You're a more noble person than me. Unless one of my brothers was having a destination wedding I would probably be sending best wishes to the bride and groom and not attending.

Originally Posted by sontaikle:
You're a more noble person than me. Unless one of my brothers was having a destination wedding I would probably be sending best wishes to the bride and groom and not attending.

Yep. :lol:

For this very reason I decided I want to elope when I get married.

A low key ceremony at an all inclusive resort in Mexico/Carribbean and then stay a week for the honeymoon. Then maybe a small reception when we get back.

I can't take all the wedding drama. I don't think you should spend $40,000 to make a commitment to someone unless you REALLY REALLY have it. Especially when financial issues are the #1 cause of divorce.

I had a big, elaborate, princess wedding that my husband and I paid for in cash. When it was all said and done, we could have gotten married at the courthouse and I would have been fine with that. But I never expected anything more out of my bridesmaids except to show up on the wedding day all dolled up.

I don't really have any advice, just wanted to say that you should do whats best for you and your husband.

Thanks to everyone who weighed in! I appreciate the honesty from you all!!

My friends got married in New Brunswick this summer, which is thousands of miles from where we live. We dropped a mint to go and it was worth it because a)it was in the groom's hometown, he hadn't been home in two years and his family couldn't afford to travel and b) no one DEMANDED we go. These are the two sweetest people on earth, so about 10 of us, some of who were attendants made the trip. They ran out of money and couldn't have a supper, so his aunts and uncles made a potluck. I was up until two am helping decorate the hall. I even helped one bridesmaid pay for her dress. And I'd do it all again because they wouldn't have cared if I hadn't. They were genuinely touched that we made the trip, and delighted in spending their honeymoon with us showing us around. I was honoured to be part of their day.

My bf's sister on the other hand? She's getting married in June, has already turned down a free hall offered by her uncle because it isn't fancy enough, told ,e I couldn't be a bridesmaid because I'm too fat for the dress (how about just not ask me), and told me to take extra days off to help her decorate. We bought her a gift certificate to cover her hair for the wedding at over $300 bucks and she still came to her brother with her hand out because we helped the other bride. We flat out refused because she isn't hard up for cash and she wouldn't appreciate it.

Jeez. I'm thankful I don't know the same people some of you do! :lol:

We have one set of friends that had a "destination wedding". They did have a few very close family members there but the main bash to celebrate was when they got home. They had a big low key party that most could attend. Nice and chill.

I didn't have anyone present except my husband and a judge when I got married and I've never regretted that decision.

I must vote BRIDEZILLA! I think it is totally unreasonable for anyone to ask for their wedding party or guests shell out large amounts of money. Why should ANYONE go into debt for someone else's wedding? My wedding was very small because I didn't want to ask anyone to spend ANYTHING! If my hubby & I couldn't afford it, we didn't have it. PERIOD.
We had a very simple wedding with just family & a few close friends. Our emphasis was on the commitment NOT how much glitz & glamour we could shove into a ceremony. I believe that people forget that! It blame a great deal of this "wedding of the century"-type garbage on reality tv. And I really have to ask...just how freaking long are these "marriages" going to last??? 72 days???
I think you need to ask yourself, "Do I really want to go into debt for this?" Remember this is not your wedding. I hope she's not expecting you all to give her costly wedding gifts on top of it. Cause frankly that would just WAY TOO SELFISH.

Personal note: When I was getting married back in '89. One of my co-workers was ALSO getting married. She spent more money on her dress than we did on our WHOLE CEREMONY. H & I will be married 24 years this April. Her? Divorced in less than a year! Go figure! They were still paying for their wedding when the marriage was kaput! Spent more time & effort on the wedding then their marriage. Not smart at all!

Originally Posted by Scarlett:
For this very reason I decided I want to elope when I get married.

A low key ceremony at an all inclusive resort in Mexico/Carribbean and then stay a week for the honeymoon. Then maybe a small reception when we get back.

I can't take all the wedding drama. I don't think you should spend $40,000 to make a commitment to someone unless you REALLY REALLY have it. Especially when financial issues are the #1 cause of divorce.

The wedding packages of many hotels in the Carribean are excellent - my stepsister and her husband did that and it was beautiful. We all got to enjoy the pictures afterward and they had to walk a whole three feet from wedding to honeymoon :)

As a bride to be I would say she's being Bridezillaish....I am doing my best to accomidate the bridesmaids as best as I can. As my wedding is not a destination wedding, they are all from my home state, MN, and I now live in NM..where the wedding is going to be.

The bachelorette party is optional, and what we think will work best is to have a optional Vegas bash if folks want/can to go. Everybody seems pretty pumped about it that I can tell.

As for the other stuff I gave them 3 options on Amazon (same color) for under 100$. Shoes and everything else I am leaving to them.

