Relying on history, rather than respect and morality, to justify the labeling, treatment, or response to a person; that is dangerous business. I think we can agree it is best to treat every person we come across fairly, rationally, and without presumption of motivation, no matter their sex. Responding to their words and conduct, not to ascribed characteristics, seems to be the most just response to a situation.

I believe that is what the original article was getting at, or what it should have been aiming for.

Kaplods - the sort of situation you grew up in is something I have seen so much of. I find that very troubling, being the wife of a good and respect-worthy man and the mother of a young son and young daughters. ALL my children need to understand both appropriate gender roles and how to thrive without denigrating the opposite sex. Such attitudes are hurtful at best and destructive at worst.

I've acted crazy, too, and in those situations I have been so. Some was medication and hormones, most was just an appalling lack of self control - like a toddler's tantrums. And those feelings are nothing worth justifying or defending, simply because they exist. Being gracious, patient, gentle, and thoughtful is far better, and has the added bonus of lacking "the crazy". It also makes for a peaceful home and delightful marriage ;)

Nobody is perfect, but being slow to anger and self controlled in our responses keeps our marriage of two very sinful people the best thing in our lives. Once either one of us gives into irrationality or believes themselves to be above blame in a situation, things decline veeeeery quickly!

I agree! But honestly, I think most (not all there is always an exception to the rule) of this PMS busllcrap is in our heads.

That isn't to say I don't think our hormones go out of whack (I mean, science says that they do), but I think women have been raised that any or whatever behavior is exhibited during PMS/TOM is acceptable. And I think that it just making women the weaker sex, if we expect men to overcome the stereotypical behaviors associated with men such as aggressive, piggishness than I think we can overcome giving into the hormonal urges.

I think I was lucky in some ways, my mother never indulged the invalid behavior during my periods. I pretty much was told to get over it or go to my room if I wanted to mope. That isn't to say I haven't had an outburst but they are rare and I was already emotionally fragile over something else before my period started.

I used to believe this, but now I actually believe the very opposite of this. I think hormones account for far more of our human behavior than we have ever acknowledged.

That doesn't mean we throw our hands in the air and use hormones as an excuse for vile behavior, but I think most menstruating women would find surprising patterns if they used a period and mood/symptom-tracking app.

Also, not all of the hormonal effects on behavior are bad either. Hubby noticed the pattern first (he's got a compulsive "pattern recognition" fixation) and I didn't believe him until I started tracking using a tracking app, but every month, I have an almost manic cleaning/fixing/organizing phase, when I want to improve some aspect of my life or environment.

The irony is that I had less control over my behavior when I thought pms was nonsense. Now, seeing and recognizing the patterns, I have more tools to fight the influence of the hormones. When I didn't believe hormones COULD have so much influence, I just did and said what came naturally. Only the people around me noticed the difference - and only hubby was brave enough (or foolish enough) to point out the patterns.

Hubby is a bit too habit oriented, as he pointed out many patterns that fall into the TMI category, such as patterns in my food choices, IBS symptoms and related potty habits, sleep/snore patterns and body odor.

Knowing the patterns allows me function much more successfully. I know "manic phase" is not the time to go shopping, but it's the perfect time to put more time into exercise, batch cooking, and house chores. I know that "hunger week" is not the time to be cooking or going out to eat. "Angry phase" or "Slow brain" phases are not the time to have serious or critical conversations with loved ones on important topics.

Knowledge is power, and while most women probably don't need to know much about the degree or nature of their hormonal influences, I do suspect it would be useful. It's just not soemething a woman is likely to bother with without a compelling reason.

In my comment I said that I believed that the hormonal imbalance is real, what I don't believe in is allowing it to control you behavior. I control myself and others can do it too.

Example of what I mean, in the movie No Strings Attached with Natalie Portman. The women acted incapacitated which isn't real for the average woman. How many times does a woman behave irrationally in a TV or film and it is accepted because of her period? I willing to bet most women feed off that subconsciously. I see it happen at work and other facets of my life all the time. I guess what I don't believe in the PMS Manipulation Game that a lot but not all women play. I mean I willing to bet at least half the women on this site (including myself) use their PMS/TOM to get out of PE as kid? I have used the cramps thing hundreds of time. A lot of women use crazy when it suits our purpose and PMS is a part of that.



