(Almost) Naked Selfies
 

If someone posts pics of themself regularly on facebook with hardly any clothes on, do you think deep down this is a sign of insecurity?

I (sort of) know someone who does this. She posts tons of pics of her face, and changes her profile pic several times a week. But, she also posts a lot of pics of herself in her underwear. Sometimes she's in her bra and panties. Sometimes just panties, with one hand over her boobs and the other hand holding her phone. Her face is never shown in these pics. And she always adds captions like, "I love being me, I'm so awesome looking." or "If all women learned to love their bodies the world would be a better place." And she also says stuff like, "This is so brave of me to post this." And then a ton of people comment, saying things like, "Yes, you're so brave, you're so beautiful" etc.

She talks a lot about loving her body... but she has (what society has decided anyway) is a perfect body. She's petite, toned and has big boobs. So it's easy for someone who looks like that to love their body. If a 400 lb women did this everyone would think it was gross and think she was crazy for loving her body.

But, as I see these pics, the part of me who is really into psychology starts to wonder if deep down she is, in fact, really insecure. Does she really love her body or is she just seeking validation from others? What do you all think, discuss!

Note: I am not asking for advice. This doesn't even bother me really. I am just more interested in the psychology of it.

facebook is a pretty wide audience for that sort of thing.

i know lots of people who invest a huge amount of time and thought into weight training and dieting to shape their bodies how they want, and they are proud and show it off at a website dedicated to that sort of thing. i see it as a source of pride in a hobby, not as a sign of insecurity.

of course, it all depends on how you do it.

It's an interesting topic, and not one, I think, that has any one answer that's applicable to all. I don't think, though, that we can make a sweeping statement that 'of course she loves her body because it's perfect'. I, for one, have never met any woman who is satisfied with the way she looks (face or body), no matter how great she may look to others. We are our own worst critics, and I've seen gorgeous, fit, toned women complain about what they see as their flaws, whether it's stubby fingers, a microscopic bit of neck fat, breasts that are too big/too small according to them, etc.

I'm no expert on psychology, but from what you said about that girl, my most educated guess would be that yes, she is insecure, but at the same time she knows that others see her as attractive so she's seeking validation from them.

Of course she could just really love her body and want to show it off. I really don't know :p

My first instinct would be that she's seeking validation, for sure.

My second instinct would be to block her posts! I don't need to see that on Facebook from my friends! That's what Tumblr is for, haha.

It seems to me that the more you have to loudly proclaim or "prove" that you have something, the more you don't. Doesn't matter if that something is intelligence, success, an important job, good self-esteem, or whatever. You know what I mean; it's not that no one can feel good about themselves or have a good life, just that the more a person insistently needs the world to "know" or validate that they have X, the more I doubt they really have that much X. Definitely comes from insecurity.

If I were to be fit and toned I would flaunt it too :) Not to seek validation, but to tell the world I did it! -- If someone puts that much work into their perfect body, they deserve the glory. Good for them!!

You sure you are not a bit jealous? ;) I would be!

I guess I'm just a bit of a prude and would never post a half naked picture of myself for all my friends and family to see. So maybe my opinion of this situation is a little jaded. A bathing suit picture from a trip to the beach is one thing, but all the time underwear selfies? Nah.

I know someone like this. In her case, it is probably about insecurity.

Also, I am horrified that someone would think it's okay to post pics of themselves in just their undies on a regular basis. I don't care how darn good I looked, I wouldn't put pictures of me in my drawers posing seductively on the internet! AHHHH- the thought of it makes me severely uncomfortable. But then again, I am weird, and don't like my picture on the internet anyway. Different strokes, eh?
Maybe that's why I never posted any goal pics the five hundred times I lost weight!

I do, however, think that from a psychological perspective, an organism will repeat an action that gives a reinforcing result. So, maybe it's a combination of things: she actually does like her body, but then she really enjoys the validation of others confirming her own suspicions as well.

The sad thing is, I have seen people that clung so hard to their one "thing", and as it fades, with age or time or whatever, that it is a bad letdown if you don't love more than just that one thing. Hopefully her life is fuller than just her own appreciation of her physical beauty, because there is more to her than just that, and the "youthful beauty" will eventually fade.

