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Old 09-30-2013, 08:24 AM   #16  
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Most men would not condescendingly call someone sweetheart in the manner he did, so yes, I do think he wouldn't pull over and tell a man what to do. A person like this is on a power trip and other men are less likely to allow that.

"Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive..those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end for they do so with the approval of their own conscience." C.S. Lewis

Last edited by Mazzy; 09-30-2013 at 08:55 AM.
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Old 09-30-2013, 12:10 PM   #17  
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Originally Posted by kaplods View Post
I think he probably was trying to be helpful, even if his execution was poor. And I agree that it's often more difficult to see pedestrians from a moving car than most people would assume.
Right. Regardless of his delivery, you would be wise to consider if the advice is worth heeding.
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Old 09-30-2013, 02:46 PM   #18  
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I have many times pulled over to speak with people walking, riding their bike and even police on duty if they are in the road. If I can't see them until it is too late I would hate myself if something awful happened. I think people who are walking, running or biking think they have left enough room for vehicles to get by but drivers don't think the same way. Please take his advise even if he didn't say it as nicely as possible!
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Old 09-30-2013, 03:31 PM   #19  
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Originally Posted by Mazzy View Post
Most men would not condescendingly call someone sweetheart in the manner he did
Most YOUNG men would not call a woman sweetheart

And we really do not know the manner in which this OLDER man spoke or his mental state or how he would have spoke to a different person (older, younger, male or female).

We only know what OP has shared about her interpretation of events. She may be dead-on and the guy might be a Super-Jacka** or there may be 1001 other possibilities.

If OP had been a male, maybe the driver would have gotten out of his car and started a verbal or physical altercation.

Call me cynical, but I believer that pure and selfless motivations are exceedingly rare and the ability to determine other people's thoughts and motivation (and often even our own) even rarer. All we can do is guess and know that most of the time our guesses will be wrong.

But this guy's integrity, prejudices, and intentions do not matter. Refusing to take his advice because of the way he delivered it, is allowing yourself to be manipulated just as surely as if you followed the advice because he said it.

What he did and said has absolutely nothing to do with anyone other than himself. He may have had the best intention. He may have had the worst. He may have been a serial killer. He may have been a nice guy.


Personally, I would recommend a strategy of assuming the best, but being prepared for the worst.

Bad, even extremely evil people can seem good if they're charming and skilled in communication and manipulation -And very good people can seem like complete poopwads if they lack social graces.

My husband is one of the latter. He is blunt, opinionated, and stubborn to the point of rudeness. He thinks that everyone in the world would benefit by acting the way he thinks they should, and he's not reluctant to share his opinions. If he thinks you're doing something stupid (by his criteria) there's a 90% chance you will here about it (and not in a tactful way). His idea of tact is resisting the urge to call you a moron (but his tone of voice will say it any way).

Sounds like a complete jackass. In fact, after more than ten years of marriage, my family is just starting to understand why I married and am still married to such a jerk (which hubby himself has marveled at).

But his "good side" is just as big and bold as his bad side. He literally is generous to a fault (He has literally hurt himself to help friends). There isn't anything he wouldn't do for a friend, and if he's met you once, he probably will consider you a friend.

I tell you all this, because I can literally see my big, sweet bear doing something like this. He probably would come across as angry and judgmental - because he literally would be, in the situation. Later he would regret his anger and would apologize, if there was an opportunity to do so, whether the target was male or female.

Once, when a guy backed hard into our van in our parking lot (while we were stopped), he became so angry at the guy, I feared for our safety. He used more than a few choice swear words. Just calling his name "snapped" him out of it, but it was pretty scary to watch. The 20 year old guy who hit us was extremely polite and apologetic (Turns out the guy didn't have insurance and never paid for the damages. We later learned he lost his license as a result of unpaid damages in accidents he caused).

My rambling point is that it pays to have a WIDELY open mind regarding people's (especially stranger's) motivations. A seemingly "nice" person can be a serial killer, and a "jerk" might give you the shirt of his back (even while cursing you).
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Old 10-01-2013, 08:41 AM   #20  
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Thank you all for your intelligent and thoughtful replies. I believe I have already said in a previous post that I have looked past his tone and heard his message. But I don't know that I was clear, so I will add that I'm not disregarding his message just to "get him back." I heard it, and it did come through, as it's coming through from all of your replies. And you all are right that it's ridiculous to choose to do or not do something as a form of ego preservation. That's just shooting yourself in the foot.

I hate to defend myself because I don't want to come off as defensive or angry, or that I'm ungrateful for the time you all took. I should clarify that I came on here looking for advice on how to deal with my then-current feelings about how to respond - emotionally - in private with myself (a plea for compassion), not on whether I should take this man's advice, which to me, was sort of besides the point.

