Oh jeebus...
 

So I went out last night with some friends and met this guy and he's really awesome, and we exchanged numbers and made plans to hang out today. Seems fine, right?

Well, uh, my friend tried to date him, and told me he is a "feeder" (another friend confirmed this detail for me). As some of you know, these are guys that like bigger women, and get off from feeding them (especially during sex) and making them gain weight. Obviously, since I've lost all my weight, this is not something I'm into, at all, what-so-ever. Danger-zone!

But I really like him. Like, honestly, I would have never put him as someone like that upon meeting him. He's sweet and funny and seems like a really fun person to be around, and I want to give him a chance. But I also don't want to get involved with him and have everything I've worked for go down the drain. I do not want a guy to cause me to gain my weight back. But, then there's the part of me that wants to give him the benefit of the doubt and ya know, I think if he really was a decent guy he wouldn't force me to do something like that if I really didn't want to, right?

Have any of you tried to date someone like this? I really don't know what to do here. Should I run for the hills or give him a chance?

I would date him!! I would also talk about how I am loosing weight and that I love to take care of my body.. If he trys to feed you then tell him you are not into that. If thats what he is into then leave him, but I would give him a s shot what do you have to loose?? :)

Oh boy.

Sounds like a seriously slippery slope to me. Personally, I'm still trying to lose weight, and I know I still don't have my s**t all together, so I don't think I could trust myself around someone like that yet.

I'm all for giving people the benefit of the doubt usually, but you have confirmation from 2 different people that this guy would be unhealthy for you. If you're too "nice" to cancel on today's meet up, make it not food related. Then don't see him again.

Think of it another way - if you were a diabetic, would you date a candymaker? If you were deathly allergic to bee stings, would you date a guy with a backyard apiary? Sure, it could work out, but why start off with such an obvious challenge?

This is your health, and I think you should be selfish and put yourself first.

Tell him you're losing weight when you meet him and be REALLY ENTHUSIASTIC about it. He probably won't call you again.

Seriously, no, don't date a feeder! My friend dated one in college and she went from obese to super morbidly obese. The guy checked up on her via her housemates to make sure she ate breakfast, took her out to dinner and basically insisted she eat a lot, all kinds of weird twisted stuff that goes faaaaaaaaaaaaar beyond "I love you as you are."

I would be selfish and stay away for the sake of my health. You are either going to give in and be unhappy ... or make him unhappy by refusing to let him feed you.

In my opinion, if it's true that he's a "feeder", I don't think the two of you are compatible.
Obviously it's totally up to you, but I really think you should pass on this guy, especially since this feeding thing has been confirmed by 2 people.

I think you should go on the date, and if you find out he is a feeder, then just make it known you're in practicing a healthy lifestyle. If he is a feeder, I just can't see how you'd be compatible...

re:
 

Going out once isn't probably going to hurt anything - as long as you think you aren't in danger of becoming attached quickly. I would definitely bring up that you've lost weight and would like to lose more.

It's seems strange to me that people seem to know about his tendencies. That isn't usually something that people like to proclaim to the world, so for people to know about it leads me to believe he's probably pretty aggressive about it. (if it's true)

If it was me, personally I'd just stay completely away.

Well, see, here's the thing, the two people that "confirmed" it: the girl who initially told me claims he confessed it to her during a sexual encounter with him -- said it was a one night stand kind of deal, and she ran for the hills. The other person that "confirmed" it is her best friend and a guy, so I honestly don't know if my sources are that reliable.

The guy in question told me that he really was put off by her and was kinda glad it didn't work out between them, and of the thing he told me... they're actually things I've heard from several men that have been involved with her, and I actually agree with the things they've told me, which leads me to believe that she's either not telling the whole truth, exaggerating, or making it up. I don't really put a whole lot of faith in her, haha. So thats why I kinda wanna see how he is for myself and develop my own opinion of him.

Well go on the date then and see how it goes. There's not much to be lost.

Just don't let him feed you! (And you might abide by the advice upthread about mentioning fitness and weight loss and gauge his reaction.)

If you don't believe the sources, then go on the date. But have your guard up...he may be the nicest guy in the world, but if he's a true "feeder" then it's probably best for you not to pursue a relationship with him.

I say date him but make it a rule whether he becomes your boyfriend or not.

Don't let a man change you or insist on doing things you don't like. I know this sounds slightly non-compromising when in a relationship but I find this is a mistakes some of us girls do. We do try to change to please our other half and this is a no-no.

Tell him that you are following a healthier life-style and insist on following it. If he can't accept it then tough luck for him. If he accepts it, then good for u. ^.^

So find out yourself. Discover who he really is, not who others tell you he is.

Are you kidding me? Of COURSE you want to date this guy. Every possible outcome is good.

