So I've had a friend since elementary. We've drifted apart and back together over the years, but usually manage to see one another once every few months and text often.
After she questioned my order at a restaurant I told her reluctantly that I was on a diet. I say reluctantly because shes always been very slim (even after two kids). So she said that she'd support me and I was doing a great job and that she had been worried about my health.
Fast forward a couple of days and she starts texting me "OMG I ate like a pig today! Lol!" and just general things like that. The last text was "hubby made double bacon cheeseburgers and fries! Yum!"
Is she doing this to be a jerk? Or does she just not realize she needs to be schooled?
Maybe she thinks it is okay to confess her bad habits to you since you shared your dieting with her. Regardless of that she shouldn't be doing those things! I would say bring it up and tell her how it makes you feel and that you'd rather she kept that sort of stuff to herself. Sometimes "always skinny" people just don't get it. If she doesn't stop after your talk, then yea, she is being a jerk. Good luck.
I don't think she's being mean intentionally. I've noticed this with SOME thin people (SOME, not all), that it almost seems like they don't "get" the difference. Like they would think "well, owlsteazombies is trying to lose weight, and I stuffed my face, so she'll be happy to commiserate with me!" Not realizing that there's a difference between wanting/needing to lose 5 pounds versus 50, or however much.
OR, and this is just me being cynical, since you said she approached you about your health in relation to your weight, it COULD be that she's shoving it in your face. Like an "Oh my god, I ate sooo much today and I'm disgusted with myself, but I'm still skinny, unlike YOU! Hahaha, I even ate double cheeseburgers and I'm still thinnnn!"
But in all likelihood, she probably just doesn't realize that HER making jokes and comments about weight/eating doesn't come across well.
I don't think she's being mean intentionally. I've noticed this with SOME thin people (SOME, not all), that it almost seems like they don't "get" the difference. Like they would think "well, owlsteazombies is trying to lose weight, and I stuffed my face, so she'll be happy to commiserate with me!" Not realizing that there's a difference between wanting/needing to lose 5 pounds versus 50, or however much.
If she's your friend, let's hope that it's the above.
Is she typically a "mean girl" who would do something like that, or could she just be trying to commiserate and connect with you?
No, she's not a mean girl. But she does have a problem with being self obsessed. Her husband cheated on her earlier in the year and during that whole mess she would text me every day and not once ask how I was. But I got that, it's hard to see past yourself when your life is crumbling.
But this? Seriously? I mean, she did seem happy that I was doing something good for myself. And her exact words were "I love you too much to not support you." So..I think she's just being obtuse and not deliberately? But then, how can I even tell her that it hurts my feelings?
No, she's not a mean girl. But she does have a problem with being self obsessed. Her husband cheated on her earlier in the year and during that whole mess she would text me every day and not once ask how I was. But I got that, it's hard to see past yourself when your life is crumbling.
But this? Seriously? I mean, she did seem happy that I was doing something good for myself. And her exact words were "I love you too much to not support you." So..I think she's just being obtuse and not deliberately? But then, how can I even tell her that it hurts my feelings?
Ok, so it sounds like she's a bit clueless then and not doing it to hurt your feelings.
So unless you come right out and tell her to quit it, she's probably too clueless to pick up any subtle hints you give her.
I would just ignore her texts about that, or say "look, I'm super sensitive about anything to do with food right now, so I don't want any texts referring to it".
Maybe? I don't know, I'm Canadian so kinda too polite and/or passive aggressive LOL!!
it is sad and the more weight you lose, the more obvious her intentions will become. Ive witnessed a similar situation like this before . Stay on your plan.
I've already weeded out "friends" like that. As I get older I realize that life's too short to waste listening to self-absorbed people who are starved for attention. Surround yourself with people who make you happy!!!
I actually just texted her and asked her about it. She said that she was jealous that I've made a lifestyle change and she's skinny, but completely unhealthy. Which, while selfish and kinda mean, I get.
I offered to exercise with her and have a healthy lunch with her every day and that seemed to help the both of us.
I would say it's not selfish or mean if she is skinny yet unhealthy. But it's nice you just asked her what's up instead of keeping it bottled, your friendship is a lot healthier for it.
Is she being a jerk??
School her.