Just so you all know:

1. I never walk in the dark or at dusk or dawn.
2. He clearly saw me at that moment well before he pulled over. My stroller is an enormous jogging stroller with small reflector strips on the front. It is, however, black.
3. When cars are approaching (note, I can always hear them well in advance), I move as far over as possible and usually on the grass. It irritates me also when people don't do this, although, as the driver, that's my problem.
4. There is little conclusive evidence that wearing reflective or light colored clothing during the daytime is effective at reducing hitting pedestrians. (I know this may be controversial for many people, but I don't want to get into a debate about it.)
5. The road is quite wide.
6. I have walked this road off and on for 30 years without ever feeling like I was about to be hit because I have taken the safety precautions I felt it was necessary to take.
7. I don't believe in excessive prevention of death, as do most people. We live in a culture of fear. Refer to the CS Lewis quote above.

So, to reiterate, yes he was a jerk on a power trip, but I still thought about what he said and yet I still have decided it is not necessary to make any changes at this time regarding my attire, nothing out of the ordinary besides what I pull out of my drawer, whether it be white or black. I have personally dealt with my original request (which I understand was not that clear) on how to overcome the extreme feelings that erupted from his confrontation with me.

Last edited by Mazzy; 10-01-2013 at 09:13 AM.
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Old 10-01-2013, 09:02 AM   #21  
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I get it, it's the interaction not the message that riled you. We live in a world where men have power and women have their looks and that's about it. It's an issue very dear to me and I've always struggled between being powerful, respected and looking beautiful. I want to be approachable but I don't want to be a push over. I want to be attractive but I don't want to solicit sexual attention. I think Mazzy was reading into his tone and making assertions into his prejudices based on how he made her feel in that very moment. She felt like she was being talked down to, and not respected in her own personal space.

There is a campaign called "Don't Tell Me to Smile" that you might find interesting. It basically addresses some harassment by men that may come across as compliments. We as women are not decorations in a man's eyesight, and it does get tiring to succumb to men's dominance.
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Old 10-01-2013, 09:02 AM   #22  
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He sounds like an a** having a bad day and trying to make himself feel better by "correcting" someone. Some people do have an inordinately brusque manner and it can be difficult to discern if they indeed are trying to be helpful, but this doesn't sound that way to me. You describe the situation as broad daylight, wide road, and you have reflectors on your stroller. It's a noticeable breach of etiquette for a strange man in a vehicle no less make a point to pull over and unpleasantly address a woman walking alone with a baby. I really don't think that personal space should be invaded, if you will, in that manner unless you were committing an egregious safety offense. I wonder if he would have said or done anything if you had, say, a husband walking with you -.- He might have been a short fuse nutcase, so even though it was really unsettling, it's best you just absorbed the annoyance, nodded or whatever, and let that guy go on his way. I completely get what you are saying.
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Old 10-01-2013, 09:39 AM   #23  
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You did specifically ask, "Am I over reacting? What would you do? How can you miss seeing a stroller" Many people replied "yes, you are over reacting and here's why. Here is what I would do. Here is how you can miss seeing a stroller, and here is how to prevent that". Next time, should we just reply "yes." and leave it at that?

I do get what you are saying, though.

Last edited by newleaf123; 10-01-2013 at 09:42 AM.
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Old 10-01-2013, 10:10 AM   #24  
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wannabeskinny "it's the interaction not the message that riled you" YES

and toowicky, yes yes yes. Thank you.

newleaf, no, I wouldn't want you to change anything about how you all replied. You replied exactly how you read my post because I failed to be totally clear. I did not mean to imply that anyone posting had done anything wrong. you're right - I shouldn't have asked if I was over-reacting. In that one statement, I had zero compassion for myself. Which is probably the main reason why I even bothered to ask for advice in the first place. If I had accepted my reaction and honored it, I wouldn't have felt it necessary to look for compassion in other places. Totally my failing and something I've learned (not that most of you didn't reply with compassion). When I said, "what would you do?" I did not mean in terms of whether to do as he said or not. I know that I did not make that clear as I was still reeling from the interaction and I wasn't able to express myself as well as I should have.

Last edited by Mazzy; 10-01-2013 at 10:28 AM.
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Old 10-01-2013, 10:43 AM   #25  
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Personally I would not walk on on or near the edge of any road with a child in a stroller. It is certainly your right but I think it could result in a danger to both you and the child for many reasons.

A driver could be drunk,on drugs or innocently have a heart attack , or car malfunction swerve and hit you both.

Please find a better walking area or your problems could e much worse than verbal comments from someone.


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