This... sigh. How did I not see that coming? I work out 5 times a week, have lost tons of weight, and am also proud of my body. I DON'T need to show it off all the time to feel good aboit myself. I have a man who loves me the way I am and friends who are proud of me for sticking with it like I have. And my health has improved dramatically.

I said in my post thay the pics she posts dont even bother me. I thoight on a WEIGHT LOSS forum this would be a good topic to post aboit. But of course someone has to accuse me of being jealous and make me feel bad for posting aboit it. Wow... ( now watch, this response will be used against me as more evidence of my supposed jealousy.)

Thanks to everyone else who replied with your opinions. To people who think I am jealous. That is total b.s.. :)

Just wondered...not accusing. There is a difference, but based on your response, I think I was right.

Insecurity like whoa. I have a "friend" who does the same thing all over fb and it's just sad. Nobody ever really likes her posts either, even though she's lost a bit of weight to go from chubby to thin. She also mentions how hungry she is pretty often (because she starves herself to stay small).

I have seen more of her body than my own, and this is not a teen, it's a 30 year old woman!

^this, totally.

This selfie business (meaning posting multiple times a day, pictures of yourself) is evidence of a narcissistic society. Just my not so humble opinion (and no i'm not jealous because i've never seen the girl )

ReillyJ Nice thing about FB, if you don't like somebody and their posts, there is a remove friend button.

I find it distasteful to be publicly shaming someone. If posting pictures of herself makes her happy, think OP should let her be. But airing out on a public forum like this is un-excusable and bad taste.

I do not understand where you're coming from here. It would be one thing if DazeGypsy posted this on her Facebook page, but as far as I can tell there's no connection between her 3FC account and Facebook so how is that in bad taste? It's not like the women she is talking about will come across it and as she said, she was starting a discussion.

I think taking poorly behind someone's back is bad taste.

I would hate if I was made into a topic on a forum. It would hurt my feelings.

That was just one lil comment from Sum38 and just a tease! Isn't it by this over-posting pic logic a sign of insecurity to over-respond to one line? haha

Anyways, hard to say. I have bum pics in my siggie, I worked hard for it since I suffered a lot of weight loss skin sag in that area and I'm comfortable with posting it and opening myself up to criticism. Since that's the price of posting on the internet, I'd say for someone who posts with non-anonymously on FB that it could be just her liking compliments as well as being confident (maybe arrogant too who knows). Or it could be a sign of insecurity - its really hard to say, but it is possible to like getting tons of validation while being confident, in my experience. Annoying to be around at times, but isn't necessarily a defining factor in determining if a person is insecure or not.

To each his own, you're entitled to your opinion as i am, mine. Now if the OP had provided a link to said person or called her by name, that would be an entirely different matter-even though we do it to celebs all of the time.

My opinion is it's a society in decline that feels they need to post pictures of themselves almost naked, REPEATEDLY.

Yes, we are all entitled to our opinions, ReillyJ :D -- And one does not always have agree with everyone. The beauty of this forum! The OP said to discuss... and that I did ;) I made my opinion know. If people don't like my opinions, there is a beautiful little button called "ignore" and that person never has to see my posts ever again.

Just to reiterate; I say more power to the FB poster IMHO. Congrats on achieving a perfect body. If I could achieve such an accomplishment, I would be so proud and flaunt it, but at the advantage age of 47, such thing in unattainable. But if by some miracle I did; yes there would be a TON of bikini pictures to go about. Maybe not underwear ones. -- Heck, someone calling someone else for having the perfect body is enviable itself. -- But at the same time, I would expect my friends on FB to keep it to themselves and not to share it on internet.

That being said... Congrats on OP for being happy in her skin as well. I wish I could say the same :)

Lol, oh yes. And i already predicted that's exactly what you would say. :) maybe deep down its you who is jealous of people like me, since I have worked hard and gotten myself in shape, and I am guessing you haven't. (Just a hunch.)

I am not going to waste any more precious time and energy dealing with someone who just wants to fling accusations in my face.

