Just my opinion ...

While I agree with everyone that staying in a bad or abusive situation is a bad idea I don't know that the OPs case is so far gone.

The real problem as I see it is that he does not want to go to counseling.

I would suggest you investigate this and let him know why you want to go to counseling.

I agree that you should try counseling first. You may think that it’s the end between the two of you but then again, maybe it’s not. Maybe counseling could still save your marriage...Good luck!

I agree. But we still love them and can't live without them

Go for counselling

I've read the 5 Love Languages and highly recommend it. I tried to get my wife to read it at least ten years ago, she would not. It's a great book.

"5 Love Languages" is an awesome book! You find things out about yourself AND your partner that you may not have noticed before! Also, "The Love Dare" and the movie "Fireproof" that goes along with it. The movie stars Kirk Cameron. It will make you cry, and I think the movie couple's relationship mirrors yours.
Also.... PLEASE go to some kind of counseling, even by yourself if he won't go with you. A counselor will be able to give you the tools you need to be the kind of partner you need to be in the relationship. And guaranteed that when your SO sees a positive change in you, he will notice, and start to make changes himself, or at least ask you about yours.
99% of the advice given here was right on... Keep going! You've made it this far... Good luck to you