It's very important to remember that correlation does not imply causation. If such studies exist and do indeed show a correlation between cohabiting and subsequent divorce, it doesn't necessarily follow that the one causes the other. Ask your mum to show you these studies, so you can judge for yourself what the results really show.

Your mention of religious upbringing may be relevant too. Unwillingness to cohabit before marriage often goes hand in hand with certain religious beliefs; most religions frown on divorce. Without the religious upbringing one would therefore be more likely to cohabit, and more likely to divorce. And if that's true it could be interpreted as "These beliefs cause people to cling to relationships long after they're doomed" just as easily as it could be interpreted as "Without these beliefs people are rubbish at making relationships work". This is just idle speculation though, as I haven't seen the studies your mother's referring to.

DH and I come from different upbringings. My parents met him before we moved in together (we were still dating) and knew he was a good guy, so beyond that they were supportive. His mom... oy. Very, very traditional and did not approve. Even well into our engagement we were relegated to bedrooms on different stories of her home when we visited.

I think it's an oversimplification to assume cohabitation=divorce as your mom seems to be arguing. For many couples in a serious, monogomous relationship, cohabitation is just more practical. For months and months we maintained two homes, even though I was primarily staying with him. Eventually, it was just ridiculous to be paying rent twice.

Also, as previously mentioned, maturity has a lot to do with it. I think if I had been 18 and had never lived on my own and was shacking up with a guy my parents didn't like it would've been a different scenario. As it was, I had been mostly independent and putting myself through school (I was 23) and was working at or near fulltime so I had earned the right to make that decision. We were also mature enough to discuss our relationship and where it was going, which for both of us was marriage.

I do think it's a good idea to keep finances separate. It may seem easier to combine things, but if it does not work out you will be in a mess trying to sort it out. DH and I never shared a lease. I signed the lease on our first apartment together (and knew if it didn't work out I could handle the rent on my own) and he signed the lease on the second apartment.

We've been together 8 years and married for 4. I will say that even when we returned from our honeymoon to our old apartment, we still felt like newlyweds :)

I'm happy to say his mom did come around. As it turns out, I'm a pretty respectable girl and I think she realized that we were serious about each other and mature to make such a decision. I can't say that living together before marriage is the right decision for everyone of course, but regardless of what our parents thought it was the right decision for us.

My now-DH and I, for all purposes, "moved in" together about a week after our first date. We got married a little over a year later and have a tremendously happy life together. But this was a different situation - we knew each other before dating, his sister was my best friend and to be honest I knew he was "the one" before we even went out.

Living with someone prior to marriage gives you a true sense of who that person is. Had I not also lived with my ex-boyfriend, we might actually have gotten married, been horribly unhappy and divorced, and my now-husband and I would never have dated much less married. So I'd actually recommend it to anyone who doesn't have strict religious or moral issues with co-habitation prior to marriage.

As for a lease, though...that's where it gets complicated. I moved into HIS house, and it stayed HIS house. He was buying it before I moved in, and his name was on the deed when it was paid for. Had anything happened during that time, I would have had to move. I don't know where you live or what the law in your state is, but I'd check into that before signing a lease or agreement to buy anything with someone you're not married to.

Your mom comes from a different generation, so take what she says with a grain of salt. My mom is a liberal feminist with no religious beliefs whatsoever but she thinks "living in sin" i.e. moving in prior to marriage is unnecessary and/or dumb.

Marriage means different things to different people. For many, marriage is just a piece of paper containing tax benefits. For others, it is a sacred and meaningful bond. What does all of it mean to you?

If you're going to sign a lease together you need a Plan B "just in case." The chances your boyfriend is going to cheat, become a rapist or die suddenly are slim, but nevertheless IMO it's important to be independent with YOUR OWN bank account/mattress stash and an alternative support network.

I didn't read any of the other responses. But I think it's a totally individual thing. Of course some people base their opinion off their religious beliefs, some off of statistics, some off of their own experience.

I don't know what's right for you, but my husband and I did live together before we were married, before we were engaged even. I knew that he was "the one", however corny that may sound. We moved in together about 3 months after we started dating, we knew eachother for about 3 months before we started dating. We've been together now over 9 years, married for over 6 years, and have 2 beautiful children.

That's just MY experience. I've had many friends, though, that it has not worked out that way for, and it ended up in a financial disaster due to broken leases etc. So you definitely want to be sure, and have a back up plan just in case.

