Ok, biting the bullet and asking this TMI question
I've been dating this guy that I met online for over 7 months now, and things are going great overall. We seem to be absolutely perfect for each other. We have so much fun together and we've never had any real issues in the time we've been together. I know I'm definitely in love with him and he says the same to me. Seems perfect right? So here's my dilemma:
We've never had sex. In fact, we hardly ever do anything physical besides kissing. Neither of us are virgins, so it's not that one of us is waiting (at least I'm not). In fact, he has a lot more experience in the sexual field than I do. We've both made it pretty clear that we've done it in previous relationships and it's not off-limits. I know I need to just talk to him about it and ask him what's going on, but I have no idea how to bring it up. Part of me is afraid that he's not physically attracted to me enough to try anything, but then I tell myself that he wouldn't be with me at all if he weren't (right??). I also feel like I may be sending out signals in some way that I don't want to have sex. I can't really think of how I'd be doing that, but who knows?
Maybe my problem is that my ex (the only guy I've had sex with) wanted sex all the time. While it was amusing, it also made me feel sexy and wanted. Now, with this guy, I don't feel that way. He tells me all the time how pretty and amazing I am. Is he just too nervous to try anything? Should I be the one to try to initiate? I guess I'm just old-fashioned, but it seems weird for me to be the one to initiate the first time. Not to mention my fears of being rejected. I know that different guys will have different sex drives, but is it normal to never try ANYTHING with your gf beyond a kiss? Gahhh what do I do??
what do you do? MAKE A MOVE! initiate! he may be waiting for your signal and nothing will ever happen unless one of you makes a move! if he has been with you for that long and hasnt had sex with you i am sure he is just as sexually frustrated as you are.
Talk - talk- talk.... Sex shouldn't just "happen". (I'm a sex ed teacher). You should make plans for it - STDs? Birth Control??? he may be not wanting to push the sex as he wants you to know he wants YOU not just sex... but you need to start talking about it - planning for it, etc.
And PLEASE don't do the "bcp" for contraceptives if neither of you have been tested for STDs. Both of you could be carrying something and not KNOW IT.
You could just playfully hint that you're ready for more and if he doesn't seem to receive the message, open up and talk to him about it. I completely reject the hypothesis that he's not physically attracted to you, he clearly is, otherwise he wouldn't still be with you or compliment you. Perhaps he doesn't want to seem like he's rushing into things and scare you away.
I think he's probably just trying to respect you, and now it's been so long it's gotten weird and maybe seems a little off limits. Set the environment so that a little romance is favorable, and slowly make a move. And I agree with Melissa that you should have a condom ready to go, because you don't know what's a goin' on in that department. Protect yourself and have fun!
I agree with everyone, make sure you're protected first and foremost, and either speak to him about it, or initiate it Just when you're kissing, you know, have slightly wandering hands, and see how he reacts lol Sorry if I'm too blunt.
Whenever I've been in stalls like this, suggestive flirting always gets me where I need to go. If you try this out and he's not getting the hint, just be straight up and say "are you going to do me or not?"
Or... you might be more mature than me and have a talk about being ready to take your relationship to the next level and planning out a romantic evening.
Seven months is a long time to date and do nothing more than kiss. He may be wondering if you are attracted to him, you know. I agree with the others, make a move and see how he responds.
I think you are very lucky to have a man who sincerely cares for you and is not only around for the sex!! I highly believe that sex is one of the most important factors in a relationship! Both parties need to be equally happy with it!! A happy sex life makes a happy home! If you feel more comfortable talking about it first, then go that route. If you aren't embarrassed to make the first move, then go for it!! Be a little frisky and see where he takes it. A lot of men like an aggressive woman who takes what she wants!! Good luck!!
Grab his crotch. Barring that he is asexual/disinterested in sex, he may just not want to seem like he's too eager.
Oh my goodness!
That's actually great advice! I had the same problem with my ex boyfriend, until I decided that enough is enough and I jumped his bones. Sometimes men are just afraid to make the 1st move.
But before going to that extreme, I might just talk to him about it. Tell him your thoughts and see what he says. I highly, highly doubt he's unattracted to you if he tells you you're beautiful and has stuck around this long.
I've been dating this guy that I met online for over 7 months now, and things are going great overall. We seem to be absolutely perfect for each other. We have so much fun together and we've never had any real issues in the time we've been together. I know I'm definitely in love with him and he says the same to me. Seems perfect right? So here's my dilemma:
We've never had sex. In fact, we hardly ever do anything physical besides kissing. Neither of us are virgins, so it's not that one of us is waiting (at least I'm not). In fact, he has a lot more experience in the sexual field than I do. We've both made it pretty clear that we've done it in previous relationships and it's not off-limits. I know I need to just talk to him about it and ask him what's going on, but I have no idea how to bring it up. Part of me is afraid that he's not physically attracted to me enough to try anything, but then I tell myself that he wouldn't be with me at all if he weren't (right??). I also feel like I may be sending out signals in some way that I don't want to have sex. I can't really think of how I'd be doing that, but who knows?
Maybe my problem is that my ex (the only guy I've had sex with) wanted sex all the time. While it was amusing, it also made me feel sexy and wanted. Now, with this guy, I don't feel that way. He tells me all the time how pretty and amazing I am. Is he just too nervous to try anything? Should I be the one to try to initiate? I guess I'm just old-fashioned, but it seems weird for me to be the one to initiate the first time. Not to mention my fears of being rejected. I know that different guys will have different sex drives, but is it normal to never try ANYTHING with your gf beyond a kiss? Gahhh what do I do??
Maybe this is his fear as well? Being rejected. Men have these same fears. And sure, I think it's "normal" to never try anything beyond a kiss----until you're ready.
Actually, this guy sounds kind of like a dream to me, since I want to wait to have sex till i know it's going to be someone who is going to be around a long time.
I once had that sort of a problem when I was dating a guy... we went six months before we had sex. That was a record for me (ahem... ) We were specifically waiting until he was legally divorced (he was separated when I met him) and it was my idea to do so. Anyway, one day I got tired of waiting and I looked at him square in the eye and said "What are we waiting for again? I'm horny! Let's have sex!"
So we did.
(side note: and it was the worst sex of my entire life! seriously!!! oh dear goddess what a disappointment!!!! ... I kept thinking "I waited six months for THIS?!?!?!?!?!?" .... and I met my husband a few months later & here we are in present time... just celebrated our 19th anniversary last Tuesday ... see? stuff works out!)
I agree w/others... YOU WANT SOMETHING - YOU MAKE THE MOVE. Never wait on someone else to give you what you want!
Last edited by Beach Patrol; 05-17-2012 at 01:07 PM.
Are you sure he's JUST seeing you?!
Anyways I agree with other's YOU make the move! If you get shut down while you make the move then you know something else is up. Or if you prefer to talk to him then bring it up before you make a move, but I would find that more awkward then doing what Krampus said to do! lol
Ok, biting the bullet and asking this TMI question
Just when you're kissing, you know, have slightly wandering hands, and see how he reacts lol Sorry if I'm too blunt.
) We were specifically waiting until he was legally divorced (he was separated when I met him) and it was my idea to do so. Anyway, one day I got tired of waiting and I looked at him square in the eye and said "What are we waiting for again? I'm horny! Let's have sex!" 
