different cat. They didn't have to kick us out.

Look, cats are tricky. You can go in with the best of intentions and still do a heap of things wrong, and you did. You're expecting the cat to behave as if it were an adult human, or perhaps a highly-trained service dog. Cats aren't like that, and they do not understand young children. (When my support worker had her husband pick her up from my flat one day, with their two year old and their four year old, and we introduced N and made her show off a trick, I noticed that the support worker was careful to tell her children to step well back and be quiet. And they did, and I carried N near them and was very careful about how the introduction progressed. So as well as seeing her climb the carpet on the side of the wardrobe to fetch a treat from on top of the bookcase, they got to pat her on the head once or twice, and then their parents moved them away again, and N felt safe all the way through. The support worker is used to cats and knew exactly what to do, and her children were thankfully being very quiet and gentle during the brief visit. If there had been any sign of trouble, I would have whisked N away, made sure there was a closed door between them, and done whatever it took to make N calm again.) All the people who understand cats are telling you that it went wrong from your family's side, not from the shelter side. You've told us enough to make the situation clear, and we do understand what happened, so please trust us. And we get that it wasn't malicious, that you were trying your best, that you really wanted to make it work. You're seeing the ways in which he was trying his best. The cat didn't see that, and she wasn't making allowances for "this is how children are". The cat just saw what made her feel threatened.

For starters, think about how stressful it is for a cat to be in a shelter. It's probably equivalent to being suddenly put into a rough prison, and in many instances, straight after experiencing traumatic events too, or at the least, losing a loved one. It's a manageable level of stress if you understand cats, but it can make a huge difference if you don't. "My son didn't yell, he didn't cry or scream", you said. In context, that's a bit like saying, "Why are you threatened because I screamed at you and waved my fists in your face? I didn't have a weapon!" Screaming would have been absolutely horrific for a cat, and even talking loudly would have been upsetting. Look how I told you my cat responded earlier because I raised my voice very slightly. Cats like quiet. He was evidently making enough noise to upset the cat, and the shelter worker told you that repeatedly. I noticed that you were irritated by that, so I'm guessing that you didn't make your son lower his voice, and your feeling on edge won't have helped the atmosphere in the room (which the cat was carefully assessing). Of course he didn't mean anything by it. He's evidently a lively boy, and I'm sure he's a lovely kid. But children, by and large, are scary to cats. Young children are pretty noisy, bless them; I tend to find them draining, and I at least understand what's going on. I bet he was moving far too fast, for instance, and by that I mean far too fast according to a cat. As for meeting just one cat, maybe they didn't have a room available, or perhaps it was because they didn't realise how scared your son is, and thought that several cats at once would give you both a chance to meet several cats and see which one you got on with.

The best thing to do in this situation is to move slowly and gently into the room, then sit on the floor, don't look at the cat, put a hand out on the floor, and apart from that, just sit and wait for them to come and investigate you. Some people hold out their glasses, so that the cat can sniff their scent from a safe distance away. If they feel safe - and if you are giving off any signals of fear, they will not feel safe - they will wander up, have a little sniff, think it over, and then perhaps rub themselves against you. Or sometimes they will back off again, and perhaps come back, perhaps not. You let them do that for a while, and then, depending on what you have been told about the cat, you may possibly try a confident but gentle pat or stroke, say on top of the head. Then you see how they react to that, for instance whether they purr or head-butt you, or even climb into your lap for a cuddle. And even that simple patting movement is easy to get wrong with a new cat! My friend S uses very different cat-petting techniques to me, because their cat J is still recovering from years of being bullied by her now-deceased brother, and J has to be wooed very carefully, with a strict and complex petting protocol, every single time S has a cuddle with her. With our cat, N, sometimes that is OK, and sometimes the movements are a bit too tentative and make her slightly nervous. N prefers more confident movements. But S is great at reading cat signals, and knows the second when to back off, so it's never gone wrong, and they've had quite a few little cuddles by now. Now, I can read N well enough that if I look at her and she's in the right mood, I can scoop her up (holding her correctly, of course) and ruffle the fur on her head and give her lots of kisses, and she nestles into me and gives happy little chirrups. I couldn't do that when I met her! If I ever meet S's cat, I am going to have to follow S's instructions very slowly and carefully, and I may not see her at all for the first few visits.

