glad to hear that cielo. my boyfriend and i got a place after only 7 months of dating. and it's been one year since then. we talk a lot about marriage and he talks very frankly about the things he needs to pay off before he can start saving for a ring, which is soon.

when i look back, it's like 'wow..so quick!' but it always felt like we had known eachother/been together longer than we actually have.

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I completely agree with this.

I am like you, I did not have moral qualms about living with someone before marriage, but after my personal experience I would not recommend it. I had dated this guy for a year and we were in the leases are up situation, so we figured it would be easier to live together since we were always together anyway.

We were not engaged but we both saw it heading towards marriage. Two years after moving in together, no ring while we watched friends meet and get married, it got hard. I am ashamed to say I became obsessed with getting engaged, but it wasn't happening. It took about 6 more months to finally break up with him after he said he loved me still but wasn't sure if he still wanted to get married. I also had undiagnised clinical depression so I am sure that didn't help, but I think it would have been a lot easier to just end it if we weren't living together.

So I think if you are thinking of moving in, you BOTH have to be clear about what your expectations are. And if they are not being met after some length of time, you need to be honest with yourself about whether you are okay with that.

As far as the studies, others have provided good possible explanations. I always thought part of the issue was that the same type of person who would refuse to cohabitate would also be less likely to seek divorce. For example, consider a conservative Christian who puts the institution of marriage on a higher pedestal than it may sometimes deserve.

I am a habitual cohabitator. I've had 3 serious relationships and lived with each one of them. I am engaged to the third one. The key to it is to not let yourself get strung along and be VERY clear about the situation and what you hope to get out of it.

I moved in with the first one because we were poor college students and it was stupid for each of us to keep paying for our own apartments when he was never at his. We were together for 2 years and split up after he graduated because we just didn't want to be together anymore. Very amicable break up and there was no issue with the lease.

I moved in with the second guy after a year of a long distance relationship because I thought I was going to marry him. He promised we'd get married. He wound up being emotionally abusive but there was still no issue with having a lease with him. We lived together post-break up for about 2 months so both of us could find new living arrangements, it was weird and rough but doable.

I moved in with my then boyfriend now fiance, after six months of dating but we had been friends for six years prior to dating. When his roommate situation was dissolving he asked me if I wanted to find a place with him. I told him "If we move in together it's going to go one of two ways.. either we'll wind up getting married or we're going to break up." My fiance was perfectly fine with that.. wound up proposing a year and a half later.

My family got use to me living with my boyfriends. They were super uncomfortable at first but I've always taken the "it's my life, I'm going to do with it what I want and you'll have to deal with it" stance so they dealt with it and didn't give me any more grief. I mean, there would still be the "are you sure? what are the logistics of this? do you think you'll be good living together?" stuff like that which are all things you need to be 100% sure of before moving in together anyway.

I think different things are right for different people, but I don't really buy the "why buy the milk" logic. I'm not a cow. Why does a man need incentive to marry me? If he needs to be persuaded and nudged into it, maybe he isn't ready for commitment.

I'll chime in and say it is an individual thing but it sounds like you want to live together before marriage and you still have a plan to get married eventually.

You can sign the lease for 1 year. In that year, chances are, for the first month or so, you're going to both be so excited to be living together, painting the walls, picking the furniture (or reducing the duplication of furniture) and making it into cozy nest, that you won't see the time fly by.

By the second or third months, you'll now be aware of all the things he does that you HAD NO IDEA were part of his day to day activities... like the way he kicks off his underwear on the way to the bathroom to shower and how he leaves them there until that evening or laundry day... Or whatever the case may be in terms of things you had NO IDEA about him.

About the six month mark or not, relationship stuff will have come up, living together stuff will have come up and depending on how all of that was worked out, you will know whether or not you can live together and marry or whether you want to run screaming to the hills.

But, by the time you make the decision to break up with him -- should it come to that -- the lease will be almost over anyway. A year is a short time.

Personally, I lived with my exboyfriend but I do not live with my current one. In part, it's because of distance and because I REALLY like my own space.

But I'm glad I lived with my ex, even if my parents almost died about it, because I know I would have divorced him, had we gotten married. We did move in together for financial reasons, but kept our bank accounts separately. We just paid the rent and utilities together.

We discovered that our romantic relationship just wasn't going to work. So, I left him with the apartment and I moved out. He was really great about that, he had a lot of advance warning, our break up was peaceful.

We lived together for about a year and half. So, I do believe you will know whether or not the relationship works in that time.

Just don't mix finances. Let that be for later. If anything happens and you aren't sure you want to marry him, you don't want to start separating whose dollar this is and blah blab blah.

I wouldn't recommend it. Me and my husband did and when we actually did get married, it was so not a big deal. We're newlyweds and sometimes we can go 4 days without having sex... no biggie. We got married at the courthouse, went on our honeymoon and he pretty much ignored me the whole night so that he could watch naruto. We didn't even have sex I don't think... see that, I'm not even sure if we had sex on our honeymoon.

