Wait, and stay cheerful! Imagine how dreadful it'd be if the perfect man wandered into your life and you were radiating such a miserable air that he ran away.

Tea parties and friends sound like an excellent way of keeping yourself occupied. I'm a little envious, actually - I may be ahead of you in the partner game, but you're kicking my arse at the having a social life game, from the sounds of it!

Don't ever give up on love! I was never a very romantic person to be honest but then I met the love of my life, and I'm glad to say that weight was never an issue between us.

If it is meant to be, it will happen. I think the biggest reason that weight can be an issue is the fact that it hurts our own self esteem/self confidence. My fiance tells me that I'm beautiful every day, and I am finally beginning to believe him, even though I'm not halfway to my goal weight yet. It's all about being confident in your own skin/body, no matter what weight you are. I know we're all here to lose weight and to be healthy, but a lot of the problems (I think) are mental. And even if we do lose the weight we won't be completely happy until we just learn to accept ourselves no matter what.

Like my fiance says, confidence is soooo sexy. So don't ever give up and always think positive! A positive mindset can do wonders!

Is there an active bear community where you live? It can be a really supportive subculture of the gay community where big men feel really sexy and accepted. It gave a good friend of mine a real confidence boost when he was younger after a few years of going to mainstream gay bars and feeling invisible.

This is where I am lucky Brid... I have WONDERFUL friends who I get to see often. I try and remember how lucky I am for this. xxx

I see what you mean Daniprice; personally I am not a bear though, and not really into bears. I am big, but not hairy and I dress more of fashion, and all things like this. BUT I do totally know what you mean, there are pockets of the gay scene where bigger men are accepted. As I said, I know there is a small but enthusiastic group who like big men; I like this fact but also I don't like to be involved with a man who is so into that that he will not support weight loss and things, that is an issue. But I do see what you mean about feeling visible. I have had negative comments in bars before which I think is just really uncalled for, and not having to deal with that could be good!!
xxxx

I've weighed 312 and now I weigh about 185 so maybe I am not a normal person to ask...
I think that a person can be skinny or a healthy weight and be ugly. I've met those people...I worked at a grocery store and we had this one cashier who was super skinny...probably the size of movie stars small. But she was ugly!! Not only physically...but she just yelled at everyone and wasn't always very nice.
Then I've met girls who were probably 250 or more and I thought they were beautiful. The one had the most beautiful red hair...and I just thought she was beautiful. I wanted to be/look like her...and it was kind of ironic to me because she was the size I was before I lost weight...and I wanted to be as beautiful as her!
There was another cashier who was my starting size/or in that area and I thought she was beautiful too. She had beautiful eyes and I think maybe she was a different ethnicity than me (I'm Caucasian) and I thought she had the prettiest hair & eyes...later on she started losing weight and I still think she is beautiful-big or thin.
Now I am female (and straight) but even though they were plus sized I found them more beautiful than the skinny lady.
For me, as a girl looking for a relationship, I think personality matters more. I don't want to date a jerk who pushes me around or puts me down. I like to laugh so I want someone with a sense of humor. This person could be either big or thin...
However, I am really hoping to meet someone who likes to do the things I like to do now. I want someone who will go for walks with me outside (I can't run so they don't have to be super fit! lol) or go roller skating, ride a bike, or play basketball or other games with.

Jose,

I think a big part of this issue for me personally is how I feel about myself. My best friend is one of the biggest girls I know, and she bounces from guy to guy because although she is obese, she has great self-esteem, and knows how to flaunt it.

I too am a hopeless romantic who has always dreamed of how my dream guy will come along one day, and we'll be a perfect match. I had to realize that "perfect men" don't come raining down from the sky, and they won't approach/ be approachable if I'm not confident and secure about myself. So I stopped seeking guys and started working to try to find myself, a happier, healthier me. I'm a person who believes everything happens for a reason. When I achieve my happier, healthier self, perhaps I'll run into Mr. Perfect, perhaps I won't, but I'll still be happier and healthier than I was before.

A friend told me that I surround myself with gay guyfriends because its the best of both worlds, male attention that can help me feel confident, who I don't feel intimidated by, who help me dress my best, and who don't pose as "threat" because I can be emotionally intimate with then, but I can't fall in love with them, and they don't fall in love with me. I'm not sure exactly what that meant. I've known plenty of gay men who are the stereotypical superficial people. I've also had soo many more gay men who were sweet, sensitive souls with k!ck@ss senses of humor

In a related note, a guy I'd once been interested in dating who has reached his 100 lb weight loss goal, showed me that some people, will be d*cks regardless of what you/they weigh. See the Male attention thread for the whole story.

In any event, I wish you the best of luck There's someone out there for all of us, or at least that's what they tell me.

Thanks for all your wise words. Funny you say the above, sometimes I wonder why nearly all the friends I have and have ever had are straight females. i think they are all so beautiful and most of them are slim and healthy, in fact a few of my best friends are into gym/sports/dance etc. So many guys would be jealous of me having such beautiful lovely female company hehe! For sure sometimes I feel i stick out because they are all, as I say, lovely pretty females and I am their big fat guy friend I wonder why, i did not plan only to friend girls, it just worked out that way. I cannot think of a deep reason why this is, maybe there is one, maybe not.
xxx

I don't have a theory on how we end up with the friends that we do. For the record, my gay guy friends have traditionally been overweight/obese by coincidence. The only one that wasn't overweight admitted to have an eating disorder and actually turned on me after I started losing weight. He told me I was being prideful and vain because I got excited about dropping a size.

One of the perks I see is that any of my guy friends will honestly tell me how I look, they don't generally get jealous or catty as some females do, as they can't compare our bodies, and have no sexual interest in them. The only downside is that generally, we can't go out on a "man-hunt" as for the most part, going to the places he likes to look for men means I don't have a snowball's chance of meeting a guy, and vice-versa with some exceptions.

The man hunt thing doesn't happen or me and friends either. I know it is stupid but when guys all chat up my friends, I can't help but feel a bit jealous! When we go to gay bars, even in there they seem to get more male attention than me, hehehehe!!
But I'll be OK. There is someone out there for me, regardless, I just have to find him!
xxxx

Love is such a odd thing :P

Unfortunately, I think it does. I have a friend that is very overweight and she was almost 30 before she had her first real boyfriend. She was always concerned about her weight and it affected her self esteem. She was always upset that guys didn't approach her in bars or other places. She ended up joining an online service and meeting her first boyfriend who saw her picture and thought she was beautiful. I honestly believe there is someone for everyone...sometimes it just takes a little while to find them.

Look doesn't matter. If someone really loves you he/she will love you for who you are. But if you really believe that looks does matter, you have to loose weight and you need to boost you self confidence. You don't have to look for love, love will find you. You just have to wait for the right person to come at the right time.

Well, I speak for many and myself when I say.. someone get "him" a new watch, he's late