And since you are so CLEARLY out to get a rise out of me, I'm going to go put you on my ignore list now, and you can go grow up. Have a nice day now dear. Lmao

No worries, Sum38... it would take A LOT for me to hit the ignore button!!:p

pixelllate A great post! And I am guilty of over posting :D -- But I usually stay in my own little area and don't venture out :) Now I need to decide if I am being insecure :lol: -- I just love the friends I have made here too much, so I say, nah!

I'd be inclined to agree that the person OP is talking about is probably fishing for compliments. Perfect bod or otherwise, pretty good chance that shes just seeking validation.

Selfie addiction = mental illness

http://www.collective-evolution.com/...ental-illness/

Nahhhh, there's nothing wrong w/those pics, it's not like you're posting them multiple times a day, every single day..admit it, that would get really old to fellow FB "friends".

What i want to know (at the risk of hijacking the thread, maybe you could make a separate post) is how you got it? I too have a saggy bum from years of inactivity where i used to have a bubble butt so to speak. Don't say squats because i can't do them!! :D

OMG, pixelllate, after ReillyJ's post I clicked on your name. That derrière is out of this world! I am GREEN with envy! How did you do it??

And to whoever it was who accused me of publicly shaming someone, you can grow up to. This is not my facebook page. This is a FORUM not associated with my page. And this is a DISCUSSION about a topic not a shaming session. Wow... didnt know this would be so controversial.

Gosh Sum38 and ReillyJ!! Thanks so much!!!! It was so saggy that I lost hope because it was worse than the "before" pics of butt workout pics, and I HATE squats. I tried doing those and lunges and I was so angry for the rest of the day - it wasn't worth it. I do deadlifts 2x a week (Planet Fitness only lets me go up to 60 lbs though...) For 1 day a week, I do weighted glute bridges (15 lbs) and Quadruped Hip Extensions.

Well you are not saggy any more! You lost 73 pounds? WOW, double WOW, WOW! You have zero loose skin, that is awesome!! That butt could belong to a model.

My hubby is all about lifting...just wait once he hears about this; deadlifts! He is going to have me doing them :D -- I hate the gym, but if that is the result, I am GAME! -- My butt hangs down to my knees, wonder if there is any hope for it? :lol3:

In my opinion, I can see why frequent posting like that - due to insecurity or not can be annoying. I just end up removing them from FB feed if I get tired of the same old same old posts (same with people who only post the same types of posts - clogs up the feed with stuff I don't want to see!). I'm only skeptical about that being a sign of insecurity because I know some people who do that because they are insecure and others who don't - they post like that and they are comfortable with themselves.


However, many of us are insecure and I know for me at least, I'm too insecure to even admit my degree of insecurity about a lot of things - physical, mental etc. As long as we are still nice people at the end of the day, that's what matters most. Maybe that person on your FB is insecure - if she isn't, that's great, if she is, then I hope that like all of us, she grows to be less insecure over time.

Just to jump in here...

I think a lot can be read from the tone of the person. I have people on FB where they might show something like that and it would be just to update their status - losing weight, getting fitter, new haircut, etc. I totally take it as posted as I know that person and I could see it was genuine.

Then there are people who you can see a different tone. You can't really pinpoint it, but something is "off". if that person were posting frequent shots of their body... I might read it differently.

And maybe that's my own insecurities who knows.

With that said, at 44, I can hardly imagine ANYONE on my FB feed posting photos of themselves in their underwear only - period. I would think they were hacked! :)

Yes, this is a discussion, which means you're going to get all sorts of opinion

If you're going to speculate about a person's motives (insecurity), you should in fairness, expect others to speculate about yours.

That's not controversy, that's fair play.

I've earned my bachelor's and master's degree in cognitive-behavioral and developmental psychology, respectively. I've worked in addiction and law-enforcement and both in educational and professional settings, we're taught not to make arm-chair diagnoses of people's behavior.

People's motivations are extremely complicated, and you can't judge self-esteem, insecurity, jealousy or other complex emotions based on casual observation.

It is as likely that you are jealous as the the woman you're talking about is insecure.