A) He is not a feeder - you win

B) He is a feeder - you have a great story to tell people in the future about dating a weird fetish guy

I don't know - seems like a win/win to me. :D

Lol! John that cracked me up! :D

:lol3: Agree 100%

You seem extremely reluctant to follow any advice on here that doesn't match what you WANT TO DO ANYWAY. It's called being young, and as per many of your previous posts, you have relationship issues that are concerning. Sorry to be harsh, but maybe you should take some time to be alone and really sort things out.

Good luck.

I'm sorry I do that. I will admit; I'm a bit on the stubborn side of life and I don't mean to knock everything y'all say but I'm like, taking what y'all say and smushing it in with my thoughts and some of what I reply on here is me "thinking out loud" to y'all, lol.

It's really one of those... y'all are right and I probably should stay away from him, but the curiosity is also killing me. And then there's he really did impress me last night, which makes me wanna give it a shot. And I think, from what y'all have suggested, I've come to the conclusion of go on the date, but keep my guard up.

I say run, do not walk to the nearest exit. If this is true that means he is weird and as John says has a fetish. For your sanity's sake do not get involved with weird people.
The other thing I was concerned about is his encounter with this other girl,did he say he had sex with her ? Call me old fashioned but I prefer not to have any sexual experiences I may have to be discussed to others.

She said she had an awkward one night stand with him; he said they went out a few times and I don't recall him saying anything about having sex with her. He wasn't being creepy or weird or anything towards me, and if sex got brought up it was in jokes amongst the group of people we were hanging around. But ya know, people can be fine when you first meet them as a first impression kinda thing, so there's no telling what he's like once you actually get to know him, which is why I am still a bit weary of him.

I would say if you have any doubts at all you should not go but if you do, be very careful.

I agree with ChickieChicks...seems like it was just last week you were in love with someone else. Maybe you should concentrate on YOU for once and not guys or sex. Not being judgemental or trying to be mean, just my honest opinion for whatever it's worth. :) Good luck

Lol @ JohnP... i agree!!

So I went... and he wasn't weird or creepy at all. We went out for pizza; we both got small, single servings and he didn't judge me on what I ate or anything at all. The issue didn't even come up... so I think I'm gonna test the waters some more. He seems like a really decent guy so far. Just thought I'd update y'all! :)

I dated a guy who admitted to being a "chubby chaser," not a feeder exactly, but he definitely made it clear to me that I was much smaller than his normal preference and that if we weren't so compatible with our personalities and interests, he probably wouldn't have been at all attracted to my figure. He tried to hint at the fact that I should gain some, but I was already uncomfortable with myself and wasn't about to make myself more unhealthy to please a guy. Eventually he decided that the best option was to cheat on me with one of my larger friends while I was studying abroad (he told the poor girl that we'd broken up and that I never wanted to hear his name again so that she wouldn't contact me about it...When she mentioned something after the fact because she was hoping to smooth down the 'breakup' so that we could all hang out, she was completely mortified to find out that that wasn't actually the case.)

Moral of the story, guys have their preferences, and if you're not what they want and they can't convince you to become what they want, they go elsewhere. I think that unless you have an absolutely ironclad will, you're only putting yourself in a situation that will probably be detrimental to your goals. If you do have the willpower to say no and continue to see the guy, you may very well be setting yourself up for heartbreak down the line. Given how attached you were within a short period of time with your last guy, I'd just walk away now.

I do agree with John on the possibility for great future anecdotes in this situation! Never underestimate the importance of great anecdotes.

That said, I have noticed that our Lauren imagines herself in love very, very quickly. You might want to be extra careful to not overinflate your feelings until you're sure he's not going to be a bad influence. (And really, take that as lifelong dating advice: be slow, not quick, to imagine yourself in love.)

And if you're ever sick or too tired to cook, he'll feed ya! :D

Good advice. +1

I think why I fell so hard for this past ex was because he was the guy I felt like I couldn't have before I lost weight. Had I met him 6 months earlier, I wouldn't have even bothered to talk to him because I would've felt he was out of my league. In fact, while we dated, I still kind of felt like he was out of my league, but it boosted my confidence that I could actually get someone that good looking, and he was really fun and energetic and sweet. He was the kind of guy that I felt like was perfect for me and that I needed and I could actually see myself being with him for a long time.

The more I think about this current guy... I don't really care if we get into a relationship or not. I mean, he's fun and all, but that's really all I'm seeing in him; someone fun to hang out with. I guess it could progress into something more and I'd be fine with it, but I'd be fine with us just staying friends too.

I want another guy like my ex, lol. >_<

Except with greater sexual compatibility!

he could be one of those pretend nice guys - sounds fascinating!!! I'd try it out and tell us any good details LOL
maybe eat slowly in front of him and see how he looks at you

Maybe he just... I dunno, liked to feed things like strawberries or lick chocolate sauce / whipped cream off... things? lol. my guy enjoys that but he's def. not a feeder. hey, I like it too! :p