You know, I think if someone wants a destination wedding then they're totally welcome to do that but must understand that some people may not be able to attend (especially if you're at the age when people are just establishing their careers). Throwing a hissy fit about it just shows one's lack of character.

I, personally, would love a low-key destination wedding...but I know most of the family and friends I want there would be unable to attend. So I probably won't do that! Or if I do it'll just be me and my fiance and everyone else will have to look at pictures later ;)

Originally Posted by JudgeDread:

As for the other stuff I gave them 3 options on Amazon (same color) for under 100$. Shoes and everything else I am leaving to them.

I'm sort of doing the same thing with my bridesmaids. When I decide on a color I'm going to pretty much tell them to go and have fun with it. They can find a dress in that color on their own and decide how much they want to spend on it. My bridesmaids are all over the place height and weight wise so it'll be easier for them to find something that flatters their bodies rather than try to find a dress that looks good on all of them. Plus they can wear it again!

I know two of my friends will take that as a license to make their own dresses. I would love to see what they come up with :)

I think the problem is that you were wishy washy about whether or not you were going to attend. If I planned an event and my friend said "I may not come because I may have to do something else but I don't know yet, I'm not sure blah blah blah" I'd also instinctively get annoyed too. Especially if you had already agreed that that was a good weekend for you to begin with. But if you had gone to her from the get go and said "hey, sorry but I got other plans that weekend, it's been in the works for a while so I can't attend your bachelorette party." It would have been a different matter. Just be firm about it and also be truthful. If you can't afford to attend the bachelorette party then say so! There is no shame in that. How can someone be angry that you can't spend $2000 in their honor?

I had a big wedding. I didn't really want a big wedding but it turned out to be one anyway since I was trying to please both my parents and the inlaws. I didn't really enjoy it and I really wish I hadn't invited most of those people or spent the money that I did. I really wanted bridesmaids and I wanted them to wear a beautiful black dress of their own choice but my mother went ballistic and talked me out of it because she thought black dresses were funerary. So I made them all get "bridesmaids" dresses which were pretty but I know they weren't thrilled about it. I wish I could take it all back and put that money towards something that I really need. If I had enjoyed the wedding and cherished the memory of it it would've been worth it but I didn't like it at all. Everything from the flowers, to the bridal showers to the parties and the dresses and everything was superfluous. Sorry for the rant.

Originally Posted by Wannabeskinny:
I think the problem is that you were wishy washy about whether or not you were going to attend. If I planned an event and my friend said "I may not come because I may have to do something else but I don't know yet, I'm not sure blah blah blah" I'd also instinctively get annoyed too. Especially if you had already agreed that that was a good weekend for you to begin with.

You're right, I probably should've been more firm. I didn't want to seem mean, but I think it was worse to be wishy washy. The date was picked without me, assuming that it would be a good weekend for me because she knew I had other things going on the weekend after. I texted the other bridesmaid who is in charge of most of the planning and explained that I couldn't be there that day but I would help with planning if she needed it.

I am also stressed about getting her a gift, since my budget has been stretched to the limit. I am going to have to go with something small and hope I don't hear about it later. She has made mention in the past about wanting people to get her nice things, but we can't all afford this that easily!

Originally Posted by janeyg25:

I am also stressed about getting her a gift, since my budget has been stretched to the limit. I am going to have to go with something small and hope I don't hear about it later. She has made mention in the past about wanting people to get her nice things, but we can't all afford this that easily!

I would be extremely offended if someone went as far as to complain to me about my gift not being "nice" enough. I do truly hope that your friend isn't like that. For me, that would end a friendship.

My mind is just blown that people really expect someone to spend SO MUCH money on them for their wedding. Traveling, dresses, parties, THEN gifts on top of it.

IMHO if people put as much effort into their marriages as they do into their wedding, the divorce rate would be lower (Kim Kardashian anyone!?). That's a whole other issue though.

Originally Posted by XLMuffnTop:
Jeez. I'm thankful I don't know the same people some of you do! :lol:

We have one set of friends that had a "destination wedding". They did have a few very close family members there but the main bash to celebrate was when they got home. They had a big low key party that most could attend. Nice and chill.

That's the way a lot of my friends have done it. I had one set of friends who were just starting their own company and had a small child. They had a trase show to attend in Vegas so they just got married while they were there, then rented the community hall and had a cheap reception when they got home. My best friend from high school is doing virtually the same thing next month.

Originally Posted by janeyg25:
I am also stressed about getting her a gift, since my budget has been stretched to the limit. I am going to have to go with something small and hope I don't hear about it later. She has made mention in the past about wanting people to get her nice things, but we can't all afford this that easily!

Seriously? I wouldn't expect a gift from my bridesmaids at all. Their gift would be the time effort and in this case MONEY that had already been put in to it. Don't tax your budget further.