My point is, PMS exists but not on the level a lot of girls are taught and then later used in life to explain away bad behavior. I was told to get over, and I did. My period doesn't change my personality into a banshee and it shouldn't do that to anyone.

Definitely, Pat. I agree.

I've always had very mild PMS, thankfully, though when it has worsened in some seasons I've just had to cope appropriately (planning a simpler meal plan, exercising extra patience with the children even when I think they're being totally ridiculous [because my perception may well be hypersensitive], taking a nap, eating extra omega-3, shifting some of my workload onto my husband when I'm in a lot of pain and need to sit for a bit, etc).

I feel terrible for the women with true PMDD - where it's biological and not psychosomatic or mild enough to manage easily. I agree with you that much is in women's heads, and that can make diagnosing real cases of imbalance more difficult!

I'm so glad birth control helped you out, Kaplods. I'm generally opposed to the stuff for it's oft-prescribed purpose (barrier moods have less slide effects for healthy women, and the added bonus of std protection), but for corrective measures with female hormones it can be an absolute miracle worker.

By posting the article I was hoping to bring to light one example of the word "crazy" being used. And it is for the purpose of making a woman's voice invalid during an argument especially in the context of speaking to a romantic partner. By posting does not mean I automatically think it's ok to call men "a jerk" and I'm willing to bet that neither does the author of the article.

I can personally attest to the experience of being upset about something and trying to talk to my husband about it. There have been times when he's pulled the c-word and each of those times it has sent me into a tailspin of despair. There's nothing you can say to anyone once they call you crazy. The conversation is over, you feel terrible about yourself, you question your own sanity, and you immediately know that nothing you are saying is valid or even being heard. It's a muzzle. It's not something that happens often but when it has happened I've reached levels of anger I could never fathom and I could never articulate why. This article has actually helped me understand and I showed it to my husband who finally saw things through my eyes.

I too think the historical use of this word should not be ignored, calling men a jerk has never led to dire consequences for the man. A man has never been institutionalized for being thought of as a jerk, a man has never been castrated for being thought of as a jerk. Women have endured a long history of abuse and even death for the slightest doubt of their sanity.

I have been called "crazy" and the "b" word more times than I can count! And you know what? I embrace my "crazy b-ness!" I know that I DO come off as both when I'm threatened or angry. It is what it is and I'm not the least bit offended by it.

In fact, I just asked someone close to me if they can "Deal with my kind of crazy" and they said yes. LOL! I'm not ashamed to be me, speak my mind and get "crazy" if need be.

I found the article interesting and glad you shared it!

My pms/pmdd was severe enough at 12, that my pediatrition suggested birth control as an option. My mother and I rejected the idea immediately, largely because of our religious beliefs (Roman Catholic).

I was in my mid to late 20's before I got desperate enough to give bc a chance.

I endured almost two decades of severe symptoms, with my family and even doctors telling me there was nothing wrong with me. PMS was entirely psychosomatic and I needed to suck it up, and stop being a baby about it.

My mother also rarely gave any consideration for pms. I was not allowed to use tom as a reason to skip any class, even pe. The only "excuse" I was generally allowed was from showering during the week of pe.

In junior high, I had a very cruel gym teacher who objected even to this, as she didn't believe that I could possibly be on my period for as long as I claimed. Pre-bc, I had a 23-25 day cycle and my period was not only frighteningly heavy, it also was rare to last less than a week. 8-10 days was more common.

The cramps were so severe that I didn't get a single benefit from any of my classes, because I couldn't concentrate on anything. I was a straight A student who rarely paid attention in class because I had read all my text books cover-to-cover in the first month of each semester.

Only in high school did my mother reluctantly allow me to miss a day or two of classes due to the cramps with the condition that my grades not drop. They actually improved (not a single A- that first semester).


When I finally tried bc, the effects were amazing. My cycle became 28 days with a 4-6 day period with cramping that was actually relieved by otc pain relievers. My weight gain also stopped (too bad I weighed 375 at the time). It was like a miracle, a miracle I could have had at age 12, when I weighed 190 lbs.

I cringe when I hear people say that pms is mostly fiction, because I was told for years that my severe pms (or mild to moderate pmdd, depending on which doctor you ask) were all in my imagination.

I'm (now) told my experiences are rare, but I was also told at the time that my experiences weren't even real, so I have very little faith in what people say and think about what is and isn't normal in regards to pms.