You and your son don't know about cat signals. It was like meeting someone from another culture, where you don't know the language, and your guide book is instructing you to say, "I have a gun, and you'd better give me your money." Say that with a smile and they'll be even more freaked out, and you'll be peering at your guide book in bewilderment. You didn't have the right guide book for dealing with cats. You went by what should work with humans, possibly by what should work with dogs. It's a completely understandable mistake.

As I said above, dogs are pretty intuitive to deal with, but cats just aren't, you have to learn their odd little ways. People who are used to dogs are often the worst offenders, for instance trying to rough-and-tumble with a cat (in a way that a labrador would adore) and getting scratched to bits for their pains. If a dog rolls on its back and wiggles its legs in the air, it probably wants a belly rub and will be very pleased to get it. If a cat does that, it's usually a defensive movement, where it's ready to attack. If you then break into its personal space and dare to touch its vulnerable belly, you may be permitted a couple of strokes and then you will probably find that you are being attacked. (Some cats are absolutely fine with this sort of belly rub, but they're in the minority, and it's never safe to assume that an unknown cat will like it.) I grew up with dogs, so I learned this the hard way when I met N! Now she will roll onto her back like that when we are playing, usually after we've been chasing each other around for a bit, and I get out the really big toy and she murders it happily for a minute, then dashes off to another designated killing spot and we repeat the whole process until I am out of breath. I don't let my hand get anywhere near her during these games, and I do not mistake them for cuddling sessions.

Believe me, that was not an aggressive cat. No shelter worker would have introduced a nervous young child to anything other than a known friendly cat, because that is a very clear route to disaster for everyone, and they'd have to be a total sadist who didn't mind bleeding a lot and losing their job. The cat came towards you, she wanted to say hello (friendly!), and then she got startled and defensive. And only mildly defensive. This is what a terrified, angry cat does:

The ears are flattened against the head. The pupils dilate. The tail is a dead giveaway, it may be lashing furiously, or flattened in terror against the floor, and/or with all its fur standing out like a bottle brush. The cat will back away as far as it can, watching intently. Or sometimes it will be frozen, and then pounce. There will be horrible noises: hissing, huffing, growling, yowling. When the cat attacks, it may leap into the air. There will be painful biting and scratching, perhaps terrified flailing. Typically, they grab hold of you with their front legs and bunny kick with their back claws. It is noisy, it is violent, it is extremely distressing for both the cat and the human. And it builds up with clear warning signs, although it may still escalate surprisingly quickly. If the human panics or tries to fight back, it gets a lot worse. There are awful stories of what can happen here, such as someone throwing the cat against a wall. These incidents don't appear out of nowhere, although if the human is clueless about cats and has been doing all the wrong things without realising it, it may seem like it. They have a clear build-up, perhaps starting with something like a cat with undiagnosed arthritis being touched in a way that hurts them a great deal. Cats aren't malicious. These things happen because of misunderstandings building up, and fear.

Go back and read my other post explaining exactly what you did wrong and why the shelter worker pulled you out and didn't introduce you to other cats (that was her mediating). It was not the fault of the cat. It would have gone just as badly with another cat. It could have been a lot worse, in fact. Some shelter kitties have been through some very unpleasant stuff, and are pretty scared of humans and/or other cats. In those cases, shelters will arrange fostering when they can, and will be very careful about who adopts the cat, making sure it's someone with a high level of experience and the right kind of environment for the cat.

And then go and relax somewhere and try not to think about cats while you let this settle down in your head! I know it's a disappointment, but he won't be four forever. And maybe you'll find another type of pet is simply a better fit for your family, and you will all be much happier. Or maybe he'll grow into it, and you'll all learn how to speak Cat.

