I was just reading another thread, and a poster mentioned that she knew someone who seemingly has it all together (good looking, fit, perfect house, all around perfect life).

Then it struck me. A couple of weekends ago we went to visit an old friend of my boyfriend. Their house was perfect, their three kids were adorable, and the friend started telling my bf about all of his "toys" and all the things they've done. Wow, their life is (seemingly) perfect!

As I was talking to the wife she asked if I had any kids. When I told her no, her immediate response was "lucky!", and there was not an amusing undertone to it. I was really taken aback. She knows nothing of my infertility, miscarriage years ago, or longing for children that I'll never have. So what makes me lucky in her eyes? Would she feel the same if she knew the truth?

I'm not sure where I'm going with this, aside from, did you ever think someone else had it all only to find out they didn't?

It's all about how you present yourself and the things you have and do, I think. With some rudimentary creative writing skills almost anyone can make his or her life sound interesting or idealistic!

I agree, it's all about perception. I think that's also where the comparison monster comes from, too.

I also assume everyone has dark family drama or a turbulent past. Very, very few people have perfect lives devoid of struggle.

Hmmm...I think I know what post you are talking about!

People think my husband and I are "so" lucky to not be tied down with kids in school, going to hockey, going to cheerleading, dancing, birthday parties, college tuition, etc. If they only knew the longing in my heart to have "those" problems. The other thing that kills me every time is when people ask if we have kids and I say "no" and they say "well, what are you waiting for?" or "you are too old to start now anyways." Um, what? And really, you have no idea what you are freakin' talking about.

Another thing that people assume about us is that we have plenty of money (and yes, I did say that about my neighbor too. But I know that from personal conversations with them and the husband bragging, now whether it's true or not I guess I'd never know). I don't work (for reasons I'd prefer not to get into here ) but that is only because of special circumstances that me and my husband decided together for a long time and a lot of reasons (one was supposed to be a baby already!). People assume that money and time must be available in excess due to this reason. Yes, I have a lot of time on my hands and not so much $$ but that's none of their business! I have neighbor who has texted me and asked me to walk up the street and tell their husband something since he must not have his phone on him doing yardwork (and I did do it because I didn't know if it was very important for him to know what she needed on his phone) and neighbors who assume I will be available to get their kids off the bus on such and such a day (and I do it because I was home anyways), my dad assumes I can take him for his half hour doctor appointment because his car is in the shop (except it's an hour drive for me each way and he makes the appointment for 3pm so the hour drive home can turn into 2 1/2 because of city rush hour traffic), the in-law who called to borrow $1000 for a bill that was so urgent and then we found out a few weeks later that he was at the casino for the weekend (not with our $$ I don't think, but who knows. I can't go to the casino for the weekend and he owed us a grand!), etc. So yes, things are good at elvislover's house but only because of careful, logical (!!) planning on my part and my husband's part. It's a huge sacrifice for us but we are ok with it. It's everyone else that assumes we are here at their disposal!

So as I read on Pinterest this week, the grass might be greener over there but it still has to be mowed. I thought that was a very profound statement.

And here I was this morning sharing my own insecurities about someone else when I'm mad about people making assumptions about me!

Hope I didn't go too off topic with my ranting.

Oh yeah, there's so much you don't know about a person or family's real life. You just have to turn on the news to realize that.

I've definitely run into that. And often times I don't say anything because it's not worth the conversation in most cases. A lot of the time a "perfect situation", never really is. Nobody sees behind closed doors. Everyone thought at the time my boyfriend and I had a "perfect" life. For being young, and on our own. Bought our own dog together, put on a great smile and image. But behind closed doors it was a living **** at some points. Now that we've moved on from that (about 2 years ago), things are actually a lot better and to me my relationship is perfect. But there are definitely times where nobody will ever know the full length of whats going on.

Just another case of "can't judge a book by its' cover".

Funny you mention that. In a song (I think it's Justin Bieber, which I'm a little embarrassed to admit that I actually like THAT song). Anyway it says "The grass ain't always greener on the other side, it's green where you water it". Kind of runs along the same line as your quote. Interesting though.