I think refusing to believe in the reality of any woman's experience of pms is the other side of the same mistake coin as blaming everything on women's menstrual cycle.

I wish my pediatrition had been more enthusiastic about recommending bc (he was an older Roman Catholic man himself and in the late 70's bc for teens was still seen as pretty controversial, even when birth control was not the goal, so when my mother and I rejected the idea, he seemed relieved).

My experience may be extreme, but it makes me a lot less likely to reject or dismiss anyone else's experience. If I had been believed at ages 10-12, I think my life would have been very different.

I agree with the parts I bolded. Personally, I don't question my own sanity nor do I feel bad about myself when someone calls me crazy. I'm quite certain of my own mental state, also I am aware how often people throw this word around, when in fact they are using it for the exact purpose this article states, because they don't want to deal with my feeling/emotions/opinions etc...SO I take it with a grain of salt.

But the bolded parts are true, even if I think the other person is so socially and emotionally void...or if they just don't give a hoot about how I feel, or whatever their reason...if they THINK I am crazy even if they are wrong, it absolutely ends the conversation. Because they have essentially said they are not longer giving thought to what I'm saying.

This is why I say when this occures, its time to end the relationship (friendship, romantic whatever)...But this type of dismissing of the pthers person's concerns can occure in many ways, calling someone crazy is just one. Its a deal breaker, not because of the word crazy, but because it causes an end to communication..or and end to listening...

I don't know about that, my marriage is important to me and my husband is a very caring and intelligent person. I don't think I want to end my marriage just because he's thrown out the word "crazy" in the middle of a heated argument. It's a matter of learning how to communicate. And when he's called me that word it's caused me to break down and not been able to articulate why it makes me so angry, causing him to further think I'm going crazy. So I've called attention to it, had him read the article and he gets it. He doesn't want me to feel like that and we will find a better way to communicate.

I've never argued with anyone else where this word was brought up. Nobody has ever called me crazy except men I'm in relationships with. That's what this article specifically refers to. I've never had a friend or a stranger who's called me that nor have I ever given much thought to anyone being crazy. I guess if I suspect someone is incapable of functioning logically within the confines of our friendship I don't consider them friends anymore, I don't go up to them and call them crazy, I just walk away.

No word has to "shut down" or end communication unless both parties allow it.

I've been called crazy, and MUCH worse, working in juvenile detention and adult probation, and I didn't have the luxury of ending the communication or the relationship.

I do have the option and the luxury in personal relationships, but because of my professional training and experiences, I also understand that what's said under the duress of fear, anger, confusion and other emotional stressors doesn't reflect on anything other than the insult-flinger's emotional state.

My husband worked in HR in an auto-parts plant and also has a strong and varied communications background.

We're also both very stubborn, and the stubbornness gets in the way moreeasily than any word. As does the way our brains work and tour differing priorities and focus. Hubby values information over emotion, and my priorities are the reverse.

We both know that name-calling and insults are barriers to good communication, but it's only a deal-breaker or communication-ender if we both allow it to be, and we don't (at least not for long).

We've both said things we've regretted in the heat of an argument. He's called me stupid, crazy, stubborn, irrational, obsessive compulsive, inattentive.... and I've called him the very same things.

We both were raised in homes where poor and often intentionally cruel communication and grudge-holding were the norm. We've eliminated most of that in our communications, but only because we work at it, and we forgive each other when we lapse into the communication styles we grew up with.

When someone calls you crazy, 99% of the time they actually mean either, "You aren't hearing what I'm saying," or "I have no understand of your argument, point-of-view, actions, priorities, choices, thought processes.... and/or find them very foreign and upsetting."

When my husband is calm and rationa he is more likely to say " I don't get it," than to use the word crazy, but I've learned that "crazy" means "I don't get it, and I'm upset."

When I'm upset, I often get angry or cry. When hubby is upset or confused (at me, at anyone, at the world) he throws out the word crazy at anything he doesn't understand.

That doesn't make him a stupid, clueless jerk (even though I may throw that accusation at him during a heated argument).

re:
 

Funny, crazy is not the word that popped into my head when talking about the "c-word" with women.

Being called crazy doesn't bother me nearly as much as being called ugly or fat. Wonder why that is...

My husband says that all women are crazy, some just less crazy than others. Men are all jerks, some less jerky than others. Crude generalization but I also think he's right. I know some won't agree and might get sociological on me but hey ;)

Same on both counts.