You didn't do anything wrong. Actually, after working in the vet industry for 10 years, you did ALL of the right things.:hug:

Shelters, rescues, foster homes, etc., do fill a need, and do help animals, and we do need them. I live in a small rural place, one lady involved with our local rescue is great, love her. We help her out, donate, she helps us out. The other lady, has taken money raised for the local shelter, and spent it on pets, from her home town, 2000 miles away. I know those pets need help, but she is telling one great big fib, to our local people.

Problem arises, when, no matter how well intentioned, they are not educated, in animal behavior, and medical care, and the "truth" about owning a pet.

Cats can be a bit more tricky than a dog, takes more patience. Cats are different.

Don't give up, just take what you have learned so far, and be positive. It will work out.

If anyone would like a spayed and declawed in the front, "white" kitty, with one green eye and one blue eye, laid back and calm, holler! She is hanging with me, looking for a forever home. I will keep her, but really needs a home with more time.:D

Declawed? Oh, the poor thing. It's illegal in my country, and should be worldwide, as it's a horrendous practice involving amputating part of the toes and causing the animal enormous distress. It often causes health and behavioural problems as well. I know of people who deliberately adopt declawed kitties, not because they approave of that appalling practice, but because those cats need extra special care and they know they can provide for a potentially disabled cat. Is she also deaf on the side with the blue eye?

Palestrina, I agree what has been said and that shelters are looking to protect their animals and they have a lot of experience with various types of adopters. They don't like to adopt out animals and then see them back in only a couple weeks. It lessens their chances of having a forever home and also moves them up the line to euthanasia quicker.

I would look at local rescues in your area and look at your petsmarts and petcos to see when they have adoption events. Our petsmart has a cat adoption event every week on Saturdays.

Just to be clear, I'm not upset that we weren't handed a pet. I'm not upset she told us we weren't ready yet. I'm fully open to the process of learning the ropes and going about this the right way. I'm upset that it is suggested that we were out to do something wrong or to hurt anyone or that our reasons for wanting a pet are not acceptable. If our expectations were off that is no reflection of me as a person. Believe me when I tell you I was a lot more upset by this than anyone else, cat and son included. I won't be made to feel like I was a bad person. I may not talk cat yet but I'm fully versed in human and I know a jerk when I see one.

I don't think you did anything wrong but it could also be that the people are especially jaded. I know humane societies use a lot of unpaid volunteers and these people often see stuff that you don't. Like when we went to go pick up our cat, a lady was returning a kitten that she didn't want. She had accidentally poked the cats eye out. Things like that happen all the time where people adopt pets with best of intentions but bring them back quickly, lessening their chances or even bring them back in worse shape. If you see that day in and day out, you may become jaded as well but the goal overall should be to adopt the pets out to those that are committed to them and will take care of them for the long haul.

Having said that, I will also say that the cat you encountered was fairly normal. I will say that cats are very invasive. I have one cat that will drink out of my water or my soy milk/soy yogurt if she can get the chance. Both cats like to follow me or my husband around. If I go into a room and shut the door, I will have meowing and paws under the door. When we had a shower curtain on our bath tub, one of my cats would sit on the lip of the bathtub while we took our shower, she still sometimes waits for us outside the shower. Some people have reported that their cats sleep on their head or their chest, my cats prefer the feet. Sometimes when sitting in a chair, we'll have the cats paws laying on our shoulders. When we didn't have 2 cats, our first cat would stalk us in that she would hide behind corners and then 'attack' which consisted of running up to us fast, grabbing our ankles, then running away. We also had a cat tree near the door (for a while) where she would 'attack' my hair every day when I got home from work. Once we got a second cat, they would play attack each other so that stopped. Cats are predators though so this play attack is pretty normal.

We can't keep blinds closed as both cats will bat at them until we open up the blinds. Also, they will often meow at the windows to have us open up the windows.

I love my cats, but I will say based on your sons reaction and the encounter with the cat, I do agree that it might not be a good fit for you at the moment. I would almost steer you towards a rabbit for a pet as I think that might be a better fit.