Couldn't find a thread on Jokes, so I thought I would start one.
There is nothing better than having a good chuckle now and then and I love a joke as much as the next person
I think when posting we make sure we think twice as we don't want to offend anyone.
I'll start the ball rolling...
The Guard Dog
There once was a young couple who lived in a town filled with crime. After three neighbors' houses had been robbed, the couple decided to get a guard dog. So one day the wife went to the pet store and said, I need a good guard dog. And the clerk replied, Sorry, we're all sold out. All we have left is this little Scottie dog. But he knows karate.
The wife didn't believe him so he said to the dog, "Karate that chair. The dog went up to the chair and broke it into pieces, then he said to the dog, Karate that table. The dog went up to the table and broke it in half. So the wife bought the dog and took it home to her husband who was expecting a big guard dog. But then she told her husband that it knew karate, and he said Karate my arse!!!
Tough Time
I had the toughest time of my life.
First, I got angina pectoris and then arteriosclerosis. Just
as I was recovering from these, I got tuberculosis, double
pneumonia and phthisis.
Then they gave me hypodermics. Appendicitis was followed by
tonsillectomy.
These gave way to aphasia and hypertrophic cirrhosis. I
completely lost lost my memory for a while. I know I had
diabetes and acute indigestion, besides gastritis,
rheumatism, lumbago and neuritis.
I don't know how I pulled through it.
It was the most difficult spelling test I've ever had !!!
US President & Queen of England
As Air Force One arrives at Heathrow Airport, President Obama strides to a
warm and dignified reception from the Queen.
They are driven in a 1934 Bentley to the edge of central London, where they
change to a magnificent 17th century carriage hitched to six white horses.
They continue on towards Buckingham Palace, waving to the thousands of
cheering Britons; all is going well.
Suddenly the right rear horse lets fly with the most horrendous earth
shattering fart ever heard in the British Empire. The smell is atrocious
and both passengers in the carriage must use handkerchiefs over their
noses. The fart shakes the coach, but the two dignitaries of State do their
best to ignore the incident.
The Queen turns to President Obama, " Mr. President, please accept my
regrets... I am sure you understand there are some things that even a Queen
cannot control."
Obama, always trying to be "Presidential," replied: "Your Majesty, do not
give the matter another thought... Until you mentioned it, I thought it was
one of the horses.
Jokes...