My only advice is to base your decision off of YOUR opinions and relationship, and not anyone else's opinions (including your parents). If you are unsure at all, wait. If you are sure, everyone else will get used to it (or not, but it's your life).

Best of luck!!!

I agree - ok, not with the whole rapist, die suddenly thing but with the idea that you need to CYA in all areas. I personally don't have any moral or ethical issue with living together before marriage but you really need to make sure you do not become dependent. Either before or after a marriage :)

Interestly enough, I lived with my first husband for 4 years before I got married. I gave him divorce papers for our 1st anniversary. Somewhere along the line he forgot I was NOT going to be a stay at home, have a bunch of kids wife.

My second marriage, we were engaged within 4 weeks and living together within a month - then married within 6 months. That was 16 years ago and we're going strong (most of the time :) )

So, ya just never know .....

Im old fashioned. I agree with your parents.

My BF when we were dating wanted us to live together, but we knew it was not the right thing to do. So, we got married, been married ever since, and its been 35 years.

I lived with a couple guys when I was younger and didn't marry them- living together was enough to show me I didn't want to marry them.

I honestly cannot think of anyone I know that got married BEFORE living together. Well, besides old people like my parents ha ha.

Here's a new angle! My husband is a total neat freak and likes to get on my case about trivial things and thanks to living together before marriage, I can now respond "WELL YOU KNEW WHAT I WAS LIKE BEFORE YOU MARRIED ME!" as my exasperated response.

ha ha but seriously, we moved in together after dating 7 months, got engaged a year later, married a year later and despite being very different people we have a great marriage and I wouldn't want anyone else!

If you're sleeping together, I don't think living together is a big step. But I'm of the school of get married for married activities or else be single and friends. Mixing romantic without the commitment of marriage is a terrible idea, and the best I've seen it work out is when it does no harm. I haven't seen a single couple actually *benefit* from it in the long run.

And signing contracts with someone for finances while not signing one for life? That's a gamble I'd never take. If I don't love and trust them enough to marry them, I don't love and trust them enough to share my body, financial future, and all else that comes with living with someone. But I'll cop to being a very conservative-values woman.

Well you can say you know someone online who did, at least! I married my husband without ever living with him or sleeping with him, and our marriage is amazing. Many of our friends have done the same, and we're all in the 20-40 age bracket. I'm only 26 now, be have been married six years.

My sister got married right after she graduated high school and never lived with or slept with her husband prior to. He's a minister so it was of course religious reasons. (They're doing fine and just hit 15 years)

I am very opposite of her, not religious and I don't give two craps about marriage or the husband/wife title. I am that type who sees it as merely a contract. It was financially smarter for us to get married than not, so we did. If there weren't financial perks to marriage, we probably wouldn't be. We got married with just the two of us present with a Justice of the Peace. I almost didn't even bother with a ring.

With or without that contract, I knew he would lay down and die for me if needed and I've never second guessed his commitment or mine to our relationship. He's the only person in the world I've met that actually feels like a compliment to my complicated and sometimes oddball personality. I knew this from very early on as well so living together just felt right and a very natural progression in our relationship.

Figure out what you want and whether your relationship is ready and can handle that. Parents always think they know what's best, often they do, sometimes they don't so do what you feel is right with proper planning and discussion with your significant other.

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I won't debate the morality of it, however I have done it.

You may not be able to get around it on your lease and both may need to sign, however...keep every financial thing separate.

Wait until you are married until you start to do things together financially. I'm talking about loans, saving accounts, utilities, etc. The last thing you want is a broken relationship AND a broken credit rating down the line. Never co sign for anyone for anything like a car or phone unless they are your spouse (and even then, debatable)

You may need to sort out the utilities or pick one of you and put them under their name. I'm not sure if you can put two names on utilities. Either way, be prepared to have to pick up the slack of the other person if they fail to pay for some reason to protect yourself.

Do what works for you and your BF, no one else.

My DH and I lived together for a while before marriage and we have been married for 20 years, still going strong.

As another poster said- "What does marriage mean to you?" That might help you with your answer.

Try month-to-month option. It's a little bit more expensive but there are not strings attach. Have a plan B and enjoy the ride ;)

Yes, I dated my now husband for 6 months and then we moved in together, 6 months later we were married. Almost 9 years later we still going with 2 beautiful girls.