the truth no one ever tells you is that by the end you are so uncomfortable that if someone handed you a sharp enough knife you might just cut that thing out yourself.

you really are in a different headspace that is hard to describe, time has no meaning. I pushed for two hours and didn't know till I asked my husband. you have no modesty at all, the janitor could come in and watch and it wouldn't bother you in the least. It comes back after a few days. Your memory also becomes spotty. I can remember asking to see the placenta, but have no memory of what it looked like.

I dunno... I guess it's different for everyone. I felt pain, but it was bearable, and I refused any drugs (never trusted them for some reason) and gave both to both my sons naturally. One thing for sure though... despite what some say, it does NOT get easier the second time around. O_o

I had a traumatic labour, worst than most women, it took me 2 years to mentally recover from it (it included medical malpractice/birth injury).

The reasons listed in that article don't really make for a 'bad' labour. A lot of those things simply just don't matter to most labouring women. I *WISH* all that bothered me was the alien head or feces. Those things are not even noticed at the time, I didn't even notice the episiotomy. When you have contractions, your brain/body does not allow you to think about superficial things.

My mom had a horror labor story with me and because of it I was terrified of birth. I always said I wanted drugs so I didn't feel anything, but most of all, I really, really didn't want to have a C-section.

Well, when we were deciding on having a baby, I started researching and quickly learned that if I wanted to avoid a c-section, I should also avoid drugs.

So, I did everything I humanly could to avoid a c-section. I exercised, did the Bradley Method, went to a nurse midwife (for delivery in a hospital), ate right, decided on no drugs and so on. In the end I STILL prepped myself for the "what if I need a c-section anyway).

In the end, I gave birth naturally in the hospital. Was it a perfect birth? No., but it wasn't a horror either and not nearly as bad as stories made it out to be. Did I poop? Yep. but again, I barely noticed it and they cleaned it up so fast I didn't even realize it and had to ask my husband. In the end, labor (the intense stuff) is a foggy memory almost immediately. I wouldn't call it painful, just really, really intense.

Second time around was much faster (7.5 hours versus 22 hours), but again, not perfect in a different way, but again, natural and smooth and wonderful. My 8 year old and MIL and husband were all there and my MIL who is a doctor commented on how calm it was. It doesn't have to be a medical nightmare.

Wow, really, terrifying? A bit dramatic, no? Let's address point by point from my mother of three pov...

6. Placenta - Too busy looking at my baby to bother to look at it or even really notice when it was coming out. On my third the midwife asked if I wanted to see it, I politely declined and that was that. It is, however, an amazing thing. It's what kept that little baby alive for most of the 9 months it spend in the womb. Absolutely mind blowing, no?

5. Episiotimy - It's possible to need one, but doctors are using them less and less as a preventative measure. And midwives typically don't use them unless necessary. I tore with my last two (my first was a c-section) and really it wasn't too bad at all. I honestly think them cutting me would have been more traumatic.

4. Feces - What can I say, sh*t happens. The nurses clean it up before you even notice it (you're too busy pushing out a baby). And unless someone in the room with you is really insensitive, no one is going to point out that you crapped a little while you were busy bringing a human being into the world. To avoid it you can do an enema, but that's possibly more uncomfortable than knowing you pooped on the table.

3. Alien Shaped Heads - Depends on how fast the baby is born, but most of them do have at least a little bit of a cone shape to their head. As a mother, all I can say is it's the last thing on your mind when you see that little miracle. And it goes away, it's not like they'll go to school with their head shaped like a traffic cone or anything.

2. Fetal Monitoring - Also a choice for the mother. I chose intermittent monitoring with my second, they checked me occasionally with a doppler. That's it. With my third they HAD to do the scalp monitor when they couldn't get a good read with the doppler, and good thing they did because his heart rate was erratic and dropping because of how fast he was coming and they needed me to push him out ASAP.

1. The Bill - Yup, this one actually is terrifying. But good insurance can help with that.

Most of these things aren't scary with a little foreknowledge and a doctor/midwife willing to listen to and work with the mother (pushy doctors are the worst and are the reason I had a c-section with my first). And once you have the baby, nothing matters that much anymore anyway.

ETA: About my births, my first was a c-section, zero labor. My second was a sucessful VBAC, was in light labor for a weekend, hard labor for about 8 hours before she was born. Labored in a tub and later on got an epi, 3 pushes she was out. My third was another successful VBAC and I was only in labor with him for 4 hours. He came fast and hard, had an epi about 3:50 into it (so it wasn't all that effective when I was pushing). I pushed maybe 3 minutes with him.

I'm also a mom of 3. Had my first with an OB, second with a midwife in a hospital, and third with a midwife at home.

Epidurals? None. Does it hurt? You betcha.. but you kind of leave yourself and are in a 'zone'. But yeah, it hurts. I wouldn't trade that though for not having felt each of my babies slither out of my body.

Episiotomies? None. 2 small tears. One required one stitch, the other was small enough that they didn't stitch. Only the one with the stitch hurt. When in doubt - leave well enough alone!

Poop - not once

Fetal monitoring - none

Cone heads? - none - all had gigantic big round heads

Baby poop? Yup, two of them did it on my stomach in the aftermath of birth. So what if it's black? I don't even think it smells - it's just kind of weirdly black.. and there's only a little bit of it.

Placenta? Yup, saw it the last two times with the midwife. Have pictures of it. Had the placenta of my third baby in the fridge in a yogurt container for a few days before we buried it in the garden. It's a miraculous thing, one that it harbours life, and two that my body was able to grow a perfect ORGAN just for the sake of having a baby. Miracle.