I wouldn't place a money bet on either, because I'd need to know a lot about you both to speculate on either.

I would though ask, why do you care? So what if she is insecure? (It's possible), but she also could be well-adjusted. She also could be proud and confident - or maybe she just wasn't raised with nudity taboos.

I was raised in a family that has never considered nudity a big deal, especially partial nudity.

I do think a lot of people overshare on facebook, but that doesn't necessarily mean the people who share more information on facebook are any different mentally and emotionally from those of us who share less.

Every single post on facebook or here on 3FC or any form of communication online or in person can be construed as attention-seeking, but not all attention-seeking is based on insecurity (or if it is, its the type of insecurity we all share).

kaplods Out of the 13200 posts I have only disagreed with you once. I wish I could express my opinions the way you do! -- I blame it on the fact that I am a non English speaker :) -- Well put, as always!

Berry -- I am with you, I am so darn insecure. But at the age of 47, who feels secure about their bodies?? We should!! We have the wisdom, the life experience...but that ideal body was lost many moons ago. -- People were to puke if they were to see me in my underwear :)

Sum - I'm sure your body is great. or "better" than most people at 47.

But... I did giggle to myself imagining any of my FB friends in their skivvies posting selfies - almost every friend of mine on FB is 40 or older - couple exceptions. I'm trying to imagine one of those mom friends in a photo like that and then seeing their kids' reactions to a photo like that on FB.

"Oh my god mom! WHy did you post that? Do you know how embarrassing that is for me? Couldn't you have filtered it or something so that not everyone can see it?" Or something like that. :)


Yep... I'm getting old (and so are my friends).

Goodness, I'm 27 and still can't imagine any of my friends doing that! But I think most of my Facebook friends are also connected with family, etc. on their pages and no one wants their mom to see them in their undies past the age of 10 lol Or maybe I am just deluded and prudish in thinking that. This is why I am just so baffled by the whole discussion.

HAHAHAH! Same here Berry! I think I have a few of my daughter's friends as friends, they are 19... But they are shy girls like my DD and would never post pictures of themselves in their undies... But the rest of my friends, 40+, it would be a disaster. :lol3: I am sorry, the whole thought cracks me up.

I looked HOT in my 20's...if FB had been around, wonder if I had posted pix of myself in undies, probably not. I did not have the guts. But I still say, more power to those who do it. I probably would have posted in my bathing suit.

I just feel women should feel empowered. Not ridiculed. There should not be any fat/skinny shaming.

nonameslob I could be your mother :)

I feel a female body should be celebrated at any age. We are beautiful. Our bodies are wonderlands; we give pleasure, we create life.

Yes, it does not mean we should always flaunt it. But if one chooses to do so, we should applaud her. More power to her! Most us women hide.

Wow! I'm impressed. I don't even agree with myself that much. Seriously though, it's kind of fun to read old posts sometimes and see how much my opinions haved change (and may change again).

You know Sum38, you kinda enlightened me to something...why is it that I feel totally embarrassed to see someone in their underwear, yet I'd probably hardly blink an eye at bathing suit? I guess I just see underwear as something that's meant to be under clothes and personal, but bathing suits are made to be seen, even if they bare the same amount (or less!) skin. I know my reactions to underwear vs. bathing suits aren't logical, but I don't know how to change that.

nonameslob Well put!! Some of my underwear covers more than my bikini :D -- I come from a country (Finland) where nudity is embraced and a natural thing. Sauna was invented in Finland, where everyone goes naked.

Everybody has a body. There is nothing shameful to have one. Everyone is beautiful.

i haven't read the whole 3 pages of this thread but i agree with this...And I don't see anything wrong with flaunting it....Me personally I would never post nearly naked pictures of myself ANYWHERE because i do NOT want the attention...whether to be stared at because i'm hot or because i'm not, either way I don't want to be stared at lol

I always assume those people must think their bosses and children are too dumb to ever google them five or fifteen years down the line, and that nobody will be eligible to be president about a decade from now because every single one of them has documented their young adult stupidity in excruciating, pictorial detail for all the world to see and never to be expunged!