This Morning's Emotional Rollercoaster
 

Feeling a little bummed right now, and I need to share somehow.

A little background; I really want to have a baby. So bad. But there are a lot of things right now that make the timing not right. First of all my weight/health. I at least want to FEEL healthy before I bring a baby into the world. Also, we are looking to move pretty soon and that will put a gap in my health insurance, so definitely not a good time to get pregnant. I even talked to my boyfriend a couple of weeks ago about how, while I still really really really want a baby, I also kind of want to wait at least another year to start trying to get a few more of my yayas out. He understood and it was good to talk to him about it. I have an IUD for birth control, so we figure we are good until we make an actual decision.

Well, today, I'm just not feeling so good. It started yesterday. I felt tired and yucky. This morning things were tasting weird, and I even threw up (ug). I texted my boyfriend and told him, and I mentioned that it was weird because I just wasn't feeling super sick...just off. And he wrote back asking if I think I should take a test.

Whoa, hadn't even thought of that. But as soon as I did I was just flooded with all these different kinds of emotions. And even though the first paragraph of this post is true, and I want to wait a while to have a baby, I still got that glimmer of hope and excitement, where I secretly thought to myself 'maybe I am pregnant!'.

Long story short, I went to the drugstore at lunch and got a test, and it was negative.

And now...well, I don't know...maybe other women can understand. I just feel sad. It is all so confusing sometimes. I wish I didn't care about WHEN I had a baby, but I also need to be an adult. Not to mention, I really do want to get in shape before hand. But I couldn't help but daydream for a little bit on my way to the drugstore about being pregnant and having a baby.

Sigh...I know it will get here some day, the right day.

Thanks for listening.

Trust me, I know how you feel. Esp. with the symptoms of being pregnant. I think our bodies want it so badly that we mimic pregnancy symptoms. Negative pregnancy tests are devastating to me, I almost don't want to do them as if I don't have my period and I haven't taken a negative test that means there is still hope. I don't even know if that statement makes sense. :/

:hug: It will all work out one way or another exactly when it's supposed to. And I know, I just want it to all hurry up too! :hug:

Thanks elvislover, I had a feeling from your past posts that you may understand. I definitely feel like once I got the idea in my head, I could find 100 reasons why I could be pregnant, haha, including the thought that this could be the reason why I haven't lost weight! LOL! I'm glad I didn't put off taking the test this time.

It will happen they way it is supposed to and when it is supposed to for both of us! *hug*

:hug:

I can totally relate! I've had a couple of pregnancy "scares" before having my son, and whether or not you're ready for a baby it can be a crazy emotional experience! All sorts of thoughts and feelings just rush through you, and then afterward when you find out you aren't actually pregnant, it can even be a little bit disappointing. I know when I've gotten negative tests in the past I've felt a bizarre mix of disappointment coupled with relief.

I'm sorry 100mother. You'll get there though, and when you do, you will be strong, healthy, and happy an heck. :)

I can definitely relate - I tell people all the time I don't want kids...but I get this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach everytime I have a negative result. You'll get there and hopefully when it happens it'll be the right time.