THe bill? Nope - I'm Canadian so I don't ever even see it. But I do know that midwife assisted birth is by far the cheapest, especially without drugs. Home birth obviously the cheapest, and it's a beautiful experience. My older two children (then aged 4 and 6) were able to be there to witness the birth. Awesome.

So don't feel scared and out of control, all you first-timers.. it's a beautiful experience that YOU can decide on so many things.

PS Go see a midwife!

One thing a lot of people don't understand about childbirth pain, is the absence of 'fight or flight' -> you know how you yank your hand away from a fire or paper cut? You don't react like that. It's impossible to describe. It's more painful than you can ever imagine, but ... it's as if your body knows it is "okay". Hard to say.

I'll remind you all again in 5 months LOL

I've read that article and the only thing that worries me is the pooping. Yes, the pooping. Why? I can just see my family NOT LETTING THAT GO for the next 30+ years.

I did "go". My nurse cleaned me up so quick that I did not even know about it. Nurses ROCK!

My DD formed a cone head much later when she was sleeping on her side. My DS came out looking like a football player with broad shoulders. He was so big and strong that he had neck muscles and was able to hold his head up since day one...now you should see that kid...all legs and arms and no body fat

What was gross tho, the belly button..hehe...

Love my kids and I would do it over and over and over again just to have them....

What sucks tho; each time they get hurt, I feel, actually feel, pain for them. I count my blessing each day that I was lucky enough to have children.

LOL! Just don't let anyone in the delivery room who can't keep things to themselves! You can demand your respect in this case as it's your body and bodily functions on display. If they would tell your secrets, just don't let them in. They just wipe it away quickly to keep things sterile so you'd likely not notice.

And don't worry ladies, most men aren't this out of touch. My friend's dh came out in tears talking about how amazing she was to give him children. It can be a beautiful thing for someone who's in the right mindset.

The school-aged "what's grosser-than-gross" stuff was just something weird that happened not anything "terrifying or mind-scarring" like this author percieved it. But gosh, if birth was that traumatic for him, I am surprised he got past the periods part in the first place to concieve the child.

I'll stick to adopting...I don't know what it is but OMG **** no am I letting some little monster grow inside of me only to maybe possibly rip out of my stomach like an alien and kill everyone...lmfao clearly over active imagination here...not to mention feeling it move...Child birth just isn't for me....

now watch within the next two years I get knocked up haha....

Placenta. Didn't see it, didn't want to.

Episiotomies. Had one with my first, his head was stuck on my pelvis as I pushed with him for 3 hours. I think it was a second degree tear, and yes it hurt for awhile, but it healed eventually. I tore with my second instead of getting cut and it was much less severe and healed way more quickly.

Poop Yes, both times. And that was one of the parts that really freaked me out, but like others have said, it's cleaned up immediately so you don't notice it much. It was almost a reliefe - pregnancy caused awful constipation for me! lol (How's that for you tmi?)

Alien heads - Because my son was stuck for awhile and ended up having a vacuum assisted birth, he had quite a conehead, as well as a bruise on his head. Poor baby. My daughter had a gorgeous, perfectly round head, but she came out fast. (A few minutes of pushing with her vs 3 hrs with my son)

Fetal Monitoring. I had continuous monitoring with my son, because my water had broken. My issue with it is that it makes achieving a med-free birth more difficult since you can't move around that much with the monitors.

I had intermittent monitoring with my daughter, which helped a lot! I was able to move around as much as I wanted, which helped both to speed things up and helped the pain. I also got to use the jacuzzi with her and now see why some midwives call it a "water epidural". All I felt was pressure, no pain, and it definitely helped move things along.

Bill- outrageous.

After my son's somewhat difficult birth - pushing for 3 hours was not fun at all - I was really nervous about the second time around. But it ended up being easier, as I knew what to do this time. Besides, once everything started happening I embraced it, I just wanted it over and to be able to hold my baby.

No one gives you a medal when you have natural child birth.

I say, get an epidural. Before going to the hospital; enema in private = no worries on the delivery table. Episiotomy won't hurt when administered, but healing can be painful. However, your va-jaja has been stretched beyond belief so it'll be painful, but not beyond what it's designed for so suck it up and you'll recover.

I threw up. I carped on the table (for the first one, and then I learned.) I don't speak about it. It wasn't traumatizing.

Complications can be scary. All of the above is not complicated.

It's most important to prepare for the possibility of complications.

After my 3rd (of 4), I knew something was terribly wrong when post partum my nurse pressed on my gut and blood squirted onto my socks. I was in shock from blood loss and emergency surgery was required. I woke up in the middle of surgery to hear the doctor say, "I can't find the source of the bleeding, order a blood transfusion. Oh! Here it is! A tear in her cervix." He stitched it up and I recovered just fine.

Pretty scary. But I wasn't going to die.

The thing is, when my doc inserted the fetal monitor when I was in labor, HE tore my cervix. I felt it and complained and he dismissed it.

Had everything gone wrong and I actually died, it would have been major medical malpractice law suit.

Just be vigilant about your own body and the health of the baby. No one will advocate for you better than yourself.

I have no maternal instincts whatsoever but should I opt for procreation, I will absolutely relish every disgusting aspect of it. I'll even go so far as to eat a bunch of beets or something to make it extra vile!

@ krampus!

I had natural child birth. My son was 3 weeks late, hard labor lasted 16 hours, and he weighed 9.5 lbs.

It was beautiful and I wouldn't change a thing. It hurt, but never enough for me to raise my voice. When he finally did arrive, he came out quickly and there were no complications.

I hope expecting mothers don't get the wrong impression by this thread. Childbirth is icky and can be painful. But it's beautiful and most people have good experiences.