I don't know how to describe this... I'm hoping maybe someone can relate or know what is going on with me.

Sometimes in the middle of the night or early morning I'll wake up and forget that I live with my fiancé and that we share a bed. I'll feel him sleeping beside me or holding me and I feel.....nothing. Not like "ugh get off" but also no fuzzies or anything. Granted, I'm half conscious when this happens and during the waking hours and at night when he cuddles me as we sleep I enjoy it. It's only in these early mornings/late night wake ups.

It's not only about the fiancé, when I wake up at these times I feel detached from my life, I will lie there and wonder "is this my life? Am I really committed to my choices now?" I don't regret anything, in fact, in many ways I'm happier now than ever, but sometimes I worry that I've made the wrong decisions, that my marriage will be a mistake, that choosing my own career and not the career my parents chose for me won't make me happy, ****, I even doubt my choice to dye my hair red instead of leaving it blonde!

What is this? Some weird subconscious fears?

Similar boat. My BF of almost 5 years is planning to move in soon and to be totally honest I'm scared shitless. I've been waiting anxiously all this time and now that it's getting ready to happen I want to run for the hills. We have a great relationship but I worry it will be a mistake, that everything will change once we live together, if I'm doing the right thing. Yada yada..

I'm divorced from a REALLY horrible marriage so it's possible I'm just being overly paranoid. Can't say I blame myself.

Wish I had a better answer but if he treats you good, is loving and responsible then you're probably on the right track. If there's lots of fighting and bickering then I would think twice. I'm not saying this is you but I know too many women that thinks it's normal to argue on a regular basis, and it's not.

We've never argued, ever. I've yelled at hm in frustration over something that wasn't his fault and he had every right to be angry but he was gentle and sweet.

I've been married ten years and this still happens. And sometimes I do feel aggravated rather than numb as in "ugh get off." Though I'm the the touchier-feelier person.

Although to be honest, I expected it, because I've always felt the life-detachment feeling, even as a single person. I also expected marriage to be a HUGE adjustment. After being single for 35 years before meeting him, and having never enjoyed having a roommate (I am a hermit by nature), I knew marriage was going to be a HUGE adjustment.

I had to tell myself (and still do) that marriage was going to be like the Peace Corps (the toughest job you'll ever love).

As for the other life-choices, I still have weird mixed feelings about my choices and my life. I sometimes feel like I could live a hundred lifetimes and still not run out of things I want to do or try. It makes one lifetime seem far from adequate, because every choice you make, eliminates other choices.

I love my husband (and we do argue a lot - and it may not be normal, but our arguments aren't mean, and usually they're even fun - because we're not trying to win or hurt the other - well sometimes we're trying to win - but mostly the arguments are philosophical not personal).

But as much as I love him, he also frustrates me sometimes, and it's not always anything he's doing or not doing. Sometimes I just want to know what it would have been like to make a different choice.

I don't get unlimited choices though, and so every choice eliminates other choices. No matter what I choose, I always wonder what my life would be like if I made different choices. I think it's more curiosity than any darker motivation.

Before I met my husband I used to joke that my ideal marriage would involve a his-and-hers duplex. Sometimes I still do, and sometimes it's not 100% a joke. But all things being considered, there's no one else I'd rather be with (even myself). I'm happy with most of my choices, and content with others, but I still wonder what it would be like to have made or to make different choices.

That's good. Maybe you've just hit a temporary "bored" phase and things need to be spiced up a bit. Plan a nice night out for dinner or something...like a date night. I know we (we're both guilty of this) can get too comfortable sometimes and then we realize it's time to make some effort to re-light the flame.

But that's the thing, during the day and night I'm perfectly content, in fact I look at him and I'm excited for our future and happy to have him. Thinking of life without him brings me to tears. It's only during these moments at night where I feel numb...and I feel guilty, like I shouldnt.

I think maybe Kaplods is onto something with the whole "every choice closes the door to other choices" idea. I do worry constantly if I'm doing the right thing in ALL aspects of my life, this might stem from my parents not agreeing with my life.

I think that any time you're about to make a big life choice, it forces you to take a closer look at your life and the direction you're going. As you're never 100% sure what the future holds, it's only natural that that would cause doubts. I know that when I was moving to Japan, I would wake up and have panic attacks because I was leaving everything in my life behind. What if something happened to a family member while I was 20 hours by plane away? What if I got to Japan and found out that I was horrible at my job? What if...what if...

In the end it took some tears, but I convinced myself that I'd been working for it too long to not at least give it a shot. The nice thing about being human is that we're surprisingly adaptable. Sure, it sucks (a LOT) when things don't go as planned and everything seems to be out of control, but eventually good times always seem to follow.

I wouldn't let your subconscious self running a muck during the wee hours of the night stop you from going through with something that you're positive will make you happy 99% of the time.

What you're experiencing at night is perfectly normal for couples who have been together for awhile. I've been married for 15 years and it's been like that many times for me.

You'll probably find even more of these situations happening as the years go by - it's called being comfortable with someone. Not every night (or day) is going to be filled the same romantic bliss that occurs when you're first dating someone.

As things start to mellow out, people start to find out if they're really compatible with someone enough to make it work. It sounds like you are.

BTW, I should add, being married doesn't mean you give up the rest of your life ambitions. If you want to go do safaris in Africa, write a novel, or rise to the top of the corporate ladder, being married to someone you love shouldn't be a hindrance.

So don't be afraid of giving up your life by getting married. Kids, on the other hand, make a much bigger difference - but that's another story.

There will always be a "what if." Green grass on the other side and all that. I think EVERYONE goes through this to some extent about dating, marriage, etc.

You can always run away from or cancel on your choices if they bring you long-term unhappiness (not offspring though!). Very few things are totally immutable or set in stone. I find it comforting knowing that if I REALLY hate my life, my relationship, my friends, I can just empty out my savings account and move somewhere else and re-start. I probably won't ever do that, but knowing the option is there actually makes me feel more secure in my current decisions.