Originally Posted by kaplods:
No word has to "shut down" or end communication unless both parties allow it.

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When someone calls you crazy, 99% of the time they actually mean either, "You aren't hearing what I'm saying," or "I have no understand of your argument, point-of-view, actions, priorities, choices, thought processes.... and/or find them very foreign and upsetting."
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That doesn't make him a stupid, clueless jerk (even though I may throw that accusation at him during a heated argument).

For me when my husband has thrown out the word "crazy" it actually means "what you are saying is invalid, it has no grounding in my reality and therefore this conversation is over."

I have never used the words stupid or clueless to describe my husband, nor did I imply that men are generally jerks by bringing up the topic. But to me, when a man uses the word crazy he says it to shut her up. It'd almost be kinder to just say "I'm not listening anymore" than to label a person crazy. I may be particularly sensitive to it but I think boys from a young age are taught that whenever a girl becomes attached/emotional/or doesn't know how to process her feelings she immediately becomes "crazy" and I think it's a real stigma.

My boyfriend used to do this quite a bit, or either I'm really sensitive to it as well. Or well, he didn't always use the "C" word, but he often suggested that I was being over-emotional about something. A lot of this was control in an argument, however. For example, we'll be arguing, and he will say something that is really smart***. I, in reaction, get angry, at which point he says that I am getting "out of hand" and that he isn't angry. He uses his calmness as a way to invalidate my arguments, all the while being able to get jabs in that I am not supposed to react to in anger. This makes him sound like a giant jerk, I realize, but the important thing is he never realized he did it. He really just thought that he never gets "angry" in an argument, not realizing that his behavior is to purposely make the other party angry, thus taking the argument to a place it doesn't need to go.

As far as the general over-emotional label I found in my current relationship, I think it comes from a place of misunderstanding more than manipulation, though it does create the manipulation wannabeskinny talks about. We've talked about this subject a lot, and some of it stems from just how different our minds are. It's not necessarily a female vs. male thing, but if you're interested in MBTI and know anything about it, he's an E/INTJ and I'm an INFP. We process things differently, and honestly, yes, I feel more than he does. We've had to draw a very careful line. At times, I do need him to gently remind me that I am not being rational. I think all of us need help from time to time to get our head straight about a subject. Other times, I need to make clear to him when I feel that what I am saying comes from a place of genuine concern that he needs to stand up and pay attention to. Suggesting that he honors all of my feelings would probably not be very good for our relationship, because honestly, knowing myself, I realize that my emotions are very fickle and transient. It is important, however, that he honors my voice and not revert to a script when I am saying something he doesn't want to hear.

ETA: Beyond my own relationship, I do see this as a very damaging undercurrent in every day interactions and speech. It is common humor to disregard a woman's wants and desires as being fickle and hard to please. I don't think this teaches our young men a very good lesson about how to be a good future husband, and worse, it teaches our girls to censor themselves when they feel the need to voice their needs and wants.

What is MBTI?

Myers-Briggs Type Indicator

Originally Posted by Wannabeskinny:
What is MBTI?

http://www.myersbriggs.org/my-mbti-p...e/mbti-basics/

It goes quite a bit more in depth than what is on that site, but it seemed like a succinct review. I think the test is good to help us maybe understand some of our weaknesses and strengths, but like anything, should be taken with a grain of salt. You can take a test anywhere online. My results have always been eerily accurate, though I feel like I've grown past some of the more negative behavior of my type as I've aged.

I just can't imagine staying in a relationship with a person I believed was intentionally attempting to invalidate or shut down my communication.

My husband and I both are often frustrated and even angry with ourselves and each other when communication is failing, and we each are prone to assumimg difficulties are mostly the other's "fault," but I think it would be the end of the relationship if either of us believed the other was ever deliberately being so blatently disrespectful.