[snip]

Yes, it was your post that brought this to my mind, but I really really hope you didn't feel as if I was singling you out! That certainly wasn't my intent!!!

I just didn't realize how much the wife's comment hit me (it's stuck with me over a week later). I thought she had everything going for her (lovely house, adorable children...and her husband wasn't too hard on the eyes ), while, in turn, she thought I was lucky for not having children

OMG never!!! I love how things that we talk about here jog our minds to other topics and maybe we can help somewhere else or even just listen.

I'm the queen of both going waaaaaaay off topic (like I did here) or starting new threads because something dinged in my brain. In fact, I'm off to start another new thread right now!

my DH and I are one of the few families in his extended related family around here who are settled down, with a house, and a car, and kids with a fairly average life going on (compared to a lot of the others who are drunk, homeless, lazy, or just plain irresponsible with no reason for it)....therefore a lot of them ASSUME that we have money to loan them, a place to crash for the night, and time to run them on errands...it's taken my DH yearssss of saying "no" to them where they finally stop asking all the time

ive also had a lot of our family and friends ASSUME that, because I work with kids and enjoy my career, that I would LOVE to babysit any and all of their kids while they all go out to do something fun and leave me behind...I had one friend literally SHOW UP on my doorstep with her kids, drop them off and not come back for several hours without even asking me if that was okay....and one time when an acquaintance (not even a friend) asked if her kids could come play and then LEFT THEM THERE overnight and refused to answer her phone until the next evening!!!

but yes, I agree that everyone is fighting some sort of battle, whether you can see it or not...and every family has their drama and skeletons in the closet....and that no one is perfect even if they look model-beautiful on the outside

Personally, I find "perfect people" with "perfect families" in "perfect homes" incredibly unattractive. We all know that nobody has it all together, so coming off as "perfect" is a just a shallow facade for people not to seem vulnerable.

A while back (before starting this diet) I was at the store and bought a thing of ice cream. As I was checking out, the girl at the register looked at my ice cream container and said: "urgg... I love that ice cream... Saturday I ate a whole container of it all by myself. I know I shouldn't, but it's soooo good. I felt miserable and wonderful at the same time."
I smiled and gave her a "high five". Honesty + self-awareness rocks.

People that seem to have it altogether may just be more of the kind of people to not share their struggles. Its not always a purposeful behavior to appear perfect.

I am the one that everyone thinks I have it altogether. I do have a happy marriage, two kids, I like my career, and I am generally happy, but I keep all our struggles to myself. That's how I've always been. I had 2 miscarriages last year and almost no one knows. I've struggled with eating disorders since my teens, I have a mentally ill mother that is not in my life, and my oldest son is diagnosed with high functioning autism. Our life is far from perfect, but 99% of the people we know, some family included, see me as having this perfect life with all my sh!t together!! lol Its just that I've never been someone who liked airing my stressful life events. I deal with them better if I work through them with my husband or by myself. I just don't feel the need to tell people iin my life that our son's bahavoir has reached such a critical level that our entire home life is awful right now. We shuffle from doc to doc and he's on meds now. And now we have to decide where to send him for 1st grade that will be the best environment for him....

Anyway, people that appear to have a perfect life, probably don't. And not everyone that appears perfect is doing it a a shallow facade either, Dane74. Some of us just don't get anything from telling everyone about our problems. I wouldn't lie if someone asked, but no one ever asks me to tell them about my problems.

I can honestly say that I find my life idyllic.


Weird, but true. I came from a horrible, horrible upbringing....truly awful stuff. I have been through so much, hurt such, learned so much and grown so much. I try to look at my "annoying" things, like tending toward OCD behavior and stress-induced headaches as sort of a price to having it all. You can only have it all, if you really believe that you do, work hard to make it so and be happy with what you have now and where you are now.

The happiest people I know are not the richest, prettiest, etc. They all seem to be very introspective and appreciative of the small things in life. Adding up a ton of small things really goes a long way. :-)