Does being an ex mean you have to be a jerk?

  • Just a bit of a rant; I'm out of town and don't have anyone nearby to unload this on.

    I recently broke up with my ex of 6 years (most of which we've been living together, and he was for a while my fiance too until I decided that was not for me), but thought we could be, if not friends, at least civil.

    But he just "pocket dialed" me while he was hitting on some giggly girl. Since it's only been about six weeks since it ended, I would appreciate a little buffer time without having to think about that. What's worse is that I think he's the kind of guy who would purposely call me and put the phone in his pocket to rub it in my face. Even when we were dating he'd brag about the girls that would flirt with him (yes, it's low self esteem on his part) and even sometimes talked about women he was attracted to.


    Not that I want to get back together with him, but he still calls me all the time like we're friends. For example, this morning he called me because he couldn't sleep and my voice "relaxes" him. I also noticed that he deleted all of the pictures of me from his facebook- total free agent.
    Sigh.

    I don't think I need anything from you guys, maybe just a hug.
  • *hugs*. Might be best to delete him from facebook, and block his calls.
  • Quote: *hugs*. Might be best to delete him from facebook, and block his calls.
    Yep. This. Being an ex doesn't mean having to be a jerk, but it does mean that you don't have to take his calls (and certainly don't have to listen to a pocket-dial flirt). He still wants something from you, and it sort of sounds like he wants to believe that you are still in love with him and will be jealous if he does things like this. You have no more obligation to this man.

    Sorry that this is happening when you're out of town and without your usual support system.
  • First of all . . . *hug*

    My ex tried to reconnect with me a while back when he started dating a mutual friend. I wanted nothing to do with him after what had happened between us years ago and had to blatantly spell it out several times that he needed to leave me the heck alone. He started leaving comments all over my facebook as well and I had to change my privacy settings.

    I wanted to be civil too, but a line has to be drawn somewhere and he needs to respect your boundaries. If necessary, block his calls and whatever else he uses to contact you. He's obviously trying to be hurtful and you need none of that.
  • Thanks for the comments, they make me feel better. When he called me later I gently reminded him that we had promised not to talk about our love lives to each other, but he told me the girl he was talking to was his therapist. Although it was clearly the flirting voice, having been to a counselor I can see why that environment would evoke all sorts of strange behavior, and am just going to move past this.

    But, for my own wellbeing, I also cleared my facebook page of pictures of him and will be making an effort to talk to him less often/pick up fewer calls.

    It's a bit of an eye-opener, however, to realize how angry I could get over something like this when I feel so sure that I don't want to be with him anymore.