Being married has been no big thrill and I do contribute a big deal of that to living with each other 5 months before we got married. It just really robs you of the wedding, the honeymoon, the whole newlywed experience. I mean, even if you stay together for 20 years... it can be the worst of times or the best of times. You really want to make choices that steer your relationship into the best of times. And in the end, usually when you have doubts and are unsure, it's that little voice of wisdom telling you to think it over, rarely do we listen. Like they say... when in doubt, do without.

My partner and I have been living together for several years (unmarried), have a child, and he would never ignore me to watch television, especially on a vacation or special occasion. I am not saying this to make you feel bad, but that behaviour is unacceptable and has much more to due with his lack of manners/respect, etc then the lack of a "newlywed phase".

Just my 2 cents.

I lived with my husband prior to getting married. My goal wasn't to get married but it ended up feeling right so we did. We have been married 6 years, not a super long time but everything has worked out so far. I'd personally recommend it because it helped develop our relationship and discovered new things about ourselves.

I totally agree...not bashing her husband or anything, but my boyfriend would never do that either. He gets disappointed when we sleep in too late on the weekend because he feels like we missed out on time we could have been doing something together or having fun. I can't imagine him wasting our wedding night on video games.

The logic in it lies with the fact that a man is very likely to get comfortable in a situation where he is cohabiting with a woman, and he won't feel the urge to make a proposal. Now, if both parties are fine with that, then there is no issue. Many men are perfectly happy living with a woman for a long time. Not all, but most women want a marriage rather than cohabitation. Most women are not going to be ok with just a cohabitation. You don't see men fretting when they are approaching 30 years of age and are unmarried. You don't usually see men desperately trying to find a wife because their biological clock is ticking away. I have had many female friends do this.

I have never brought a pair of shoes without trying them on first, I hold the same point of view with men. Try before you buy, see if they fit first.

I moved in with a guy after 3 weeks of meeting him!

Good thing he's still around LOL what a disaster! We have two kids now :D

I'm hypocritically against it. Reason being...I've lived with four men in my life. First one ended up being abusive...but I would have figured that out even if I hadn't lived with him. He was very controlling and I ended up living with him because of him being so controlling and the guilt he gave me for not wanting to live with him. I was young...about 21 or so...and had no idea what a red flag was. Next, I lived with a nice man because my parents sold the house and the new people wouldn't let me keep my room. I couldn't afford my own place so I moved in with my boyfriend. Very nice man, but it just didn't work out. Problem here...I would have left him much earlier but since we had a place together, the pain in breaking up was added to me having to find a new place to live as well. So, I moved in with my best friend and her mom for a couple months and then moved in with the next boyfriend. Along came my daughter and we broke up when she was about 6 months old. I still couldn't afford my own place so I moved in with my gramma. I was going to college so I could get a job that would pay me enough to live on my OWN for a change and when I graduated, I got a sweet little apartment with my little girl and lived on my own for a couple of blissful years. Then I met my husband...with whom I'm getting a divorce from. Yes, we ended up living together before we got married and our son was about 2 years old when we finally tied the knot. He ended up trying to molest my daughter in her early to mid teens and I am now getting child support and alimony and me and the kids are about to move in to our own three bedroom apartment at the end of the month.

So, the moral of the story is...you will always be better off being on your own and being independent. I was raised in a conservative family, too, and raised to be a wife that is dependent on her husband for her financial stability and as part of her own identity. It didn't work out for me at all. Here I am at 47 and finally getting the idea that happily ever after ain't in the cards for me...at least in a marriage or with a significant other. Happily ever after lies with ME and my independence and ability to make it on my own accord. Of course, the child support and alimony helps...but I don't plan to live with another man unless we have been dating for a loooong time and we get married first. I figure, what the heck...I've been doing it my way all these times, why not try it the 'normal' way.

And at the very least...if you move in with your boyfriend and it doesn't work out...it is all the more painful to break up with someone knowing you'll have to divide up the silverware, plates, furniture and all that you've built up together. Trust me...its terrible. I know, at this point you're thinking all will be wonderful or you wouldn't be thinking about it...but if you aren't ready to make a lifetime commitment, you should be smart and stay in your own place. I know, its a heck of a lot cheaper to merge into one household and pay one rent/mortgage, cable, electric, etc. But take it from one that has gone down your road many, many times. It is not smart to do it unless you are ready to take it to a lifetime commitment.

Just for the record, I would never judge you and I'm not thinking that you are as stupid as I was in my 20's...but I'm always there to add my opinion based on my own past mistakes. You will be MUCH better off if you get your own place an let him come spend the night. He will, actually, end up having more respect for you...on a level that I can't explain or justify...but you will be putting yourself on a different plane if you stay independent until marriage. I'm NOT SAYING that people that live with their SOs are on a lower plane...but seriously, you will have more respect for yourself if you stay in your own place. Then...down the road...you get engaged...you start looking for a place together...and you'll know you made the right path for yourself.

Just my humble opinion.